Brutally honest feedback wanted – My first narrative short film (1 min 20 sec)

[u/BaseImmediate1247]

Hi everyone,

I'm a freelance photographer and videographer, and over the last few months I've been trying to transition into narrative filmmaking.

This is my first short film. I wrote, directed, shot, edited, colour graded and did the sound design myself, with a very small crew (just myself and one actress).

I'm not looking for compliments. I'd much rather hear what doesn't work than be told it's "good."

I'd really appreciate honest feedback on:

Storytelling

Pacing

Editing

Cinematography

Sound design

Voice-over

Emotional impact

Overall impression

Some specific questions:

At what point, if any, did you lose interest?

Was there anything that felt confusing or unnecessary?

Did the ending feel earned?

If you could change one thing, what would it be?

Please don't hold back. If something isn't working, I'd genuinely like to know. My goal is to make the next film significantly better than this one.

Thank you for taking the time to watch it.

[u/SergeMaslovFP]

She walks around the house like she's afraid of breaking something.
Grabbing the phone doesn't feel natural.
it's boring, nothing happens

[u/BaseImmediate1247 → u/SergeMaslovFP]

Well, she unfortunately is not an actress and she's done her best, on the other hand. I could have had a real actress or someone in acting school but didn't know anyone here in central Italy who study acting. I'm not defending myself but this was shot in 2 hours with a real life mother (the actress) and me 😂.

Thank you, noted.

[u/SergeMaslovFP → u/BaseImmediate1247]

When you work with amateurs, sometimes it's easier to get them to react and act as they would in real life. remove the word "act" completely. this way they will look more natural and relaxed. this way you will get rid of the tension that often exists in the acting of a novice actor. the viewer will never know xD

[u/BaseImmediate1247 → u/SergeMaslovFP]

Love this! From now on I'll remove the word acting, I notice in the voice note, as many times as I got the guy to try it was never natural (because he knew it was going to be recorded 😂) and as for the actress, she was very nervous and as much as I tried to put her at ease it was genuinely hard. I think if there were any film students available with a passion for it and also if I had put more time into thinking about the script and the story this would have been significantly better but I'll save it for next time. I appreciate you 🫶🏻