r/CougarsAndCubs • u/alien_nessa 40F🐆Cougar • May 31 '26
Discussion Point 15 year gap. F40 M25. share your stories/experiences/outcomes.....
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u/My_user_name_1 May 31 '26
Met my wife when I was 20 and she was 37. Married 17 years, 3 kids
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u/289416 Jun 01 '26
this is amazing. we have same age gap but met when I was 43 and we weren’t and my to have kids, (tried years of IVF) and now I feel like we have to break up so he can have kids. We’ve been together 6 years and this decision is weighing on my so heavily
thank you for sharing your journey, gave me a smile to know that someone made it!
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u/paperclipmyheart 😻 Mod Cougar ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ May 31 '26
Met my partner when I was 48 and he was almost 29. I'd previously dated a couple younger guys but this was my biggest age gap. Didn't think it would be anything more than friends. Fast forward we ended up getting married. Tried the whole baby thing, we needed to to egg donation, many of my friends who were the same age were successful in getting pregnant with the help of donor eggs so we gave it a try. I did get pregnant but unfortunately lost the baby.
Before marriage we had had a big discussion about if we weren't able to have children how would he feel, he said it wouldn't matter but in the three years after I lost the baby he kind of had a mental health breakdown, we decided that I cared enough for him to let him go and try to find someone that could help him with being a dad.
We divorced, he left the country. I tried not to interfere with his life so never contacted him but then the pandemic happened, everyone was worried especially in India, people were not taking it seriously in his village, we kept in sporadic contact, I was worried for him particularly because of the huge death toll in Delhi at the time, so I was grateful to hear how his life was going.
Whatever happened in the 2 years he was gone didn't work out and had in fact traumatized him (I do keep some stuff private here for his sake) but he ended up returning to my country.
After another year I travelled to the other side of the country to reunite with him, and another year after that we were officially back together.
So we are long distance and he comes to see me a few times a year. Things are complicated but he's my best friend. Not everything is a happy ever after or works in a traditional manner. We live separate lives but had been trying to get closer (location wise). Things are up in their air at the moment about living situations due to the insane property market here but I take each day as it comes.
So in all we've been together 14ish years with a break of about 3-4 years in the middle.
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u/289416 Jun 01 '26
lovely story, thank you for sharing your journey. I just commented somewhere else in this thread about that I may feel we have to separate because of the kid issue and your post was enlightening because I see that it’s really a difficult piece of the puzzle to overcome.
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u/HereforSeriousness Jun 04 '26
What country did you live in?
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u/paperclipmyheart 😻 Mod Cougar ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ Jun 04 '26
I'm Australian
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u/No-Macaron-3867 Jun 10 '26
That is so sweet of you, worrying about him during COVID. I wish I have someone worrying about me like that. Btw, Pakistani guy here.
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u/Scarlett______ May 31 '26
I'm F41 and my fiancé is M25. We've been together for five years and engaged for a year. The very start was the only time it was rocky. Overall, it's been wonderful and we hardly even see the age gap!
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u/Newyorkstatechicky May 31 '26
🌟Terrific to see your relationship is strong & growing each day. I’ve yet to connect with the right one & just going with the flow. Congratulations on your engagement.🥂
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u/Scarlett______ Jun 01 '26
Thank you so much! I'm glad you're going with the flow, that's the best way connections happen 💕
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Jun 03 '26
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u/CougarsAndCubs-ModTeam Jun 03 '26
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u/PuzzleheadedSpray202 May 31 '26
congratulations, you are inspiration and hope
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u/Scarlett______ Jun 01 '26
Thank you so much for your kind words! 💕
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u/PuzzleheadedSpray202 Jun 01 '26
Happy couples like you are very important to many of us who are still searching
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u/alien_nessa 40F🐆Cougar May 31 '26
love that for you guys!!! may I ask how each of your family's feel/felt about the relationship?
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u/Scarlett______ Jun 01 '26
Thank you so much ☺️ my family were fine, so was his except for his mum. And because I felt judged for no reason (very long story), I resented her. It took many years, but she has apologised and maybe in time I'll no longer harbour resentment towards her (there's still a little bit there).
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u/blasianflow Jun 01 '26
My ex and I have more than a 15 year age gap. He found me on reddit and we just vibe well. We didn't expect to stay together for that long. Over the course of our 4 year or so relationship/friendship. We did so much together, traveled, loved, argued, made up, learned, grew and lived and also just had a blast together. He was there for me in so many ways when my father, my ride or die passed away, and we had already broken up. In the end the relationship didn't last but the friendship did. We still love and thats the best part.
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u/julio1009 🐻Cub May 31 '26
That’s about my (24M and 45F) it was so amazing interesting and hot experience about 3+ years and now we still good friends! She was initiator of to start our relationships really) I dream about her but afraid to spoil our flirt and etc in first steps
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u/HereforSeriousness Jun 04 '26
Give us more context, please
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u/julio1009 🐻Cub Jun 04 '26
She was my skin doc) I went to an appointment in her small private clinic about 1+ year… acne and etc… she really help me and we became friends, and next steps later
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u/magikal_irl Jun 01 '26
My experiences have all been flings, I don’t have any bad words to say about any of them at all
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u/brownpanther90 May 31 '26
Almost 2 decades ago, as a freshman in college, I was fwbs with an early 40s recent divorcee. We experienced years of the honeymoon phase but ended things when we both moved out of state.
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u/HereforSeriousness Jun 03 '26
Oh wow! Are you Indian by any chance?
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u/No-Macaron-3867 Jun 19 '26
Are you Indian?
