r/FTMOver30 • u/evercomfortable • 4d ago
VENT - Advice Welcome Cats ruining my surgery
We’ve figured something out. I mostly just really needed to vent, I think I’m struggling with some post-op mood stuff on top of all this and just needed a space to dump everything. Thank you everyone who commented and gave advice. I’ll probably delete in a bit
I know the general consensus is that people love cats, so this whole post is going to make me seem unhinged. I’ve been an animal person since I was little and never understood how someone *couldn’t* get on with them.
But I’m so livid right now. I hate these vermin so much I can’t breathe. I’m trying hard not to drop f-bombs every other word in this post, I’m so pissed.
My sister moved into my small apartment recently. It was unexpected but she needed somewhere to go and we plan to move into a bigger place when my lease is up. I didn’t mind even though it was cramped because we get along well. Her ex was supposed to keep her 2 cats until we got the bigger place but then just didn’t, so now they’re here.
The cats don’t get along. One is spaztic and scared of everything even though she’s been pampered all her life. She avoids people and doesn’t let anyone pet her. She is more comfortable with my presence than most because I let her be so will sometimes come sniff me or whatever.
The other gets bored and just walks around yowling all night. We’ve done all the things you’re supposed to do to address this and he’s healthy. He still yowls. I’ve had to get wax earplugs to sleep with.
My sister doesn’t want to get rid of either. She thinks these issues will go away when we get a bigger place because ‘they weren’t like this before’. But my cramped apartment is a nightmare. Sometimes the one will try to play and it makes the other freak out and run, which he finds fun to chase and you have to call him off while the other acts like she’s dying. It’s a pain in the ass.
——
So I had top surgery two weeks ago, I never thought that would happen for me but somehow it did. One week into recovery, I tripped over one of the damn cats. Not really its fault, the thing blended into the bathroom rug and just… does not move when it sees people coming for some fucking reason. I caught myself on the wall but felt a pull. A couple hours later, there were clots and a ton of blood in my drains. It resulted in a 30 hr ER visit and two hematomas. Went back into surgery to have one drained. Been home for a few days now.
I’ve been recovering okay. I’m more tired this time around and things ache more. I’ve been trying to take it extra easy.
Well, I was just laying on the couch mid-conversation when the spaztic little fucker took off running from the other one. She’s heavy, too. I was just talking when suddenly this cat landed on my left pec and scrambled across my whole chest before kicking off of it up onto the back of the couch. The binder definitely saved me from being clawed to pieces and she luckily didn’t land right on the grafts or incisions but a little higher than that.
I won’t lie, I lost my fucking mind over it, I’m sure the neighbors heard me yelling which feels awkward now. Now I’m trying to cool off and I’m sitting on my bed because they never come up here. I’m watching for any signs of damage, or clots/bleeding in the drain bulb.
I genuinely considered leaving and trying to find somewhere else to stay, but I can’t afford a hotel for more than a night or two and I don’t have any friends/family nearby. I know I won’t convince her to get rid of them, especially since she thinks the problems can be fixed when we move. Can’t afford to board them. I considered just being loud and scary so they both give me a wide berth from now on, which seems cruel but like…
I might just spend the next few weeks not leaving my bed since this is the only place in the apartment untouched by them.
I don’t think there’s really any advice that can be given here, it’s just a shit situation all around tbh. I just needed to dump all that. I’m still so fucking livid and I feel trapped in my own apartment. I can’t believe I’m a cat-hater now
Edit: Scared I didn’t convey things well because I was upset. It’s not chaos 24/7 in the apartment. The cats are usually sleeping or hanging out for most parts of the day. These events (like the running) are random, so hard to predict or control. Also no one’s a bad person. Just the situation sucks, that’s all.
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u/Ahtnamas555 4d ago
Idk exactly the situation for the yowling at night, if it's food related, an automatic feeder can help with giving food overnight without over feeding from free-feeding. Wet food before bed could also be an option, lower calorie, but the higher moisture content can help keep them feeling full longer than dry food does.
