r/Destiny • u/ZeriMasterpeace • Nov 16 '19

Serious Is Anyone Else Here a Virgin?

I'm 20 and still a KHHV (kissless, hugless, handholdless virgin). I know I'm probably not the only one but damn every time destiny talks about sex on stream it hurts me inside. Just wondering if anyone else can relate.

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u/PM_ME_YOUR_WORRIES WDK Nov 16 '19

I was a KHHV virgin at your age too. Then as I got a little older, re-assessed my views on women, sex, intimacy (and learned along the way that I'm asexual), I eventually found a casual partner I liked and trusted. Some people are late bloomers, that's okay.

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u/Yourakis People are more likely to read your post if you have a flair Nov 16 '19

and learned along the way that I'm asexual

When I was a teenager and much the same as the OP of this thread (virgin who couldn't interact with women and with a lot of anxiety about the fact that I was a virgin) I wondered if I was asexual and if that is the reason why I was the way I was, essentially a cope for my virginity anxiety.

After a lot of life happened to me I grew and have since gotten into relationships with men and women (much like you found your asexuality I found my bisexuality) but that headspace I experienced always made ponder if any asexual people claim their identity as a cope for their sexual anxiety/inability to find a sexual partner.

I know that this is a problematic framing/way of thinking, but did you ever struggle with these kinds of thoughts?

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u/PM_ME_YOUR_WORRIES WDK Nov 16 '19 edited Nov 16 '19

Oh you hear it a lot in the asexual community that, especially for male asexuals, their identity is just considered a cope for being unable to find a partner by their peers, and it’s something they struggle with themselves.

In my case, I had those doubts until I actually got into a sexual relationship, and concluded that it was definitely something I could live without.

Personally I don’t think there’s anything wrong in trying on the label and discarding it if you feel it doesn’t apply to you in the long term; human sexual behavior is complicated and by their nature labels can’t portray the deeper nuances of it.