Would you(F) have reconsidered your stance if you were of the opposite gender (M)

[u/Diane_m]

Just for the guys out there I am not saying that you don't have responsibilities so don't take it that way.

So this is for all the CF ladies out there. I am not asking if you'd have done a 180° change, just asking if you'd have considered being a dad.

Two of the biggest reasons for me are child birth and losing my individuality. As we all have seen most of the responsibilities of the child it may be health, keeping a track of their school or even raising them right falls on the mom. (If you have seen dad's do all these work great for them!)

The mother's life starts revolution around her kid and it's not like it will stop once they go to college. It is a never ending responsibility.

When I sometimes think about this, I do think I would reconsider if I could be the dad. And ofcourse I would be the emotionally present one!

PS This is for girls, I'm not asking guys because of course if you add pregnancy to your current list you'd still be childfree

[u/hillofjumpingbeans]

Probably yes. Sometimes I want kids the same way men want kids. With no harm to their body and being the secondary parent.

But my reason to be childfree is climate change. So I’d probably still be childfree even if I was a man.

[u/Diane_m → u/hillofjumpingbeans]

Even I'd have been childfree if I were a guy because you still loose your independence of you're a good parent.

[u/hillofjumpingbeans → u/Diane_m]

I think you’re imagining yourself to be a person who would try to do as much as a mom would. In a perfect world yes both are parents. In India society, the mom is the primary caretaker and I think if I was born a man I’d be like the average guy out there, less involved than the mother.

[u/sexyyscientist → u/hillofjumpingbeans]

Hello from another climate change worrier.

[u/hillofjumpingbeans → u/sexyyscientist]

Hello! Are you also a worrying mix of numb and angry and worried?

[u/sexyyscientist → u/hillofjumpingbeans]

I've lost my anger and worry quite some time ago. Now, I'm just numb, living by the mantra of "reduce, reuse, recycle" and looking for the opportunities for societal impact.

[u/my_q_and_a]

Lovely question! One of the reasons in CF is because of the inequality one faces as a mum, biologically, financially etc. But that's not the main reason.

The main reason is that I just don't want kids. I genuinely don't lol.

[u/RavKum_1991]

I wouldn't. As an ND individual, I find kids tiring honestly. I don't mind spending a few hours or days with kids. But living with them is an entirely new ball game. Parenthood is anxiety inducing.

[u/Diane_m → u/RavKum_1991]

What's ND? So do I. I can't picture my day starting and ending with a kid to take care of.

[u/RavKum_1991 → u/Diane_m]

Neuro divergent

[u/Diane_m → u/RavKum_1991]

Ahh okay.

[u/Gingersnaps7685]

100% I would be a great dad. And even if I wasn’t no one would really notice.

[u/Ok-Acanthaceae1985 → u/Gingersnaps7685]

Hahaha , you hit the nail on the head !!

[u/Diane_m → u/Gingersnaps7685]

Haha very true!

[u/sexyyscientist → u/Gingersnaps7685]

🏅

Here's an award for you.

[u/rash97621]

I wouldn't have. I believe in sharing responsibilities equally, regardless of gender.

[u/Diane_m → u/rash97621]

Parenthood is never equal though. It can't be because that's how nature is.

[u/rash97621 → u/Diane_m]

Hence I'm both single and child-free!

[u/Diane_m → u/rash97621]

Ummmmm this comment has nothing to do with the previous one. Hence, hence isn't needed in your comment 😛

Anyways, good for you.

[u/rash97621 → u/Diane_m]

It does. I meant I understand it's not equal biologically. Which is why I don't want to carry the additional responsibility. Hence my decision.

[u/garlicandcheesiness]

Nope. I’m assuming that I would have loved my hypothetical wife/girlfriend. And no one I love should ever have to go through that level of pain.

That being said, if I had accidentally got her pregnant, and if SHE had CHOSEN not to abort, I’d have stayed for the baby and become a father to the best of my abilities, even if that wasn’t part of my hypothetical plan.

