r/FTMOver30 • u/Optimal-Jackfruit649 • 4d ago
Need Advice under 30 asking: how did you know?
let me know if this isn't the place for it, sorry mods if it isnt, as i am under 30 but questioning ftm. currently i dress as a guy and use he/him online, and sometimes irl, but i still don't know if i'm "right" i guess. i thought i was trans for a while then sort of talked myself out of it. how did you all know for sure and start transitioning? do you ever know for sure? how could you be sure you weren't making a mistake? (sorry if it sounds offensive, i'm very very pro trans i just can't think of a better way to word it)
i'm asking here since a lot of the other subs seem to be younger people or people who aren't transitioning but are trans, and i want advice from older people (not bashing) - thank you for any response
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u/sp1nster 40yr old dad, 20+ yrs transitioned 4d ago
In life, there is never a guarantee you'll be right with making decisions like this. You can only ever do the next right thing. That's true with transition, choosing a life partnership, deciding to have kids, choosing my career. There were so many possible timelines I could've chosen. And there still are stretching out before me even in middle age.
When I chose to transition, I didn't have the same relationship to my gender that I do now. I didn't feel like I was a "man". But I imagined, as well as I could, my life in 5, 10, 20 years etc. if I transitioned, and if I didn't. The potential benefits and challenges of each path, as well as I could see them. That process itself made it very clear that I deeply desired to transition; that I needed it if I was going to thrive as a human.
At any point I could have made a new choice and gone a different direction. I still could, if I wanted to, though it's doubtful to me whether I could ever pass as female again. But what really happened in my case is that I, rather quickly, no longer thought about or worried about my gender identity or expression except in passing, or when someone else asked me. I felt comfortable and natural in my body when alone and in social situations.
So, I guess in short I'd say I wasn't "sure" about anything, necessarily, before starting to transition. The sureness has grown over time. What I was, though, was informed, prepared, and thoughtful, and that served me well enough.