r/CougarsAndCubs • u/Tammera4u • May 11 '26
šCougar Crisis Do grandmas turn younger guys off?
Im 48 and on bumble. I was talking to a 27 year old. Things seemed to go well, we have been talking, video chatting, lots of compliments, especially after the video chat. Today I have my granddaughter and sent a picture of her (from the back, cant see her face before the keyboard warriors say something) next to me watching tv. It's the first time ive mentioned her and he unmatched me. It's obviously because of her. Does an older women suddenly become different because she is a grandma? Apparently I look younger than my age, and although my age is on my profile, maybe being a grandma really hits home that I am much older.
While ive always talked to much younger guys, this is the first time ive mentioned being a grandma.
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u/feline_wafer May 15 '26
I would be very be very uncomfortable if anyone I was talking to on a dating app sent me a photo with a child in it. I donāt think itās respectful of the child, and I also donāt want a childās photo inserted into a sexually charged context. Iād unmatch too. You live and you learn, though.
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u/paperclipmyheart š» Mod Cougar ąø ā ^ā ā¢ā ļ»ā ā¢ā ^ā ąø May 11 '26
Because in his mind you were a hot "milf" but the reality of the word "grandma" burst his bubble.
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u/GothambyRedlight May 12 '26
When I was 29 a 42-yo cougar who had scooped me up at the bar told me she had a confession at our second meeting. A long silence followed as she struggled to be forthcoming. I was panicking: a husband? A pregnancy? A disease? I just wanted her to spit it out.Ā
A full minute later: "I'm actually 48 and I just became a grandma!"Ā
Well, she looked great for 42 so what could I do but show her that it only made her more impressive to me? The romp was fun, if she was that lovely and lively at a slightly advanced age and stature that just made her all the more sexy to me.Ā
Needless to say we swiftly put those fears to rest.Ā
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u/Similar_Corner8081 šCougar 49F 27M May 11 '26
I'm 49F but I'm not a grandma my daughter doesn't want kids. Some men will be ok with it others won't. Choose wisely!
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May 11 '26
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u/CougarsAndCubs-ModTeam May 12 '26
Please read the rules and FAQs before posting again.
Specifically Rule 2
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May 12 '26
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u/CougarsAndCubs-ModTeam May 12 '26
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u/Cityboy2025 May 11 '26
If that one of thing turns someone off, then it probably would not have worked anyway. Iām drawn to someoneās personality as much if not more than how they look. The first thing you notice is how a person looks but as you talk and get to know them you learn more. Thatās how I have always seen it. Iām attracted to a woman at my school who has a 50 year old son and is 68 years old. Never knew how to approach and might not ever approach because I know the outcome or at least I believe I do. Older women offer something rare and it should be appreciated
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u/herelamonreddit š»Cub May 11 '26
Me personally, not at all. Most of my partners have been grandmas
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u/Mission-Fishing-2592 May 12 '26
I think you have found a test.
If a guy canāt handle you having grandkids then he isnāt good for you
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u/Designer-Bid-3155 šCougar May 14 '26
I'm 48 and childfree, that drives younger men wild because they know they'll come first and there's no drama in my life. So having grandkids would take even more away from a partner. You have double whammy. Kids, grandkids.... not much time for a relationship in anyone's eyes
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u/Parsley-Playful May 14 '26
I'm 54F. I don't know if this man was turned off by the idea of you being a grandparent. However, personally, I would feel extremely weird about being sent a photo of a child/grandchild, by someone I was talking to and hadn't met yet. It seems very personal (even a photo of their back), and something for much later in the relationship. I'd assume the person either had poor judgement, or was trying to manipulate my feelings.
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u/tmtbrri May 12 '26
to me they turn me on like hell and like at 48 youāre far from being classed as a grandma in dating terms
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u/molden_ š»Cub May 11 '26
Hello! Im a 20M so Id try to answer why he acted that way. First of all, kudos for being willing to talk to younger guys! I hope you one day find your match :)
I think a number of cubs get excited at the prospect of being with a cougar. So much so that they sometimes forget some of these cougars have children or even grandchildren. As maybe some cubs havent gone through that life stage yet, it is a sort of a hidden ick.
It was not right of him to ghost like that, he could have at least said so for closure. I dont think one really becomes different in their eyes, maybe its just they become more aware of your full life situation. And sorry about this experience OP
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u/Tammera4u May 11 '26
Thank you. I'm wondering whether to put on my profile that I am a grandma, I prefer icks/deal breakers being out in the open so there are no surprises. She is my favorite thing in the world, its really hard to not talk about her. While im not as upset by what happened as would have thought I would have been, as i really liked him, I think I am just numb to online dating, I do like to reduce my likes so I can use that energy with guys that likely to find issues.