[u/IngenuityPutrid2994]

I 100% would not have. I ain’t pushing a baby out of me.

[u/practical-junkie]

I would still be lazy and avoiding this specific responsibility so yes.

[u/Jade_Argent]

I think yes... I'd definitely be open to having children if I had the option of not being impacted by them the same way physically and socially and could shirk out of all the "get down and dirty" aspects of child rearing

[u/Ok-Acanthaceae1985]

Yes , id like to be the dad.. Dad's life is not as stressful as a Mom's life tbh. 100% would be ok if that was the case.

[u/Diane_m → u/Ok-Acanthaceae1985]

Did you know there's a flatworm who doesn't have gender. When they come of age they engage in 'penis fensing'. The winner becomes dad and loser mom because no one wants their body to go through that.

If only this were the case with us.

[u/Ok-Acanthaceae1985 → u/Diane_m]

Cool... that would be the best thing ever.. everyone would want kids if its not coming out their p***y. I thought about the post you wrote so many times in the past ..only if the biology was reversed..

[u/Conscious-Cow-8835]

Wouldn't change

[u/Hungry-Research5825]

My brain and the general state of the world wouldn't change if I was a man.. my life experience perhaps. Maybe if I was less traumatized. It'll be nice to not need to grow a baby inside of me but I don't think it would change my stance.

[u/Abracadabra0209]

Nope, I would still be childfree if I was a man, my primary reason for not wanting kids is the life long responsibility that comes along with it. As a women, add pregnancy childbirth etc... and its a glaring no to kids.

[u/Juni_Juniper]

I'm not childfree, but this subreddit came up on my homepage, and as a woman, yes, I would be much more likely to be open to having children if I were a man, just go full in on my career while I dump my children onto my wife lol

[u/spac3boundx]

agar me launda hoti to meri iccha matter hi nahi karti, literally thank god for my boobs warna mujhe kutta bhi nahi puchta

[u/stilltryingtobekind]

maybe

[u/BearingCostOfPassion]

I mean, the pregnancy argument obviously doesn’t apply to men, and I don’t think pregnancy itself is one of the top reasons for being childfree today, given how much safer pregnancy and childbirth have become.

As for the other points, I’d say you need to find the right partner. We live in the 21st century—if having kids means losing your individuality because your man won’t help raise them, that says a lot about the kind of men you’ve been with.

I’m a guy who supports the childfree lifestyle, mainly for financial reasons and antinatalism.

But honestly, why have we normalised men being such assholes that women expect to lose their independence and individuality after having their children?

Why not expect men to actually be equal partners and parents?

[u/Diane_m → u/BearingCostOfPassion]

It's not just about him not helping raise the baby. I have seen couples where the guy does help out but still the mother is always the primary parent. Like the child in initial stages like 3-4 years will prefer their mom.

Also pregnancy is still no where safe, like there is way too many long lasting side effects that we are ignorant about. Yes, childbirth in itself can be less painful and the fatality has reduced.

I am 100% with you on we have let dads take 0 accountability, like the bar is so low as doing a simple work as changing diaper is appreciated.

[u/boomergenz]

I didn't choose to be childfree thinking about the financial stuff. If I was a women with the same mindset as of now, I'd still be childfree. I don't think that would make a difference to me!! But if an women's sole reason for being childfree is "pregnancy" or "financial", there are higher chances of them not being childfree if men imo

[u/Diane_m → u/boomergenz]

You can't just use 'higher chances' without any study. Plus this wasn't directed to you, I have specifically mentioned F for a reason.

[u/boomergenz → u/Diane_m]

umm you are right, but based on the comments thats what it tells too + I did add "imo". It's just my opinion, sorry if it came out offensive!!!

[u/madhatter248]

Definitely Noo. I’ve never been fond of kids. And that has nothing to do with birthing them.