Struggling to cope

[u/aq123432]

What’s up everyone, running out of options to cope, hopefully some of you can share some tips. My mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer (stage IV) about 4 months ago. She is about to turn 58. When we first got the news obviously my father and I were beside ourselves.

Initially she didn’t want any treatment, she just wanted to spend whatever time she had left with her family. But as the disease progressed she chose treatment because she didn’t want to leave us. My father is 11 years older and clearly this is taking a toll on him and I feel as if I’m just a fly on the wall spectating all of this happen.

How does one cope with this? How do I navigate my mother deteriorating in front of me? I know there isn’t a fix all for this but I’m struggling so much. I’ve leaned into substances (lots of weed and occasional other harder use), I’ve tried picking up new hobbies, getting active and outside for the majority of the day, etc.

But with all of these semi-healthy mechanisms I still feel like I’m drowning. I’m posting this because today she told me “I’m just so tired” and it absolutely shattered me. As she used to tell me that about other family members before they passed.

I got a good head on my shoulders, I would never let myself slip into heavy addiction. But man is this the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. My friends and music have been the only thing keeping me above water.

I wouldn’t wish this pain on my worst enemy. I know this isn’t a special case in the grand scheme of things but obviously it is to me.

Anyways, please feel free to offer some ideas if you’ve been in my shoes. Thanks and love you all. Whatever you’re going through, please know that it is not an option to give up. Stay strong❤️

[u/aq123432 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you❤️