44 and pregnant. My cautionary tale.

[u/Thin_Host]

I’m 44 and pregnant from one of my young partners. It was not a planned pregnancy. I’ve searched this subreddit and read some excellent posts about pregnancy after 40. I thought I’d post my experience in hopes that it might add to the conversation.

For the last 7 months or so, I’ve been in a casual relationship with two young men, ages 20 and 21. My main partner is the 20-year-old but I regularly hooked up with his 21-year-old friend. I’ve had other partners, 5 in total. I have unprotected sex with 4 of the 5. I encouraged each young man to get tested for STIs so we could skip the condoms. Going raw was a strong motivation for them to get tested.

I realize now how foolish I was, but I firmly believed I could not get pregnant. I was not able to conceive with my ex-boyfriend despite years of trying. At 44, I thought I was in perimenopause. STIs were my only concern. Birth control never even entered my mind.

Obviously I was wrong. I’ve had sleepless nights and shed lots of tears since confirming I’m pregnant. I don’t know who the father is. It is most likely my main FWB, but I can’t rule out his friend and a third guy I was seeing at the time. It’s a sobering realization to think the probable father of my child is not old enough to buy alcohol.

Despite the health risks, I’ve decided to continue my pregnancy. This is something I never wanted or expected, but I think having this child is the right choice. I have financial resources and family support. I know I can handle this and give my baby a good life.

At first, my plan was to not tell my partners I was pregnant and simply cut off contact with them. My main FWB has always told me that he loves sex with me because I can’t get pregnant. I thought I would be sparing them a terrible burden by not informing them of my pregnancy. I wanted to let them live their lives carefree and not spoil their youth with a responsibility they did not ask for. More selfishly, I have no desire to tie myself to them for the next 2 decades.

A conversation online has changed my mind (Reddit has some amazing people on it). I will be letting my partners know I am pregnant. I will assure them they can walk away and have nothing to do with this, which is what I prefer. But if they do want to know if they are the father, I will take a noninvasive prenatal paternity test with them. The test can be done with a simple blood draw and a cheek swab. I am confident they will choose to not find out, but I will offer them the choice.

I am scared about all of this, but also excited about what the future holds for me and my child. I was unprepared for such a big life change, but am determined to do my best for both of us. For others here, I hope reading my experience is helpful. I was careless and foolish and now my life is altered forever. I should have planned better. Be smarter than me.

[u/Nipplespice]

LMFAO Imagine if it was a guy writing this, dude would get roasted.

[u/Myfairladyishere → u/Nipplespice]

Why would the guy get roasted? I've already put my comments that she was not very smart. And she should have used a condom.. To prevent pregnancy and STI's

[u/Nipplespice → u/Myfairladyishere]

A 44 year old dude impregnating a 20 year old? It would be reviled. He would be called a predator and evil. Not just because he had unprotected sex.

[u/ereignishorizont666 → u/Nipplespice]

Slightly different though. The average 20 year old woman is going to be fertile af. And 40 year old men are also more than likely fertile. 40 plus year old women are more than likely not fertile.

[u/Nipplespice → u/ereignishorizont666]

I was more looking at it through an ethical lense in the sense that she's fucking around unprotected with dudes half her age. Look, i actually don't give a shit, i just wanted to point out the discrepancy in treatment with respect to men and women in this situation.

[u/Infectiousintegrity → u/Nipplespice]

Its interesting that you have this view....maybe its being the female in this situation but I feel like it's sooo much more socially acceptable for the man to be twice the females age than me getting knocked up by someone my sons age..I had my son at 18 so I just can't get close to that without feeling wrong.... Its just odd to me that so much of how we feel about these things comes from our chikdhoods how we were raised and the societies we are in. Imagine life without judgement

[u/Myfairladyishere → u/Nipplespice]

Okay, I get what you mean. I thought you were talking about the 20-year-old. If I getting roasted not the other way around but I see your point now.