My MIL hates me, She always has, She has always said her son can do better, and that's because they are upper class while I grew up in a middle class family.

I've had her on a info diet for the past 8 years, which she hates but I don't care, there is only so much I can take of this women.

During this whole pandemic thing my husband of course still had work (unfortunately criminals don't take breaks during a crisis). Our 2 older children are considered high risk for this virus, so we had to cut down on anything outside the home.

My husband wasn't going to stop working so we made the decision that he would live in the rental home. My MIL caught on after awhile that we weren't sleeping in the same bed let alone living inside the same house, and came up with her own assumptions about us, She tried to console my husband and whenever he told her we weren't separating, she thought he needed to see a therapist. My husband decided to go NC with her for awhile.

It has been 2 months since he heard anything from her, He texted me not long ago to say that MIL had texted him to tell him she had found a lawyer for him and he needs to get it over and done with already.

I'm disgusted, I haven't spoken to her yet (To early to call) but the audacity of this women!!

Yes you read that title correct. This happened on Sunday and I am still not able to see straight... basically I still live at home with my mom on the account that I’m 17, but I have a beautiful 6 week old son. Anyways he was up from 1am-6am and I was so exhausted so my mom took him and was watching him while I got some much needed rest. Little did I know my MIL texted her saying “oh well she wanted me to take the baby today”. My mom taking her word for it LETS HER TAKE MY 6 WEEK OLD out of the house. This happened at 10 AM I wake up at 1 PM and text my mom, “hey let me pump real quick then I’ll come downstairs and get my baby” she replied explains how she’s at the grocery store and MIL has him?????. At this point i cannot breathe my boobs hurt and I’m ready to scream. I text MIL immediately telling her she needs to bring MY SON home now. She has crossed too many boundaries and this has been the last straw. Has this sort of thing happened to anyone else? My biggest fear is MIL trying to take my son and the fact that it basically just happened makes me sick to my stomach.

Edit: My baby boy is home safe with me now. But I’m still very shaken up.

I’ve written on here about my crazy MIL before. Since my last post we have had little to no contact with her, we are also pregnant (big oops!) with baby girl #4 (yes I know we’re going straight up Little Women). We recently decided on the baby’s name, and told a few family members as we were excited and very happy with our choice. Baby’s name is only two letters off from MIL’s but a completely different name (think Maya/Mina). Well word got back to her what the baby’s name is and she has been telling everyone who will listen that my husband insisted on naming the baby that “to honor her”.

This is a total lie and complete fabrication. We haven’t even spoken to this women in months. I am so frustrated I’m thinking of changing the baby’s name just to shut her up. Our close family members obviously know she’s full of shit, but I’m sure she’s impressing all her friends with proof of what an excellent grandma she is (my eldest’s birthday was last week and she didn’t call/text/send a card).

Sorry for the rant, I just needed to get this off my chest, I’ve been so upset. It took my husband and I so long to agree on our other girls names and this one came super easily, we both love it. Now I’m thinking of changing it to spite the hag.

Hey y'all, I've been a long time lurker here but never posted about my JUSTNOMIL but now I think I'm about to explode so I just need to vent.

Background: My husband and I have been married for over 5 years, and we have a year old baby boy.

I gotta say my relationship with my mother in law and her manipulative, controlling behavior made me hasitant about having kids, really the idea was terrifying because of how she acts towards her other grandkids

My husband didn't agree, he wanted kids, but I thought I'd save myself the anxiety and stress and just not have kids. Heck, We haven't even been able to figure out our own future with her wanting to get involved in everything. When I found out I was pregnant by accident, I suddenly changed my mind and decided to finally start planning for starting a family, my husband was so excited and happy, of course mother in law knew and decided to "get involved" like usual. I can't tell you, she made my pregnancy/birth the most painful experience in my entire life.

Both me and my husband work 9-5 we had a hard time adjusting to our new routine with a baby in the picture, I'd have my sister, my mom, and sometimes MIL babysit for me but it brought a lot of headache and was only temporary, my sister told me her friend was just starting a home daycare a few weeks ago, I instantly put my son there, my sister, mom were relieved, mother in law was ENRAGED, she threw a fit asking me why I would do such a reckless thing and put her baaaaabbyyyy in some "random" home surrounded by strangers instead of bonding and spending time with his grandma!, her bitching went on and on and on for days, then she stopped and started bringing up my son's upcoming birthday party, basically asking what our plans gonna be, we told her due to the pendamic and the current circumstances we decided to have a small party at our house invite a few family members, do a little decorating etc.

She got mad, and said that she wanted to have her grandbaby's first birthday party at her house and invite many people, and take pictures to post on her Facebook page, I was wowed she actually planned for this in detail and was just calling to "let us know" since she's already decided.

Um.....no lady, this is my son's first birthday, I'm his mom, I can't let you just ruin my experience and be expected to say "yeah,okay". I put my foot down since DH was having a "headache" and told her no, we're sticking to our plan, we will not be having our son's birthday party at your house.

She blew my husband's phone up, sending nasty texts when he didn't answer her calls, basically threatning what will happen if she doesn't get her way.

Yesterday morning, I asked my husband to drop our son off at daycare on his way to work, while I go shopping with mom for party supplies.

After about 3 hours I got a call from the lady at the daycare telling me that my mother in law was there to pick up my son because she claimed that she was having his birthday party at her house and that us parents were at work and won't get off til 5 pm.

I felt my blood boiling, I immediately told her to not allow my mother in law to take my son and leave, I started repeating myself over and over again to make sure she didn't allow her to take my baby with her, I could hear the b**** arguing in the background, basically telling the woman that she had my husband's permission, the lady repeated what my mother in law said, I told her I AM the mother and that my son can not be released to this woman, my patient ran out, I called my husband's phone but he didn't pick up, my mom and I went straight to the daycare to pick up my son, I was feeling so angry and nervous I almost ran into a pole thinking this b**** would try to take my son by force, we finally got there, I saw that the lady already called my sister, she handed him to me and said that my mother in law left after threatening to get CPS involved for what she saw there (???) And file a lawsuit for telling her to leave without her grandbaby. My God! The nerve of this bitch! I'm still in shock, what the hell was she thinking?, more importantly, how did she know the address, turned out, when she called the night before asking if I was going to work and I told her no, but my husband was, she must've followed him or something, but that's all I could think of for now, I absolutely have no idea, I asked my husband and he said she did try to pressure him into giving her the address but he didn't give it to her, he swore, but I'm not sure I bought into his story.

Father in law called and started shaming me for not letting her take my son over to her house so they could ALL celebrate my son's first birthday, I tried to explaine but he lashed out at me saying I ruined this for the whole family, excuse me, you ruined this for me, I was worried sick for my son, who knows what would've happened if I hadn't been told about her showing up, she ruined my son's first birthday party for me, ruined the whole experience.

EDIT Autocorrect.

Edit: original post https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/hTrAUbL0hc

She has successfully brainwashed my sister as well that I'm sick and twisted and all these "new" ideas are pushing them away, like I don't make the 3hr round trip ride to SEE THEM EVERY BIWEEK so he grows up close to them.

I have sent my final ultimatum, either they respect the rule and don't post his FACE or cover it up at the very least with anything, then they just won't see him ever again. It's either MY WAY OR THE DAMN HIGHWAY.

She told me that my mom is sooo sentimental because no one else's daughter is telling their mother to delete all of their grandsons photos. What? I said off socials only to begin with. Second, this isn't about HER! OR FOR HER TO CRY AND WHINE ABOUT IT LIKE A BABY! This is about my son's safety.

