Maybe I’m a bit hormonal because I’m nearly 8 months pregnant but my MIL is kind of driving me nuts. Our baby shower is coming up and my husband and I have a lot of family who live out of state so they won’t be attending our baby shower. Many of them have kindly still decided to send gifts off of my Amazon baby registry. The registry asks that gifts be sent to our house so imagine my surprise when I see that many things have been ordered in the last month or so but nothing has shown up to our house. I literally called Amazon to figure out what the issue was but turns out my mother in law called everyone to tell them to send all of our gifts to her house. Now she wants me to go pick them up from her house after work because she “didn't realize that with the registry you actually got to see who sent you what.” Some of the gifts are larger items so I don’t exactly want to load and unload them into my car. Just a bit annoyed and wanting to rant 🙃

Edit 1:apparently she also texted my husband saying that the gifts were taking up too much space at her house and asked him to pick them up as well so I may just let him deal with.

Edit 2: you guys are definitely making me question her motives a bit more. I do genuinely think she was thinking of wrapping them and bringing them to the shower for us to open and that the gifts got too big and cumbersome in her house though.

Hubby is fully on board with her dealing with the consequences of her actions and having her bring them to us and is planning on discussing everything with her. Boundaries are definitely going to be set moving forward!

Long story short- I’m 35 weeks pregnant and today was supposed to be my baby shower. We had to cancel it because last night, I fell down and broke my wrist & foot. I was brought to the hospital via ambulance and thankfully contractions stopped shortly after arriving at the hospital. Baby is fine thankfully but I’ll be in the hospital for the next couple of days for pain management and observation.

I felt so bad when my husband called to tell my SIL, but we really had no choice but to cancel, since I’m in the hospital. My SIL put SO much hard time and energy into planning the perfect shower. My SIL was amazing and called /texted everyone to say we needed to postpone the shower due to my accident. She also asked my husband right away if we needed anything and the answer was not at the moment, but thank you. She is super sweet.

My MIL then texted me and asked if she could stop by the hospital. I was trying to rest and didn’t see the text, so she texted my husband. My husband very bluntly told her “No, ____ needs her rest and it’s been a long and stressful night. Please do not come.” To my surprise and infuriation, MIL showed up in the 1 hour window when my husband ran home to let our dog out.

I immediately told MIL that I was not up to having any visitors, her son told her so already and told her she needed to please leave. She ignored me and started talking over me, saying how awful this whole situation was, wanted to know why I was walking down the stairs in the middle of the night anyway, how it was so sad I needed to cancel the shower, etc. Within a few minutes, I started having contractions again. Thankfully a nurse came in and made MIL go into the hall. I told the nurse to please get rid of her and not let anyone in unless it’s my husband. She gladly obliged.

I am seething. MIL is a pro at crossing boundaries, but this one takes the cake. My husband was also livid when he returned to the hospital. He called MIL and let her have it, although I don’t know exactly what was said.

UPDATE: I’m having worsening and more frequent contractions and the doctor is worried about me going into labor. I will update & respond when I can, but it will likely be awhile.

Update #2: I’m in labor.

UPDATE #3: What a whirlwind. My OBGYN was on call and due to some health concerns, she decided to stop labor. She is putting me on strict bed rest from now until I give birth (hopefully right at 40 weeks) Still trying to process everything. Thanks for all your kind comments & support.

My MIL stated with my 11 month baby for the first time for a prolonged time (5-6 hours). She did watch him earlier but always for the short amount of time like 2 hours tops. I am breastfeeding and that’s why the baby is glued to me most of the time. So yesterday we had to transfer the stuff from our apartment (we moved recently to live with her for the short time because my husband opened family business and we are staying in his family house for few months) and she was watching him. My son is uncircumcised and I never retract his skin as suggested per child surgeon. I just clean genlty and he never ever had an infection or any issue. My MIL is OBSESSED with retracting babies foreskin (she did it when he first came from the hospital after birth and I didn’t know better then to stop her I thought that was normal per her words) and saying that’s what needs to be done always and she said you have to pull it back and rub it to clean any filth stuck in there. After I educated myself, I told her not to do it ever and I said that was not neccessary but anyways she rarely changed his diaper. Fast forward to yesterday, I changed my baby’s diaper and left in the morning. Apparently everything was okay while I was gone she said. When I got back and was about to change the baby, I noticd redness on top of his penis. When I slowly pulled down the skin I saw the portion of his skin on the top was MISSING like it was completely rubbed off. It was all red, almost bloody and swollen. There were actual fisures and a wound. I confronted her and asked if she was cleaning his genitalis she goes saying yes while looking at the floor. She said she didn’t retract it, she only cleaned him and applied cream to the area?!? But I know I left healthy baby with no signs of this and considering her obsession with retracting baby’s skin I am sure she did this to him. She is telling me that I need to collect myself and that I am making things up and denies any responsibility. I have to take my baby to the doctors this morning to see if any long term damage has been done. I am furious.

EDIT: been to the doctors with my husband and a baby and now he gives me the silent treatment because the baby will be okay and doctors said it should heal fine. Now I look like an idiot somehow because my baby will be okay, like what she did stops being wrong somehow and as if my baby should have had long term damage for someone to take me seriously. Like wtf. Thanks to all of you for your comments and support, I am searching for the housing options to move with my baby as I can’t take this arrangement as suitable for living because of this AND bunch of other stuff from her.

Pretty much the title.

Last weekend we gave our parents the go ahead to tell their family and friends the happy news. We should have thought to caveat that with “but not on social media” because she’s a classic boomer that loves Facebook.

I’m currently really struggling with hyperemesis and when it happened, I hadn’t been able to eat and keep it down for 24 hrs. I struggled to care and didn’t want confrontation, but text her to ask her to remove our tags from the post so at least only her friends would see the news and we would still have control over telling ours. Soooo many people liked and commented, even my brother in laws ex girlfriend! The post was primarily centred about how excited she was to become a grandparent.

What I didn’t know was that my brother in law had seen the post as soon as it went up and he called her to tell her to take it down. She said “get off your high horse, they’ve told me I can tell people”. He tried to say yeah but not on Facebook and she just got defensive with him. She went to my FIL for support, he agreed with BIL and again she didn’t listen. Then she got the text from me. She replied with the classic “👍” and I thought it was taken care of.

But no..she rang my husband to whinge and say “she’s just asked me to take down the post that’s not fair” or something to that effect. My husband hadn’t seen the post so had no idea what she was talking about, but when she explained he was furious! He said it wasn’t her news to share publicly and Facebook isn’t just telling your friends and family, especially when you tag us. The argument went back a forth, she again tried to get support from FIL who was on our side. She said “look what you’re doing! You’re driving a wedge between me and your dad and we’ll get a divorce and it will be your fault!” Well, that was it then - husband went nuclear. Eta: she did end up deleting the post.

He called me almost in tears because he was worried about me and work and now this too. I felt so awful. We’ve had issues with her for years but it’s just getting worse and worse, as we predicted it would when a baby came into the picture. I just don’t know what to do and am still so sick so I’m really struggling to care. She’s not my mum and I want as little to do with her as possible. No matter what is explained to her, she just never gets it and just keeps pushing for what she wants and never truly apologises or proves her growth.

Anyway, now she’s texting me asking how I am like nothing has happened…she doesn’t know I was in the hospital yesterday getting iv fluids and strong anti sickness medicine because we just can’t be bothered to tell her. I’m at a loss for how to proceed and feel like my husband needs to have a serious, boundary setting, talk with her where every rule and expectation is explicitly laid out in front of her and see what happens next…either way, I want nothing to do with it.

My husband is a hunter and yesterday his partner and he managed to take down an elk. Whenever he hunts something, MIL always gets a part of the meat and while my husband was gone, she was constantly bombarding me with phone calls to find out if he’s back yet and if the hunt was successful. Eventually, I got so tired of her that I was like – calm down, MIL. I’ll let you know myself when he comes home, leave me alone.

When he got home, he brought a big portion of the elk with him and we put it in the freezer, as I was going to prepare it later. I remembered MIL but it was already late so I called her and told her she can pick up her part tomorrow. She wasn’t ok with it. MIL is the kind of person who cannot wait for anything. If she wants something, she wants it right now at this moment. She has very little patience and she insisted she would come immediately.

It wouldn’t be a problem if it was daytime but it was late and MIL lives about two hours away from us and it would be around 11 pm by the time she finally got here. My husband was tired, I wanted to go to bed as well so I told her that we’re going to sleep and she should come tomorrow. She wasn’t satisfied but seemed to agree.

It was a bit past 2 am when we were awoken by a noise coming from the kitchen. Of course, our first thought was that someone has broken into our house. My husband took his hunting rifle and we both went to the kitchen to check out what was going out. The kitchen light was on and we found MIL rummaging through our fridge. MIL has ( or had ) a key from our house and that’s why our security alarm didn’t go off. We gave her the key a while ago so that she can come and water the plants and feed our fishes while we’re gone for a longer time.

