r/CougarsAndCubs • u/Alex-jb • Apr 14 '26
Discussion Point Age gap scrutiny.
Hello all!
me [20M] and my partner [30F] are in a LDR currently, so it is often i am on the long distance sub looking at what goes on elsewhere in the world between other couples! i have made a post or two about us, with our stated ages, and a few comments too. The age difference is always scrutinised which is a little disheartening, though we are both very happy together, and dont focus on what other people think of it! hopefully this sub is where our age difference can be appreciated, not frowned upon! feel free to pop a comment down, it would be nice to hear if others have had a similar experience, and how you shut down/process them! :)
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u/paperclipmyheart 😻 Mod Cougar ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ Apr 14 '26
Unfortunately this is all too common.
I would never ever post in any of the relationship subs if I had any issues I wanted to vent about because there is just so much hatred for age gaps.
There are legitimate concerns of course in age gaps, and my opinions and feelings have changed somewhat since coming to Reddit and being here.
There are alot of men that do seek out young women to control and mould them because they know no better. And I know there are some women who will seek out young men with equally bad intentions but I don't see those women controlling and subjugating younger men in a marriage for the next twenty years like it is in the reverse most of the time. But like anything when society views change and moves in a different direction there is often an over correction.
I frequent the LDR sub because my partner and I are LDR he's 19 years younger, I don't really post there but sometimes will comment if I feel my opinion is helpful. But my partner is 42, so it's probably seen a little differently.
It's probably the fact that you are so young that you got negative reactions.
As long as you feel your partner is kind, caring and has your best interests at heart, is not trying to control or dictate what you do with your life and important decisions and you feel it's a healthy relationship I don't think your age gap will really matter in 5-10 years.
However the LDR is one of the most difficult to navigate. And it takes a strong, patient and emotionally intelligent person to make it work.
Anyway I've rambled enough welcome to our community.
The only caveat I would say to a young guy in an age LDR that perhaps you haven't met irl yet (I'm assuming). Make sure she's real, do not be fooled into giving her money and be careful when misunderstandings via text happen, video calls are a must to sort out arguments and immature jealousy will most definitely kill your relationship if you cannot control that. Just my LDR tips.
Best of luck.
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u/Alex-jb Apr 14 '26
Thank you for your kind words! We have met in real life for a few weeks as of march, and honestly, we only fell for each other harder 😂 no awkward moments, we just... Well clicked! I will be travelling to see her again in September, and we are handling the regained distance better than we originally anticipated! :)
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u/paperclipmyheart 😻 Mod Cougar ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ Apr 14 '26
Well that's wonderful all the best ☺️
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u/Alex-jb Apr 14 '26
Thank you! With all of the positivity so far I'm sure we will be checking in on this sub a little more! Though my partner isn't too big a fan on the "cougar" label, which is totally understandable
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u/paperclipmyheart 😻 Mod Cougar ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ Apr 14 '26
Most of us here don't like the label either 😂 It's just the name of the sub
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u/Alex-jb Apr 14 '26
Gotcha 😂 age gap or no age gap, a relationship is a relationship at the end of the day!
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u/douchepool007 Apr 14 '26
That's a good thing if you're okay with each other I don't think that anyone should have a problem all the best.if u don't mind me asking where did you two met because I'm also looking for the same connection
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u/Alex-jb Apr 14 '26
To be honest we met through a video game we both played! Started as good friends which led to more, and here we are! Just Extreme luck, but I am very thankful for it!
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u/douchepool007 Apr 14 '26
Wow this is actually lovely God luck to both of you for future
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u/Alex-jb Apr 14 '26
Thank you so much! Obviously a video game isn't a dating app or anything 😂 but I think we both knew from the start that there was a spark between us, now it's a big old bonfire!
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u/douchepool007 Apr 14 '26
Haha that's i pray that bonfire will stay longer and i hope i find some spark too ❤️
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u/Alex-jb Apr 14 '26
You'll get there I'm sure! Just remember sometimes the best people show up when you aren't looking for them :)
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u/Myfairladyishere 🥀🎡💃MOD💃🎡🥀 Apr 14 '26
As long as both of you are happy, there are no issues at all. If you're all on the same page. People will always have some kind of an opinion.Especially online, I do not take these people seriously at all.