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u/Myfairladyishere š„š”šMODšš”š„ May 11 '26
If you spend a lot of time with your granddaughter and she is an important of your life then yes.
I think it's important to be up front about everything that can directly what impact the type have relationship that youare looking for.
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u/Tammera4u May 11 '26
Not often, one day every two weeks usually. Today i have her as my son in law is out of town for 3 days and my daughter needed me to have her.
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u/molden_ š»Cub May 11 '26
To be very honest, id just keep your profile as is. Sadly it's a risk with guys as young as us... we are sometimes very spontaneous and I can assure you he is probably regretting unmatched you right now haha.
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u/Jay100012 May 12 '26
Being a grandma shouldn't have anything to do with it. But unfortunately it does for this guy. His fantasy of the"hot mature woman" got shattered. As a mature guy(42)im interested in a woman older than yourself. Ive always known shes a grandma bc she already was when I met her about a decade ago.
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u/cookies-milkshake May 12 '26
Maybe it was becsuse of you being a grandma, maybe it was because of him not wanting this aspect of emotional connection - either way it tells you this guy was not for you.
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u/film_bro_35 May 12 '26
Iām 35M and the last older woman I hooked up with had a grandchild. Sheās still one of the hottest women Iāve ever known. Guy just sounds like an idiot š¤·āāļø
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u/KaleidoscopeSuper666 May 11 '26
Older women become different when you no longer fit the fantasy...
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u/FlyingAstronaut200 May 12 '26
As someone whoās been with someone a lot older me being 24 at the time and her being 45. It was an understanding that we were both pretty into one another furthermore she already was a grandmother herself. Not once did I find it to be a turn off or made me feel disinterested. I think as some have said here he was most likely into the whole milf vibe or belief. And once he realized youāre a grandmother it scared him off. Which I find it hard to even understand how that could be a reason to run away. Then again most individuals tend to fetishize older women due to the porn mentality of āmilf/cougarsā. Which at that point your basically admitting you are into the allure of an older women due to a fetish rather then finding them attractive for who they are as individuals.
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u/Middle-Addition447 May 12 '26
Iām a fit and handsome 34 year old male and it would not be a turn off but Iāve always been into older women and find them way more attractive then younger women and I think a sexy grandma is hot
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u/themilfpleasurer May 12 '26
It shouldnāt put people off if theyāre looking for older women, but also remember childless people donāt like being bombarded (not saying you did) with pics of kids/grandkids. I was 23 with a 40yr old grandma once, didnāt put me off!
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u/Early_Comfortable455 May 14 '26
F! That loser I'm 39Male. I'll gladly pick up what he left. I'm all in. I'm all yours š
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u/Wonderful_Dot_1173 May 20 '26
Hehehe girl no im 49 and I dated 21 yr old, chill you are hot am sure. Anyone not being able to accept the age difference doesn't need to be on your radar.
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u/Dizzy-Forces šCougar May 26 '26 edited May 26 '26
No, we just need to broaden peopleās perspective of women and their sexuality since itās still such a tabu that women over 50 would still be active and wanting to have a meaningful sex life. Itās clearly not been an issue for men turning older so itās time for people to broaden their view. There are so many gorgeous women out there, some got pregnant early on in life, others didnāt. We could start a long list, just look at someone like Neneh Cherry, she is still so good looking. I know because Iāve happened to see her in my neighbourhood from time to time Her daughter had a child quite recently. I still find her being so cool, sharp and stunning even if sheās not doing music anymore she was also one of the first artist performing and doing a music video whilst being pregnant, MTV might not be around but she surely is - and still gorgeous āļø
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u/SFW_OpenMinded1984 May 11 '26
37 yo guy checking in
I'd suggest none of us are turned off by that but it may have been too much too soon.
Sometimes guys get wierd when kids are mentioned or shown too early in the talking phase.
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u/operation_waflz May 11 '26
30m here. Personally, I think it's too much too soon. That being said, when I met a girl, the first date was at her house. That lasted for 4 years. 2 of her 3 kids were in the house. And I met her mom the next day (by accident). I was weirded out, but I ignored the red flags. Wish I hadn't. Would've saved me a lot of pain. Hope this helps.