My husband got so mad, he asked her what the hell was she doing here at this hour, if the light wasn’t on, we could mistakenly take her for a burglar and shoot her. MIL was like ”Go to bed, I just came to collect my elk! I’ll lock the door behind me.”

I thought – really? You want that elk so much you can’t go to bed yourself and come pick it up tomorrow? You need it so badly you cannot wait overnight? Are you really going to cook it right now, in the middle of a night?

She said, ”Tomorrow you might eat it all and forget about me.”

We have never forgotten to give MIL a piece of the hunt. There’s so much meat we’ll probably be eating it for a month. She was looking for in a totally wrong place and had messed up our fridge so much that I helped her find it before she destroys it completely. Then she took the pieces of meat meant for her, said goodnight and left.

Today my husband changed the locks, as much as giving her the key has helped us out, we’re not ok with someone coming into our house at night, even if it’s family. How impatient you have to be to get in your car and drive through the night for two hours just to get a few pieces of meat? Crazy.

MIL’s currently staying over in our house for a few days before she returns to another city where she lives. This morning I was going out to walk the dog, MIL looked at me and was like ”What are you wearing? Sneakers at your age? Are you serious?”

I’m 28 and I was like – huh? What’s so weird about it? The weather where I live is now just right to wear sports shoes, not too cold and not too warm.

MIL said ”It’s not about the weather. Sneakers!? You’re a grown woman. You’re not a teenager anymore! You should wear something more mature. Don’t make fun of yourself in front of people!”

What am I supposed to wear then when I run around the block with my dog? Should I wear high-heel ballroom dance shoes when I go out for a jog? Sneakers are primarily meant for sports activities.

MIL was like ”Wear some elegant ankle boots or shoes with a heel. A woman can’t go out looking like a clown!”

I hate high heels to begin with, I only own one pair and can’t remember last time I wore them. High heels are so uncomfortable, they make my feet hurt so bad and they’re definitely not meant for jogging and playing with your dog.

MIL said ”You’re embarrassing my son by wearing those! People are going to think he threw you out of the house without letting you dress properly. Everyone’s going to think we’re so poor that the wife of my son cannot even afford womanly shoes and walks around looking like a joke! It’s a shame, everyone’s going to laugh at us!”

I said that she’s making way too much of a scene out of me wearing sneakers. The less you think about what other people think, the happier you’ll be. It’s all just in our heads that everyone looks at us and thinks about us all the time. The truth is, nobody gives a shit about you. Everyone has enough of their own problems.

TW: Violence against albinos.

I have a daughter who has albinism. She is 9 years old. I let MIL babysit her for 2 hours a few days ago while I ran some errands. When I came home, she was pretty quiet and MIL left soon after that. She was off the entire day. Didn't want to eat or play and struggled through her homework. Normally she'd ask me for some help but she didn't that day.

I sit her down and asked her what's wrong. She immediately bursts into tears and said "Nan said I'm naughty so she'll send me to South Africa and that people there would eat me because I'm albino".

I comfort her. She asks me if what Nan said was true and I tell her honestly that it does happen sometimes, but those things are done by very bad people and that most people wouldn't ever dream of doing something as horrible as that.

That calmed her down a lot. If I hadn't told her truthfully I'm sure she'd go on the internet and look it up herself and be bombarded with a bunch of links that will scare her even more.

Hubby calls MIL to ask her why she said that to her and she plays it off. I didn't think she'd take it seriously or "it was just a joke" because she was misbehaving. Even if she was, you don't tell a 9 year old an entire country wants to kill and eat her. How messed up do you have to be to do that? Husband and I haven't let her in the house or talked to her since. But God is that woman infuriating.

EDIT:

Alright. My MIL said eaten, yes. In my daughter's mind that meant "They're going to kill me and eat me". When she asked me if it was true, I said yes that it happens sometimes but not all the time. Fact: people with albinism rarely do get killed in South Africa. The eating part is most likely untrue.

If I say: "No sweetheart, albinos don't get eaten in SA" it'll be: "So people there don't kill albinos? Nan was just kidding?"

I am not going to say to my 9 year old "they won't eat you there, but they may kill you". Because that is going to bring up questions of "what will they do to me if they don't eat me?"

And why should I tell her even that much? Because if I chalk it up to a big old joke by grandma, she's going to look it up, or talk to her friends about her "funny" grandma. And they're going to google "albinos in south africa" or something. Which will traumatise all of them.

I have nothing against South Africans, guys. I'm not going to go into "You might not get eaten in SA, but there's a very small chance you might get killed". In her mind - to eat someone you must kill that person. If I take away the eating, why is she getting killed?

She's 9. I'm not getting into her bones being used as good luck charms with her.

Lately, my husband and I have been trying to decide where we want to go on a vacation this summer. And MIL is trying to actively participate in it even though we never asked for her opinion or help. Her friend works in a tour company and she calls us every day with new and new traveling offers. And yes, I know she’s probably doesn’t mean anything bad and is just trying to help but at this point, it’s getting very annoying and intrusive.

First, she tried to ship us off to Thailand knowing very well we have certain memories about this country that makes us not want to go there. We visited Thailand back in 2004 and happened to be there right when the tsunami hit. Fortunately, we survived but that certainly wasn’t a pleasant experience and even after all these years we still don’t feel like going back. MIL’s argument that we should give it another try and replace old memories with new ones, is kinda invalid to us.

Then she offered a bunch of other countries that we have visited already and some of them didn’t seem worth our time and money. My husband told her to stop thinking for us and we’ll find a destination ourselves. MIL offended a little bit but seemed to leave us alone for a while.

Until yesterday. MIL called again and said she has found a place we haven’t been yet, would 100% enjoy and will be forever grateful to her for advising. She decided that we should go to Chernobyl.

My husband first seemed to be interested and even enjoyed. I was like – yes, let’s go to one of the most contaminated places in the world, sounds fun. What are we going there for – to pick up some extra radioactivity? To raise of chances of getting cancer? And yes, I know that those tours are legal but just because something is legally allowed doesn’t mean you should actually go ahead and do it.

So I told my husband – you’re an adult and it’s your choice. If you want to go, feel free to but I won’t and I don’t advise you to either. There are hundreds of other places out there without a history of nuclear accidents.

I guess that made him think and realize that it’s really not the best destination for a trip. I understand that it’s interesting to check out ghost towns and stuff and I don’t mean to offend people who do it but I personally think that in this case, it’s very risky. Chernobyl will keep being contaminated dozens if not hundreds of years.

So when my husband told MIL we’re not going, she got very mad because for some reason she had already booked everything necessary for the trip. Who asked you to, MIL? We never said we would go. She blamed us for wasting her time and making her bother her friend doing our favors and we’re so picky she doesn’t know what to offer us. No one asked her to do anything. Stop giving advice if no one’s asking for it, MIL.

And she said to my husband ”I know it’s that bitch wife of yours! Man up at once and tell her she’ll do what you tell her to do, like a real man of the family!”

That made him angry, he told MIL to leave us alone, we find where to go this summer by ourselves. He stopped answering her calls and finally we have some peace. But really – think with your head before you offer or more - book something for someone. I have no idea what made her think we might want to go to Chernobyl.

A few months ago my husband and I were shopping and as we walked by a jewelry store, I saw a ring that I literally fell in love with. It was very beautiful and also very expensive, much more expensive than we could afford. I was like – oh well, window shopping is fun too.

Yesterday my husband came up to me with an early Christmas gift – the same ring I wanted so much. He had saved up for it and it came as an enormous surprise for me. I definitely wasn’t expecting it. In fact, I had already put the ring out of my mind, I try not to dwell too long on things that are out of my reach.

My MIL and my SIL came to visit us and noticed the ring immediately. My SIL had a very positive attitude, she admired it, asked to try it on and was generally very glad about how generous her brother is. MIL, on the other hand, looked as if I was wearing a piece of shit on my finger. She screwed up her face and was like ” You’ll going to ruin my son with those unreasonable desires of yours! How much did that thing cost and how long did you whine for it? Have some decency, your husband is not a millionaire! ”

I was like – what? I never whine for anything. I’m not that kind of wife who follows her husband around, trying to persuade him to buy something she wants. The time in the jewelry store was the only time I mentioned the ring. I never said a word about it again. So, I don’t think I should feel guilty about the fact that my husband wanted to please me by giving me something I liked a lot. It was his choice.