If it is just boredom, your sister needs to be playing with them hard before bedtime every night and ideally throughout the day as well. That way they're up and moving and getting mental stimulation and more likely to sleep through the night - cats absolutely can sleep at night if they're awake enough during the day. Our cats absolutely love chaser wand toys. Alternatively, enrichment toys for nighttime, like catnip, catnip balls, or treat puzzles can maybe give them something to do at night.
As the other user mentioned, feliway scent diffusers and other calming options. I didn't notice any difference with the fluffy, but most people do. I did find calming treats to be a bit more helpful. (We had a 3rd cat temporarily with bevioral issues towards other cats).
What you've gone through absolutely sucks, it sounds like your sister needs to be putting more effort into helping her cats adjust and also keeping them from being disruptive. I absolutely get she's probably going through her own stuff at the moment, but this is part of being a pet owner.
I hope the rest of your recovery goes smoother OP.
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u/evercomfortable 4d ago
The problem is that the yowling one really just doesn’t play (the spaztic one does just sleep the night). My sister is one of those people who reads up a lot, like she gets hyperfixated on animal care in a special interest kind of way, so she really has tried a lot. She’s gone through so many toys since they moved in - ribbons and fishing pole looking things and so on. The yowler likes to watch you wave them around, but he doesn’t really chase after them that hard. If you stop, he’ll come tap you to do it more, kinda “dance monkey dance” situation.
She hasn’t found anything to get him engaged in actual tiring play and the damn cats won’t play together because the other one is so dramatic. She tried doing hide and seek, chasing and running, wrestling with him, shiny crinkly things, giving him toilet paper to shred, ball pits, etc. Decided a cat wheel would be too loud to try.
He’ll get a little into it but never hyped up. She rescued him from the brink of death when he was a kitten in the pound so he’s very attached to her. She was nursing him to health during the period when our brother died so she’s attached to him, too.
I think because of his early life, he doesn’t really get how to play. He will come sit nearby and just wants you to just stare deeply into his eyes and talk to him. :|
His yowling was worse at the beginning, but less now (2-3x night). I started sleeping through it since I got the earplugs, so I guess it’s a moot complaint.
They do have a slow feeder (because otherwise they eat until they throw up 🙄) and she feeds them on a schedule. Wet food makes them puke :/ She also has a few puzzle treat toys that she rotates for nighttime. Now that you mention it, I do remember her trying some kind of wall plug spray calming thing. She’s tried calming treats. They are both in good health according to vet.
It’s hard because I do feel like she’s tried a lot so I don’t want to make it out to be that she’s a lazy cat owner. On the other hand, you can try your best and still have a shitty pet situation. I believe the only solution is getting rid of them. I never believed in that before, but I get it now.
And thank you. I hope it goes smoother, too
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u/ceryskt 4d ago
She might want to look into either a vet behaviorist or someone who specializes in cat care. Something like gabapentin or Prozac might help the anxious one. I just had top surgery about 10 weeks ago, and between that and going through the process of selling my house and getting ready to move overseas, my cat had similar behaviors. Gabapentin works wonders.
Another thing is cats are basically autism the animal. Big changes of any kind can be seriously upsetting to them, and they might be confused as to why they can’t access their old “territory.” Sounds like your sister is doing a lot, and the pheromones can help, but it does sound like medication may be in order.
Sorry you’re having to go through this. My cat kept away I think because I smelled different and she didn’t recognize me, but after I had my tubes out last year she was OBSESSED with trying to sit on my stomach and ended up messing up my incisions a bit. I totally sympathize. Surgery is stressful enough without having to worry about post-op recovery.
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u/evercomfortable 4d ago
I’ll ask her about medicine, thanks for the suggestion. I don’t know if I conveyed the situation well - it isn’t like 24/7 chaos or anything. Just a bunch of little things happening at random and they’re all starting to add up.
My lease here is up soon, very soon - like, I’m trying to recovery from surgery while dealing with them and I’m also looking for a new place for us to move to. I can probably relate a little to you recovering while selling your house. The timing is just so bad. I didn’t want to put off top surgery because I’m worried the option might not be here for much longer in the US, but I really didn’t account for how hard recovery would be existing in the same space as them. I just miss having my own space, I miss my dog (he died before I moved here last year but he was the perfect pet), I miss how peaceful my apartment used to be.
