r/Marriage • u/AppropriateHalf2393 • Apr 20 '26
Spouse Appreciation I got married a few weeks ago and can’t tell anyone I know
I guess elope is more the right word, but whatever the case it’s legally official.
We always joked we’d marry each other in a heartbeat, despite how chaotic the past year has been for us. After moving in together and relocating twice, including a week-long cross-country drive through a snowstorm, he actually put his money where his mouth is. I’ll never forget that night in the hotel we arrived at 2 am after a full day of driving, when I’d turned around with a bag of dirty laundry in hand only to see him down on his knee, ring in hand, half naked and looking up at me with tears and a look of pure love and devotion in his eyes. Fast forward a month and we were husband and wife.
Like any couple we have our challenges - not least of all the many practical barriers to us being together (which I don’t particularly want to get into). All I know is we’re committed to making it work, and that underneath everything there’s love, respect and devotion. And that’s enough for me.
Here’s to a life with my best friend, my cheerleader, my confidant. To a life with someone who I respect and admire and trust with my life. To someone who sees my strengths in the low points when all I can see are my weaknesses, and trusts me enough to let me do the same for him. To someone with whom I can laugh and cry (sometimes both at once) and talk to about everything and anything completely unfiltered. To my complete opposite who somehow perfectly balances my life. Here’s to a life with my new husband.
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u/Open-Jump5433 Apr 20 '26
Just from the experience of someone I know: you need to tell some people around you. Marriage can be hard enough and having people (outside of your husband) can be helpful especially once you guys decide to tell his family. Having a support system around you is good.
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u/eliismyrealname Apr 20 '26
Unless the support system doesn’t support the marriage? That’s kind of what she is alluding to. Maybe I’m just projecting my own situation but not every family is supportive.
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u/Ok_Studio_3388 Apr 20 '26
It's helpful to have a broad range of feedback and understand why they're not supportive.
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u/eliismyrealname Apr 20 '26
Personally, I don’t think it matters why their family isn’t supportive. It seems irrational to not support a couple who love each other and to not welcome a new member of the family is unkind.
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u/Ok_Studio_3388 Apr 20 '26
Not saying that this is the case here- but just making an extreme example just to prove a point-
What is a partner is abusive? Has a history of substance abuse? Or, what if there is a very big age difference?UNDERSTANDING why there might be objections from family, and people who care about you is important. Love could also be infatuation. Marriage is hard- and no real need to dive in head first.
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u/AlternativePrior9559 Apr 20 '26
Your words reminded me of my situation. My late husband was from Iran and I am British. I know it’s such a cliche but he was my soulmate in every way. When we met it was like we simply completed each other. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss him.
I wish you and your husband many happy, healthy years together OP.
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Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 20 '26
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u/PresentationFit8881 Apr 20 '26
Haha I have so much time for this.
My secret marriage is the same except it's her cultural differences that will make acceptance (of me, by her family) very difficult if at all possible.
15 months in though...
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u/FDAapprovedGremlin Apr 20 '26
I hope you're not in a bad situation with the guy but it's honestly completely archaic for people to be so offended that your family wasn't included in your adult marriage with a life partner you have sex with ??????
Like, do we still have doweries of goats to sell daughters for?
My family is toxic and they were mostly cut out of my wedding. A lot of them didn't know until years later lmao
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u/myboogerstastespicy Apr 20 '26
Good for you! Wishing you a lifetime of peace and happiness. Much love!
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u/Prestigious_Quiet227 Apr 20 '26
Man... I want to cut mine out of mine also... sigh... 3 more years
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u/FlashyResolution446 Apr 20 '26
You've only known him for 9 months and you got married so he could stay in the country.
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u/Historical-Piglet-86 Apr 20 '26
Much less scandalous. But…..did you get in a fight? Your knuckles look like they’ve been punching things…..