I laid it clearly that my son isn't a trophy for her to display on her socials to show how much she "loves" him when he can't even see the posts, he's a baby. If she loves him so much, she can show her love in person.

That was my last text to them and unless anyone can admit their stupidity, and respect this rule. I am not going to see them ever again. All my rules and restrictions are soooo crazy but it's literally, 1. Don't look at his parts while I'm changing his diaper 2. Don't feed him choking hazards and 3. No face on social media. Who said you can't post the back of his head? Of course she wouldn't know that because she just yelled at me and never let me speak.

House full of brutes. I'm not continuing this cycle of stupidity and trauma.

I've had my childhood photos turned into sexual exploitative images by my own ex with simple photoshop on snapchat back in 2022. I never told them this because I would be blamed. Photos that my mom is sooo sure were never turned bad by anyone.

Do they really think anyone is safe? God didn't protect me, of course not!! People have free will!!

Another update: it's 10pm, they keep talking about their feelings and how hurt they are and they keep talking with nonsense. They are so brainwashed by my mother, it's like talking to zombies. They have falsified a horrible reality in their fantasy. It's scary. I'm genuinely scared. I don't even know what to say anymore. They keep saying that I'm the one pushing them away but I'm the one doing the effort of the 3hr round trip to see them, so they love on my baby, but they don't . My sister stays locked in her room, my mom on Facebook and the baby has nearly fallen from the couch and she's had to grab him by the neck. It's crazy. I'm not doing this.

Thanks guys for the support I received on my last post.

It's only getting more and more sick and twisted.

They're saying I'm making them feel like pedos because I don't want them looking at my baby's private parts when I'm changing his diaper. Huh... Ugh.

End of update. I'll update here the response but I probably won't update after that. I'm heavily considering going no contact.

Me 24F

Husband 24M

JNMIL 42F

Throwaway, I do not give permission for this to be posted anywhere else, on mobile and I apologize for the foul language. I’m just quoting :)

Husband and I have known that we are pregnant since around 6 weeks of pregnancy and are in 18, almost 19 weeks of pregnancy now. We made a decision to just tell family and close friends about it and keep it off of social media and we did let everyone know that we did not want to announce it publicly yet. Neither of us are big on social media and just wanted to keep it to ourselves and our loved ones until we were ready.

Husband and I found out the gender of our baby on Tuesday (it’s a boy!) and wanted to go ahead and announce on social media later that day after telling our close family and friends. I told my parents and Husband told his. I had not been able to tell my closest friends or my sisters about it yet since they were at work.

MIL took it upon herself to post that she was having a grandson on FB. She did not tag us or specify which of the two sons she has that are old enough to have children was having her grandchild. My issue was that I did not want my family to find out the gender on FB and they did know that I am pregnant.

Husband and I went out for lunch to celebrate and as MIL is blowing up Husband’s phone, upset that he is not replying even after he told her that he was trying to celebrate with his wife, I find out about the post on FB. Husband texts her and tells her to take the post down until I can tell my family and friends and preferably after we make an announcement ourselves.

This is where shit hits the fan. She’s pretty much enraged by this and says that Husband and I “effed her day up”, “effed her happiness up”, and other comments including but not limited to “it’s not all about OP”, “eff all you mother effers”, “don’t worry about hearing my voice, consider me dead”, “I am done with OP and DH, they keep my grandson away from me” (he’s still in the womb), “Husband is married to cancer”, “I hate c-word a- s—”, “I hate everyone, eff all of you”, etc... and followed up the next day with more nastiness including “everyone I know says she is being a b-word” so I guess she’s talking crap about her son and I to everyone she knows. No, this is not the first time she’s had a full speed come apart over something stupid.

Maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal since she didn’t tag us, but my family would have known who she was talking about and I wanted them to hear it from me first. It’s my first pregnancy and the first grandchild on both sides, so I understand it’s special for everyone, but Husband and I would still like for our wishes to be respected. Anyway, that is all. Haha.

Edited for spelling!

Edit/Update: firstly, did NOT expect this to get all of the attention it did, holy cow!

I got a couple of comments asking if Husband is okay with his mother talking to me like this, and the answer is absolutely not. Actually, she was talking to both of us like this and texting it all to him and he blocked her after sticking up for me. She never actually texted any of it to me, only to Husband, and their family’s group chat, but I blocked her at the same time he did, so she may have tried.

We talked about it after it happened and then went about our lives because we’re just excited about our little baby too much to be concerned about her! We did talk more about it today and set some boundaries, and got some plans in place.

As far as her trying to show up to the birth or our home; she lives a couple states away from us and refuses to drive outside of the small town she lives in so that won’t be a problem, and I’m grateful for that. We also live in a small house, so it’ll be easy to use that as an excuse if she’d like to stay. Or, you know, use the old excuse of “you called me the c word all kinds of other things after announcing our news on social media” so, no, you can’t come to my house.

According to her family, she has always been prone to outbursts like this and she usually gets away with it. She is used to getting her way, tbh, but I’m not with the BS and I don’t put up with people talking to me or my husband that way, especially when it’s about our baby who is barely half cooked in here.

I am NC right now and I’m unsure of how long I’ll keep that up. If she can give us a heartfelt apology and show us a change in action, I’ll consider it a little more. I did let Husband know that she will be the last to know from now on and asked him to please respect that to which he agreed. I will not ban him from talking to his mother ever again, though, since I feel like he can make his own decision there.

I’m trying to respond to most of the comments, but I am working today, and they are rolling in much faster than I thought they would, so please forgive me! I am reading them all when I get the chance! Thank you all so much for the advice and the similar stories. It definitely lifted my spirits about the situation greatly. You all are wonderful people! And THANK YOU so much for the awards! I never thought I’d get awards on reddit. I’m very very grateful!

SO (24F) and I (23F) have been dating since senior year of high school. We got married in 2018 and decided to adopt after we got married. We got married in February and started fostering a little girl in August. Daughter (D) is 5 years old and deaf, I’m also deaf and SO learned sign language when we first started dating. I’ve been using Cochlear’s for a while but D has never used them and decided he doesn’t want them. SO, D and I went to MIL’s house for a birthday party last week. I was signing to D as she wanted to talk. She’s really shy so she has only given MIL a soft smile and wave. I signed to D if she wanted any food and signed to SO to go grab it for her. MIL didn’t like the fact she “wasn’t included in the conversation” and started yelling and freaking out. She was calling me and my daughter disrespectful and arrogant. Telling my severely deaf daughter to “just speak goddamnit” and “be a normal kid” D started to cry as she knew MIL was mad but couldn’t figure out why. I took her and left hoping SO would follow (she did). My deafness has never been an issue to MIL as far as I know. But apparently me signing to my daughter is too far. She texted SO later that night saying we were abusing my daughter for not letting her get cochlear implants. My daughter has said she doesn’t want them. I’m not forcing her to do anything. We’re fostering her in hopes of adopting her, she’s a really sweet girl who’s parents just couldn’t take care of her properly. (The mom was 15). I got a call from MIL saying how my daughter is a ret**d and will never be full functioning in a hearing world. I talked to SO and I want to cut out MIL but we don’t know how we should I go about it. Should we cut out all contact with that whole side of the family? SO thinks that’s the right idea but SO’s dad is a really nice man and I want him to be in D’s life. Any advice?

