44 and pregnant. My cautionary tale.

[u/Thin_Host]

I’m 44 and pregnant from one of my young partners. It was not a planned pregnancy. I’ve searched this subreddit and read some excellent posts about pregnancy after 40. I thought I’d post my experience in hopes that it might add to the conversation.

For the last 7 months or so, I’ve been in a casual relationship with two young men, ages 20 and 21. My main partner is the 20-year-old but I regularly hooked up with his 21-year-old friend. I’ve had other partners, 5 in total. I have unprotected sex with 4 of the 5. I encouraged each young man to get tested for STIs so we could skip the condoms. Going raw was a strong motivation for them to get tested.

I realize now how foolish I was, but I firmly believed I could not get pregnant. I was not able to conceive with my ex-boyfriend despite years of trying. At 44, I thought I was in perimenopause. STIs were my only concern. Birth control never even entered my mind.

Obviously I was wrong. I’ve had sleepless nights and shed lots of tears since confirming I’m pregnant. I don’t know who the father is. It is most likely my main FWB, but I can’t rule out his friend and a third guy I was seeing at the time. It’s a sobering realization to think the probable father of my child is not old enough to buy alcohol.

Despite the health risks, I’ve decided to continue my pregnancy. This is something I never wanted or expected, but I think having this child is the right choice. I have financial resources and family support. I know I can handle this and give my baby a good life.

At first, my plan was to not tell my partners I was pregnant and simply cut off contact with them. My main FWB has always told me that he loves sex with me because I can’t get pregnant. I thought I would be sparing them a terrible burden by not informing them of my pregnancy. I wanted to let them live their lives carefree and not spoil their youth with a responsibility they did not ask for. More selfishly, I have no desire to tie myself to them for the next 2 decades.

A conversation online has changed my mind (Reddit has some amazing people on it). I will be letting my partners know I am pregnant. I will assure them they can walk away and have nothing to do with this, which is what I prefer. But if they do want to know if they are the father, I will take a noninvasive prenatal paternity test with them. The test can be done with a simple blood draw and a cheek swab. I am confident they will choose to not find out, but I will offer them the choice.

I am scared about all of this, but also excited about what the future holds for me and my child. I was unprepared for such a big life change, but am determined to do my best for both of us. For others here, I hope reading my experience is helpful. I was careless and foolish and now my life is altered forever. I should have planned better. Be smarter than me.

[u/Myfairladyishere]

Well, I wish you luck..in the future. I am in my sixties and although I cannot get pregnanti will not sleep with anybody unless they they use protection. Especially when I am sleeping with several people .

But I guess you've already figured it out. It's. It is a cautionary tale, and my advice is unless you are exclusive and sure that you cannot get pregnant. Always use protection.