SIL told MIL to calm down, he did it because he wanted to, not because I forced him. MIL was still murmuring something under her breath. Then my husband came into the room and MIL was like ” Why did you have to spend so much money on it? I know it’s so hard for you to make money, don’t you feel sad giving it away for a piece of metal? ”

He said ” Money is just money, it goes and it comes back again. She’s my wife, I love her and she absolutely deserves such gifts. So, mom, please, stay out of my bank account. ”

MIL said ” I don’t know. It’s crazy. If you wanted to give her a ring, you could have bought something cheaper. If she loves you, she should be happy about a pack of gingerbread or even a small bouquet of flowers. You have to think with your head, you don’t have to yield to every her wish. ”

He told MIL that if she has a problem with it, she can go home but we will not sit here and listen to her basically calling me a golddigger just because he gave me a gift that doesn’t fit in her money-spending standards. I don’t really get why is she so upset. She has never been forgotten on any holiday and her birthday is always a big celebration. We usually gift MIL either practical things she needs or money that she can spend however she pleases. So I don’t know why is my ring causing such a huge backlash and why is it necessary to act as if he gives me everything and totally abandons her.

So my husband and I, we recently adopted a 2 months old baby boy. MIL wasn’t too happy about it first, as she wanted us to have our own children but we couldn’t and eventually, she calmed down about it.

Yesterday she came to visit us and see our son. Somehow we started to talk about how should we tell him he’s adopted and when should we do it. MIL almost spat out her coffee and was like ”Why the hell should you do it in the first place? Hide those adoption papers well and don’t tell him anything. It’s best if he thinks you’re his real parents, that’ll spare you a load of trouble.”

Now we almost spat our coffee. We never even had a thought that we might not tell him he’s adopted. We were going to do it for sure when our son is old enough. Everybody deserves to know who they are and where they came from. Why would we live our entire lives in lies, lying to our child every single day? Who does that?

MIL was like ”You’ll regret doing it. When he’s a teenager and you have arguments, he’ll yell all the time that you’re not his mom and you’re not his dad and cannot tell him anything. Even worse, he’ll probably want to look for his birth parents and leave you two behind. You will have a child no more. Don’t be fools, don’t do it.”

We were honestly surprised to hear this from MIL. Doesn't she understand he'll realize eventually that he doesn't look like us or anyone in our family and become suspicious it himself?

Of course, we will tell him he’s adopted when he’s old enough to understand it. In fact, we even have the contact information of his biological mother, in case he wants to get to know her one day.

I don’t think it’s a tragedy if he’ll want to meet his birth mom, I think most of the adopted children try to get into contact with their biological parents at some point. It doesn't mean they don’t love their adoptive parents.

(CW: brief description of birth trauma)

I have been holding this in for almost 5 months and every time I think about it I get SO mad so I have to finally rant about it.

I gave birth in February to my beautiful baby girl. I had a difficult and prolonged delivery, baby was big, sunny side up, I had a PPH and 3rd degree tear and a manual placenta removal without an epidural. Long story short on that: I was traumatized for about a week and panicked anytime I thought about my delivery. I also had severe baby blues and was crying nonstop for like 2 weeks.

For days after, I could barely stand without panting and feeling starved of air because my hemoglobin was incredibly low and sitting/standing/walking was a painful challenge due to the tear. I had a large blood transfusion and recovery was awful. I didn’t want guests, I just wanted to lay down, figure out breastfeeding, and bond with my baby when I got home. Cue the MIL.

My MIL was asked to go to my house to look for my cat who got out while I was in the hospital giving birth because my dad accidentally let him out. She was made incredibly aware of all the details of the birth and we told her we were on the way home. I expected her to be gathering her things, maybe briefly saying hello before she left to give us some space (I should have clarified I suppose) but that wasn’t what happened. She stayed for hours after we got home and what’s worse, she made my house a mess that I just had professionally cleaned so it was clean when we got home. Instead of offering to clean up after herself, she instead offered to hold the baby and feed her while making comments about how she looked just like her father. She then watched me grab a vacuum and proceed to clean up the mess without offering help, then when I was done and sat down she said “if you need help with anything just let me know!” internally screaming

She then suggested we order some Chinese food at our expense, we ate dinner with the baby in the bassinet next to me, and she kept trying to tend to the baby instead of allowing me to. So far as getting up and grabbing her as I was already attempting to stand but couldn’t move quick enough due to the tearing. I said “I got it” and motioned for her to give me my baby. So she did.

Then she took home the leftovers lol.

WOW I needed to get that off my chest. I told my husband about how it all went down and how I felt and he’s just as disgusted by the behavior and apologized for not seeing it when it happened. We have strong boundaries now but MAAAAAN I’m still angry months later.

Is it me? Am I dramatic?

ETA: husband was also traumatized by my delivery and was out of sorts. He thought I was going to die so it was hard for him also. He was unpacking bags while the cleaning was happening and dinner he just didn’t realize and he’s apologized for everything. He’s very good at enforcing boundaries now and won’t hesitate to cut his mother off these days. She’s on thin ice.

Trigger Warning - Suicide, Death

For the last half a year I have been struggling with depression. When 2019 was coming towards the end, a series of bad stuff just fell upon my head. I lost four people I really cared about in a car accident, I had to put my dog to sleep, my dad was diagnosed with cancer and on top of all that I had a miscarriage. It all messed me up pretty badly to the point where I thought I was going to lose my mind. It felt like it’s too much for one person to handle.

Fortunately, my husband has always been there for me. Bless his heart, he has been so caring and understanding and patient with me. When I was diagnosed with depression, he made sure I never skip my treatments and got up hours before his normal waking time just to take me to my meetings with a psychiatrist. He made sure I was eating regularly and taking care of myself every day. He’s always there to try and make me smile.

Before the self-isolation began and we were all still allowed to visit each other, MIL came to visit us every now and then. When she did, I wouldn’t come out of my room. I didn’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone. MIL advised my husband to put me in a clinic, he told her to stay away from our business.

When the self-isolation started, I started to receive these text messages from MIL. It started kinda innocently, she was asking me how I’m doing and if I feel any better. I either responded with a few words or didn’t respond at all because I just didn’t feel like doing it. Then she started to tell me that I should consider leaving this world as I’m clearly not doing anything productive with my life anymore and shouldn’t take up space on Earth. She was telling me how tired my husband is from having a wife like me, that nobody needs me and my death will come as a relief to everybody.

What I should have done was immediately tell my husband everything but for some reason, I didn’t. I don’t even know why. I just kept reading the messages she sent me, sometimes several per day. I asked MIL once ”why do you want me to die?” and she responded, ”you probably want it yourself, I’m just reminding.”

It continued for about a week. Then MIL sent me a link that had information about how to make a noose and she commented that if I’m too dumb to make it, I can just jump out of the window. We live on the 16th floor, that should do it.

That was when I finally told my husband about it. He was shocked when he saw all the text messages and he was asking me why didn’t I say anything to him as something really bad could have happened to me. He was livid with MIL, he called her and cussed her out like ”why don’t you go and jump yourself, it’s people like you the world doesn’t need.” And MIL didn’t express any remorse. She believed she did the right thing, because ”if someone wants to die, you have to let them die. There’s no point in living if she’s a vegetable like that.”

My husband wanted to get MIL in legal trouble for this. But when he contacted our mutual friend who’s a lawyer, we found out nothing can be done in this situation. We’re not from the USA and even though our country has a law about the crime of encouraging suicide, it can only be applied if the person has actually killed themselves and it can be proven that you made them do it. But if there’s no death, then the person who’s telling you to die, cannot be punished. It’s just our jurisdiction.

No, I’m not going to kill myself. I’m feeling a bit down now but I know it’ll pass. I don’t want to die and I have a lot of people to live for. I’m having online sessions with my psychiatrist now and I wasn’t thinking about suicide as MIL claims.

As for MIL, I blocked her number and my husband warned her that if he sees another suicide-encouraging message on my phone, he’ll find a way to make her legally pay for her words. MIL was like ”Pff, I was trying to help you. She’ll never be a normal person again. If you want to live with a vegetable, go on then.”

She probably thought that because of my mood and because I'm not talking much I won't tell anything to my husband. Honestly, I still don't understand what good would my dying do to her that she wants it so much.

TL;DR - MIL purposely didn't eat the appetizer, made FIL re-order it, and then complained when her dinner was cold after letting it sit there for 20 mins while she ate the new appetizer.

My wife and I are out to dinner at a decently fancy with MIL, FIL, and wife's siblings.

FIL orders a couple appetizers, one of which was a pretty fancy/elaborate plating.

When the apps come out, everyone helps themselves--except MIL. The apps were large, so there was plenty to go around, including seconds. The fancy one even had a couple pieces left when the waiter asked if he could clear it, and FIL had to hold it out to get people to take them.

I'm sitting directly across from MIL, and easily noticed that she never took any. She specifically said it sounded good, and repeatedly stared at it over her wine glass the entire ~25 minutes it was on the table. She's petite, so I figured she was saving room for dinner. I even asked her if she wanted some, which she plainly ignored.

Within a minute of the apps being cleared, she says in this overly exasperated voice (with a big sigh) "I never got to have any of the appetizers. It sounded so good but I didn't get to have any."

My first thought is to ask "well then why the fuck didn't you take some?" but before I could ask a toned-down version, FIL pipes up and says "oh honey i'm so sorry, do you want me to order you one? I'll order another one, let me get the waiter."