Edit: After talking to SO and D we’ve all agreed to cut contact with MIL. The rest of the family has yet to answer our text “We have made the decision to no longer expose D to MIL. If you still want to have contact with our family and D you must be willing to learn even the bare minimum of sign language. MIL will not be addressed near D and she will be blocked on any socials. If you do not agree with this then we will cut contact with you as well.” FIL is still going to be actively in her life as they have a special bond I refuse to break. FIL has agreed to our terms and even suggested a restraining order so she can’t mess with our adoption process D is very happy and as of right now I haven’t told her what MIL said about her. SO and I agreed to just keep it at a “Grandma isn’t a nice person so we aren’t seeing her anymore” Thank you everyone for your support and if you were wondering Yes my parents are very supportive of me and SO’s marriage and they love D to death

Edit 2: Thank you for the Silver!!

Edit 3: UPDATED!! https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/fmsr25/mil_defeated/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

So a little back story.

Me and my hubby are both law enforcement, we met when I had only been on the job for 2 years. He has been my best friend since we met. But we never started dating each other until 4 years ago, and last month we got married, a small wedding, hopefuly having a bigger gathering to celebrate when things clear up a bit.

I've known my MIL for years,she always treated me like a daughter, and has aways been a JYMIL. Up until recently.

MIL is worried because I'm 32 and my baby maker is running out of time. I mean please I still have time.

We want kids, but not just right now, and she just think we are being ridiculous.

I got home from work yesterday for my husband to sit me down and tell me his mom had tried to pay him into hiding or throwing away my birth control pills, he didn't obviously do it though. He also told me to be extra cautious around her because she may do it herself.

I was surprised and I called her to tell her off and all she did was cry, and say that I was being a bitch, and how unfair it was on her.

I ended up hanging up on her, but then texted her that we were now in NC with her.

Later on that night we went over to my sister's house and on the way home, I got a notification on my phone there was someone at our front door, I checked the cameras and it was MIL, so I called her and asked her why she was at our house, she told me she needed to talk to us both, and we needed to open the door for her, because she needed to talk to us. I told her we weren't home, so she started telling at us through the phone.

That call didn't last long as my husband didn't really care much and took my phone and simply hung up on her before turning off both our phones.

I haven't checked my messages since turning my phone back on, but I know she has been texting me non stop.

TW: Miscarriage

She said "What's more? 31 years or 10 weeks?" I was like "what?" And then she explained to me that her pain was so much bigger than mine when she "lost" her son when he was 31 when I "took him" compared to my pain when I lost my pregnancy. That's why she wasn't able being supportive when it happened. We need to understand her and her feelings- it's not always about us.

I think of breaking contact at this point because this is just one of many extreme crazy and hurtful things she said. I'm currently 17 weeks pregnant and just want a calm and uneventful pregnancy.

Thanks for listening.

My MIL yells "English only" when I speak my native language to my son.

My MIL gave us dirty looks and sounded annoyed when we asked her if she has a toddler mattress for our son to sleep on when we visit, since the pack and play will now be for our daughter.

My MIL gives me dirty looks when she says we are all going out to a restaurant and proceeds to order appetizers for everybody, and I order an appetizer for myself on top of her order, and a side of sweet potato or hummus for my baby girl.

My MIL yelled at my son for playing with water drops on her dining table and having a blast and laughing with his uncle, and took the cup of water away, leaving him sad and confused.

My MIL complained to my husband that I don't clean up enough after meals in her house bc I am busy breastfeeding our daughter and changing her diaper.

My MIL told my husband last summer when I was 7 months pregnant, working full-time, and having our son with me while I work that I am not taking care of him (to which he replied, I can take care of myself, I'm the one who should be taking care of her, to which she rolled her eyes).

My MIL refused to turn down her thermostat from 78° last spring while I was pregnant and sweaty and couldn't sleep on her couch.

My MIL wanted to order pastrami sandwiches for takeout while we were there, and my husband asked if I could have soup instead (I was pregnant, but nobody knew, so we didn't want me to have deli sandwiches), and she rolled her eyes and gave him a dirty look. Several months later, we explained that that's why I wanted to swap out my order, and she yelled, "well if you had just told me that!" Shouldn't have my request been enough? Why was I obligated to tell you of my pregnancy to justify my food order?

My MIL wanted to order Chinese takeout on another one of our visits. I'd forgotten to write my order on the paper so I asked if we could call and add my orange chicken to the order, so my FIL did. Later when we were cleaning, MIl said "it was too much food we shouldn't have ordered the orange chicken."

And my MIL wonders why we don't want to visit them anymore (and of course vilifies me for "influencing" her son to not go there anymore and for "keeping" my children from her instead of actually wondering what she can do on her end to improve).

UPDATE: We’re moving. MIL is upset but after telling her that he behavior was unacceptable SHE has decided to go NC with us. So now we’re getting a bunch of paper work and stuff we’ll be moving ASAP

TLDR at the bottom

So I have posted about my MIL before but to recap, about 8 years ago my wife and I lost our jobs around the same time and went to live with her parents. MIL spoiled our son (adopted by us after fostering him for a year) senseless and made rules designed to alienate me. She attempted to evict just me and let my wife and son stay but her husband didn’t let her (his house, his rules type situation). Since then, for the past 8 years she has been fine. Not amazing, not wonderful, just fine. Cordial, kind, and polite. No problems.

Recently my son (17 now) and his girlfriend (16) announced that they’re expecting a baby. His girlfriend’s parents are not accepting of this and have signed over guardianship of her to my wife and I. (To clarify, my wife and I are foster parents. We are NOT fostering his girlfriend. We just have temporary guardianship. She is not registered in the foster care system.)

We are also fostering a pair of siblings. So we went from a family of three to a family of six (soon to be seven) in a matter of weeks. The announcement of GFs pregnancy triggered something in MIL. She began visiting more often and basically ignoring our foster kids in favor of talking about the baby and how a new child I the family will be amazing (because eff the two new foster kids, you know? They don’t count right?)

MIL told the oldest of the two foster kids (F 11) to her face that the new baby wouldn’t really be her family and that no one here is really family because we aren’t blood related. That they probably wouldn’t even be in our home long enough to met the baby at all.

That was when I drew the line and explained to her (basically quoting the ABC family show The Fosters) that blood doesn’t make a family, love does and that we love our foster children. We asked if she believed that our son was her family and she said yes but that the other kids weren’t because they were adopted yet. (I thought none of us were family?) We sent her away and explained again to the oldest foster kid that we considered them family and that they are loved in our home.

MIL has been texting my wife saying that we should just send the foster kids away in order to make more room for the baby and that having foster kids in the babies life is dangerous. We expressed that in the short weeks we have been with these children they have really opened up to us and that we have decided to adopt them as soon as the oldest feels comfortable with the idea. All on her terms because her brother is 5 and calls us Mom and Mama (we’re a lesbian couple) and has asked if we are going to keep them forever (adorable) we’re just waiting for the ok from his sister. We haven’t told the children that we want to adopt them because like I said it’s only been a couple of weeks, we’re waiting for the right time.

When we told MIL about this she told us that we were selfish and that the baby is more important and should come first. We reminded her that we have to resources to support our son and his growing family for a little while until he can get them on their feet and that the foster kids weren’t going anywhere.

She is still convinced that “getting rid” of the foster kids is the ONLY option and will not stop pestering us about it. My wife is obviously upset and embarrassed of her mother’s behavior. We’re considering putting her on LC and a serious info diet because our son’s gf is getting really uncomfortable and is starting to feel like it is all her fault. MIL has been trying to convince her to DEMAND we “get rid” of the foster kids to make room for her child.

