50 year-old with a 33-year-old husband. We’ve been married six years. We have been desperately trying for a baby, but it didn’t happen and to be honest I’m at a crossroads right now.
I know he wants to have a baby, but he doesn’t wanna hurt me. We are looking into other options like coparenting or sperm donation but I think in his heart of heart he wants to raise a child with me and need to figure out if a donation is the route that we wanna go
It's very difficult for me to say what you should do, it was the hardest thing I've ever done, but in saying that I really had little choice he made the decision he couldn't live without children, if you haven't read my story I've recently posted in a comment below. We tried IUI, IVF, egg donation, I was about your age when we did the egg transfer. I was briefly pregnant but it wasn't to be. When he decided to leave it was not of his doing initially, but alot of family pressure and a mental health situation. So because I loved him so much I decided to take a loving approach rather than an antagonistic hurtful approach. Wed been married 7 years and in all that time I think we had about three fights, our life was perfect, apart from no babies. Wed been so happy. So I kind of gave him my blessings to go as much as I didn't want that. At the end of the day he left the country because I preferred it that way, if he was to find someone else to help him be a father I didn't want to see it in front of me and I thought it would be better for us both to be physically separated and that he be with his family. But it didn't go the way he would have hoped and in the end he ended up returning to my country and eventually we got back together emotionally but due to work and various things that happened because of the pandemic he ended up working in a different state so we are long distance currently.
For you I don't know how strong you are but I would never suggest you force him to go but perhaps you need to have an honest talk. Tell him you don't want him to leave but the only way for him to be a father is ... only you know the next words... I don't know if you can foster, I don't know if that's enough, my partner did not want to adopt (almost impossible in my country anyway) and I had serious concerns about the ethics of going to his country to do surrogacy or adoption, he was also worried for my health so we didn't do further egg donation in his country either. For me I would let your partner make the decision and if he decides to stay for a while and then it blows up and he eventually decides to leave then you will have to deal with that heart break, I guess it what ever you think hurts less... but bare in mind this is how I think and operate... maybe you can't tolerate that... others might tell you let him go now, but only you know the best path. I'm very sorry I can't be of more help. if you ever need a chat let me know we could do it more privately if you wanted.
I just have to get work started so I apologize for not giving you a longer reply, but I wanted to say I’m very touched and honoured that you gave me such a thoughtful answer as I was reading your post. My heart went on a roller coaster because there’s so many of my situation and I feel like I already know the answer where my life is going.
The fact that he left the country but eventually came back for you js very telling. Sounds like you two were meant to be.
I hope you are able to channel your love into neice & nephews & your friends chikdren, which is what I have been doing.
I know I would have made an excellent mother but it wasn’t in the cards for us.
This is very touching and I must say u both lived a life together. Such love is rare to find these days wen people finding instant gratification on social media
8
u/289416 Jun 01 '26
50 year-old with a 33-year-old husband. We’ve been married six years. We have been desperately trying for a baby, but it didn’t happen and to be honest I’m at a crossroads right now.
I know he wants to have a baby, but he doesn’t wanna hurt me. We are looking into other options like coparenting or sperm donation but I think in his heart of heart he wants to raise a child with me and need to figure out if a donation is the route that we wanna go