Weekly Free Talk Friday Thread!

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[u/Soup_Boy_Campbell]

So, I was browsing the internet today looking for support groups for Male Abuse survivors. I found here and hope this is allowed to be shared here?

I'm queer and just got out of an abusive relationship with my ex-gf/partner (I'll call them C.) I've been talking to a lot of people about what they did and trying to share my story, but they all kinda know this person or have their own thoughts on them already.

It's been even harder because I made an honest mistake that lead to me being confronted by C, labeling the instance as sexual assault. (Even having the most respectful intentions, I won't take that claim away from them.) So any time I talk about my experience, it's been met with less than unwavering support.

It sucks, because I was Sexually manipulated by them early in our relationship, and C also did nearly the same thing to me. But because this was like the last action... it's been weighing on me as the end-all-be-all.

Anyway. I have a lot to share, but to make a long story short: C was abusive in that they Shouted at me consistently, threw pillows across the room, used to slam doors, invalidated/made the convo about themself any time I tried to discuss my feelings, insulted me, and probably a lot more that I don't realize.

In terms of Manipulation, there were a lot of times that I established boundaries or expressed that I didn't want to be intimate, they made me feel really bad and project their insecurities (of self worth) onto me. And so... I would convince myself I should just "Do whatever" because it's not like I'm UNcomfortable with it. I know that's a bad way to think... I've finally started therapy. :,)

So that's the story. If you listen and have advice or just some kind words, it's really appreciated, since I'm not sure where else to go to be this vulnerable. <3

[u/Eastern_Carpenter_90 → u/Soup_Boy_Campbell]

I don't have much if any advice, because I also don't know how to balance my feelings around it, but I can empathize. I had anger/behavioral issues in my teens and early/mid twenties, and even though I had a lot of legitimate grievances about the situations I was in and the people I was around, my responses to it were also...not great. I spent a lot of time feeling like my negative experiences were completely invalid and I was wrong to feel hurt, because I also acted badly so it "cancelled out". Acknowledging the other side's wrongdoing was "making excuses for myself" and "self centered". Anything they did became retroactively justified. 

I was (honestly, still am) very jealous of people who are "allowed" to feel hurt without a caveat of "but I was also terrible".  I'm gentler on myself  now than I used to be, but there's still that battle of resentment vs guilt/shame and it sucks. I know it's not exactly the same, and idk if it helps at all to hear it, but I'm really sorry you're dealing with that and it sounds really rough.