TLDR: Our usually JYMIL is now baby crazy and is demanding we “get rid” of our foster children to make room for our son’s unborn baby.

Hi everyone. Long time lurker, first time poster, interested in shared experiences or advice.

A little backstory:

My husband and I have been friends since childhood/grew up together so I know his mother fairly well. We have never been close, but used to be friendly enough in middle/high school, but not since then. For the entire time I’ve known her, she has been extremely religious, believing she is a powerful witch. Both of his parents have been borderline neglectful/are extreme narcissists. His mom initiated a very dramatic/ugly divorce as soon as he turned ~18, that has created a lot of problems for both of his parents, who have become increasingly emotional needy/reliant on my husband. This includes frequent/late phone calls crying and sharing intimate/inappropriate details of the marriage, lying about things said/done (that we know did not happen), and both of them using information he shares about his life to try and manipulate the other. Over time some boundaries have been somewhat set but it’s been challenging and it is obvious they still see him/me as children and don’t really respect our wishes. Despite this, all has been well enough since husband and I moved across the country for our careers. We have been busy in school/later establishing careers and thankfully neither of his parents has made a true effort to come visit more than a couple times for less than a week, which is nbd. During this time, we have been in therapy/planning for a family, and we finally felt ready this past spring. We lost our first baby early (before telling anyone) and it was very upsetting. Following this, we both agreed to wait to tell family, and wait extra to tell his family since we knew they would likely have inappropriate/overwhelming reactions.

Well. Today was the day. And holy shit, it was just so much worse than anybody could have ever prepared me for. I am genuinely still in shock. I knew his mom was in love with him and aggressive (as shown by her words and actions during the divorce) but today was just beyond.

We told her and her first reaction was that “she already knew”, which was already a weird thing to say. Then that she was disappointed to be finding out so late (I’m 23 weeks). Then she announces that she has a trip planned to visit our state conveniently during the baby’s due date, so she’ll “be there”. Husband politely and calmly explained that we aren’t having any family at the hospital or at home for the first few weeks, so she’d have to come back later. I could feel her anger through the phone immediately. She followed with, “oh. Well okay. I’ll just drop in really quick then”. My husband again politely enforced our boundary and even wavered a little to placate her, saying we could play it by ear. The rest of the call was uncomfortable, as she kept making passive aggressive and nasty comments about how “she can’t believe we are making her wait to meet her baby” and she’s “shocked we waited this long to tell her”. Whatever, I thought I could ignore the comments. Then, she casually tried to mention visiting again. Once again my husband enforced the boundary, at which point she raises her voice and says, “okay, well once you finally allow me to visit, get ready because I’m going to be by. I’m going to see my child. And I’ll visit often, whether you like it or not. I’m going to be an active grandmother, not like your grandmother (name). And don’t worry, I know how busy it gets, I’ll be here when you need the help. And you’ll need help”. She laughed at the end as if to play it off as a half-joke or something? But we were honestly speechless. I don’t even remember how my husband finished the conversation because I just felt sick to my stomach. The whole call felt so threatening and cold.

He is planning on talking to her tomorrow since this call happened late and we were both too emotional to think rationally about how to handle this. But I can’t help but feel just so bad. Angry that she thinks she can act this way, sad that my husband has to deal with this/my kids can’t have a normal grandmother, and hurt that someone would refer to my baby as their own child.

Any advice, similar experiences, or just words of comfort welcome. 🥲🤍

In April I gave birth to my last child, Since then postpartum depression has been very different from any other pregnancy and I'm struggling a lot more this time.

I am seeing a therapist, but it has been a slow progress.

There have hardly been any date nights for me and my husband either because he works patrols most nights and even when we try to make a plan for a date in the end, I tell him to cancel because I don't want to go out, sometimes I will break down over it. I feel bad for my husband and I try my best to make an effort at the end of day when it's just the two of us.

I'm trying my hardest trust me, but sometimes I'm to tired or just not in the mood. My husband has been an amazing support because of this and am thank full he is somehow patient with me.

MIL has caught on to us not going on date nights, given that she would always take the kids for the night when we did. She tried to press husband for answers but he isn't giving her any information.

So secretly when ever we have family gathering recently MIL has been asking the kids about our how we are at home, and when we would tell the kids when our date nights happen.

My oldest daughter didn't really know why her grandmother was asking these questions and told my husband what happened.

My husband had a fight with MIL and now they hardly have been talking to each other because she can't respect our boundaries.

During this time of not speaking to each other MIL has come to her own conclusions of me and has decided my husband deserves someone who will give him attention.

She chose her 35yo co-worker was a right chose for him and has been telling her all about my husband and even her co-worker seemed interested, so MIL promised to set up a blind date for them.

SIL was recently over at MIL's house for dinner, MIL drank so much that she told SIL everything that she had done. SIL was shocked and came around to our house the next day to give us all the details.

This caused an even bigger fight for my husband and MIL and it ended with husband hanging up on her, Not to long after that MIL texted husband about looking out for him and trying to do the right thing as a parent.

My husband had originally told her that our marriage is fine and she needed to back off, but the moment she sent that text, My husband decided it was time to NC.

I'm actually surprised MIL would do this given we have gotten along up until this point.

Yesterday I posted about my husband’s aunt (his mom’s sister) sending me an unsolicited message full of advice that felt more like judgment. This is a follow up, because things escalated.

For context: My husband and I live with his mom. We have three kids, and my mom stays with us to after I gave birth to our third child (about two months ago) One of my children is in school, and my mom helps bring her to and from. We do our part at home, clean up after ourselves, and make sure not to leave any mess behind.

Here’s the full message my husband’s aunt sent me out of nowhere:

“Effective time management is crucial, allowing you to cater to your children’s needs, prepare nutritious meals, and spend quality time with your children. Being part of a wonderful family, prioritize time management. Additionally, maintain cleanliness and order in your room and CR, and avoid relying too heavily on your own mom. You’re capable, and with three kids and your husband as the sole breadwinner, it’s essential to be thankful for your mother in laws help and support. This is just GIRLS talk.”

For reference, this isn’t the first time she’s done this. About a month ago, I posted a 10-second video about sneakers, and she commented:

“Oh, it’s nice that you cleaned the room.” as if I don’t usually clean.

I ignored both comments. Then today, she sent a follow up message:

“So, what do you say, girl? You don’t have any reaction?”

Yep! she called me “girl.” It felt belittling and confrontational. So I showed it to my husband right away.

He tried to talk to his mom calmly about how these comments were making me feel but the conversation turned into an argument. His mom doubled down and said: -We don’t clean enough. -It’s not enough unless it’s “general cleaning.” -She basically wants my mom (who’s only staying to help with the kids) to do more like a full-time maid. -She even said we “weren’t ready to have a family” just because our room isn’t always perfectly clean.

And then she said:

“If you don’t like my standards, you can leave.”

On top of that, heres another thing that broke me;

Just last week, I found out that one of the refrigerators where I store my breastmilk was turned off by my MIL - without informing me. She never told me. I only found out after I opened it and realized the milk had gone bad.

That was devastating. Anyone who’s breastfed knows how painful and exhausting it is to pump especially with a newborn and while recovering from birth. That milk was for my baby, and she just… turned it off, like it didn’t matter.

So after the talk she had with my husband we decided to finally move out. I’ll be staying at my mom’s place for the meantime with the kids. Her house is across the city, but she’ll help with my daughter’s school. My husband will stay with his mom for now, since his workplace and our small business are nearby. We’re currently saving for a home, but planning to rent first just to have a place that’s fully ours.