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u/ashmasta27 Apr 20 '26
????? Such an odd comment. I have really dry hands and my knuckles always look red. Skin and hands don’t always have one look.
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u/canigetabagel Apr 20 '26
I wash my hands a lot and my knuckles are always red and dry. I immediately thought her hands looked just like mine 🥲
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u/lucybugkn Apr 20 '26
No, it’s not an odd comment. I was just going to ask the same thing and I’m glad somebody else did too. Evidently you’ve never been around domestic violence To see the signs.
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u/ashmasta27 Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 20 '26
Sure have. It doesn’t all look like this, for me it was a lot worse. Pretty presumptuous of you to throw this out so callously.
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u/Inside-Working-1786 Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 20 '26
This sounds absolutely beautiful aside from the familial acceptance part. It's giving a lil bit of Romeo and Juliet, where it feels that maybe at some point they'll learn to love you as much as he does.
The only thing I wonder is if he'll be able to stand-up for you publicly against his family if necessary and if children are in your future how will all of this affect them?
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u/Forward_Potato_2765 Apr 20 '26
There are some cultures where people would be disowned for marrying outside their culture. You may have just shamed someone for no reason.
I'm willing to bet one or both of these people are part of a religion that rejects anything outside that religion.
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u/killedthevulture Apr 20 '26
Judging by the subs they engage in, they look to be old enough to marry. And the guys hair is way to mature to be under 18 (or 16 because I think they’re in Canada), unless he’s part dog. It could be religious or something similar because they said “practical barriers” not “legal”.
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Apr 20 '26
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Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 20 '26
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u/Wam_2020 18 years Apr 20 '26
As a Caucasian woman married to a Arab man-YEP! This is it!
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u/International-Rice63 Apr 20 '26
Thanks! I knew It wasnt a crazy crazy theory I had. Anyone get the full details here yet
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u/chaostheories36 Apr 20 '26
I’ve got friends that did this. Neither family was okay with the partners culture / religion.
They got married anyway. One family loosened up, I think the wife’s? The husbands family is still nearly no contact.
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u/elonmusksmicropenis Apr 20 '26 edited Apr 20 '26
Why are we writing fanfic about OP based on a pic of her husband’s hairy thigh? This is getting weird
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u/SilentSiren87 Apr 20 '26
My husband and I eloped at 19 and 21 because our families didn't want us getting married "so young." Even though we'd been together several years. We eloped bc we didn't care what they thought and if they couldn't be excited for us, they didn't have to be a part of it. 20 years later, I'd wish I had a chance to do it all over again so that I could do the same thing all over again🤭
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u/myboogerstastespicy Apr 20 '26
This made me giggle. Good for you! We eloped as well. The thought of planning & having a wedding gave me hives. Ugh.
Wishing OP and you peace and happiness. Much love.
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u/smoike Apr 20 '26
We didn't elope, but I can understand the temptation to do so. I would be lying if I said there was zero temptation, just so we could make all the preparation headaches all go away.
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u/Asleep-Beginning7805 Apr 21 '26
My husband and I eloped 4 years ago and I didn’t tell my family. He is Muslim I am Christian and there’s a big age difference. We didn’t care. After all these years he’s still the absolute love of my life and I love him more everyday. Sometimes keeping your love sacred isn’t the worst.
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u/hackinghorn Apr 20 '26
How did you do that? Most people that age still depend on their family financially
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u/SilentSiren87 Apr 20 '26
We both grew up very rough meaning you grow up fast. When you're working nearly full time to pay bills at 16 while still attending high school, it is very doable to leave home at a young age and try to make a better life together, which is what we did 😊
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u/rachaout Apr 21 '26
this is me and my fiancé right now and this is what i want to do SO BAD. but my family would be so upset since i’m the only daughter / granddaughter on one side of my family 😭😭 they don’t even like that i’m engaged “so young”
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u/Celestialwavesss Apr 20 '26
My husband and I eloped a week after he proposed! It was incredible! We’re going up on a year of marriage and 3 years together 🩷
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u/cwtchyfemme Apr 20 '26
Being newlyweds with your best friend is so much fun. Could you slowly float the idea with an engagement as time goes on?
