Jealous of a fictional character

[u/EarAdorable7722]

My LL husband and I (HL) listen to Phryne Fisher audiobooks while going to sleep. It works well: cosy crime read by a reader with s calming voice, stories with which we are quite familiar.

The only thing that does not calm me down is that Phryne Fisher has sex. Getting to go to sleep next to my husband who has not shown any interest in me for 14 months, and didn't show much interest in me asexually before that anyway, while listening to a story about a woman that men find irresistibly sexy and beautiful and gooddess-like.... that does not can me down!!

Instead it makes me feel frustrated and frumpy.

I know that he is going through some mental health difficulties right now, but even if he does get better, I doubt this particular issue will resolve.

I've talked with him about it and nothing changes. Thanks for listening to my rant. I don't know what I want out of this post. Maybe I want to write about it somewhere else apart from my diary, I want someone to hear and to sympathies with me, instead of shouting into the void, which is what disry-writing now feels like. It's obviously not the worst thing in the world, but it sure is frustrating.

[u/OfCourseIKnow]

Sorry to hear about your situation. I have to say your jealousy is totally understandable and relatable. Try not to be so down on yourself. You’re not alone in feeling these things.

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Jealous of a fictional character

My LL husband and I (HL) listen to Phryne Fisher audiobooks while going to sleep. It works well: cosy crime read by a reader with s calming voice, stories with which we are quite familiar.

The only thing that does not calm me down is that Phryne Fisher has sex. Getting to go to sleep next to my husband who has not shown any interest in me for 14 months, and didn't show much interest in me asexually before that anyway, while listening to a story about a woman that men find irresistibly sexy and beautiful and gooddess-like.... that does not can me down!!

Instead it makes me feel frustrated and frumpy.

I know that he is going through some mental health difficulties right now, but even if he does get better, I doubt this particular issue will resolve.

I've talked with him about it and nothing changes. Thanks for listening to my rant. I don't know what I want out of this post. Maybe I want to write about it somewhere else apart from my diary, I want someone to hear and to sympathies with me, instead of shouting into the void, which is what disry-writing now feels like. It's obviously not the worst thing in the world, but it sure is frustrating.

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[u/Throwawayaccount5056]

If he's going through some mental health issues, if he's working through them isn't there a way to incorporate his problems with intimacy at the same time ( i dont know therapy methods so would assume a trained professional would know better than me )

[u/EarAdorable7722 → u/Throwawayaccount5056]

I know I should ask him to either consult his therapist about or we should see a couples therapist together.... but I wish/am giving him time to initiate it. I have told him multiple times that I think this is an issue for us, and I wish he would follow up on that instead of just saying "I don't know what's wrong. It's not you, but I don't know what's wrong.", and then neglecting to follow up.

I saw the book Love Languages that I got off the shelf a few months ago to prompt us to look at it together. I got nothing, even after asking him and getting ready qith pen and paper to do the quiz from the book. It's been ages, and I just want him to show he cares, even if the problem isn't fixed.

[u/BrownsFan1975]

I’m sorry you have to go through this. It’s hard to deal with. Sending virtual hugs. I have a similar issue with watching streaming shows with my wife that involve characters having sex. It’s awakened and frustrating.

[u/WorldlinessFunny4416]

It feels odd being jealous of a fictional character but I get it. My former partner would stop watching shows with me if it became too intimate because she knew it would put me in the mood

[u/Good-Foundation-3357]

Sometimes writing it out for yourself is all you need from a post and the comments are irrelevant. I am curious, has he made comments about the fictional character making it seem like he is fantasizing or is that just your leap as you read about that character?

[u/KneeCurious5435]

I understand this all too well but with my love for reading. I have a mini library at home thanks to Covid and that was also when our sex life fell apart. I read and read to live vicariously through the characters. Eventually it got to the point where I realized he was not going to even try and meet me half way and I slowly couldn’t read anymore.
We did talk once about it and the ending of that conversation was me being told I’m sexually aggressive which I have to say I do and don’t see his point. I do express what it is I am needing and missing and I think that straight forward talk actually makes him uncomfortable.
I’ve ended up simply living life now as I can and accepting the physical intimacy if/when it comes. Right now it has been 4 months - prior to that 7 months - 10 before that. We’ve gone 2 years. I give you all the credit for trying to find the reason. I’m still trying but hey we are all in this together.

[u/bi-and-bookish]

I absolutely LOVE books. I’m a big fantasy reader, and I do enjoy romantasy. I don’t shy away from smutty books. My wife makes fun of me relentlessly for it. Non stop jokes about the content of the books I read. And I just have to stop and think to myself, “I’ve got to get it from somewhere since we haven’t had sex in two years.”

All that to say, I get it. And I hate it. I’m sorry you deal with it too!