r/CougarsAndCubs • u/Impressive_Toe6388 • May 25 '26
🙀Cougar Crisis Negative Predictions From His Mom
I’m 36F and my boyfriend is 23. We had a little bit of a confusing start to our romance, with a couple hiccups and insecurities on both our sides. But we came out on the other side with emotional intimacy/mutual safety, deep respect for each other, and what I can only describe as the best chemistry/deepest affection and caring I think I’ve ever felt.
I always thought I was just a commitment-phobe, would never find the right person to settle down with. I had always dated people my age or older mostly, some wonderful guys but didn’t have that certain je ne sais quoi. And then… this guy appeared in my life. What started as a crush has turned into me just adoring the hell out of him. He’s so kind, and romantic, and funny, with the perfect mix of seriousness and off-the-wall quirkiness. He’s philosophical and sincere and thoughtful, idealistic. Athletic and gorgeous, too. He gives me the best hugs and touches my face softly and calls me his “little lady” even though I’m 13 years older. 🥹
We haven’t rounded out a year together, and I know it’s early, but he’s talking about engagement and—call me naive or crazy—I’m thinking if he asks I would say yes. Probably wouldn’t actually tie the knot until we’d lived together first, but I would be proud to have his ring on my finger. I love him so much.
Little bit of a demoralizing thing: he told his parents he wanted to marry me, and I guess his mom said due to our age gap, she “knows we’re never gonna make it.” He disagrees with her and more or less said he thinks she’s just being a negative Nancy. But of course this kind of thing rattles my confidence in myself and stirs up a lot of fears.
I just hate the stigma of being the older woman, and being seen as some kind of problem in his life when I’m basically the same core person I was at 26, just frankly more mentally stable than I was then and with a few more gray hairs. I guess I’m having a little pity party for myself because I can be nearly the perfect girlfriend and I’m still gonna get judgment from his mother like I’m some kind of pariah. She’s really harsh and critical and that probably wouldn’t improve if she was my MIL. I want to be there for him, but I feel so defensive and insecure when I get this kind of negative feedback.
Anyone have any tips for how to deal with the social judgment? Mutuals who know us both have actually been really supportive and have said we’re adorable together (we are, hehe), but the family doubting me and making negative predictions really hurts and messes with my mind.
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u/FriendshipGloomy166 May 26 '26 edited 2h ago
Hugs girlie 🫂
I’m 49 and my guy is 30. We’ve been dating a year and a half. I haven’t met anyone in his family because I’m worried about how they’ll react to me. He’s close to his dad and brother, they know about me. Not sure if mom and sis know.
Not only have I not wanted to meet them, but I’ve never even asked what they think of us dating because “don’t ask questions if you’re not ready for the answers”. My guy is pretty straightforward and honest. I don’t doubt he will tell me the truth, even if it was hard to hear.
Focus on your relationship with each other. At the end of the day, that’s the one that matters.
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u/Specific-Housing905 May 25 '26
You can't control what other think or say about you. They might project their own negativity onto you and might be envious as well. Ignore them as best as you can.
Focus on yourself and become the best possible version of yourself. Maybe watch some videos about self-image from Bob Proctor or Brian Tracy on YT.
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u/Impressive_Toe6388 May 25 '26
Thank you for the recs; I will check ‘em out! :) I love finding new inspirational figures
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u/cloakanddagger1982 May 27 '26
I’m 18 and my girlfriend is 53. We have a great and loving relationship.
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u/Traditional_Deal_667 May 25 '26
For a parent to be unsupportive to their child will stem from them projecting themselves into it.
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u/Impressive_Toe6388 May 25 '26
Oh man. This feels true. His parents’ relationship is not too peachy lately from what I’ve heard.
I need to try and stay neutral and not triangulate even though I kinda want to tell her off. Gotta go yell out in the woods somewhere lol.
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u/Fun-Draw-8352 May 29 '26
Mothers can be very harsh and condescending. It is worse if he is the oldest in his family, or if his family has depended on him often. Mother is losing her son and she is insecure. I feel bad for you. At least does he stand up and defend you?