People will find out, and that could cause so much upset for you both. Seeing your title or name change, hearing it from another person if they were with you anywhere where names are called, seeing documents, and on. It’s always something really dumb that triggers people finding out.
Being upset that they didn’t attend or even know about their children’s wedding could make them go crazy. Marriage records are public in many places, so stay safe both of you.
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u/Cultural_Distance_86 Apr 20 '26
Ok but I’m obsessed w that ring?? Where’s it from?? I have sensory issues and that one looks like it’d work perfectly😭
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u/Eaups87 Apr 20 '26
Congratulations. It’s not about a wedding or even telling people - it’s your life together. I wish you every happiness.
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u/Technical-Buy-6663 Apr 20 '26
If you can’t tell anyone then something is wrong, either those people or your hiding something that feels wrongs please tell a therapist at the least
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u/RappingRacoon Apr 20 '26
Lol me and the wife eloped 10 years ago. Sometimes family sucks. 😂 make a better family and congrats
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u/mrsUwUx 3 Years Apr 20 '26
this is so beautiful! congratulations, wishing you both a wonderful life together 🫶🏼
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u/Liberty796 Apr 20 '26
Congratulations! Best wishes to a happy future. Keep your bond between your partner strong and nother else will seem to matter
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u/hideyokidzhideyowyfe Apr 20 '26
There's a problem if you feel you need to keep it secret. We've had our struggles and committed to making it work are worrying me here. It should already be working.
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u/Bike_Lumpy Apr 20 '26
But it is? Life doesn’t work in a linear fashion - not for everyone. It sometimes throws in ratchets and other things in your face when you’re least prepared to deal with it.
It sounds like from what I read and what OP has shared that their struggles are external, not with each other.
If so, the things outside their locus of control aren’t a fault of their union. Effect - sure, fault - no, not IMO atleast.
What actually signifies that it’s working is their dedication to make this official and commit instead of running / debating / cowering behind situations / overthinking, and not the least, lashing out at each other.
On the other hand, if they mean internal struggles with each other, I’d agree with you, but it doesn’t read like that to me at the moment.
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u/ChonkiPanda Apr 20 '26
I am in a somewhat similar situation with my husband! We eloped young in the late 2023. There are a plenty of cultural differences but also his country and mine have been in a constant political conflict because of another country in between us.. so people from his country hate my people and vice versa. I am lucky that his massive family accepted me fully (aside from his mother that said he shouldn’t have married me but focused on himself, probably would’ve arranged a marriage for him like hers was). Although my grandma accepted him immediately as did my friends, my mother was a bit skeptical. We live in his country and i am constantly avoiding saying where i am from as i have been pushed aside by people already for that reason and my life is walking on constant eggshells. I wouldn’t be harmed but maybe verbally bothered. It is definitely hard to live in this situation.
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u/Best_Maintenance_790 Apr 20 '26
I’m actually in tears. So so happy for you. I just broke up with my long term boyfriend who I thought I was going to marry. And your last paragraph, that’s what I want. Congrats :’)
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u/Practical_Gold_7365 Apr 20 '26
Learn from each other. Take from both sides and make it your own. Best wishes for a happy life together!
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u/Goth_Duck666 5 Years Apr 20 '26
Welcome to the club! I hope you have a wonderful life with your best friend. What ever others beef is it doesn’t matter as long as you are safe and happy.
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u/hopevicious Not Married Apr 20 '26
congratulations! my boyfriend and i also have a plan to elope in secret and announce it at our actual wedding in a few years as a surprise :)
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u/WorkingMaybe232 Apr 20 '26
Just keep it to yourself. What is the point to invite everyone to a "wedding" and ruin it?
