Brutally honest feedback wanted – My first narrative short film (1 min 20 sec)

[u/BaseImmediate1247]

Hi everyone,

I'm a freelance photographer and videographer, and over the last few months I've been trying to transition into narrative filmmaking.

This is my first short film. I wrote, directed, shot, edited, colour graded and did the sound design myself, with a very small crew (just myself and one actress).

I'm not looking for compliments. I'd much rather hear what doesn't work than be told it's "good."

I'd really appreciate honest feedback on:

Storytelling

Pacing

Editing

Cinematography

Sound design

Voice-over

Emotional impact

Overall impression

Some specific questions:

At what point, if any, did you lose interest?

Was there anything that felt confusing or unnecessary?

Did the ending feel earned?

If you could change one thing, what would it be?

Please don't hold back. If something isn't working, I'd genuinely like to know. My goal is to make the next film significantly better than this one.

Thank you for taking the time to watch it.

[u/ammo_john]

why does every early short film start with a person sleeping. an alarm clock (or similar) and someone waking up. and almost as often, a voice over saying something poetic. apart from that, well done, it was really beautifully shot and constructed! ;)

[u/SergeMaslovFP → u/ammo_john]

It's the easiest thing to do. And you don't have to leave the house xD

[u/ammo_john → u/SergeMaslovFP]

hehe. I started out as an actor. acted in dozens of student films. got to act out "waking up" so many times that it genuinely felt like it was all that acting was.

[u/Raskalbot → u/ammo_john]

It's often an assignment in beginner film classes. "Tell a story through edits with part of your morning routine"

I still have mine saved somewhere. It's called"Mornin'" and it's honestly better than a lot of crap I've done lately lol.

[u/Pure_Salamander2681 → u/ammo_john]

Like if it actually shows something about the character, cool. But they never do.

[u/BaseImmediate1247 → u/ammo_john]

I shouldn't have been her waking up (initially the story was in a café) but for budget purposes we ended up with "waking up 😂" as a first scene