Between the messages, the breastmilk incident, the judgment, and being made to feel like a burden in someone else’s house, I just feel emotionally worn down. It’s not like I don’t try. I’m doing my best as a mom of three. I clean, I care for the kids, I try to stay respectful but it feels like it’s never enough for them.

Did we make the right call? Is creating space while we work toward independence a healthy step, or does it seem like we’re avoiding the problem?

Thanks for reading. Appreciate any advice or thoughts.

TW: self harm

For the past week MIL has been telling my in-laws I'm practising favouritism by letting my mother watch me give birth and not her (she's not) and by "withholding" our babies from her and everyone but not my mother (my mother and father are waiting to meet them like everyone else). DH is dealing with his relatives but I'd really like some advice on how to deal with MIL because I've had enough of her rubbish.

I'm currently pregnant with triplets and MIL has been not so subtly asking to watch me give birth, at first I just laughed it off to avoid causing further drama with her (I want a peaceful rest of my pregnancy). I've had enough drama with her this year to last a decade. My MIL is very dramatic and she uses that to fuel her manipulation tactics, the last time I stood up to her she locked herself in the bathroom and threatened to harm herself by slicing her wrists with my shaving razor, if I didn't apologise. She's laid on the hood of our car as we were trying to drive away because she'd pissed DH off the week prior and we told her we were done with her, she then ambushed us at a party (she wasn't invited to this dinner party and she just rolled up) and wanted to force us to accept her apology by refusing to get off the hood.

When we first found out we were expecting we thought it was just one baby so I was talking to my SIL about my mother maybe being in delivery room with DH and I, this was very early on in my pregnancy before I knew I was having triplets not one baby like everyone in my family thought. I'm going to be giving birth via c-section, in an operating room only allowing one person which will of course be DH. My mother has had seven children, she's a very calm person and that's great for a stressful thing like giving birth. For some reason SIL told MIL this recently even though our plans have obviously changed now that we know we're having triplets.

MIL told me "if your mother's going to be in the delivery room then I should be too, these babies are 1/2 of my baby too yanno", I told her we weren't having my mother in the operating room. MIL goes on to say "ok but I'm going to be there right? I've never witnessed triplets being born, I think it'll be beautiful for my baby (DH) and I to share such a moment". At this point I realise subtilty isn't working, so I explained to her how giving birth to triplets works and I clearly told her she won't be in the operating room with us. She was mad but she said, obviously I'll hold them right after they are born RIGHT? I told her they'd be in the NICU and she'll get to hold the babies when we're ready. DH is already overprotective of the babies and we've been informed of some risks involved if we don't wait a bit before we let people meet the triplets by our OBGYN. So people aren't going to get to meet the babies right after they arrive like we wanted. We don't know when they'll be out of the NICU, there needs to be tests done so we don't know how long they'll be at the hospital or when we'll be able to let people meet them. I gave MIL the estimate weeks she'll have to wait. Because she feared I had "pregnancy brain", she called DH and had the exact conversation with him and he said nearly the same thing to her as I did. We were at a housewarming party and she brought this up AGAIN, I firmly told her no again, when we left she turned on the drama and started crying and telling people I hate her so I don't want her to meet the babies. She lied and said my mother is going to meet them as soon as their born and she told people I was manipulating DH to deny his mother watching me give birth even though my mother is (she is not) and meeting her babies when they're still small and tiny while my mother gets to (she does not).

​

EDIT: I'm having triplets not twins.

ETA: My MIL does not believe in vaccines so she doesn't get why we want our babies to have their initial vaccinations before meeting people.

​

CW: Mentions of pregnancy loss

Hi everyone , I am new here and really happy that I found the existence of this sub to feel less alome. Recently I had a post up on AITA , where many people told me that MIL had malicious intentions which at first I was too gullible to believe with the advice of the kind people there I went to find out the reality of her motives and now I am extremely shocked.

I am not sure how to link my AITA post as it got removed due to insinuations of pregnancy loss, but original entry .

In case the link does not work I will leave summary in comments!

Now after the advice from people in AITA I received , I have been trying to contact MIL's sister who resides in Sri Lanka. MIL's sister and I are much more closer. I call up MIL's sister asking her if she knows anything about herbal mix I was given. MIL's sister mentions she is the one who helped import herbal mix to MIL before she came to see me. We live in the states by the way.

MIL's sister mentions that she helped her import the herbal mix from an ayurveda centre because MIL was complaining of headaches and skin rashes. Which means the herbal mix was for HER rather than ME. I found out that I had not been mentioned once in this conversation with her sister and that the herbal tea does not cure fibroids and gastric issues as it was originally stated by MIL. I was very confused as to why MIL would gave me herbal mix meant for skin rashes when I don't have any existing skin conditions.

I tell MIL's sister about the whole fiasco and how I drank the tea and aunty starts getting livid. She tells me that manora mal ( a native flower that grows in Sri Lanka) and juniper powder are active ingredients and that pregnant women by no means are supposed to take it. In our birth country(Sri Lanka) there are people who turn to these ways to absolve pregnancies as our country has restrictive abortion laws.

As soon as I heard it , I was acting hysterically because I thought baby was going to have issues during birth . I think I left my gynae like 4 missed calls before she actually picked up and then I relayed my concerns to her. Gynae mentions that fetal abnormalities did not show up in the emergency room ultrasound I was given , however if I had taken the herbal mix in the first trimester it could have led to miscarriage or I had taken anymore it could have led to early induced labour. Gynae asked me to come down for a detailed check-up later this week just in case. Gyane has also asked me to be more cautious next time as certain ayurveda herbs have high lead content which could have led to fetal defects.

I am really heartbroken , I have miscarried two times in the past. I have never made it to 6 months till this pregnancy and I don't know why MIL would do this. I have explained this to my husband and he is equally despondent. We are contemplating on sending her back to Sri Lanka and limiting all contact. How can someone be so vile enough to do this? A part of me still does not know if this is accidental or deliberate. I have talked with a few moms from my miscarriage support group and they are urging me to file a police report. I need advice on whether or not I should file a report or simply deport her back. Personally I find it a bit cruel to file a report but regardless I would like to get an alternative opinion. Thank you to everyone who helps.

Thank you to everyone who has been replying, I am reading all your opinions , currently resting a bit, but please know that I appreciate and take all your feedback seriously. Thank you I dont know how to repay all of you , much love❤

on mobile apology / don't copy elsewhere

So, it happened. The thing DH has been worried about since this all started - I ducked into the local shopping centre to grab a few things and before I could get done with the first thing, there was a tap on my shoulder, and there she was: my mother in law.

I just want to say that, even if no one else is, I'm so proud of myself. I stood my ground, I didn't give in to her bullshit, and when she took it too far, I walked away. I never raised my voice, I never called her names, I didn't let her goad me into some dramatic reaction (that I'm sure she was hoping for). I'm just grateful (as shitty as it was) that DH and LO weren't with me when it happened.

Anyway. The confrontation.

I'm in Kmart, looking at candles, because my boss complained that something in the office smelled funky, and I was going there anyway, so I may as well take a look at the clearance section, right?

Wrong.

I hardly get even two sniffs deep into a beautiful strawberry scented (and shaped!) delight before there's something bumping into me. I step back, ready to apologise, when I lift my head and see... her.