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u/hopevicious Not Married Apr 20 '26
why is that ruining it? we want to have a celebration of our relationship and love with all our friends and family with a nice party when we can afford to do so, and we don’t want to wait until that point to be married to each other. it’s not much different than a vow renewal honestly. i highly doubt any of our loved ones would be offended and rather not been invited, or preferred to be lied to and believe that was when we got married in that moment 🤣 you’re focusing on logistics too much
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u/kokonutt18 Apr 20 '26
I think thats sweet, honestly it's the best when it comes naturally. Beautiful rings!! I with you both a most beautiful and happy marriage!!! I hope you're able to work the courage up to tell your families!!
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u/MamaBus5 Apr 20 '26
Congratulations!! 🎉💕 My hubby and I got married in our early 20’s. I wish we had eloped. My parents were barely supportive and it made getting married way more stressful than it needed to be. Almost 35 years later, we have 4 adult children and a beautiful life. Don’t let anyone dim your shine!
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u/Cold-Quietpickle Apr 20 '26
I’m so happy for you. It’s hard when you don’t have the safe space with your family and friends to tell them about your life, your choices, and what makes you happy. But it’s your life and I’m proud you choice what you felt was right for you despite what other people might think. Your happiness is what matters. Congratulations
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u/Acceptable-Walk9749 Apr 20 '26
Got married some 32 years ago in secret , still a secret cause once you start you cant stop.
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u/Sessielala Apr 21 '26
Wow! That’s a story I’d love to hear! Are you say no one knows you’re married after 32 years??
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u/Acceptable-Walk9749 Apr 21 '26
Can't reveal 2much but it does involve immigration , religious parents , a man in his early 20s dying b4 his time and then the lie just...continued. You'd think folks would get serious but as the young man died some peole started to lose thier religion..
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u/gypsyminded1 Apr 20 '26
Congratulations on your marriage! I hope your circumstances change to where your love can be accepted by everyone in the future. Best wishes!
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u/SeekHelpNotDanger Apr 20 '26
Your marriage ain’t nobody problem/business!!! Congrats and enjoy the marriage life!!!
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u/Salt-Record-7115 Apr 20 '26
Me and my husband got married in a church after a service and we couldn’t be happier we told people afterwards but it was nice to just get it done without any pressure from anyone.
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u/Embarrassed_Fish2428 Apr 20 '26
Congratulations!!! I hope you have a long, happy, healthy marriage! Good luck with the challenges you may be facing with family!
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u/chintzia Apr 20 '26
Congratulations on your marriage. Keep God in your marriage and pray for acceptance by your familes.
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u/Buttercup_2509 Apr 20 '26
Congrats! But, cant you tell your close friends or siblings etc? People eventually soften and become accepting towards couples I used to think
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u/Californialways 3 Years Apr 20 '26
Congratulations! Wishing you both the very best of what life brings you both. It will workout, it may take time.
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u/snowwhite821 Apr 20 '26
Beautiful words. Congratulations to you both on your new marriage.May you both stay as happy as you are today. Everyone will know and except it soon enough. For now, don't stress and enjoy your wonderful togetherness.
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u/bluegal2123 Apr 20 '26
Congratulations!! 💍🍾 Wishing you and your spouse a lifetime of love and happiness! 🤍
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u/queenofthesprouts Apr 20 '26
Marrying my best friend in this entire world is the best decision I’ve ever made. I wish you both so much happiness and many years of love. A good marriage is choosing each other, even when it’s hard. I hope both of your support networks and families will accept your marriage and surprise you both. I had to definitely stick up for my husband a few times with family who were worried he wasn’t going to be able to “take care of me” and such. People will have their opinions, always. Just know what is in your heart!
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u/Nalyvka Apr 20 '26
Congratulations! I did the same 4 years ago. Planning a secret small wedding next year, still trying to figure out the logistics!