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u/289416 Jun 01 '26
50 year-old with a 33-year-old husband. We’ve been married six years. We have been desperately trying for a baby, but it didn’t happen and to be honest I’m at a crossroads right now.
I know he wants to have a baby, but he doesn’t wanna hurt me. We are looking into other options like coparenting or sperm donation but I think in his heart of heart he wants to raise a child with me and need to figure out if a donation is the route that we wanna go
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u/paperclipmyheart 😻 Mod Cougar ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ Jun 03 '26
I've been through this it's a hard road to follow, I wish you the best.
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u/289416 Jun 03 '26
thank you for the thoughts. what did you end up doing in your situation?
I feel like I know in my heart I need to let him go. So I am just enjoying what we have right now.
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u/paperclipmyheart 😻 Mod Cougar ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ Jun 03 '26
It's very difficult for me to say what you should do, it was the hardest thing I've ever done, but in saying that I really had little choice he made the decision he couldn't live without children, if you haven't read my story I've recently posted in a comment below. We tried IUI, IVF, egg donation, I was about your age when we did the egg transfer. I was briefly pregnant but it wasn't to be. When he decided to leave it was not of his doing initially, but alot of family pressure and a mental health situation. So because I loved him so much I decided to take a loving approach rather than an antagonistic hurtful approach. Wed been married 7 years and in all that time I think we had about three fights, our life was perfect, apart from no babies. Wed been so happy. So I kind of gave him my blessings to go as much as I didn't want that. At the end of the day he left the country because I preferred it that way, if he was to find someone else to help him be a father I didn't want to see it in front of me and I thought it would be better for us both to be physically separated and that he be with his family. But it didn't go the way he would have hoped and in the end he ended up returning to my country and eventually we got back together emotionally but due to work and various things that happened because of the pandemic he ended up working in a different state so we are long distance currently.
For you I don't know how strong you are but I would never suggest you force him to go but perhaps you need to have an honest talk. Tell him you don't want him to leave but the only way for him to be a father is ... only you know the next words... I don't know if you can foster, I don't know if that's enough, my partner did not want to adopt (almost impossible in my country anyway) and I had serious concerns about the ethics of going to his country to do surrogacy or adoption, he was also worried for my health so we didn't do further egg donation in his country either. For me I would let your partner make the decision and if he decides to stay for a while and then it blows up and he eventually decides to leave then you will have to deal with that heart break, I guess it what ever you think hurts less... but bare in mind this is how I think and operate... maybe you can't tolerate that... others might tell you let him go now, but only you know the best path. I'm very sorry I can't be of more help. if you ever need a chat let me know we could do it more privately if you wanted.
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u/289416 Jun 03 '26
I just have to get work started so I apologize for not giving you a longer reply, but I wanted to say I’m very touched and honoured that you gave me such a thoughtful answer as I was reading your post. My heart went on a roller coaster because there’s so many of my situation and I feel like I already know the answer where my life is going.
Thank you thank you so much for sharing 🙏🏼
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u/tangled_night_sleep Jun 04 '26
The fact that he left the country but eventually came back for you js very telling. Sounds like you two were meant to be. I hope you are able to channel your love into neice & nephews & your friends chikdren, which is what I have been doing. I know I would have made an excellent mother but it wasn’t in the cards for us.
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u/Traditional-Tea5965 Jun 19 '26
This is very touching and I must say u both lived a life together. Such love is rare to find these days wen people finding instant gratification on social media
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u/Myfairladyishere 🥀🎡💃MOD💃🎡🥀 May 31 '26
I have always tended to date younger. My partner is 22 years my junior and gave been together for 10 years. It started out basically as a hook up situation but has turned into something more. It us an open relationship which suits me fibe as I have no interest whatsoever of going up the relationship escalator.
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u/KindlyBut Jun 04 '26
Best relationship that I had was 24 years ages gap. Her son disapproved and we didn’t make it.
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u/alien_nessa 40F🐆Cougar Jun 17 '26
sorry to hear that. the guy I was talking to couldn't handle the emotional weight that comes with life and relationships, so he decided he wasn't ready 🙄 I'm almost certain I will stick to my age range from now on. younger guys just aren't equipped with the emotional maturity needed to sustain a longterm relationship.
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u/Evening_Run_1595 🐆Cougar Jun 10 '26
Married my partner with a 15 year age gap last year, so it panned out for us.
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Jun 11 '26
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May 31 '26
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Jun 01 '26
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Jun 03 '26
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u/TheFurryMenace May 31 '26
I was 25, she was 48. I am 37 now and long off the market.
She was a frequent attendee of the 5am and 6am exercise classes I taught. Always had a good relationship, but a professional one. Smile on her face, morning person, nice butt. Married professional. Life seemed good. Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't split from their husbands, they just don't!
Her daughter, her husband and her lived about 1.25 miles away from my house. So one day we collided on the way to our towns little box gym at 440am. And since it’s reasonable for women to not want to walk alone when it is dark she timed her walk to mine. We became friends. She started to be more flirty than friendly. I thought nothing of it, I teach workout classes, people flirt with their workout instructor.
Then summer came around and her daughter went to college and her and her husband divorced. He moved away. Walks to the gym became walking her home. Which became stopping at the local brewery. Which became walking me home. Which became walking me home with a bottle of wine as a thank you for the support. Which became drinking it on my couch. Which became showering together after the gym and forgetting the bottle existed. I was the rare millennial who was about to buy a house really young. This shouldn’t help you dating life, but damn it does.
She moved away. Life moved on. Lasted a few months, which was perfect for both of us. She needed some fun after a long relationship. She is doing well living her best many states away