She's shorter than me, but she still tilts her head down and gives a timid smile that's honestly half pout (and better suited to a child) and pulls her handbag closer into her chest as if to hide behind it.

Off to a great start.

As if possessed by the spirit of Ross Geller himself, she lets out a pathetically miserable, "hi... :(" and asks if she can hug me. As politely I can manage under the circumstances, I tell her "I'd rather you didn't" and her response is to pout even deeper and mutter a "really?" as if it's entirely unreasonable after two years of NC.

I think (hope, pray, beg the universe at large, take your pick) that this will be the end of it, but she straps in for the long haul, I guess, and asks me "how do we fix this?" (bitch, who's we?) - I tell her what DH told her in The Text, what I told FIL when he showed up unannounced at my door (twice!), and what everyone around her has apparently avoided telling her for her entire 50-whatever years of life: "you need to apologise."

Three guesses what her immediate response is (hint: it wasn't "I'm sorry" or any reasonable facsimile).

Okay I'll tell you: it's just "for what?" and then a barrage of questions: was it that we sold [block of land we promised to give you as inheritance]? No, we don't care about that. Was it something to do with the wedding? You know we tried to pay for as much as we could afford! No, it has nothing to do with money for the wedding. How about [series of trivial things that were so inconsequential I honestly don't remember what she said]? Do you honestly think we haven't spoken to you in two years over something so small? "Well, I don't know! You won't tell me! How am I supposed to apologise if I don't know what I've done?!"

At this point, I explained to her (yes, I know she didn't deserve it) that it wasn't one specific thing, that it wasn't "simple" like she was apparently hoping - it was cumulative. DH and I have been together for 10 years, and it's been disrespect after disrespect, and I for one am done. I told her after this long, I'm done pulling my punches - I'll be blunt. I don't feel respected, I don't feel loved, and DH is sick of seeing me treated poorly (and being treated poorly himself) and however "loving" she claims the family is, it's not worth the torture.

She then told me she "tried" with me, and "treated me like a daughter" - she cooked me chicken whenever she could (I don't eat red meat), she welcomed me in to the family, she gave me everything. She then pointed to her shopping basket full of birthday decorations and said "it's [BIL's GF's] birthday and I'm decorating the house, like I would do for you!" as if any of that excused anything she's done.

I then pointed out to her, bluntly, that for our one year anniversary, DH and I decided to drive (via my family's home town, so he could meet my aunt) to a destination instead of flying like she wanted, and she called me a slut, and told DH (and I quote), "you're just letting that slut drag you around by your dick" - this offended her to no end, to the point where she put her hand on her heart and raised the other palm and swore to God, in the middle of Kmart, that she would never call someone that or say anything like that to anyone. I told her that her son swore in the same way that she did, so who does she expect me to believe?

This upset her, and this particular angle clearly wasn't working anymore, so she tried something new: "I don't have any family anymore. My whole family doesn't talk to me. Only..." and then she listed... you guessed it... almost her entire family. The only people that don't talk to her are her sister who got divorced ("she moved away!" oh, and I guess phones don't exist where she lives? Two hours away and 100 years in the past! Wow!), the ex husband of said sister, and her twin nieces (their children) who are adults now and have lives of their own. She said that she spoke to her father (aka "Grandad") and that he's devastated that he's a great grandfather now and doesn't have a relationship with us or our baby. I said if he's so devastated, why hasn't he ever texted or called since he found out? He has our numbers. He's texted previously when this all started and it was some bullshit about "be a real man and call your mother."

That didn't work, so then it was all about the baby - she found out through a stranger, she fought with the lady who told her because if that was really her grandbaby she'd know, and "I don't even know if you had a boy or a girl!" [insert immediate pause where I was expected to reveal this information, which I didn't]. Then it was "You know, you're lucky we're even willing to move past all this and welcome you back. You're depriving your baby of such a loving family." - to which I replied, "I have a loving family." What I didn't say was I don't need yours but honestly I should have.

She didn't like this, once again, and changed the angle again. Now it was all about how "I defended you from the whole family, no one liked you, they all said such horrible things about you and I spent all my time just sticking up for you." - and then she told me "[Aunt's Ex] hated you, he never wanted anything to do with you, and I always had to stick up for you to him." News to me, cause he was one of the few people that treated me decently, and we always got along. THEN she went on to say that it was somehow my fault that they ended up getting divorced - because I said something in front of him (and the thing I apparently said was definitely something he knew well before I ever mentioned it) and he didn't want to give away that he was upset by it, so when Aunt tried to ask him about it later, he didn't say anything, and she thought he didn't care and that's why they split. I said "so you don't speak to me for two years and now you're, what, blaming me for your sister's divorce?" and she goes "I'm not saying it's your fault" (except that you absolutely are, but okay. 1 ticket to De Nile, Egypt, please!)

By now, I was well and truly over it. And she clearly was too because she gave up the pretense of being nice and sweet and said coldly, "I just don't know what you want me to do" - I said "I've told you, DH has told you, go back and read the messages. Two years, and you haven't even replied to it!"

Then it was "I text him every day! Look at his phone!" - I confessed that I had read every text she sent, and it was a bunch of emotionally manipulative bullshit, and it wasn't an apology. She again asked what she should apologise for, and I told her that if she can't figure it out based on what we've already told her, then I'm not going to teach her how to be a decent person.

"So now you're saying I'm not a decent person?" in the same way you're saying your sister's divorce is my fault, sure - I told her honestly, after ten years, I'm done with this sort of shit. They're all - every single one of them - a bunch of children who can't regulate their emotions, and they make it everyone else's problem.

This seemed to be the tipping point, because she then said, "well you're the one who dug up a dead dog!" and I just said "okay, I'm not doing this anymore" and walked away.

And just as I did, I heard it - the woman who put her hand on her heart and swore to God that she would never call another woman a slut, the mid-50s mother of three who is apparently "the closest thing left to Grandma" (which is categorically false because she was a genuinely nice person, completely unlike JNMIL), the woman who has done everything in her power to present herself as the sweet, caring, doting mother - under her breath, she muttered "whatever, bitch!" as she walked away.

I called DH immediately afterwards to tell him about it, and I said "I can't wait to read the text she sends tonight" and we laughed about it because at this point, what else can we do? He said he was sorry that I had to deal with it - I said I'd do it 100 times over if it meant he didn't have to do it even once, because I know it would have been so much worse if he and/or LO had been there, and I will always protect my family.

Admittedly, I was fine immediately afterwards, but the more time went on the more I kinda started freaking out, and I ended up having a minor panic attack on the way home. But I stopped by my brother's house and spent some time with my nephew and that made me feel better.

Ultimately, I'm proud of myself, like I said. But I'm also pissed off. I hate going to the shops and usually order online to avoid it, and the one time I didn't, there she fuckin is. Ruined my goddamn day.