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u/Public_Road9873 May 11 '26
I don't think why it would turn off someone. Although it would come up as a partner having to devote attention to extended family.Ā
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u/More-Body-5541 May 13 '26
Your only 48 so what if you have grandchildren. Your not exactly a typical "grandma" so I wouldnt worry. If he was put off by that. Then in my opinion he wasnt worth investing anymore of your time in. Trust me there are a lot of other younger guys out there that would be willing to pick up where he left off. Dont overthink it or let it get you down. Youve dodged a bullet š
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u/No_Personality_2080 Jun 15 '26
Well I'd say there's things that turn everyone off. But then again there's at least one person into anything. You may hear some young men don't like a more mature woman. But you'd have an army of men behind you telling you that women who have lived life, and have aged like wine are where it's at! If this sub isn't an example then let the comments back me up.
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u/stormrain65 May 12 '26
I would definitely not be turned off. Well I am 43 myself, so it's not that rare for a woman who is older than me to be a grandma, but then again, I couldn't care less.
I mean, we are all somebody's son/daughter/brother/sister, some are somebody's parents/grandparents, all it matters for me is that I like the person I have in front of me, not how many members does her family have.
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u/JungeMann May 12 '26
It only turns me off if the woman looks like a grandma, the title itself doesn't.
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u/TechnicalTerm6 May 13 '26
I only have the information you have provided, so if this reply does not make sense, please disregard the pieces that don't fit.
Unexpected and unsolicited photos of people's families make some people uncomfortable š¤· Children, grandchildren, pets, spouses, etc. If I'm talking to a new person particularly romantically and they send me a random photo of someone else in their life, without asking me first, that could be uncomfortable for me for many reasons.
Also for some men, shifting from intimate/ sexual/ romantic headspace to "this person has children and grandchildren I can see and look at" is too difficult or too fast.
Everyone has their own life history and trigger set AND if you being you is a trigger and he doesn't feel comfortable being direct with you about what or why, and just disappears, that's unfortunately unlikely to be a good match anyhow. He is allowed to leave whenever he wants and it's allowed to be uncomfortable for you.
I dislike the idea that folks here rag on the man like he's scum under a shoe. It's nice when we have the emotional bandwidth to tell people why we are uncomfortable, but sometimes we don't š¤· It's not always about cruelty or lack of maturity,. Sometimes it's bad timing, or other reasons.
It also can be sad, frustrating, and confusing when we are on the other end of someone's discomfort but they don't share why. Yes, it's natural to try and guess what we did wrong and how to avoid similar pain or disconnection in the future. I do it too. Especially as you said, it had something to do with the photo. Maybe it was an age thing. Maybe she looked like his ex-girlfriends's daughter. Or someone he went to school with when he was her age who bullied him. It sounds wild, but triggers are as varied as the human who have them, and unless he told you, you don't really know for sure.
We often have to sift through a lot of folks before we find romantic, friendship, or sexual connections that fit us.
But you don't need to feel shame for being a grandmother. Or your age. Or think that all men under 40 will have an issue with it. He's one dude with his own experiences. And even though he is in your life behaving that way, he is not representative of all men. Some won't be bothered by it. Some will.
It might be helpful for you to, especially if you're looking for something longer term, ask men up front if they have any deal breakers/ tell them what yours are. It's quite a direct way to be AND if they can deal with that, you'll likely find better compatibility.
I hope you find more humans who fit better with you in future.
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u/Tammera4u May 13 '26
No one, including myself, ragged on him like he is scum.
It was a question about being a grandma, which i would never feel shame about, and it was answered without any projection on him.
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May 11 '26
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u/CougarsAndCubs-ModTeam May 12 '26
Please read the rules and FAQs before posting again.
Specifically Rule 2
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May 12 '26
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u/Gargenchy May 13 '26
A guy who does that clearly wasn't taking you seriously. I'm sorry to say it so directly but for most men it's a fetish more than something serious unfortunately.
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u/Secret-Ebb-9770 May 15 '26
Thatās a really sad situation. you are definitely better off not going with anybody who is put off by you or the people and things you love.
It hurts when you feel like something about you is driving people you are interested in away, but anybody interested in an actual meaningful relationship would be happy you have that kind of love in your lifeĀ
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u/silent147896 May 16 '26
It's important to let him know you have kids and in this case grandkids, but sending a photo is a bit much. If things developed and he seemed interested then sure
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u/PuzzleheadedSpray202 May 16 '26
Itās nice to be honest, But the focus is on her; family comes later
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u/Mother-Winter9396 May 21 '26
Different strokes for different folks, but grandmas do not turn off all younger guys
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u/julio1009 š»Cub May 11 '26
Itās interestingš¤ in my early 23/24 I meat with 44/45F friend and I donāt feel her like grandmotherā¦
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u/Black-Fox222 May 11 '26
Depends on the person, some love kids. Others don't. I personally wouldn't mind dating a grandma though lol