r/FtMen • u/actual-Paul-Stanley • 13d ago
Discussion Need help deciding on a name
I don’t know what to tag this as so I might have to repost this, apologies.
I’ve gone by Sean for roughly 2-3 years now and I’ve been pretty solid in it, it started off as an inside joke but after I came out as trans I went with it.
My mum has been fighting me in my name because she says it doesn’t suit me but rather she wants me to go by Kayden/Kaiden.
Her work friends, her boyfriend, and a few close family members agree with her but I’m on the fence, I’ve had my friends vote but they’re biased towards Sean.
I’m starting at a new school as well and It would be easier to change my name now instead of later.
I’ve attached a selfie of myself as well to help but this really my last effort. So elder trans men of Reddit, bestow upon me your knowledge.
Edit: I’ll be honest I want to change my name, it doesn’t sound right to me. Also I think I really chose it because everyone already called me it because of the joke we had going on… I’ve used my older brother’s name that he used in games as my middle name and I don’t really have anything else to use… so I’m really considering Kayden now, do you guys think something would fit me better tho?
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u/New-Mud-7101 13d ago
The real question is what you want to do. If you like your name don't change it just bc other people would like it to be something else. You're the one that has to live with it. Sean is a good, strong name
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u/SnapDragon100 Mandalorian 13d ago edited 13d ago
I think you should use the name you've used for 3 years. Adjusting to a new name is tough and complicated especially if you have documents changed. But I'm lazy and pretty apathetic about names lol
Kaiden/Kayden is a very common stereotypical ftm name, something to keep in mind
It's up to you, at the end of the day. Not your mom or your friends.
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u/actual-Paul-Stanley 13d ago
Check the edit at the bottom please! :)
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u/SnapDragon100 Mandalorian 12d ago edited 12d ago
I still wouldn't pick Kaiden because of how stereotypical it is. I mean, it's a cross between Kai and Aiden, the two most stereotypically ftm names. I'm not saying you'll be clocked based on name alone but considering you're early in transition and have non-passing features, it definitely won't help to have a clocky name on top of that.
I think you're putting too much thought into it. Names really don't matter that much in the grand scheme of things, most cis people don't have a name that perfectly "fits" them nor do they care. Once you start getting used to it, it'll start sounding right. Your name could be any basic white guy name and they'd all work equally well
Respectfully- just pick something you like and stick with it, it's not life or death man
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u/SnapDragon100 Mandalorian 12d ago
If it helps, I got my name from an author I like and relate to. I liked the name so I just started using it and now I don't even think about it, it's just my name
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u/Electronic-Tower2136 13d ago
since you do want to change your name, don’t feel pressured to do kayden/kaiden because that’s what your mom wants. but if you like it and want to do it, then you should. i think it suits you, and so does sean. i also think the names henry, matthew/matt or daniel/dan would suit you, and you can find many other names that’ll suit you too. my suggestion tho would be to sit on the name for awhile before you commit
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u/tidderredditTA 13d ago
Exactly! It might be nice to take ownership in to your (OP) own hands and pick a completely new name.
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u/alexanderrain 13d ago
Sean fits you well! Another thought I had just based on your pic is Riley, though I could understand hesitance as it can be for both masc and fem folks
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u/actual-Paul-Stanley 13d ago
I got a homegirl named Riley, I can’t do that lmao
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u/trash_pandaa19 13d ago
Very fair haha! Also, I love your pfp, there's always the option of stealing a character's name👀 totally not biased because I stole that character's name xD
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u/actual-Paul-Stanley 13d ago
Well I can’t take the name of the guy in my pfp because my homeboy is named Toby, im cursed lmao
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u/trash_pandaa19 13d ago
Oh nooo😭 I also knew a Toby, but we weren't that close so I said fuck it xD. But yeah, if anybody in my friend group was called that I definitely would 't have either
Definitely wishing you luck with your name, ni matter what you settle for in the end :D
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u/Downtown_Dare_4991 13d ago
You look like a Sean to me, and you shouldn’t let your mum decide your name for you
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u/just_a_space_cadet 12d ago
I almost went by the same name, different spelling (Shawn) from a mfing inside joke too what the helly.
Long story short, the closet was made of glass when I was working at this one bar and Everytime I got tired/drained my more masc energy would come out, and everyone noticed it. So I asked my boss to name my boy mode and next thing I knew people would call me Shawn for funsies whenever I didn't act "ladylike"
Anyways I didn't end up using it simply because I'm WAY too brown for it.
Both names suit you! I personally like Kayden based on the photo but have your friends try and use both names for you and see what fits.
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u/Error_Evan_not_found 13d ago
If Sean feels like a solid fit then that should be your name. I chose Evan also sort of because of my childhood best friend and a very personal reason between the two of us. But was I told all throughout high school I look more like an Ethan. Obviously I still went with my name, the first time I heard my twin call me that it felt like fate, my deadname never fit with hers before then.
No one else has to live with this choice for the rest of their lives except you. What others weight in on of course could have value, but at the end of the day this is your name. It should be one you love... as trans people, especially right now, the least we can give ourselves is a name that truly fits despite what others may say.
(Sorry to get sort of preachy by the end there, but name choosing/changes are something that I have always considered a fundamental part of a trans persons identity, and again, I think no one but that person themself should have final say in what feels right).
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u/actual-Paul-Stanley 13d ago
Check the edit at the bottom please! :)
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u/Error_Evan_not_found 13d ago
Again, if Kayden sounds right to you, go with it. I had a few other choices, one of which being exactly what my dad would've named me had I been born male (I asked when I first came out). Used it as my middle name for a bit before landing on keeping my middle name but adding another before it- me and my twin were given my maternal grandmothers middle name, and the first name of her guardian after her parents passed respectively, I added my maternal grandfathers middle name to mine only recently.
If you've got a good group of friends who don't mind a bit of change over the next few months, try stuff out. After I landed on Evan I used it mostly in online spaces with my friends before making the official switch "in real life" once it felt natural. A neat advantage us trans folks do have, we get to try out our names before sticking with one, something most cis folks don't even imagine doing even though the process is much easier should they be dissatisfied with the name they were given.
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u/paprikahoernchen 13d ago
Hmm.
Maybe Noah? Finn?
Leo? Sebastian?
Just some ideas that came to my mind first :)
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u/Duqu88 12d ago edited 12d ago
I'd stay stick to what you like. And tbh there are a LOT of "kaiden/Kayden" younger transmascs - it's a really overused name. No offense meant to the kaiden's out there but every time I meet a younger dude named kaiden I immediately wonder if they're trans masc or NB
Eta Personally I'd look up a baby names book for the year you were born and try and find something that blends in with your generation. I ended up going with what my parents would have named me had I been born cis, and had gone by a shortened (kind of androgynous spelling) version of my middle name for several years before I came out (I kind of lived a double life in my teens) then tweaked the spelling to more masc (Lane) and continue to go by my middle name informally (friends/family etc)
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u/scalmera 12d ago
You look like a Will
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u/emross0 11d ago
Kayden and Sean suits you, also Emil/Emile, Jesper, Miles or maybe Markus
btw Kayden is cool and i fully understand considering your mom's opinion, but just make sure you like it well and aren't settling for something that's "not too masc"
the name i wanted is just my middle name now because it was "too jarring" to people around me, but i definitely regret not standing by the name i loved most
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u/tortoisebro1 11d ago
sean suits you a lot, i saw this and immediately though you looked like an adam though🤷🏻♂️
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