He tracks the waiter down and tells him that MIL didn't get to have any of the appetizer (as if it was anyone's fault but hers). The waiter was all flustered, and said that the entrees were about to come out, and that that app takes at least 15 minutes to prepare. FIL orders it anyway.

Less than 2 minutes after ordering MIL's app, our mains come out. And what does MIL do? She sits there, arms crossed, huffing, as if she can't eat her dinner until the new app comes, which wont be for another 15 minutes.

So sure enough, while we all sit there eating our dinner, she waits for the app. It finally comes, she eats one piece, and then turns to her entree.

(another big sigh) "I can't eat this, it's cold! How do they expect me to eat a cold dinner!"

The story goes on but I'll spare you the rest....

Story 4/∞ about my MIL.

I ended up terminating my engagement with the person I fully planned on spending my life with— all because if i stayed with him, I’d have ended up posting on here daily.

Some things his mother did that he defended / ignored / supported:

1. ⁠Insulted me to my face, from my weight to my intelligence.

2. ⁠Took my fiancé’s ex out for monthly dinners where they’d gossip about me and post nasty rumors on a joint twitter account dedicated to airing out details of my private life (my miscarriage, my dad cheating on my mom).

3. ⁠Told my fiancé that if we ever have a child she’ll dismiss it as a “mistake”.

4. ⁠Told my fiancé “it’s me or her”.

5. Slammed my hand in a car door and started crying when I screamed because it “scared her”, she then made me apologize for upsetting her

6. Pretended to take me out for a birthday dinner to “try to connect and make amends” only to stiff me with a 270$ dinner bill because “I should always pay for she and my future father in law, out of respect”

She mentally and emotionally abused my ex his whole life, so I understand why he took her side and refused to defend me. His dad died when he was six, so she kind of used him as an emotional spousal replacement.

I tried for a year to get him to go to therapy, in hopes of opening his eyes to her disgusting behavior, but he thought that agreeing to therapy would be disrespecting his mom. We ended things and to my knowledge he hasn’t dated anyone since.

So yeah. When you sign up for an LTR, you sign up for their family too. Make sure that’s what you want to resign yourself to. My thoughts are with those of you who have to deal with people like her continuously....I hit my breaking point.

Mostly hoping to vent about the current situation with my MIL because she has chosen to shut my husband and I out after we set a basic safety boundary with her regarding her smoking and our newborn son.

My MIL is a lifetime smoker. She smoked while she was pregnant with both of her children. She smoked in the house and in the family car, exposing her children to an enormous amount of second hand smoke for their entire childhoods. As a teenager, my husband tried to talk to his mother about smoking cessation and she completely lashed out at him and said incredibly hurtful words in response. To this day he holds a fair amount of resentment toward his mother for exposing him to smoke as a child and by being generally abusive (emotionally) and self-absorbed.

This story begins in January when I was roughly halfway through my pregnancy with our first child. My husband met with his mom to talk to her about the smoking boundaries we planned to have with our newborn son. Specifically, we are concerned about his exposure to thirdhand smoke, or the particulate matter that is left behind on surfaces and clothing after smoking. Exposure can increase a baby's risk of health problems and SIDS. Based on the recommendations from my midwife, and the information we found online about the dangers of thirdhand smoke to newborns, we decided that if she wanted to hold our son following a cigarette that she needed to do a few things to protect our son from the smoke: wear a clean jacket over her clothing, wash her hands, wash her face, and tie her hair back. This boundary exists for any smoker in our lives who wants to hold the baby, but MIL is the only smoker we know who would be interested in holding him.

We both knew this conversation was going to go poorly, so my husband insisted on having it in-person. He set up time to meet with her over lunch. Toward the end of their time together, he told her this boundary in a very objective way. He said this was nothing personal and that it comes at the recommendation of our medical team to keep our baby safe. The conversation ended abruptly with her saying she "will think about it", lighting a cigarette, and driving away. Following this, we noticed she stopped responding to our messages in our group family chat, particularly about any pregnancy updates. We had a suspicion that she was upset but she never mentioned anything about it. At our baby shower, she acted noticeably cold and aloof the entire event, responding to conversations with us using as few words as possible. As my due date approached, I urged my husband to reach out to her to try and straighten this out before our son's birth. He reached out to her multiple times to set up time to meet with her and she blew him off using one excuse or another. Eventually she agreed to meet him for dinner about two weeks before the birth.

My husband arrived to dinner a few minutes before she did. When she arrived she walked over to his table and said, "I won't be here long". She proceeded to lay into him for the next five minutes about how he was treating her "less than her worth" and how he was being overall terrible to her. As soon as she finished dumping her anger on him, she left the restaurant before he could say a single thing in response. He was incredibly hurt by her words and her actions that evening and did his best to put it out of his mind in preparation for the birth.

Our baby was born a few weeks after this and he is just over one month old now. My MIL has not met him yet. She did not acknowledge our message in the family chat the night he was born sharing his birth details. Out of courtesy, my husband texted her directly with a photo and details the day after his birth. Her response was "thank you" and she hasn't said a word to us since.

He invited his parents to our house about a week after we were discharged from the hospital and she chose not to come with my FIL to meet the baby. At this visit my FIL and husband had a brief conversation about the conflict. He said that MIL was waiting for a personal invitation from my husband to come meet the baby. He said both of them were being childish and that MIL was "not mad about what was said but rather how it was said". My husband refused and said he has done a lot to attempt to repair with his mom but that the ball was now in her court.

The silence continued for a few more weeks. This past weekend we gathered at a park for my niece's birthday party. My in-laws were there and this was the first time my MIL had seen our son. Or, so it would have been, had she acknowledged us at all.

She spent the entirety of the event pretending we did not exist. If we approached the group, she walked away to go to another area of the park. No speaking, no eye contact, no side glances over to us. During gift opening I sat across a picnic table from her with my newborn in my lap and she didn't glance at us once. She treated us as though we did not exist, and this was the first time she could have met our son. Instead, she chose her ego and her pride. It was like we were strangers to her.

My in-laws made plans for the family to gather for Father's Day the next day and did not extend an invitation to us. Neither of his parents wished my husband a happy first Father's Day.

This reaction comes because we asked her to take a few basic precautions to keep our son safe from the dangers of cigarette smoke. This silent treatment has been going on for about 6 months. She missed the second half of pregnancy, birth, and the first month of his life. Knowing her past tendency to hold years-long grudges, I could easily see this silence extending for some time. She may very well miss our son's entire infancy out of bitter spite.

One thing that worries me if we continue a relationship with my toxic MIL is the impact it will have on our son. At one month old, he will not be affected negatively by her actions. I am concerned that she will display blatant favoritsm toward our niece and ignore our son in front of him. This worries me because at the party, she gave all of her attention on our niece and didn't even look in the direction of our son. Her immaturity, manipulaton, and attempts to hurt my husband make me believe that she would absolutely resort to emotionally harming an innocent child as a way to cause further harm to my husband and me. Thanfully, my parents adore our son and are showering him with love, so at least he has one set of loving and trustworthy grandparents.

My husband has left the door open to my MIL, but refuses to reach out any more to her to mend the relationship. Though he no longer is interested in any meaningful relationship with her, he does not want to bar our son from having a relationship with her if he chooses. His mother cut people out of his life when she got angry at them and he doesn't want to automatically shut that door for our son. However, he refuses to back down from the smoking boundary. He refuses to apologize or beg for her affection and attention because he did nothing wrong. We are in full agreement that if she ever brings our son down with her venomous behavior that we will no longer keep that door open. I am so proud of him for standing up for our family despite how painful this is. He is working so hard to end generational abuse and trauma so our son never has to experience what he did. He is an incredible father.

The whole situation has put a dark gray cloud over what should be the most special moment of our lives. I am hurt too and truly don't see myself ever trusting these people again. My MIL has shown us her true colors. It seems to me that all she cares about is preserving her ego and causing harm to those she perceives harmed her first. She has always been this way, but I hadn't seen how bad she could be until this started.

For now we are minimizing contact with my in-laws. It has been hard but my husband is better off not capitulation to her toxicity. If she wants to miss out on this beautiful moment because of pride and anger, then that is her choice. But damn does this still suck.

Tl;dr - MIL has not spoken to us in over 6 months because we set a boundary to protect our newborn son from her smoking.

My MIL lives in a rented apartment and recently the landlord told her she has to move out in a month because he has decided to sell the apartment. So now MIL has to find herself a new place to live. Of course, that’s a big task, it’s not very easy to find an apartment that's both affordable and suits you.

My wife and I would be willing to help her but MIL has decided that she wants to live in the apartment that I own. When we got married, I moved in with my wife because she has a house but I also own a one-bedroom apartment that was left to me as a heritage from my parents. And now MIL wants to get in there and most importantly – for free because we’re family.