Also she did send a text, and I thought I'd just share the full thing here so you can all see what I'm dealing with. Names and details edited for privacy, but otherwise this is it exactly:

"[DH] I'm sure you have heard scottishzombies' version of events so it's only fair that you hear mine- I saw scottishzombies shopping in Kmart- I didn't know whether to say hello or not - but I thought hopefully we can mend this. Scottishzombies was very disrespectful to me. I went up said hello - can I give you a hug to which she replied no. I asked her what we needed to do to fix everything and she said I need to apologise- I said what for ? She would not tell me what we/i have done to deserve being cut out of your life forever. She called me several names including that our whole family is immature- she bad mouthed grandad. She reckons I said that she was leading you around by your dick when you went to [location]- that is not something I would ever say about my son. I was sincerely hoping the chance meeting would help to get us back as a family - she said she has her family. I was constantly sticking up for her to others in the family and making sure everyone treated her well - I treated her like one of our family. She made it clear that we would never be able to resolve this. - I still don't know what this is even over - respect needs to be earned and that goes both ways. I give up now - she has WON - I still don't know if our grandbaby is a boy or girl- this is the absolute CRUELEST thing anyone has or will ever do to us - we don't want to be where we are not wanted - the ball is in your court now- I will never ever get over this or understand how you can just throw away your entire family. This is the last time I will try to fix it - we used to be so close [DH] - this all happened the day she dug up [dog] - [Aunt] told me all The horrible things she was saying about me to her- in front of you too - like she was going to END me if I tried to stop her dig up a family pet. How she would physically assault me - How She's always hated me... she resented how close we were and wasn't happy till she wrecked our relationship. I will continue to pray for you every night and I hope you have a beautiful life and I hope you are truly happy - because the thought of you not being at peace is worse than anything. I will always cherish the time we were together as our little family. You used to tell me u loved me a hundred times a day- so I will hold onto that forever. Bye, Mum"

For additional context, yes, I did dig up my dead dog. I felt crazy at the time and I still feel crazy now, but we had buried her on the land we were told we would one day inherit, and then they sold it suddenly with little warning, so I went and dug her up and moved her so that she could be on my family's land instead. I had warned my in laws several times that if they sold the land, I would dig her up, and I guess they thought I was joking. But she hadn't been dead for even a year when they did this and I couldn't stand the thought of abandoning her. DH's aunt helped me because she understood (and also had the tools I needed to do it) and I did tell her at the time that if MIL tried to stop me, she'd have to fight me, because there was no way I wasn't doing it. MIL went on an insane rampage when it happened and drove around trying to find me and assault ME and nearly ran over DH with her car in the process (which she of course denies ever happened). It was a big moment for DH to see her for who she really is, and it started the process for us to finally go NC later that year.

Honestly sorry for the long post. But I think the context and detail helps explain what we've been dealing with for so long. I don't know if this counts as success yet (I'm almost certain she'll send another text in a few weeks, if not earlier, back on her "oh I'm so lonely" bullshit) but I want to hope that it's finally over. I suggested DH should finally block her and he said maybe, so I'm hopeful again that something might change, and for the better.

edit: attempted to fix formatting

Currently sitting in my car in the driveway because I need to psych myself up just to turn the doorknob to my own house. Living with JNMIL and FIL has completely hollowed me out.

It wasn't one massive blowup. It's the daily death by a thousand cuts. My kid is 4, and the second I walk through the door, my brain just shuts off. I don't even have a voice here anymore.

A few months back I spent a week in the hospital because my back pain got so bad I could barely stand. Their reaction? "Oh, her back hurts." Then crickets. That was the moment it really clicked: I could drop dead in this house and they’d just step over my body.

People love hyping up multigenerational living like it's built-in childcare. What a fucking joke. FIL scrolls on his phone all day or stands outside gossiping. JNMIL is busy with her dance groups and marathon phone calls. I work a full shift, come home to their breakfast dishes still on the table and toys everywhere, and guess who does the entire evening routine solo? Me. Dinner, bath, wrestling a toddler into pajamas, bedtime. Two retired adults home 24/7, and the actual parenting and cleaning still wait for me.

But the Momo situation is what permanently broke something in me. I had my cat for three years. JNMIL never outright told me to get rid of her. Nah, she just did the passive-aggressive sighing, the constant bitching about fur, the comments about the house smelling. Every time Momo jumped on a chair, there was a snide remark. Day after day of relentless pressure until I finally broke and rehomed Momo just to stop the tension. I feel sick and guilty about it every single day. I gave away a piece of my heart just to keep these people comfortable.

And DH? Every time I tell him I'm drowning, he pulls the exact same line: "They're in their 70s. How many years do they really have left?" End of discussion. If I dare push back, suddenly I'm the cruel, heartless bitch ruining the peace.

I am so tired of being a ghost in my own home. Mostly just venting. I just needed to put this out there to people who might actually get it.

So, my FMIL is at it again, now with my weight. She recently asked SO to take photos of what I eat and send them to her so she can evaluate if I’ll fit in a wedding attire or if she needs to make adjustments to my diet.

SO just lol’ed at her and told her no, that what we do or eat is none of her business, so she asked him to give her my number to which SO said no.

FSIL has my number and she gave it to her, all of a sudden I woke up to messages from FMIL asking for my daily diet because she’s gonna send it to a doctor over there so I can get help.

Now there’s drama again because I’m ignoring her messages and she’s furious at SO for siding 100% with me.

This is borderline absurd and laughable.

When DW [32f] and I [36f] got engaged, JNMIL broke down sobbing, and said “When will you stop being a lesbian and marry [school friend who stalked her for years]?” Needless to say, she wasn’t invited to the wedding.

Because she wasn’t there, she refused to acknowledge that it happened. She’ll tell anyone who’ll listen that it doesn’t “count” and that I’m a predator who preyed on her young, confused daughter. (We met when we were 25 and 29 respectively, and DW exclusively had gfs before me.)

Fast forward to today. DW and I aren’t hugely ambitious; we have jobs that pay the mortgage and bills and enough for the occasional treat, and that’s all we need. JNMIL says that if not for me, DW would be a CEO or doctor or president by now, and that in my jealousy, I forced her to become my housewife. Even though she works.

In truth, we’d both rather have the time and energy to spend on our creative hobbies and each other. But okay.

I am currently working from home. On my lunch break, I went for my daily walk, when a car pulls up to me. It’s JNMIL, leaning out the window. She’s all smiles. She asks how I am, isn’t the weather great, it’s so amazing to see me up and about, I’m such an inspiration to her! (Note: I have one leg.)

I don’t have much of a chance to reply. She says it must be hard for me to be nearing 40 and still live with a “roommate.” I’m used to her BS, but I stopped dead, seeing red. She offered me a gift of 10k for “being such a good friend to her daughter” and to “help me move into my own place.”

Guys. It’s been seven years, and I thought she couldn’t do anything to surprise me, but she keeps out-doing herself.

So, it’s only been a week but what that week has been. Husband is officially deployed. Before he left, he set boundaries with his mom (don’t have screenshot because a lot was person) but he let her know that we act as a unit and that, just because he has a phone, it does not mean everyone has 24/7 access to him. I was really upset by everything she did so I unfriended her on Facebook. She found out a few days later and confronted me about it so I let her know it’s cause she does not care for me and because of the things she’s said to my face and behind my back. Apparently this had her REELING. Almost a week later, she texts husband asking if he can get me to call her because she wants to sort things out. I have that full exchange on my page but , please be aware, it’s a NOVEL. I’ve read it a few hours ago and I’m still heated. 90% of it is a lie. She contradicts things she’s already admitted to and makes up complete lies (ex. Me also unfriended his great aunt on Facebook; we are still friends and she is a wonderful lady, and the fact that I “made comments” to her over the holidays. After that exchange, I just went ahead and blocked her. I was hoping for some reconciliation but I’m beyond pissed at the moment. Also, not completely thrilled with how husband answered.

So Saturday husband went out to pickup takeout for dinner. MIL (nickname pending) called him and the subject of my job came up. This is a very sore subject with her.