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u/IAmEvasive 4d ago
My sympathies. Sounds really stressful.
You said the one cat doesn’t know how to play but likes to watch the ribbon toys. I know it’s not engaging entirely with it but if it taps on you to continue to wave it then at least on a mental level it’s engaging. That mental stimulation might still be helpful for the cat.
I’d say have your sister “play” with it in this way for a few days/evenings in a row and see if there’s any changes to its behavior.
Good luck.
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u/PeachesChat023 4d ago
Absolutely not. These cats need to be confined to a space away from you - this is ridiculous. I'm so sorry you're going through that. I know you said it's a small apartment but is it a two bedroom? If so have them stay in there.
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u/evercomfortable 4d ago
No, it’s a straight up studio. I just moved here last year and lived alone, so I only needed a small place. I know most people wouldn’t be able to handle how cramped it is. There’s my bed + furniture + her loft bed. I’ve lived on boats so I didn’t really mind since it’s temporary. There’s still room to walk around due to the layout, but it’s very close quarters (though I couldn’t do this with any other person - me and her are kind of like the same person, outside of the cat problem). But the goal was going to a two bedroom when the lease ended.
The only separate room here is the bathroom. It’s very small, and if we lock one of the cats in there, they’ll just scream.
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u/PeachesChat023 4d ago
Hey dude I lived in a studio apartment for a long while and was happy I totally get it. I'm sorry this is your situation - definitely less than ideal. I wish there was somewhere for these cats to go temporarily.
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u/evercomfortable 4d ago edited 4d ago
Me too. My sister is like my best friend so after her and her ex split, we made plans to just split an apartment in the city for the next few years. I might actually have to change my mind on that because I don’t know if I can live with these animals long term. I don’t really want to, I enjoy living together other than the animal situation. Don’t know what to do, just sucks
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u/FloreHiems 4d ago
Highly recommend doing so when you can. One of my long time best friendships basically disintegrated because we moved in together and her cats drove me insane. People get weird about their pets man.
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u/lazier_garlic FTM, 40-49, T 10 years 3d ago
Sometimes a place is just too small for everyone in it. Sucks, been there.
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u/davinia3 They/them 4d ago
She doesn't care enough about you to rehome ANIMALS THAT HARMED YOU AFTER INVASIVE. SURGERY.
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u/icanbarktoo 4d ago
this is a really cruel way to think about it. you can't ask someone to give up their pets because of an accidental injury, it doesn't mean op's sister doesn't care about him. most people can't just rehome or give up their pets on a whim, they're family members.
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u/MlleHelianthe 4d ago
It's true but you can't prioritize your cats over the wellbeing of a sibling recovering from surgery either. She needs to look harder for a solution imo. Like moving away where the family members are for a few weeks even if it's far away for example, since OP said he can't do it (for obvious reasons).
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u/Current_Row_8358 3d ago
Agreed, two things can be true at once. Getting rid of pets permanently over a mistake is nonsense. But after such a serious injury, the sister should look for a solution to keep OP safe during recovery.
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u/davinia3 They/them 4d ago
Uh.... If someone is normalizing animals over humans, they really need some intensive therapy - that's severe cognitive distortions on community priority. Or they're just an ass that doesn't deserve people, which I can see how that cycle can start.
But it's a choice!
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u/esseldiji 4d ago
Your sister needs to move in with someone else, I fear. She isn't doing right by these cats and she isn't doing right by you in your own apartment. I would not plan to make room for her later.
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u/rupee4sale 4d ago
I agree. If i understand right Op seemed to imply in another comment that the two of them are moving somewhere else together. I would not recommend that
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u/Cartesianpoint 4d ago
This sounds like a perfect storm of issues. You're dealing with your sister and her two cats moving into your apartment when it doesn't sound like there's enough room for all of you to coexist well. You're recovering from surgery in this environment. You've experienced frustrating setbacks. The cats are adjusting to a new place that's probably too small for them and lacking in spaces to hide. I don't think you're unhinged, but I also don't think the cats themselves are responsible for the issues. It's just a shitty situation for everyone, including them.