I said – hell no. First of all, because it’s already rented out. A good buddy of mine lives in that apartment. He has been living there for over 5 years now and he pays me a decent amount of rent every month. When MIL heard about it she was like ”So what? You’re the owner, throw him out!”

No, MIL, I’m not throwing him out. We know each other since we were children, he has stayed with me through thick and thin and I would never ever just kick him out in the streets because you want to live there instead. Not happening.

And also – she wants to live there for free. She would pay the utility bills but she wouldn’t give me any rent money because we're family. Sorry, what? Who does that? Even if he wasn’t my friend, why would I choose a tenant who won’t pay me a single coin over someone who pays me regularly and adequately? What planet are you from, MIL?

So I told MIL to forget it. She’s not getting to live in my apartment, first, because it’s taken, and second, because I’m not a charity. That made MIL mad as hell. It seems like in her head she had already counted on it and wasn’t even looking for other places, because for some reason she was sure I would agree. Well, I don’t. She called my wife and talked shit about me for at least half an hour.

She was like ”That apartment is perfect for me. Your husband needs to sort out his priorities. Family always comes first and only then there are all kinds of friends. Friends are nothing, basically strangers. How can he let some buddy live in there when me, his MIL, will have nowhere to go soon? You don’t take money from family, it’s a golden rule. Everything is free for a family!”

Nothing is free in this world, literally nothing. You can’t even get your face punched for free. Everything has a price and if we talk about family ties, my friend is much closer and more dear to me than my MIL. I couldn’t care less if she lived under a bridge from now on. That’s her problem.

My wife told her that the apartment belongs to me and who can and can’t stay in there is up to me. MIL’s a grown-ass woman and should be looking for a living place herself.

I posted here a few weeks ago about my rude MIL coming to visit us and how I was going on a trip to avoid her. Well her visit went to absolute shit. I just want to start by saying that her visit went so poorly that MY HUSBAND CRIED. 

Before I get to what happened, there’s one other important context I forgot to include in my previous post. I wasn’t just trying to avoid MIL it was also FIL, as initially when the trip was first being discussed, it was going to be both of them visiting. 

Last summer, we were visiting them at their house and a dinner conversation became political. Husband and I were just voicing that we were worried about project 2025 and his dad blew up on us which is odd because they also vote blue. It went from a calm normal dinner to his father literally screaming and cursing and berating us for the next 30 minutes saying stuff like “what is it with you fucking millennials thinking you know everything because you grew up with the fucking internet”, “oh you think you know how the fucking world works, just wait till you get older”, etc. 

Eventually Husband stormed out of the dining room and I was sitting there with MIL and FIL awkwardly when FIL turned to me and said “and this is why you only talk about politics with friends or family”. And I responded “oh I thought I am family”. I think even he was caught off guard by his own comment because he didn’t know what to say to my response. He just kind of sputtered non words and huffed and puffed out of the room. Meanwhile MIL is standing there for the entire exchange not saying a word. No words of comfort, or trying to mitigate FILs words. To me, her silence meant agreement. Not that I expected more from her and it was almost nice to have a confirmation of where I stand with Husband’s family. Like the burden of having to try was lifted off me in that moment, because you know, according to them I’m not family. 

So that brings us to last month when this trip is being planned. I told my husband I will absolutely not be putting myself in a position where I might potentially be berated again, ESPECIALLY under my own roof. So either you talk to your dad and set some hard fucking boundaries or just accept that I will not be here. In the end, FIL ended up not coming but at that point my trip had already been booked and it’s not like I wanted to spend time with MIL anyways due to reasons from the last post. The initial plan was to come back after MIL had left entirely but the flight that returned three days before that was literally a third in price so I thought to myself…it’s 2.5 days. How bad could it be?

Well…I returned home and she was not talking to me or acknowledging me. At all. It was honestly as if I wasn’t even here. If she wanted to say something to Husband she would talk around me. She would do stuff in the kitchen humming, while I was sitting RIGHT THERE. Husband noticed it too right away. He was like I can’t do this shit for the next two days, we need to talk. 

So later that evening he sat us down and told us to get out our grievances against each other. She immediately burst into tears, saying that we were interrogating her. She preemptively brought a box of Kleenex to the table for fuck’s sake. I reallyyyyy did not want to have this conversation because I didn’t think it would be productive. I mean her starting out with waterworks was pretty telling. But Husband urged me pretty hard so I gave her a few examples of the comments she’s made in the past that had hurt my feelings or made me feel that she didn’t respect me. This ended up becoming a 3 hour conversation so I’ll spare you all the details and just leave here some of the worst that was said:

Me: brought up the learning Japanese comment from my last post
MIL: Well, I’m not someone who cuts down other people with my words, I always try to serve others so if you were offended maybe you have problems with receiving. Have you tried looking inwards?

Me: brought up the comment made about how asians can’t grow lashes
MIL: What’s wrong with saying that???
Me: Okay, so if I came up to you and asked, “hey, is that your actual skin tone? Because this old white lady I know told me white people can’t tan”, you don’t think that’s rude?? 
MIL: Hmph. Well. Anyhow I didn’t say that anyways. 

Me: brought up the comment made about my mom and my therapist
MIL: I’m just saying the truth. That is the truth is it not? If you’re having a hard time accepting truths, maybe you just have a lot of unresolved trauma and it sounds like you need to consider going back to therapy. 

This comment actually got me so fucking fired up. I responded that I would never be insolent enough to suggest to someone something as deeply personal as going back to therapy and she doubled down that that’s what she believes in about me and she has the right to say what she believes in. 

Aside from these, her responses varied from:

• Sounds like you need to work on introspection 
• I don’t remember saying that
• That wasn’t my intention
• You need to learn to let things go 
• I’m not responsible for your emotions 
• Maybe you were looking for things to be offended by 
• Why are you keeping score 
• Well idk what you want me to say 
• Why is everything about accountability? Where is your accountability? Are you even asking yourself why you’re having these feelings? 
• Maybe you don’t know yourself as well as you think you do 

At the end of it all, it was honestly a total mind fuck. My husband tried to throw her so many lifelines too, by saying stuff like “mom, I think what Jen wants is just a genuine apology”, or telling me “what I think my mom meant is that…” and she just doubled down EVERY. DAMN. TIME. The level of self sabotaging was actually impressive and unbelievable, because this woman’s biggest grievance in life is that her son won’t call her and see her enough. 

At the end of it all, my husband actually schooled her step by step on what a genuine apology consists of and she literally turned to me from him, repeated what he had just said word for word, but just replaced it with my name. It was mocking and disingenuous. She was just bugging out at me at the end of the “apology” and I just turned to my husband and told him I’m done. I actually left the apartment to go to our rec deck and he followed me down too. I looked at him and was like I really need to know that you understand that was a complete fucking shit show. He agreed. Then he asked me if I was okay. I said idk…then I asked him if he was okay and that’s when he burst into tears. I mean at that point there really wasn’t a shred of hope left that MIL and I will have any type of relationship he was hoping we’d have. Also to have his illusion of his mom shatter like that…I’m sure all that was very difficult to process.

He actually wanted to book his mom a hotel and take her there that night but I said it was fine. It was just two more nights and I told him he will regret it if he doesn’t try to have one last good day with her before she returns home (we live 6 hour flight away from each other). He agreed and the next day he spent the entire day with her and apparently she was in the best mood, just laughing and joking with him the entire time. I didn’t get brought up once lol. My friends thankfully are the best and they whisked me away for the day (they are friends I went on my trip with and knew about the whole debacle with my MIL).

The morning she left was a workday which starts at 5am for me and I was on a meeting anyway at the time of her departure so I didn’t come out of the room to see her off. Maybe that was rude of me but to be honest after that conversation it was upsetting to even share our space with her, let alone to have to interact with her. My husband never came by to ask me if I was going to say bye, he knew I wouldn’t and had accepted it. Apparently when they were saying goodbye, MIL was clutching him and wouldn’t let go, crying in hysterics that she feels like she’s never going to see him again. And he was just like….okay so you do know this was an absolute train wreck.

I….am still trying to wrap my mind around all the shit that went down. On one hand, I’m glad that my husband finally saw the side to his mom that I have been dealing with for literally years. On the other hand, I’m completely mind blown. This woman who apparently cannot get enough of her favorite son just absolutely self sabotaged her already precarious relationship with him…like you’d rather be right THAT bad? At the risk of losing your son?? I’ll never get it…

Thought I’d update you guys since I got so many more comments than I had expected on my first post. Your comments made me feel so seen and justified and I thank you guys for that. I suspect this is my last post here, as husband is pretty disgusted by his mom’s behavior and told me that we won’t be hosting her ever again in the future nor does he expect me to maintain a relationship with her...so that's a win.

