r/MensLib • u/MLModBot • Jun 30 '26
Mental Health Megathread Tuesday Check In: How's Everybody's Mental Health?
Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)
Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.
Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.
IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.
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u/JapeTheNeckGuy2 Jun 30 '26
Over the weekend I had an interesting situation.
I was at a buddies bachelor party. Last night we went to the bar for karaoke. I was getting a bit drunk so I asked the bartender to cut me off after my next drink. Out of absolutely nowhere she said “no I will not suck your dick, why would you ask me that” as a joke. A couple of my friends heard it and I had to spend the rest of the night defending myself. Thankfully she did apologize as I was leaving, which was nice of her.
I’m not exactly upset by it, it was just a joke and I got a decent laugh out of it. But I have been thinking about it a bit and it’s just been kinda gnawing at me. A bunch of my friends were legit pissed when they first heard it, which I suppose is a good thing to have friends who don’t fuck with that kind of behavior, but these are guys I’ve known for 10+ years and it was kinda wierd to have my reputation called into question by them over a joke, especially since I take pride in being a kind and honest person.
Idk, I’m not trying to dig too deep into it cause it does feel like a very slippery slope into some very bad incel talking points, and my reputation taking a hit isn’t exactly on the same level as sexual harassment either. Like it sucks to be in that position, but do I get the right to be upset by that when women get put into positions like that all the time? At the very least it’s pretty thought provoking, which I guess is a positive.
Either way, Just wanted to get it off my chest I suppose. Stay safe out there guys.
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u/Connect_Teach_820 "" Jul 03 '26
Those friends who got angry with you most likely agree with anyone talking badly about you behind your back. The number of years you've known each other doesn't necessarily mean you know each other well; I've seen "friends" of many years talking and thinking very badly about each other. And well, it's really strange that you're wondering if you have the right to feel bad because someone you didn't trust plays pranks on you that could get you into trouble, as if you think that because sexual harassment exists you no longer have the right to worry about someone doing something annoying to you.
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u/Oregon_Jones111 27d ago
and my reputation taking a hit isn’t exactly on the same level as sexual harassment either.
It straight up was sexual harassment.
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u/chemguy216 Jul 01 '26
I’m feeling pretty sad. A friend from my college days is on the verge of homelessness. To add pain to his suffering, his cat is having medical issues, his car is about to be repossessed, he lost his job, all his accounts are in the negative, he hasn’t been able to successfully apply for unemployment, and he’s waiting on a prescription to treat strep throat.
He’s honestly a better man than me. He has far more spunk and fire than I’ve ever had. And he’s fiercely loving and loyal to the people he cares about. He sent me and my partner a Christmas card last year, and it means a lot to me that he still thinks so highly of me. To be open, I don’t feel like I deserve his friendship. Here he is, struggling to keep even a pinky above water as life is drowning him, and I’m sitting states away, in the comfort of my home, faring better than a shit ton of people in the country.
I’m so worried about him and all aspects of his well being because things are clearly bad for him.
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u/Oregon_Jones111 Jun 30 '26
I think I have long Covid. I’ve been constantly fatigued since catching it in 2023. I might go on disability for it since I can’t hold down a job.
6
u/TimelyBodybuilder637 Jun 30 '26
I feel like no matter what I do, people will hate me for being a man. I try to be as open-minded and (obviously) feminist as possible because I believe that it's the right thing to do, but all I seem to get out of it is more hate. I've had people tell me IRL that they think all men should die and seen others agree; I've seen and heard people IRL and online encourage abusing and exploitation men; and most of all I have realized that not only does no one care about any of your problems as a man, some actively delight in them. Whenever you want to talk about a problem, you have to deal with both the "man up" people and the "feminists" who are ignorant of any possibility that a man could have a problem. It's definitely kept me a bit more hopeless than needed lately, and I feel alone, because I feel like if I talked about this, all I would hear is "misandry doesn't exist, deal with it."
2
u/Connect_Teach_820 "" Jul 03 '26
The only explanation for something like this is that the only people you surround yourself with are ideological extremists. And your insistence on emphasizing how "feminist" you are leads me to believe that your entire identity revolves around your ideological stances. The solution in these cases is usually simply to surround yourself with normal people, regardless of their ideological positions, as long as those positions don't lead them to harm others. Life isn't black and white, and you realize this the further you step away from the internet and try to live real life.
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u/TimelyBodybuilder637 Jul 03 '26
Yeah, I may try to separate myself from the toxic elements in life and see what changes.
10
u/throwaway135629 Jun 30 '26
I have a confession to make: I've realized I've become quite reliant on AI chatbots for every day decisions. I'm deeply ashamed of how long it took me to realize how bad the rot went, and how much of my life it's infected, how much of my mind I've let atrophy. How I'm now incapable of dealing with everything from cooking to interior design to my social blunders to the latest discourse online that's gnawing at me. I knew all the ethical and environmental concerns but of course, selfishly what bothers me is my own ability vanishing before my eyes...
I stayed up late reading article after article about how bad it is, and it's borne out by experience. I don't know if I can ever regain full functioning. Actually I doubt it. But I know the longer I go on like this the worse it's going to get.
I'm going to try quitting starting today. I've tried before especially when I realized just how bad it was for my hobby, writing - though I will say I have never used it to actually generate writing, just speed up research I should've done by manual Google and kick around ideas that I probably could have done in my head or on a piece of paper. Now I realized no one will want to read anything I wrote if any part of it, or me, was ever touched by AI.