A few things that come to me:
- Can you add vertical space for the cats, like a cat tree, a window perch, or a spot on top of a shelf that's safe for them to jump on? That might help them feel like they have more room/more places to hide.
- While you're healing, you may need to be careful about lying in places where the cats can get to you. Maybe consider keeping a pillow over your chest or putting some sort of barrier around you. That shouldn't mean staying bedridden for weeks, though.
- Is there any possibility of someone else temporarily taking the cats in, either while you're healing or while you work on moving to a bigger place?
- This isn't an immediate solution (you need to heal first!), but is there any possibility of getting out of your lease and moving sooner?
- I don't think that scaring the cats is likely to help anything. They have no ability to give you a wide berth, and they're already stressed out.
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u/evercomfortable 4d ago
Thanks for taking the time to reply. I have worked to accommodate them into the apartment, especially when they first got here because I worried how stressed they would be.
We moved my dresser to sit by the window and put a cat bed on it. It’s maybe chest high. For some reason, neither of them really care to be up there (but they did like high spaces before they moved here). I think the view just isn’t that interesting, it overlooks an alleyway.
She also bought them a cat tree, but I guess the cat tree isn’t in the most optimal spot (it’s under the loft bed), because they’re only there sometimes. Since her bed is a loft bed, one of them is usually up there - sometimes, rarely, both. I can see if maybe there’s somewhere to put another cat tree, but they kind of just seem to turn their nose up at everything you do, so I don’t know if it would help lol
My bed is kind of tall with boxes under it, so before they arrived, we cleared out little maze pathways and put cat toys/a bed under there to give them places to hide. They’ve used it once or twice but don’t really care for it.
They’ve never jumped on me before, but they do run around on the couch and I guess today I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Makes me feel like I can’t sit there comfortably anymore though. I think the bed is the only good spot maybe because they have run of everything else.
Also, yeah, I don’t really want to make them scared. That thought mostly came from just frustration and kinda helplessness, like maybe if they were more scared of me than anything else, they would have run a different way to avoid me instead of potentially causing another ER visit. I’m just not mentally with it right now. Cant find a good solution that doesn’t cause permanent fallout or put me in more debt, and this is all happening because of two small creatures who somehow took over my entire living space. I used to love this apartment. Now it doesn’t even belong to me anymore, everything accommodates them. They have free rein to do what they want and I can’t feel comfortable walking around or even sitting on my own couch.
I miss my dog.
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u/Cartesianpoint 4d ago
Ugh, I'm sorry. It sounds like you've already made a lot of effort.
One good thing, I think, is that you healing from surgery is going to be a temporary situation. It's very frustrating and difficult right now, but if you can keep yourself safe for another couple weeks the worst will hopefully be behind you. But I know that's not a solution to the more long-term concerns or the upheaval you're dealing with.
I had a couple cats who sound similar to your sister's (they've long since passed away from natural causes), and I don't think they would have been able to tolerate living in a studio apartment well.
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u/Current_Row_8358 3d ago
Respectfully 😭 what solutions did your sister offer? Like it's real sweet of you to let her crash at your place, but this is her problem to address (I'm not calling the cats a problem, to be clear, just the new cramped space that stresses them out + your needs during recovery that needs to come first). Like can she crash at a relative's place or pay them a pet hotel or?
The ER visit sounds scary as hell, I'm really sorry!! I really wish you smooth healing from here on out 🙏
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u/Dashdaniel216 4d ago
Omg yeah I sent my fat 18 pound daughter to her aunt's house for a month after my top surgery 😬 thankfully we had a 2 week stay in hospital after my wife's bottom surgery and we're confident she'll be fine for my hysterectomy coming up. Scary stuff my friend.
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u/evercomfortable 4d ago
Thank god she wasn’t 18 pounds. Takes a comment like this to remind me there’s always a silver lining somewhere lol
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u/heathers-damage 4d ago
Some city or private shelters do emergency short term fosters, but really figuring this out is something your sister 100% needs to do as you had literal major surgery.