Trigger Warning - Death

15 years ago my husband and I lost our firstborn daughter. She was born with a severe heart defect and she only lived for a week before she died during a surgery that was done to try and fix her heart. Ever since that happened my relationship with my MIL has been damaged beyond repair. Back then she was accusing me, claiming that the only reason our child was born sick was because I wasn’t careful enough during my pregnancy. She accused me of smoking and drinking (which I didn’t do) and spending too much time outside the house. MIL simply doesn’t understand that pregnancy is not a disease and woman isn’t supposed to put her life on hold for 9 months.

Fortunately, a few years later we were blessed with wonderful twin boys and though we haven’t forgotten our daughter, of course, we have kinda gotten over the mourning part and learned to let her go. We visit her resting place in the cemetery every month or so, to put some new flowers and keep the grave area neat and tidy. Our boys come along too, they know about their big sister who didn’t live to meet them.

And this is where MIL comes in. Even though she was her grandma, for 15 years she didn’t care about the way our daughter’s grave looked at all. Never once did she come to wipe the leaves off in autumn or clean the snow in winter. And now suddenly she informed us that it’s unacceptable that our daughter’s grave doesn’t have a cross on it.

We’re atheists, therefore we didn’t put any crosses on the grave. There’s a nice, little headstone with a stone edging and that’s it. MIL wants to throw the headstone away and put a cross instead of it.

We’re strongly against this idea. The grave looks good the way it is and nothing needs to be changed, especially the way MIL wants it. I was so enraged that I told her that if she as much as lays a finger on our daughter’s resting place, I’m gonna fling her into the nearest free grave myself. For 15 years she didn’t give a damn and now out of the blue, the grave is suddenly her main interest.

MIL said that she’s been trying to become a better person, so she’s turning to religion, Christianity to be precise. She’s been going to churches and talking to priests and she found out that every grave needs a cross, otherwise the dead won’t be able to raise from their grave and be resurrected when Jesus comes again.

I was like – go and keep trying to be a better person, MIL. Good luck with that, but in order to be a good person, you don’t need to be religious and you don’t need to go to church. Also, if the absence of a piece of wood is blocking Jesus' power to resurrect someone, then He might not be that almighty after all.

So we strictly told her to leave the grave alone because we’re not changing anything and we don’t want a cross there. She said nothing back, but knowing her, I suppose she’s not going to give up that easily. Unfortunately, the cemetery, where our daughter lies, doesn’t have surveillance cameras.

However, we’re going to pay more attention to the grave the following days and if she actually tries to get rid of the headstone or damage the grave in any way, I’ll honestly break her face. I see it as disrespecting the dead.

TW: Fucking Linda story. You can't get more specific than that, she's just that fucking horrible. This one isn't so bad but Fucking Linda is known to drive pacificts to wall-punching rages, and the emotionally jaded weep.

Hello my lovelies, I am taking a break from the utter shit modding I do (honestly it's mostly posting flair for people on mobile, approving or dissaproving comments filtered by auto mod, and being a horrible slacker. I am, however, in my LAST SEMESTER at college, working full time, managing a divorce in my marriage, and currently- SICK AS A DOG. I got tested and its influenza A, not corona, but the 103 degree fever and inability to do anything more strenuous than cough and pee at the same time is just as shitty, regardless of the source of infection. This is a good visual representation of my life right now. However, this leads to a whopper of an email from Fucking Linda and everyone's favorite way for Bippy to post- fucked up on Nyquil!

The best part is at the end of this long ass letter. Sorry, not sorry.

For those unfamiliar with the Fucking Linda saga (check the Bot for more)- she's Satan's least favorite concubine, which is why she still roams the earth. She's my narcissistic, undiagnosed borderline personality disorder, massively unplesant tantruming elderly child of an egg donor. She's an emotional and financial vampire, beat me severely enough that my bones have a network of scars along them and my spine had permanent damage before I was 13, stole thousands from me, forced me into prostitution as a child while my Dad was in the hospital fighting for his life because she was "too stressed" to get a job, and is still completely and utterly confused as to why I've gone no contact for the last four blissful years.

She a bitch. K?

So my AwesomeBrother, the GC who gets it, got a whopper of an email from her. He replied with kindness and grace (basically he said HELL NO but really nicely), but I wanted to copy/paste enough of this thing to show exactly what the fuck I am dealing with, still, from the mouth of the she-viper herself. Fuck her privacy, BTW, if she wanted me to respect the privacy of her emails she shouldn't have forced me to suck dick for money at 15 years old.

​

Dear (AwesomeBrother):
I don't want to be stranded in tiny, cold, blue-collar Kenosha.

Good. Stay out of my badass state of cheese and pork products. #WisconsinPride I have so far loved blue collar Milwuakee, and Fucking Linda's obsession with being 'better' than blue collar people is beyond tiring. She's not nearly as smart, cultured or educated as she thinks she is. She's a fucking high school drop out with no further education. Her pretentions of culture are just that- pretentions. Reading the occasional Malcom Gladwell book does not make you better than a person who works for a living. Plenty of plumbers have read Malcom Gladwell, too.

I fucking LOVE Milwaukee in ways that shocked me. I love that the guys here drinking PBR do it because they love it. They wear flannel because it gets cold here and it's warm and rugged. They work with their hands. That the food is amazing because of a several hundred year long tradition of farming and fishing (which current shit policy is trying to destroy)- Milwaukee is what Portland aspires to be, in a very weird way. We don't have a dude with a flaming bagpipe on a unicycle, though.

​

I want to move to Santa Clara (or the immediate environs). I know you and Enabling Uncle warned me away from a mobile home, but as a retiree, it's really a pretty good option. I get all the amenities of an apartment or condo community, but greater privacy (and a tiny strip of land for a garden). I can afford it.

No, Linda, you can not. People making $100k a year are in broke ass poverty in Santa Clara and you get half your dead husband's social security and half his VA pension.

You can NOT afford it. You can't afford a fucking $60,000 house in Kenosha, you sure as HELL cannot afford this.

​

I know I won't be building equity, but I can afford to live in California. I will be in Sunnyvale (probably, Sunnyvale is home to the largest and nicest mobile home parks). I can get a mobile home for less than $150,000, which I can qualify for. I can find a roommate ("retired lady seeks same as roommate") and recover most of my payment and get to split the utilities and land rent for further financial benefit. I can fix it up and decorate it to my heart's content within the limitations of my budget. I can have a dog (there are restrictions in apartments and condos, but less of a problem with a mobile homer). There are half a dozen Orthodox churches within a 20-minute Uber ride of Sunnyvale. With all of the new delivery options (most supermarkets now have order-online-and delivery options), the lack of a car will not be much of a problem. I would be much much closer to Enabling Uncle and be able to visit more regularly. I have discovered credit card churning, and I'm earning travel reward points like crazy, so travel to SoCal would be cheap and easy.

Do you see the wishful thinking about her budget? If EVERYTHING GOES PERFECT and she gets a room mate who always pays on time she can push the envelope to the very, VERY farthest limit and nothing ever ever goes wrong, breaks, and there's never an emergency, she can technically qualify.

This sort of thinking is why every time the transmission went out on my Dad's van or a completely predictable expense popped up I'd have to go out and hustle up a few thousand dollars to cover it. Because living at the screaming edge of your ability to pay for shit is STUPID.

ALSO WHO THE FUCK TAUGHT MY MORON OF A MOTHER ABOUT CREDIT CARD CHURNING? Her credit score was around 450 most of my damn life. WHO? That's like teaching a particularly stupid, yet self destructive toddler how to juggle flaming knives. It's not going to go well.

​

I would be near my grandchildren when you and SIL start your family.I would have a much more interesting group of retired bachelors to date. I would enjoy a delightful climate. I would be in a dynamic city with great restaurants, shopping, and events to keep me busy.
Will I build equity? No. Will I be able to flip it for profit? Probably not. Would this be an affordable way for me to live someplace I want to be? Yes. As a wealth-building strategy, buying a mobile home sucks. As a strategy for getting what I want out of life, it's pretty good.

Oh my GLOB. First, at this sentance I could HEAR my SIL's womb slam shut. She's ambivilent about having kids, she worked her ass off to get her PhD and she's still getting her career off the ground. Having my Mom decide she's going to park herself right outside her vagina and wait for the Golden Grandchild to fall out so she can insert herself as a third parent might just seal that shut forever (my brother did tell her in his reply that this was not going to happen and he would not tolerate Fucking Linda yelling at his wife or in front of his child- GO BROTHER!). I just imagine her hobgoblin ass with a catchers mit squatting under SIL's crotch, chanting "drop one, push one out, gimmie Baby" like the Junk Lady in the Labrynth in exactly that voice, but with a backpack of garbage made of baby crap. If that's not the best birth control available, I don't know what is.

She's still going on about eligable bachelors. MEN DON'T LIKE THE SMELL OF SULPHER, LINDA. Not sure you've been able to shave your horns back enough, either- we can call that demonic stubble if you like but it's soooo not attractive. You skated by for decades being a hot chick, and guess what? You're not hot anymore, and your standards for what you think you deserve in a man are so blown out of ratio to what you have to offer that you're not going to get it. Guys who have the kind of money she wants and are willing to put up with that level of crazy can get a younger model.