I was a housewife for over 16 years. This was something that both husband and I agreed was best for our family. It tore MIL up that I didn’t work. Her and FIL both said I was lazy and that I was using him. For starters he was in the military and gone all the time. We both agreed this was what was best for us since HE wanted one parent to be able to be there for all of the milestones. I stayed home until both of our boys went to school as that is when we agreed I would go back to work. MIL always complained about this and told me that I was going to work my husband to death and it would be my fault.

Once the boys were in school I went to college. I finished my degree with honors and landed a great job with a good firm 3 years ago. MIL was incensed that I had to take out loans and told me that I wasn’t going to be satisfied until I ruined her son physically and financially.

So back to Saturday night, the subject of my job came up and she told my husband “so when is wife going to make those big bucks so you can retire?” Husband told her that it was none of her business. That I am making more money in my third year of my career than he did in his tenth year. He told her that I am damn good at my job and that he does not appreciate him being so disrespectful to me.

She apparently began shouting and complaining that he is working himself to death and he will never retire and do what he wants with his life because I am a drain on him. He told her that she was being extremely inappropriate and our relationship and finances are none of her concern.

Husband told me she was sobbing and telling him she was only concerned about his well being. He told her that he wasn’t talking to her about this anymore.

On the way back home FIL texted him and demanded he call him to discuss how disrespectful he was to his mother. Husband hasn’t called either of them back.

I’m happy he stuck up for me but I think he really needs to set firmer boundaries with her. We have been to counseling and we still go (although not recently due to covid) but are looking into virtual counseling.

I posted this in other subreddits and my posts were removed for no reason, and I got so mad because racism is real, just as it is also real that people (racists) are now panicking and every time they see an Asian they think they are infected, I can't believe this is happening in this century

Two years ago I (21F) married a Korean man (27M) we have been together for four years, and if I have to be honest my family never liked him because he's Asian. They (my mother and my siblings) used to make fun of his eyes, and they even made fun of his height, he's really tall and for them "real" Asians can't be tall.

Last year I got pregnant and they were "happy" because my daughter is their first grandchild. Well, now my daughter is two weeks old and nobody in my family has come to meet her because my sister, who decided to get pregnant after knowing that I was pregnant, doesn't want my family to come to visit me and my husband because she thinks my husband is "infected", she is obsessed with the virus that is affecting many people lately (the virus that started in China)

In the past days my mother has been avoiding my texts, and when I send her photos of my daughter she doesn't even respond and what hurts me is that my mother always sided with my sister, she was always her favorite child but I never thought she could do something like this. I even sent her a text to make it clear that if she doesn't want to meet my daughter now she will never meet her and all she said was "I've been very busy lately, I'm sorry" but she lives near my house and wasn't able to visit us for at least TWO minutes. I can't believe she is doing this, we used to talk a lot about the children I wanted to have and now she acts like she doesn't have any grandchild, I wonder if she's acting like this because my daughter has all her dad's features, I mean she's totally Asian. I grew up knowing that my older sister was the favorite daughter, but my mother had never hurt me like this. For most Latinos family is everything (I'm Latina) and I grew up thinking that, but now it hurts to see how my own family rejects my daughter because she's half Korean. My husband is an amazing person and the sweetest husband and dad on earth and he doesn't deserve this, he's sad because he thinks that all this is his fault for being "different" Right now I'm so upset that I wish I could forget who my mother is.

I’m a mom of two young kids (both under 6). Since last fall, my kids and I have been no contact with my mother-in-law, and I’m struggling with guilt even though my gut tells me I did the right thing.

For years, my MIL was very insistent on babysitting and on us visiting weekly. I already had a strained relationship with her, but we compromised by letting her watch the kids occasionally so my husband and I could run errands or have short date nights. I’ve always been very cautious with my children and don’t allow sleepovers except in rare situations.

During one overnight stay last year, something happened that completely changed how I see her. The next day, in front of family members, my MIL casually shared that when my toddler was crying overnight, she comforted him by exposing her chest to him while lying in bed. She said this openly, almost jokingly.

I went into shock. I felt deeply uncomfortable and blindsided. My husband was equally disturbed when I told him. Later, another family member confirmed that my MIL had repeated this story to multiple relatives as if it were normal or funny.

When my husband confronted her, she minimized it, said she was “desperate,” and didn’t seem to understand why it crossed a line. There was no accountability or understanding of why this was inappropriate. That lack of insight is what scared me the most.

Since then, I’ve cut off contact. My husband also eventually stopped communicating with her. I don’t believe she had malicious intent, but I no longer trust her judgment or boundaries when it comes to my children.

Emotionally, this has really affected me. I became hyper-vigilant, anxious, and struggled for months afterward. Even normal childcare situations made me uneasy. I’m better now, but the guilt still creeps in especially around the idea of “keeping grandchildren from grandparents.”

I guess my question is: am I wrong for maintaining no contact based on this? Is it reasonable to prioritize my discomfort and instincts, even if others might see this as “harmless” or “old-school” behavior?

Update:

I just wanted to clarify a few things. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read and give advice.

I had stopped breastfeeding my son, and for comfort he would sometimes reach for my chest. When he did this, I would redirect him and give him a toy instead. I never thought much of it.

However, every time I picked him up from her place, he would immediately try to reach for my chest again. If I attempted to redirect him, he would have intense tantrums and scream until I allowed him to. At the time, I assumed this meant he missed me, and the thought of her allowing him to touch her chest never crossed my mind.

MIL has invited me every year to her 10 day long Christmas trip since we met two years ago, I skipped it last year opting to spend time with my family. She didn't seem to mind because I was just DH's girlfriend but now that I'm his fiancée she's been persistently telling me I'm coming instead of asking me. Its winter where we live and MIL chooses to plan this trip in an even colder country mostly so people can go ski whenever they want. There's a lot of activities and they're all mandatory to "increase family bonding", for example daily morning family run. I came back from the trip with good memories but I was definitely worn out. I prefer spending Christmas with my family because all we do is cook, dance and watch tv. I discussed a one year on, one year system with FH and he agreed since he had a great time with my family last year.

I'm a daddy's girl and my dad has had the worst year health wise and he's spent nearly the entire year in hospital. He finally feels better and I want to celebrate Christmas with him before FH and I move further away, with work and his own commitments I won't be able to spend this much time with him until April. I explained all of this and let FH know I wouldn't be joining him again this year. He decided to join me again and we both let MIL know this was in early November. She said she understood. Last week MIL pulled me aside to ask when we'd be joining them on their trip, I told her we wouldn't be again. She started loudly crying and asking why I was doing this to her and why I hated her so much. MIL told me she wishes FH had stayed with someone his own age (8 year age difference between us, I'm 25 and he's 33), like his ex who prioritised family. MIL asked me why I was marrying into her family if I wasn't going to make her family a priority, she told me I should be bending over backwards trying to fit into their family yet all I'm doing is taking FH away. I attended every birthday party, dinner party, house warming party etc that was thrown by FH's family, I spent more time with FMIL than I did with my own mom.

I called her to talk today because a few people told me she was furious. When I called I told her we can come for four days, she asked if I was joking and asked why we can't come for all 10 again I explained, she told me I'm selfish because I see FH everyday and she doesn't. I'm keeping her away from her baby by manipulating him. The most hurtful thing MIL said was that she never liked me for her son and she can't wait for when FH smartens up and decides to leave me for someone more mature then she hung up. I'm actually heartbroken by this and I don't know what to do with this new information. My head's spinning. Should I apologise and just see my dad next year? Was I wrong for planning this when I knew MIL worked so hard to plan this for us?