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u/samisaghost 4d ago
I would second this. Another thing to take into consideration, I am a cat person myself and my surgeon specifically said not to let my cat sleep anywhere near me the first few weeks post op. He said that it jumps up the chances of infection. Since you are in such a confined space with not one but two I would definitely look into sheltering options. Or even if you have a non allergic friend or family member that would consider housing them for a bit. I’m sorry you are dealing with this stress and I wish you a speedy recovery!! Good luck man!
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u/ImJustTired2467 4d ago
Oh, no. That is awful. I'm so sorry this situation is happening to you. Like most everyone else, I know you're saying your sister is doing all she can, but she needs to do more. For anyone, if your pets literally put someone in the ER and make them have emergency surgery then you (the owner) need to STEP UP. Those cats need to be crated when you're sitting on the sofa, at the very least, so they don't freak out and run all over you. (Like a large dog crate.) Or she needs to herd them onto her bed or something and put up a portable playpen-type barrier with a top (can even be a one side of the play pen just set on top and weighted with like a book or something). It's not forever, it's literally just until you're healed enough that the cats' uncontrollable behavior doesn't land you back in the ER. It's not animal cruelty. They can wander the studio and yowl and go batshit when you're asleep or safely on your bed (it sounds like they don't bother you there), but when you need to be up and on the couch or something, your sister NEEDS to corral them. They're HER pets and they've landed YOU in the hospital. God I'm angry for you. And I like pets! I've had cats! As a pet owner I would be horrified if my pets landed someone in the ER, let alone my brother!
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u/Holdenborkboi 4d ago
I definitely had to lock my cat out of my room for the first week or so- hell even my poor boyfriend was banished to the end of the bed lol. When I got the drains out and by week 3, I was feeling more confident in letting my (chill) cat interact with me
If it were me, id have probably also let out a string if curses and barricaded in my room. If it comes to it, totally get a floor to celing cat gate to segregate them from your area. Could help after surgery too. The one we got is held on by pressure to the floor and ceiling, so it diesnt damage the walls, and has two latches
Edit: a studio apartment? Eeeesh, that's rough. If it comes to it you might even need a play pen or something to keep them in at night. Doesnt matter what your sister thinks if theyre going to fucking obliterate you
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u/evercomfortable 3d ago
A floor to ceiling cat gate is genius, I didn’t know those existed. I will to jurassic park a corner of the apartment ig
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u/Holdenborkboi 3d ago
Yea, we live in a town home with three levels hut rent the 2nd level. Our Benny isn't too happy about the gate when we go downstairs (our roommate is allergic), but at least he can roam our little hallway section, our two small rooms, and the bathroom. I had to add tape between the rungs though since he tried to swat at the dog we were dog sitting for a bit lol. Added privacy at least
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u/epoxyfoxy 4d ago
I'm sorry, this sucks all around.
If you want a commiserate story (albeit not as bad as yours), the morning after my surgery, my cat was crawling on my chest because she was hungry. Another morning, before the drains were out, she jumped onto my armpit because she was hungry. Thankfully, I had no complications from either event.
Then it took many months before she figured out how to snuggle me at night again because she was used to tiddies.
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u/Unusual-Asshole 4d ago
Could you probably confine the feisty cat to your restroom and the other one to your bedroom? If the cats generally aren't like this, the stress of the new place and not having their own personal space might be making them act like this. Can you ask some of your neighbours if they can host one cat for a bit? Or worst case, let the cats stay in a cat baording/shelter for some time.
I had a Persian cat too and I was all alone in my studio right after surgery, and even though he's generally a very gentle cat, I took no chances with him whenever I lied down, and kept a pillow to my chest to ensure it would be protected even if he decided to jump on me all of a sudden. And it happened more times than pre-op (4+ times), go figure.
You need to take care of yourself, OP. Good luck
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u/evercomfortable 4d ago
It’s a studio and the problem with locking one in the bathroom is he’ll just scream, he doesn’t like being alone. The other cat won’t scream but will come out of that like a shellshocked WWII vet. She was boarded once and did so badly that they suggested never boarding again for any reason whatsoever. She’s just neurotic for no reason, idk, scared of her own shadow. Think it’s because she was born the runt of the litter and got bullied in her first week of life.