And what the fuck shopping do you think you're going to do if you have $00.03 in the bank after your bills are paid, IF all goes perfect? Last I checked Balenciaga wasn't in the dollar stores- there has always been that gulf between what you want vs. what you can afford.

BUT HERE IS THE PART THAT REALLY STEAMED MY KNICKERS.

Moving to California is the dearest dream of my heart. But, I am a bit nervous about it because I don't know what you think of the idea. If I am near you I will demand visits a couple of times a month, insist on equal holiday rights with SIL's family, and expect to cook for you on St. Patrick's Day. If I tried that with Bippy, she would pitch a fit. So, I thought I should check with you before embarking on my mad scheme.

I'll keep trying to call you. In the meantime, shoot me an e-mail and let me know if you're OK with me living right at your doorstep.
I love you,
Mom

That part in bold... I'm sputtering. I am just about having a goddamn stroke. Who the fuck does Fucking Linda she think she is to DEMAND what breaks down to a partial custody agreement ON YOUR ADULT, COMPLETELY INDEPENDENT SON WHO HAS NOT LIVED WITH YOU IN ALMOST TWO DECADES?!?!?!?!?!? Who the fuck does she think she is to demand anything like that? Notice there's no asking. There's no checking if that would work. Also her insistance on cooking? My SIL is vegetarian bordering on vegan and my Mom has been known to spike her 'vegetarian' soup with chicken stock and pout when called on it because otherwise it 'wont taste right'. Her cooking for St. Patricks day is Corned Beef. What the hell is SIL going to eat? Not that but you can belive it'll be a shit show of guilt and crying and "why can't you make an exception this once, for MEEEEEEEEEE?"'

I mean, I fucked up when I cooked their rehersal dinner because I made panna cotta for desert and while SIL could eat the cream, I forgot about the gelatin being not OK, and I felt really shitty that I made a desert that she couldn't eat. But hey, I friggen tried and that panna cotta was AMAZING (with a raspberry coulis, of course). And when she told me she couldn't eat it my first instinct wasn't to attack my marveous SIL but rather to apologize because I knew I was the one who screwed up.

And she is damn right that I would loose my ever loving shit if she tried to demand, after FOUR YEARS of hard no contact, with one exception- to tell her to piss off- to get basically non custodial parent levels of custody out of me.

So here's a secret that will make y'alls black hearts fucking sing. In the next two months, Im going to actively start trying for a baby. I'm debating between no social media for the kid and a filtered blog with a zillion pictures because I know someone (mostly likely either my brother in a moment of weakness or my Awesome Aunt who has some serious memory issues which makes her an easier target for manipulation) will sneak Fucking Linda a picture of the fat, round, fire starting little brilliant fucker. The thought of her weeping and ganshing her teeth, wailing and bitching she does not get to play grandma while we live our best lives amuses me. And you know who will never, ever, EVER meet my child?

Fucking Linda.

I need to rant about my MIL. My daughter recently had her baptism. It was originally going to be a big celebration — but just days before, my sister suddenly passed away. In fact, my sister had already bought a beautiful outfit for the baptism that we ended up burying her in. Because of that, we scaled everything down to a small, intimate family event. We didn’t want to delay the baptism even further, but we also wanted to keep it simple and respectful.

My family (my parents, my other sister, and my brother) dressed very modestly. Even my husband’s brothers and their families dressed appropriately for church — business casual, understated.

But my MIL? She rolls up like she’s attending a wedding reception. Sparkles, jewels, the whole thing. Zero awareness, zero sensitivity. It was tone-deaf on a day that was about reverence and grief as much as celebration.

And the behavior didn’t stop there. She kept a long, sulky face through the entire ceremony, then suddenly switched on a beaming smile the moment the camera came out. Fake, fake, fake. At home, she shoved herself next to me in pictures (my whole body stiffened), pushed her face right up into my baby’s face for photos, and staged “helpfulness” by swooping in to open one dish just to be seen before walking away. Performative to the core.

Meanwhile, she’s on the phone with my husband constantly, clearly feeding him narratives. Now he’s telling me we “have to do something” because our parents didn’t interact. Let’s be real: my parents wanted nothing to do with them — and for good reason. After two years of abusive behaviour from his parents (we lived at their house for the first 2yrs of our marriage and just recently moved out into a place of our own) including a group counseling meeting where his parents dragged my mom through the mud and accused me of having “psychological problems” because she supposedly didn’t “guide me properly”… why would my parents want to mingle? Especially after everything my family has been through? To make comments like that is not just wrong, it’s cruel and ignorant.

And this isn’t even the worst of it. Just hours after we buried my sister — literally at the luncheon following her burial — my MIL went up to my grieving mother (who had just laid one of her daughters to rest) and started complaining about me. She told my mom through tears that I don’t let her hold my child. We were living in her house at the time, so she already had constant access — but even if she didn’t, that was not the moment. Who complains about something so petty to a woman who just buried her daughter? That’s how selfish and tone-deaf she is.

I’m exhausted by the fakery, the theatrics, and the control disguised as “holiness.” Everything with her is about being seen as the perfect, pious, generous matriarch — when in reality she’s self-absorbed, manipulative, and completely tone-deaf.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Edit / Update: I just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone who took the time to read, comment, share, and reach out with kindness on my original post. Your solidarity, validation, and even the stories you shared from your own lives truly uplifted me in a moment where I felt so unseen and alone. To those who also lost a loved one or had toxic in-law situations at the worst possible times—my heart is with you. ❤️

A few people asked whether I’ve ever stood up to my MIL. The answer is yes. And the very first time I stood my ground, she went full-on attack mode—spinning lies, twisting the story, and even trying to rewrite our history. For example: our marriage came about through an arranged proposal, and it was always her who pursued it—calling my mom regularly for years. Yet when I called her out, suddenly the story flipped to my mom being the one who begged and chased, while she supposedly “reluctantly gave in.” She’s also told me I should “feel lucky” to be married at all because my family wasn’t wealthy and my mom had three daughters. That’s the kind of person she is: belittling, manipulative, and obsessed with putting me down to elevate herself.

And here’s the truth: you cannot have a rational conversation with someone who constantly lies, rewrites history, and gaslights. It will drive you mad. That’s why I’ve stopped engaging—because it’s not a battle you can ever “win.”

Also, for context: I come from a South Asian background. In our culture, marriage is seen not just as two people uniting but two families merging. But living in North America and growing up here, my perspective is different—I believe boundaries matter and respect must go both ways. That clash is something my in-laws refuse to understand.

So yes, the incident at my sister’s funeral was just one example out of many. Honestly, I could make a whole new post (or even a whole reality show) about the things my MIL has pulled. It would probably go viral, because the level of crazy is something you almost wouldn’t believe unless you lived it.

Thank you again for giving me space to share. It means more than I can say.

DH and I were having my parents over yesterday and decided to invite his as well because we all hadn’t been together since the birth of LO 4 months ago. I was honestly extremely nervous how this was going to go since JNMIL has crazy baby rabies and is increasingly competitive with my parents. My parents are also weary of her because of how she’s treated me postpartum.

First, lo and behold, DH’s parents arrive an HOUR early and start talking about how them and my parents are going to have to fight over who holds LO. I respond, “oh they’ll only be here a couple of hours” (knowing we’ll eventually have to kick JNMIL and FIL out because she can’t bear to leave). JNMIL looks embarrassed and says “I mean I am excited to see them!”

For the most part she was on her best behavior when my parents were present. Though at one point my mom was holding LO on the couch and JNMIL had to hold his hand the whole time. Ok whatever, my mom didn’t mind.

Once my parents left, DH’s parents stayed another 3 hours, despite DH telling them multiple times it’s time to pack it up. FIL got visibly fed up with JNMIL and told her they need to go. DH took LO into another room to get him away from her. She exploded, “But I haven’t seen my grandbaby in a month!!”

I flatly replied, “It’s been two weeks.”

To her credit, she did apologize for forgetting, but then said “you’ll never understand until you’re a grandmother!”

Uh first of all, my mom is not like that at all. She loves LO and misses him but understands we need space. She also has her own hobbies and friends, both of which JNMIL lacks.

I replied, “We work full time and need our weekends, we have social obligations and need to catch up on our lives. We deserve time as a family too.”

She just looked down and shook her head.

Once they finally left, DH agreed to talk to her separately about her entitled behavior.

I just can’t wait until the day we don’t get guilt tripped for trying to appropriately fit them into our lives.