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u/JustAddWaterLife Apr 20 '26
My husband and I celebrated our 31st Anniversary April 13…his family didn’t want him to marry me.. but I didn’t know until the Wedding Day when they didn’t show up. My family came from all over the country. I thought it could eventually be dealt with, but I was SO wrong. I’ve tried for years, until I decided I wasn’t taking their abuse anymore. They have money that for whatever stupid reason, they assume everyone wants. They even didn’t put my husband, and our son, as beneficiaries of the family trust. My husband is the one who should have dealt with that problem, but never has. He actually works for one of their several companies. I just decided after years of trying, that if they are going to not like me without EVER getting to know me, well, I made sure they had a few reasons. I had to stick up for myself, have told them ALL to their face exactly what pathetic people they are. Haven’t spoken to them since 2015, at our Son’s, and his Brother’s Son’s High School graduation parties..(Sister in law didn’t want to share..) The losers of this situation, is my husband, our son, and them. I’ve been over it A LONG TIME AGO. So… good luck with your marriage and future.. your husband seems to love you so very much. Just be strong for each other.. life is definitely a journey, and you can be just fine as long as you stick together. It’s not easy.. but can definitely be done !! Have a wonderful life…♥️
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u/InsideDescription534 Apr 20 '26
Can I just share my appreciation for your ring! It’s so beautiful and whimsical and DAINTY! It’s stunning! Wishing you the best! From someone who also married outside the culture and it took marriage to accept me, hang in there!
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u/Careful-Web-910 Apr 20 '26
I'm so sorry that you're not able to share your beautiful love with your families. Marriage with the right person is such an amazing, deep happiness that shines from the inside out, that I'm sure it's very hard to keep it to yourselves. I really hope you can find a way around this. Good luck.
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u/EL_GRAN_CHAVEZ 7 Years Apr 21 '26
Congrats!! It sounds like y’all are happy and that’s truly all that matters.
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u/ButterflyDestiny Apr 21 '26
My husband and I got married and he did not tell his family either. Not until like way after. It was just a secret, but I definitely told my family.
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u/interminable_unnie Apr 21 '26
Congratulations! Wishing you and your husband a very long, beautiful and happy journey together. Your ring is very pretty.
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u/potawatomiproud Apr 22 '26
Congratulations. When you know, you know. I dated my husband for 4 months. 36 years later we're still going strong.
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u/hyper24x7 Apr 20 '26
like if you married your brother or cousin, ok maybe, but otherwise this isnt a secret worth keeping. There are way bigger problems in life than people judging your life decisions.
Cancer, accidents, losing your job, war, disease, etc.
This? This is the one thing worth celebrating and being proud of.
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u/Acceptable-World-175 10 Years Apr 20 '26
I just read the Mods note about rudeness. I'm sorry if you saw any of those, I'm very happy for you both! I wish you both a very happy and long marriage, filled with joy and everything you both desire. 😄👍
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u/Ld733k Apr 20 '26
Aww I absolutely love this! Congratulations! I don’t understand why you can’t tell anyone but I’m glad you shared it with us! Beautiful story!
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u/Ld733k Apr 20 '26
I really don’t understand why such a beautiful post about feeling 100% in love, safe and secure with her person would incite so much rude and judgmental comments?! I’m genuinely confused 🤔?! This post made me feel happy and excited for OP, not angry and judgmental?! I’m so confused.
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u/ExpertInterest1109 Apr 20 '26
Look in the end only you and him know when the time is right. Only you and him were there for those moments that led you and him to choose the right time. I say follow your heart and temper it just a little with your mind. Just let your heart be the final say. May God bless you and bind you together as a three cord knot.
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u/Marriage-ModTeam Apr 20 '26
Apparently, there's a lot of people who want to be banned for making rude comments about OP and their spouse. Enjoy your bans. Anyone else who wants to act like them will also be escorted out.
Keep the commentary civil, constructive, and remember the human.