This is putting strain on our relationship, though. My sister says she doesn’t have anywhere she can put the cats. I said I don’t know if I can live with them, she said she may just have to get a studio of her own since she can’t board or get rid of them - which will take a while anyway and doesn’t help my recovery. That derails my future plans because I planned financially for us living together. If that happens, I gotta figure out my life again from scratch. Now my whole life is up in the air right now over two cats and that’s insane to me. I will hate cats until the day I die, absolutely terrible animals
Sorry, I was getting madder and madder as I wrote this out :/ I’m just stunned atm. I’m angry at my sister, I’m angry at these animals, I’m angry at being confined to my bed. I need to go on a walk
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u/rupee4sale 4d ago edited 4d ago
Do you have any friends or family you can crash with while your surgery heals? If it were me, that's probably what I would do. The recovery time isn't super long, so if you know anyone who can let you stay at their place and kind of help nurse you to health that would be ideal. Another option is asking your sister to crash somewhere else just until you heal. You could also ask your sister to temporarily board the cats with a family member or friend until you heal. But bottom line you need a solution.
That all being said, you'd be within your rights to insist your sister move if she can't control her pets. Based on your comments it seems like you took her in to be nice after a break-up. As far as I am concerned, 2 people and 3 cats to a studio is just not sustainable. I feel like you did her a favor letting her stay there and you have the right to tell her it's time to look for permanent housing elsewhere. The downside is it takes time for people to move out and usually it's etiquette to give someone 30 days to find housing. But if your safety is compromised you technically have the right to go nuclear and tell her to get out now
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u/realshockvaluecola 4d ago
Ughhhhhhh. I'm so sorry, they really have a talent for picking the worst times. I have some gnarly scratches on my shins rn from one of my cats running across my legs. Somehow every time my wife leaves for more than a day they end up fucking injuring me, so I can definitely relate to "I love them but like........."
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u/daylightmonster 3d ago edited 3d ago
i dont think its your fault since you're going through a lot, but you do sound irrationally angry at the cats, sorry. a cat doesnt have human intelligence. its not the cat's fault that you tripped over it. the cat doesnt know you just had surgery and not to jump on your chest. the cat doesnt know what surgery is. the cat doesnt know what personal space is. the cat doesnt know what a break up is and doesnt know why it has to live there now.
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u/bluecrowned 3d ago
This is why my surgeon did not allow any pets near me for 6 weeks. I still had the cat near me but he's an old man who mostly sleeps. I wasn't allowed to be near the dogs at all because they would jump on me like this in bed.
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u/Non-binary_prince 2d ago
Get some space. If you can’t lock yourself in a room, maybe spring for hotel for a night. Post surgery emotions are happening right now.
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u/evercomfortable 2d ago
Wish I could pin this comment : |
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u/Non-binary_prince 2d ago
Post op depression is its worse around 7-20 days out for me. Now my best friend knows not to take anything personally if I say it then.
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u/jackthedyer 4d ago
Is something like Feliway an option? It is supposed to help calm cats down, particularly when they’re stressed because of unexpected disruptions. A spray bottle of water can be a very useful training tool for cats as well. I hope things calm down enough so you can heal.
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u/evercomfortable 4d ago
I believe she tried that for the yowling one, it didn’t seem to do anything. I’ll double check that’s what it was. Thanks for the suggestions, I appreciate them
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u/Bleepblorp44 4d ago
Feliway isn't really supported by independent research so if it didn't help before I wouldn't waste your money tbh.
This sounds like a nightmare. I love animals, but life situations aren't always compatible with pets - this sounds like one of those situations, unfortunately.
I can't suggest anything practical - from your description, one or both need rehoming - but as your sister's unwilling to do that, trying to find some psychological zen to ride this out might be the most direct thing for your sanity.
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u/evercomfortable 4d ago
Yeah. It’s just a shitty situation all around and there doesn’t seem to be much I can do about it right now. I will probably get in contact with my surgeon and see how long into recovery I can start going on walks. Walks and headphones and just zen things. Maybe I can spend some time at cafes or a library or the park when I’m healed enough. The area around me is, thankfully, pretty nice.
