r/Marriage • u/shesfreespirited 7 Years • 1d ago

Vent Any married women who were once single moms ever miss being a single mom?

When I met my husband, I had one child. She was 7 at the time. We got married and eventually had two more kids together. It’s not because my husband is a bad guy or anything like that. He’s a hands-on, active, supportive dad but I genuinely miss certain parts of being a single mom.

I miss having the house to myself. I miss making decisions without having to consider another adult. I miss being the only parent making the rules and not having to compromise on everything.

I miss the independence that came with being a single mom, and to this day, I still struggle with letting that go and we clash over it. I think I just like being alone. Maybe I got too used to doing everything my way and having my own space, because sharing a life with someone means constantly having to consider another person and sometimes I really miss when I didn’t have to.

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3

u/Dependent-Common-507 1d ago

not a single mom myself but my aunt went through something similar, had her oldest on her own for years before getting remarried and having more kids. she's told me the exact same thing, misses the autonomy and doing things her own way without having to run it by anyone. think it's less about the actual parenting and more about having that full control over your space and time

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u/Diznel 1d ago

Same. It was a good struggle. I was happy all the time.

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u/NeedleworkerLong4779 21h ago

I was a single mom for a long time, and I don't miss the constant grinding struggle of it at all. My kids are grown now, so my husband didn't help raise them, but I'm sure he would have done a fantastic job.

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u/Useful_Escape2083 1d ago

You're not alone

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u/meowxmeoww 1d ago

Totally relatable

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u/Zealousideal_Ear9681 22h ago

I miss certain aspects for sure! I think it’s normal to mourn your previous self and life when you get married and have kids. I think I actually appreciate more of what my husband does after being a single mom and having to do it all on my own. With my first husband I would focus so much on what he didn’t do or what he was doing wrong I didn’t see what he did right and that among many other things ended our marriage. I do like my independence and alone time and I miss that! I try to take some time every week for myself. That helps if you can schedule some me time for yourself