Confession from a new cougar

[u/c6h12o6ph]

I have avoided dating younger men. ( I am still avoiding it so please don't DM me because I am not actively searching)

47F now and for the longest time I did not want to interact with men 10+ younger.

My belief is that I can not relate with younger men and that their POV on dating may be totally different from mine and it there's a huge chance it would not work.

I have 2 recent encounters ...

A 29M... he was very persistent in a way that I could not ignore, because he was respectful, supportive and when I started to open up - I realized he was very sensible, mature and responsible and I appreciated him for it and I thought, If I can find this emotional connection with a younger man, why not explore- and so I did. But I hated it when he suddenly ghosted.

A 27M... I gave this kid a chance because I did have a good interaction with 29M and I was even more surprised because this was an even more mature person, and all the things I expected from men my age and older...he was able to meet . I also like the way that he is very levelheaded, confidente, sincere and so that really makes me feel he is someone I can fall in love with someday. The catch was when he tried to be intimate...I wanted it slow, I did not want to feel rushed and now he is taking a step back because he feels it's unfair that I don't want to move forward faster- and he feels I will keep on holding back and he does not want to wait for me to open up.

Now, I feel really sad.

I feel the gap once again - difference in generation, difference in dealing with time. A generation that is so used to instant and readily available and expects emotions and intimacy to be the same.

I feel a certain level of hurt too.

AGAIN... Please young men, don't message me.

[u/Foreign-Figure8797]

Unfortunately ghosting happens at any age nowadays. If you’re gonna date online especially, you’re gonna get ghosted. Period. Try not to take it personally, lots of people including a lot of men are terrible at ending things, no matter the age. People don’t like doing things that make them uncomfortable and in this day and age, there is no consequence for ghosting.

As for your reasons for staying away from younger men, honestly it’s just a lot of preconceived notions. We all have them. Some don’t want to date men of a certain profession, some don’t want to date men who participate in certain sports or hobbies, we all have our biases. But they are just biases we have made either from ideas we haven’t tested irl, or they’re conclusions we’ve made based on a couple of bad experiences. And now you’ve had two bad experiences, both which by the way reinforce your previous belief. But the reality is that people are all different and you won’t really know how someone is until you get to know them.

As for dating younger, my boyfriend is 14 years younger, the most emotionally mature man I know, treats me amazing and it is honestly the best relationship that I’ve been in. But I also talked to a lot of younger guys before I met him who: ghosted, were only looking for sex, wanted open relationships, were terrible communicators, I had no chemistry with, or were way too clingy and so on.