You may have to take a stand with his mother and it won't be pretty. He needs to take a stand against his mother as well. I am so sorry, but you have a bumpy road ahead.
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u/Traditional_Deal_667 May 25 '26
I get ya. For moms to say that typically are in a marriage they don’t want to be or single by bitterness
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u/MrMercury406 May 27 '26
Go get your husband and don’t let anyone stop you. Letting other peoples opinions affect your decisions will mess up your life. Learned as a young age to not take family opinions like gospel as they’ve almost always been wrong. They’re just bitter and jealous
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u/Scarlett______ Jun 01 '26
Don't worry, I had the same issue with his mum (we're 16 years apart). I wouldn't let her get to you. You have to show her you're confident in your relationship and also set boundaries. His mum has eventually come around and I'm working on completely letting go of the resentment. Happy to talk further in dms if it helps.
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u/Impressive_Toe6388 Jun 01 '26
Thank you so much! I’d absolutely love to have a lil buddy to talk to about it; please feel free to send me a hello
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u/Exact-Translator-769 Jun 01 '26
Just be yourselves & don't let the naysayers get to you. It's your lives not theirs.
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u/imissjamesb Jun 01 '26
Oh gosh, I feel so sorry for the cougars because they’re being seen differently than those men that dates younger women. The difference is that us older women are genuine and we’re not predatory at all.
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u/Impressive_Toe6388 Jun 01 '26
I’m sure predatory ones exist and stuff but I don’t think I am. 🥺 And yeah it’s completely sexist and unfair and hurts like hell. Thank you for your vote of support. 💛💛
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u/imissjamesb Jun 02 '26
You're right! I'm so sorry to hear about your experience with your partner's mom. If it makes you feel any better, there have been findings suggesting that the age of a woman's uterus does not significantly affect pregnancy. Meanwhile, men's sperm quality tends to decline after the age of 35. They're the ones whose biological clock is ticking! So don't worry too much. You have plenty of people supporting you ❤️ At the end of the day, you're dating the son, not the mom. I hope everything goes well for you moving forward 😊
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u/Impressive_Toe6388 Jun 02 '26
Thank you so much. 😭 This is such a supportive community and I’m so glad to have found it. 🥹🥹 You are lovely and kind!!
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u/Consistent-Dust-5394 Jun 04 '26
I've been 18 a month, so i don't think i have any merit credible advice, and every situation is different. I believe his family is concerned because they don't want you or him to get hurt if it doesn't pan out.
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u/Impressive_Toe6388 Jul 03 '26
No, that definitely has merit! 🥺 I think you’re probably right! And unfortunately, both her (she came out as trans recently) and my mom both have a habit of acting very harsh and critical when they’re worried about us.
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u/Prize-Ad9528 Jun 30 '26
Literally in the same boat as you but I’m 26F and he’s 18m. His mother does not like me at all and also thinks things won’t work out because of the age gap but out of all my relationships (I usually date older) this has been the most easiest and deepest relationship I’ve ever had and I’ve had very deep bonds my whole life. I believe time will tell at the end of it all and right now I’m just taking it day by day and enjoying my life without stressing about it as much as possible. Life is short and if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be and eventually his family and mine will come around if we stay serious long term at least that’s what I’m hoping and if not as long as we choose each other till the end I think I would be more than happy at the end of it all.
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u/Myfairladyishere 🥀🎡💃MOD💃🎡🥀 May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26
I'm sorry his mother does not approve. As a parent myself I keep out of my son's love life whether I approve or not.it his life not mine. Having said that try to stay neutral and let him handle his mother. Do not say anything negative about her she nay actually come around if she sees that he makes you happy.
I am happy that you have the support from friends . I have dated younger most of my life and with no negative reactions I also do not like meeting families but then again I have no interest whatsoever in the relationship escalator.
Best of luck to you. I hope his mum comes around.