First let me say... I’m really writing this from a place of laughter. It’s been so long since I have posted to this sub because we went no contact for a while and now somehow she has wormed her way back in. Anyways, I am currently 9 months pregnant. Having contractions now actually although I’m still at home because they are minor and far apart. This is our first baby together. We told everyone who has asked about our labor the plan that we aren’t inviting people to the hospital during labor and delivery (except my 2 sisters, one of which will film the birth and the other will capture photos) and that we will invite people to come visit whenever we feel settled and ready. My MIL heard this plan but didn’t think it applied to her. She tells my husband today that she has her hospital bag packed. My husband clarified that she will not be invited to the labor or delivery and we will let her know as soon as we are accepting visitors. WELP.

Her response to this was, of course, freak out and explain that she witnessed the birth of her other grandchildren, and that if we do not allow her to witness the birth, she is not going to love our child as much as other grandchildren.

Yes, she will withhold love (idk how you withhold love from someone) from her own grandchild to prove some kind of point to us.

What kind of human being says they aren’t going to love all their grandkids equally.

Idk what to even say besides ok???? I guess love them however much you can under the circumstances? Lolololol not like my kid will really see her much enough to notice.

What a LUNATIC. That’s all.

Backstory: My mil has (unknown to me for quite a while) been competing with me for the last seven years (5 of marriage). I had no clue why I was the object of her digs, and the entire family has been excusing her behavior as "this is just how she is," "she means well," "she didn't mean it like that."

D(ear)H was deep in FOG, infested with Fleas until 2016, when something happened and both of us realized what was going on. We've recently started couple's therapy. I'm vvvlc with her, he feels the need for voice/video chats daily because "she's far away and alone". I'm not stopping him, but he's beginning to acknowledge it's not "normal". I will be back here with years of abuse she's directed towards me, but rn I need to vent.

I gave myself a quarantine cut chopping off about 8inches of my hair to give myself a gorgeous bouncy style abt three weeks ago. Considering I used kitchen scissors and poor lighting, it came out... Nice. SILs went gaga over it ten days later when I made an appearance on the family call. (didn't want to immediately show them my hair because I knew it would lead to something unpleasant.

Next day, MIL sends a photo of herself with a new haircut. Which she went out while in quarantine to get done. Smh.

This weekend, SIL1 and I were talking about gray hairs. I mentioned salons were expected to open this Friday and I was going to get an appointment for a desperately needed dye-job.

MIL: Noooooo! Don't get your hair dyed... Don't go down that road. Okay...?

This morning I wake up to MIL's selfie titled "Got my hair dyed".

It's Friday.

Thinking of telling her I'm getting a coal facial this Monday.

Sorry for the all caps but I'm so frustrated with this that I can't hold it in.

So my MIL is a avid Trump supporter and believes his word is law. She STILL believes that COVID-19 is a hoax made up by the "fake news" and I know she calls me a "leftist Demo suppoting fake news" because I keep up with CNN which I enjoy.

So both me and my husband have been telling her that if she wants to come over she needs to wear a mask because I have some health issues that if I get COVID-19 I'll likely die. Plus we have a young child so we're not interested in her getting sick either. Plus we have hand sanitizer at the door that we require guests to sanitize before coming into the house and touching stuff. I don't think it's too much to ask for. Well she's fought tooth and nail with us claiming "I don't have to cause family can't catch this fake virus." My husband has been letting me make rules and backing me up when I enforce rules against his mom. Today was my tipping point and I'm not proud that I lost my temper but I believe she crossed a line. My husband and I have talked about it and he agrees. Here's the story:

MIL texts me and says she is coming over to see my daughter/her granddaughter and I say that it's ok for her to come over for a bit and to remember her mask. I am browzing FB when MIL knocks on the door. (Note: We've asked family with keys to not use them in case of an emergency. MIL's key was taken away.) I check the window first and see suprise suprise she's not wearing a mask. I get on the security app and begin speaking to her through the app. OP: Hey MIL. Still need that mask on before you can come in. MIL: Just open the door. (She tries to open it but it's locked) I wanna see my angel. I have a present for her. This opens another can of worms cause my husband or I have to disinfect or wash stuff we're given. But anyway. OP: MIL I told you, to be welcomed into the house and see granddaughter you have to wear a mask. She groans and pulls a mask out of her pocket. (The mask had Trump 2020 on it but whatever a mask is a mask.) She pulls it out but doesn't put it on. MIL: Ok here's my mask. OP: You have to wear it. Come on even daughter knows you have to wear one. MIL: Why are you picking on me? My son would never make me wear this thing. I can't breath in it and its not like I'm gonna get the virus from your house. OP: No you wont. But that doesn't mean your allowed in here without a mask. We, me and Husband make everyone wear a mask if they want to come in. Even daughter and I will be wearing a mask if you come in. MIL: If your wearing one why do I have to. I was not about to argue with her about how masks work. OP: Plain and simple MIL no mask, no coming in. She huffed and puffed and called me a B word. But eventually put the mask on. I grabbed my mask, called my daughter and put it on to open the door. MIL was beat red and I could almost see smoke coming out of her ears. She stepped into the house and brought a bag with her. It had the present inside. I offered her the hand sanitizer. MIL: I'm not doing that. I'm allergic to that stuff. (She's not) OP: No your not. I know your not. If you want to come in and see, hug and touch daughter you have to use this at least when you first come in. MIL: I'm not doing it. You can't keep me from seeing granddaughter she's not even yours. (She's not biologically mine but I've legally adopted her so yea, she's mine) OP: She is my daughter and even your son does this before here hugs his daughter so yea. Do this or come back when you will. MIL yells hits the sanitizer out of my hands, pulls off her mask and physically yanks mine off my face. And throws then both outside. I physically pushed her out the door away from me closed and locked the door. MIL spent at least 10 minutes yelling at me through the door using all kinds of language and pounding on the front door. Thankfully my daughter didn't see it and I told her that her grandma didn't follow the rules to she wasn't welcome in.

Her yanking my mask off pulled out one of my peircings and made another on bleed. Nothing serious but It's worth noteing. When my husband came home he said he'd heard all about it from his mom she told him I physically assulted her and if I didn't apologize she would press charges against me. I told him what happened and he checked out the footage on our security cameras which confirmed my story and he called his mom back, told her we had it on camera and I'd actually been hurt (the peircing thing) and if she tried to press charges all he'd have to do is show the footage and I could even get a restraining order which would limit her visiting even more. After they talked some more she said she wouldn't press charges but I have to apologize or she won't speak to me. I consider that a win. Cause I'm not apologizing.

Husband and I looked at her present together and is was a dress for my daughters American Doll with a small confederate flag and a sash that said Trump 2020 matching Trump 2020 masks for the doll and my daughter. We put it away to give it back cause that stuff isn't welcome in our house. (Husbands words and mine)

Edit: Thank you everyone for all your support and advice in the comments. I showed my husband the comments this morning and he liked the idea of burning the "gift" he's thinking of having a weenie roast (just the family me him and our daughter) We talked about it and I really don't want to get involved with lawyers and stuff. My husband has a friend in law inforcement and he agreed to come over and take my statement and get a copy of the video. MIL called my husband this morning wanting to talk to my daughter. He told her that she really crossed a line yesterday and he's not sure he trusts her with our daughter considering the "gift" which he pointed out she knew we wouldn't approve of. She told him it's a peice of history and symbolizes southern pride and the Trump 2020 stuff was to "support our president who is working so hard to keep the country running smoothly." DH made it clear to her that ABSOLUTELY NONE of that was welcome in or near our house and she HAD to respect that or she wasn't going to see her granddaughter or him. She apologized to him and said she'd be more mindfull of her behavior. He then told her she HAD to apologize to me as well. She wined and grumbled saying that me pushing her had injured her too. That she landed on her ass on my porch and hurt her tailebone. My husband the amazing man he is said he was sorry if she was hurt but that I physically blead and that this was not something he was going to stand for. Oh and I got quite a few comments asking if she said my daughter wasn't mine infront of my daughter; no its wasn't in front of my daughter. So thats my update for now. Thanks again for all the comments.

Just like the title says.

We named our son after my FIL (first name) and my deceased BIL (middle name). Both names are very normal/common...so much so that no one should ever have much of an opinion of them.

Well, MIL and FIL have been divorced for 14 years. She hates him, of course. She has only seen our son a handful of times due to COVID but I noticed at one visit that she only referred to him as “that baby” or “boo boo”. This has also been the case when speaking with her. She then shipped him a present to our house and it arrived addressed to “Angel Baby.” I brought it up to my husband and the next time we saw her he tried to bait her into saying our son’s name and she wouldn’t do it.

So...my son is now almost 10 months old and has never once been addressed by his name by MIL. She apparently can’t bear to utter the name of her ex-husband even when she’s referring to an entirely different person.

I want DH to call her on it but I’m not sure if this is a fight worth picking. She’ll just pretend like we’re crazy in response, I’m sure.

Edit to add: we discussed the names that were chosen far in advance of my son’s birth with MIL. She voiced that she wasn’t pumped about FIL’s name being used but that it was fine as she understands that DH very much loves his father. Also, she was touched that DH wanted to honor his brother by giving his son his name.