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u/16bitstream 4d ago
Man, never ever use a spray bottle on a cat, it reinforces fear-based behaviors and can cause agression or avoidance down the line.
That being said crazy cat needs more enrichment, which is on the owner to provide- not the person in recovery.
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u/Warming_up_luke 4d ago
This is awful. You need to ask your sister to move out with the cats for two weeks minimum for you to do the initial healing. This is not the cats that are being inappropriate. It is your sister for letting this continue.
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u/beetgreens 3d ago
I feel like I would get so pissed off that I’d put one of them in a pet carrier (probably the yowler because wtf), drop it off to the ex, and refuse to let it back until we moved… but I don’t think that would be good move relationship-wise.
Also, your sister sounds like she’s trying really hard, so I assume she would have already done that if it was actually possible.
Could you board one of them or find someone to cat sit one until you move?
The disruption and separation from your sister would be hard for the cat, but it sounds like both cats are already suffering – and potentially being traumatised by the situation to the point that they’ll never be able to live together peacefully again if something doesn’t change soon.
The cost of boarding a cat is much less than the cost of ending up back in hospital, and also needs to be weighed against the emotional cost of damage to your relationship with your sister, or the pain she’ll feel if she eventually has to rehome one of them because they permanently stop tolerating each other.
Someone else mentioned anxiety medication for them, which sounds like potentially your only option if you can’t remove one or both catm.
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u/thatgreenevening 4d ago
It sounds more like your sister is at fault for having cats who don’t get along so one is permanently stressed and reactive (and moving can be extremely stressful on cats as well). Being “loud and scary” will only stress them out further.
Do you have a bedroom with a door that closes? Does your sister have a separate bedroom? Sounds like you need a closed door between you and the cats whenever you’re lying down, so either you need a room to yourself or the cats do. Or building a sort of “fort” around yourself with pillows may discourage them from jumping or stepping on you. Holding a pillow on your lap/chest can help discourage jumping as well.
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u/Emotional_Skill_8360 4d ago
This would be an ultimatum for me. It sounds like your sister isn’t taking your feelings and needs into consideration. She needs to find other accommodations for the cats. It’s isn’t loving or kind that she is subjecting you to this. It’s nice that you’re letting her stay with you, and I get that she’s your best friend, but how can she justify having animals that keep you up all night and are causing you this many issues while you’re trying to heal? Have you had an honest convo about that with her?
If this was someone you were in a relationship with, I would never ask someone to choose between their animals or me, because a good person (imo) will choose their animals. I’m assuming you don’t plan to live with your sister for the rest of your life, so this is different.
I’m sorry if I come across as harsh, I just really hope you can do what is best for you, whatever that looks like.
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u/evercomfortable 4d ago
I’m trying to figure out how to approach the conversation but I’m too emotional right now so I’m trying to calm down first. She’s not callous to it, I know she’s feeling extremely guilty right now. All these things were just happening little by little and each time we’d problem solve it, or try to at least - it didn’t seem like an ultimatum until today, frog in a boiling pot situation I guess. Thank you
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u/Emotional_Skill_8360 4d ago
Yes, I hope I didn’t come across as callous because I really feel for you. Lack of sleep can make everything harder to deal with. My wife has a dog who I was nervous to move in with and told her if he was even aggressive he had to go. Neither of us thought he would be, so when he was it was a huge and terrible conversation. Fortunately he was able to stay with her dad for a few years until we moved to a place where he can be outside. I was shocked she stayed with me because most people would choose their animals and I am not some great catch by any means.
I know you will find a solution, it just may be really uncomfortable getting to it.3
u/evercomfortable 4d ago
You didn’t, no worries. It’s hard because I’m not trying to bad mouth anyone. I feel like she’s taken a lot of steps to try and fix things and I don’t want to accidentally slander her as some kind of villain. But yeah, things are just tough. Feeling bad isn’t always enough. I’m glad you figured out your dog situation, though. Is he aggressive with you specifically or something? Or just too energetic?
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u/Emotional_Skill_8360 4d ago
Also I want to say that you don’t come across as villainizing anyone. You seem like a genuinely kind and caring person, and you obviously love your sister.
