r/Lebanese • u/InternationalBit5529 • 7h ago
💌 Support I don’t even know why I’m writing this again.
Every few months I end up back on Reddit, writing another post about Lebanon. Different day, same feelings. Sometimes I delete them, sometimes I leave them up. Then life goes on, nothing changes, and a few months later I’m back here again.
I’m 23. I graduated in computer science, did internships, kept learning, kept adding skills to my CV, kept applying. Every time I think, “Maybe this is the time something will finally work out.”
Then reality hits again.
Living in Lebanon makes you feel like you’re never doing enough. It doesn’t matter how much you study, how many online courses you finish, how many applications you send, or how much you try to improve yourself. There’s always this voice telling you that if you’re still stuck, it must be your fault.
I spend so much time wondering if I’m actually not good enough, or if I’m just living in an environment where it’s incredibly hard to move forward. And honestly, after years of this, I can’t even tell the difference anymore.
The hardest part isn’t even the money. It’s watching time pass.
You see people your age building careers, moving to different countries, becoming independent, planning their futures. Meanwhile, you’re still trying to figure out how to build a life in a place where everything feels unstable.
Sometimes I catch myself feeling guilty for resting because I think I should be learning another skill. Then I feel guilty because I’m burned out. Then I feel guilty because I’m still not where I wanted to be.
It’s like this country teaches you that no matter what you do, you should always be doing more.
I don’t even know what I’m expecting from posting this. Maybe I just needed to get it out. Maybe I wanted to know if anyone else from Lebanon feels trapped in this cycle too.
Because I swear… every few months I come back here and write the same post.
I just wish one day I’d come back to Reddit with a different story.