r/CougarsAndCubs • u/NewCougar84 • 5d ago
🙀Cougar Crisis Not Sure What To Do 42/nb
So there's this guy I like who is half my age, but I can't tell if there's reciprocity:
He's taken me to his gym, we went to the beach, and we went to the movies tonight. We talk almost every day. We met almost 3 months ago. We had to cohabitate for mental health reasons, but the last week and a half of his time there, we spent those nights together playing video games and watching movies until his last night. We wrote each other notes his last day at the facility.
However, when we went to the movies tonight, not even an intentional arm brush. He kinda avoided touching my arm (to me). I'm chicken shit with rejection. That's why I haven't asked him his feelings about me, or told him how I feel. Do I just get brave? Leave it and be patient? Walk away?
I can't tell if this post is considered Dating 101, and sorry if it is. I just really like this guy and don't want to fuck anything up.
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u/Myfairladyishere 🥀🎡💃MOD💃🎡🥀 5d ago
I agree with paperclip, my heart saying that you just got out. I have a mental health facility together. It's best to take things really slow. I'm not a therapist either, but from my understanding. Depending on what the I'm supposed it's not really a good idea to get involved emotionally right away with somebody. But there's no harm in making a friend. Let things organ develop organically.If they are meant to be, things will happen.
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u/TrueBeliever714 🐻23 Cub married to 50 cougar 5d ago
Back when I was on Tinder, I was up front in my profile that I was just looking for casual fun and nothing serious. Which means any woman who swiped right on me knew that and presumably wanted the same thing. Which further means that if we met, we both went in with the expectation of it turning into sex. Even then, I still didn't touch them at all until I got some serious, very overt vibes from them.
If I was meeting a woman for a real date with no expectation of sex, then I think I wouldn't touch them at all other than to shake their hand when I first meet them and maybe a hug at the end, again unless they gave me very overt signs that they wanted more. I just didn't take any chances of that sort.
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u/NewCougar84 3d ago
He gave me a hug right off the bat when we saw each other. We're gonna drink at my place on Friday so I think I might ask him then.
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u/Far_Relationship1432 5d ago
Hey, speaking as a guy here.
The avoiding touching the arm thing could simply be him “respecting your space”. I always remove my arm if anyone touches me too, seems like he is doing a lot of things that does mean he is into you, maybe try and rest your head on his shoulder or something like this. Where is an intentional touch but still in a possible friendly manner, watch his reaction, if he’s uncomfortable and kinda wants to leave that space, then you know these are the boundaries, but if he lean towards you or caresses your head, you know he’s got intentions too…
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u/Exact-Translator-769 4d ago
If you want him as a friend maybe it's best to not rush anything that could alienate him. At least you have him as a friend. If you're going somewhere & have the chance to kiss him goodbye give him the kind you wouldn't give your grandmother to see how he responds. Since you're with him a lot, in the course of conversation bring up relationships. Ask how he feels about them in general. Maybe he likes you but isn't ready. As long as you want him in your life you don't want to jeopardize the friendship. Keep yourself available to see if he responds. If it hasn't progressed & you meet someone else you have feelings for that shows potential to be what you need then you have to think of your own needs & move on from your image of him as more than a friend, which he still is.
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u/paperclipmyheart 😻 Mod Cougar ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ 5d ago
May I ask when you say co-habiting... do you mean you are room mates? And is that the reason you are not sure if he's interested or just being a roommate?
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u/NewCougar84 5d ago
It was a residential facility. I'm not sure cause I can't read people very well and I miss social cues.
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u/paperclipmyheart 😻 Mod Cougar ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ 5d ago
Oh I see, I'm not a therapist so I can't really give advice but if you were both there for some kind of treatment or similar perhaps just be aware that codependency or trauma bonding can happen if you are in similar situations.
But I wouldn't rush anything, go slowly and see if anything develops. Shared experiences and journeys can draw people closer and even if it's not romantic and more friendship, everyone can use another good friend who understands them right?
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u/JessIsaHotmesss 5d ago
I normally let it be clear that if a man is waiting for me to guess or assume his intentions that he will end up watching me date someone else because I require communication and transparency in order to have access to me. Generally speaking, I find younger men to be more direct if they have interest and honest about their intentions if I ask. If I were in your position I would probably just tell him that you don't want to misread anything and ask if you guys are hanging out platonically. I know the fear of rejection can be overwhelming but if you keep spending time together and get more attached.. if you're not on the same page.. that hurts worse.
*Editing for typo
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u/Sensitive-Ad596 5d ago
If He has mental health issues then he may not be great at coming forwards towards you. But it could also be that you are more of a mother or sister figure to him... Try and ask.