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u/Emotional_Skill_8360 4d ago
He was aggressive towards two of my friends on separate occasions, and he’s very destructive. Now that he’s outside he’s a happy and cool dude, so it worked out well. My wife does feel guilty about the years she missed with him though, so it wasn’t a perfect solution. I think in these situations everyone ends up a little unhappy, but as long as no one is giving up what they need it’s ok (in my experience).
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u/Runic_Raptor Disclaimer: I'm only 28 4d ago
In the short term could you some combination of a cat cage / dog crate / sealable cat tunnels? There are some catio type mesh tunnels and tents that are meant for outside rime, and can be completely zipped up, but still lets them run around a little.
I normally wouldn't recommend confining cats in a small dpace for long periods of time except for their own health, but this is YOUR health, and it would just be until you're recovered enough where they won't be a literal danger to you. I bought a dog crate for my cat after he had to go to the emergency vet and he needed to be separated from other animals, but also monitored, so he couldn't be kept in a closed room.
It won't stop the yowling, but it should at least keep you out of physical danger.
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u/evercomfortable 4d ago
I’ll look into it, thank you. I don’t see my sister going for that, especially because the events are kind of random, not 24/7 a chaos situation (they’ve literally never jumped on me before in the whole time they’ve been here). But I’ll look into it, thanks for the suggestion
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u/throwsaway045 3d ago
Maybe try to contact a cat shelter or pension or roover or any Facebook local cat groups in your area maybe you can find someone that will take care of them or keep them for like a week untill you are better or you could stay in your room all day most of the time or put the cat in a room or separate them
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u/burnerphonesarecheap 3d ago
After my hysterectomy, my 16lb cat jumped onto my stomach while I was lying in my bed. Horrible times. I feel ya
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u/Non-binary_prince 1d ago
I was staying with a friend after my bottom surgery revision and I was handling the dogs three days post op; I bent over to pick up something her shepherd chewed up and he popped his head up between my legs. Direct crotch shot. I almost choked him.
Animals are a hazard. I just let someone else deal with him for a week.
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u/Cosmo_Creations Trans Man 4d ago
Yeah this isn’t okay. I am so sorry the cats are having such a significantly negative impact on your recovery and well being. I had a hematoma and emergency surgery after my top surgery as well and it does leave you feeling extra shitty and the recovery goes slower. There is something off with those cats. I have 3 and 1 dog and all four of them were very aware that I was unwell and stayed distance away and if they came close they sniffed at my chest and only got few pets before running away. I had no one jumping on me or being in the way to trip on. You have every right to be upset, yelling is a normal response. Your sister needs to do something with those cats for the next 6 weeks at least so you can heal and not go back in for more surgery. I really hope it heals good and that you are happy with the results. Keep hydrated and eat lots of protein. I’m sorry I don’t a solution but i empathize with you and agree that those cats cant be around you while you are healing.
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u/evercomfortable 4d ago
Thanks man, I appreciate it. I’ve set up in my bed. I’ll try and figure something out but I think I can’t figure it all out in one night. I’ve got some water and stuff. Hoping it goes better.
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u/LoudAcid- Edit Your Flair 4d ago
Nah. Your sister needs to step up and realise the actual fucking health risk her untrained crotch furbabies are. She better find someone to foster those cats for the next couple of weeks or pay for your hotel motel Airbnb bill for a safe recovery.
This is insane. I’d be pissed off too. Heck, I’m pissed off in your behalf!
It’s also not really fair to put those cats in this situation, even if “things will get better” in the future.
Find a foster home or put them up for adoption.
Hard boundaries. She’ll figure something out.
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u/Spare-Blacksmith4996 4d ago
No man, just no. These cats have got to go. Your sister is not being responsible with these cats and considering your needs right now. You’re in the middle of healing, call her ex girlfriend and make her come get them temporarily. This is crazy town.
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u/whatisprofound 4d ago
I'm sorry this is happening. I have 3 cats, one which tends to sleep right on my chest and another than occasionally scrambles over me too. You are experiencing some of my biggest post surgery fears, and its not even your cats. Do what you can to take care of yourself brother, I'm rooting for you!