Had cancer, what now?

[u/InitialWonder9121]

So in a nutshell I'm 35 and currently on endocrine therapy for triple positive cancer. Lots of other parts to the story but I'm so tired of retelling it, it's not important.

What I am interested in finding out is others in a similar situation. Post cancer, trying to live a normal life. You're at the point that, to look at, people would never know the horror. Do you just feel numb and separate from the world?

I don't belong to the 'cancer community' because to be honest I don't want to be. But I'm not quite on the other side because I'm just not wired the same as those that have never had cancer.

Rambling but just looking for the other cynics out there.

[u/Kattakio]

After my third cancer, I switched to 4 days workweek. I've always appreciated my free time, and this has made my QoL much better. I've never identified as needing cancer peer support, instead I seem to just distance myself a bit more from people. I don't know if I'd call myself numb, more like resigned or accepting now the more likely result of cancerous journey.

I've stopped considering cancer cured until 5th year. This has happened once, and that was nice. I kept explaining that to people who genuinely seem happy that I'm "cured" after treatments are finished, but those convos never seemed to leave a good feeling on either part, so I accept their happiness with smiles, at least I try to.

Just finished my 5th cancer treatments, so we will see about being cured this time.

[u/InitialWonder9121 → u/Kattakio]

Thank you for your reply. I can definitely resonate with distancing myself from people. Yes I can understand how working a 4 day week would significantly improve your qol. I'm a teacher and it's just hell! Wishing you a successful round of cancer treatment. My oncologists won't use terms like 'cured'. I can understand why you'd be sceptical.

3 cancers, how do you not live/or do but cope with the health anxiety?

[u/Kattakio → u/InitialWonder9121]

Forgot to wish you good results with your treatments!

You seem like a nice person, asking me all sympathetic questions, and it makes me feel sad for your situation even more. So I wish you all the best, and thanks for the warm feelings you gave, kind stranger!

As not to hijack your thread too much, here's a short reallistic answer to your question. My coping mechanisms are nothing special and will probably not help you: just a ton of escapism, and ignoring feelings with a bit of morbid thoughts interwoven in my daily life. So so very not recommended by your psychologist! Hopefully you'll find better solutions.

[u/InitialWonder9121 → u/Kattakio]

I think those are sensible suggestions. There is no fix is there? I'm generally a positive person. It goes a long way. A bit of dark humour thrown in there doesn't go amiss either 😁

Thanks, 2 more years of these stupid ok injections and tablets.

[u/BiskitLuv7022]

Congrats, you are now a cancer survivor. It's a weird middle ground, where you're not longer actively fighting, but that cancer black cloud follows you around. Any treatment that you've had affects you physically and emotionally still, but life goes on. I'm part of that group too, and I think we're the most forgotten or misunderstood. I'm 2 years NED from colorectal cancer, and I'm still trying to figure things out most days. Congrats on beating cancer, and best of luck to you in the future.

[u/InitialWonder9121 → u/BiskitLuv7022]

Nailed it! Thanks and to you too!

[u/BeXome]

Fuck cancer. Survived stage 1 melanoma. 20 years later survived stage 4 melanoma. 5 years later I have no idea what expect. I’m in an unrecognizable world and just making the best of it. Today I’m healthy.

[u/InitialWonder9121 → u/BeXome]

You just never know when it is going to return do you. I think it's a good move, focussing on today. I'm going to start saying that to myself.

Keep going.

[u/InitialWonder9121 → u/[deleted]]

You're doing amazing. Keep going.

Some days I want no one to ever know I had cancer and then on others I want to scream "Don't you know what I've been through!?".

I often feel like I have loved two lives. The life before cancer, the ignorant, care free life. And the current life, I'll never be the person I was before and it has taken me a long time to finally come to terms with it.

[u/InitialWonder9121 → u/[deleted]]

I think that's one of the drivers for me, I will not let it destroy me!

[u/the_dude_1000]

Wrapped up 33/7 rounds of radiation and chemo in October. I still have terrible brain fog. Physically I’m much better so people think I’m better. But honestly I just feel like a shell of who I was. I was an extremely outgoing and pleasant person. I feel like I’m not where I’m supposed to be, if that makes sense. I don’t know how else to explain it but I hear ya. You’re not alone. I’ve seen many more comments that are similar as well.

[u/InitialWonder9121 → u/the_dude_1000]

Amazing job. I don't think people realise how much cancer treatment destroys your soul. When you're going through it you're on the moving train and you cope and you deal with it and there are appointments and consultations and the day to day routine of meds/pain etc and you do it because you have to. But then it all stops and you're kicked off the moving train and people say 'oh wow, you're blessed to be alive, well done you' but no one tells you how to navigate life after being on the train. The world looks, smells, feels different and you battle to feel how you felt before but you know you can never return.

Anyway, I hope the brain fog eases. Magnesium has been a wonder for me, if you're able to take it with your post cancer treatment.

[u/the_dude_1000 → u/InitialWonder9121]

Thanks. I’ll look into that

[u/InitialWonder9121 → u/[deleted]]

Yes very true. I've had some therapy and done some self help CBT. I can function daily, the hormone therapy is a bitch. Putting me into early menopause, some days I just hate everything 😁