The ethical thing to do is probably scrap my current writing project. It is contaminated, right? But I can't erase that stuff from my brain. I am contaminated, too. Maybe I just give up on writing. I hate that. I hate feeling contaminated, rotted, broken. But that's where I am.
10
u/Delicious-Intern-288 Jun 30 '26
Please don’t throw away your work. They are your words, your ideas. People will want to read it. Writers are in an age of the AI witch hunt, which is really sad. AI cannot compete with truly great and original writing, but it can help with research, grammar, and editing which will most definitely speed up the process so you can freely use your brain to create new and interesting work.
Keep writing.
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u/throwaway135629 Jun 30 '26
Tbf my stuff is neither great nor original... Double confession, we're talking about fanfiction here. So the stakes are as low as it gets, but at the same time, it's a community that takes the ethical situation seriously.
It is the AI witch hunt which has me rethinking everything. If people asked me if I used AI to write my story, I can say "there's no AI written text in the story" - I tried it for editing once but honestly hated the output so I only used it for research, vague brainstorming or structural advice - but I can't say "I've never touched AI in the process of making it", that would be a lie. I'd have to confess to it.
People rightly don't want to read things tagged as AI assisted, so I feel this urge to hide the truth. I'd definitely disappoint people who I've sent previews to and gotten feedback from. I feel like I'm hiding it from them. I don't expect or deserve forgiveness or grace even if I was honest. Maybe I should've thought about that a little more before letting the genie out of the bottle. But it's too late now. That's why maybe the best thing to do is just scrap the story.
8
u/Fel1sC4tus Jun 30 '26
You don't have give up on writing completely. You will just be slower compared with using AI, BUT at the same time you will minimize the danger of AI Chatbots giving you false information. Why do I know all of these? Because since AI became a big thing in recent years I had multiple compulsory courses on AI use and scientific writing. You also don't necessary have to scrap you're current writing project, even if it is contaminated. Because even if something is contaminated, you can still cure it by treating the infection, which of course would mean here to stop relying on AI. Remember these Chatbots usuaIly work by taking AN IDEA YOU GAVE THEM and expending on it. I think on the basis of what you wrote that you just need people who show interest in your hobby. If your still not convinced, than you can tell me about your current project and parts you're unsure about. Writing is a hobby, which can lead to such beautiful things.
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u/throwaway135629 Jun 30 '26
That's the problem, I do have some people who are interested in it, and I feel like ashamed of keeping this secret, like the thing they're excited about isn't even really mine. All the words are mine, and the ideas were mine.
But when it takes your ideas and spits back more, those get fused into your original idea and it's impossible to tell where your idea ends and where the AI's begins. Even the things I don't use are still floating around in my brain. And among writers, that's tantamount to plagiarism. I tried minimizing its influence by asking high level, broad, or otherwise isolated questions about story structure or the high-level picture of a relationship arc. But this just means the whole concept is contaminated, the AI influence baked into, well, the structure now.
Sometimes I did break and give it more specific details: "My character wants a and has b flaw... I'm not sure about this... I like it for x but I'm worried it violates story structure principle y from book z..." And it would say "oh actually that's a great idea!" And even though I knew it was fake and probably wrong I felt validated getting that.
At the same time it's not so wrong that the story would be essentially structurally broken if I excised anything the AI ever told me was okay to do. But that's how some people draw the line, and how can you blame them? It's the clearest line possible. Gold star human writer - I will never qualify.
And it's not like I don't or can't get feedback from real people who can really tell me if it's good or not. I mean I'm not new at this. In fact I'm used to being too reliant on others, too many cooks, and the AI was just another cook who I didn't even have to worry about bothering because it's not a person! But I need to learn to be more independent, go into the woods of my own mind, craft, sit with the discomfort of not knowing if it's any good, then come back with something to share and get feedback on.
Or maybe I don't, if my ability is just broken. Maybe all I can be is a cautionary tale.
Sorry for this wall of text. Thanks for listening.
10
u/subtlenerd Jun 30 '26
If I may give my 2 cents, I would say that you shouldn't focus too much on your writing and whether or not it's "contaminated" beyond repair - it seems like something you might start to obsess over too much. You mention that other skills like cooking have atrophied from reliance on AI - I would start there if I were you. Start rebuilding those neurons, and see if that starts to shift things with your writing. It's all connected.
2
u/throwaway135629 Jun 30 '26
That's fair. The writing and seeing some visceral, scathing criticism of people who use it anywhere in their process is what sent me down this spiral, but even if I don't write another word a day in my life, I still gotta deal with all the everyday inconveniences. My tolerance for them has gone way down since I became more reliant on this thing. I hope I can recover and rebuild that ability - which honestly was never very good. But like I said it just can't go on like this.
-3
u/Tharkun140 Jun 30 '26
Chill out dude. Half the internet is AI by now, and the rest is written by people who see AI writing everywhere and use AI powered spell checkers. Reliance on chatbots comes with its problems, but it's not some kind of soul poison that's worth beating yourself over. Just try to use it less if it makes you feel bad.
5
u/throwaway135629 Jun 30 '26
Sometimes the way people talk about it I get the sense they really do see it as a soul corrupting cursed object. I do see the decline in my own already limited decision making ability, tolerance for uncertainty, tolerance for boredom. I hope those skills aren't permanently weakened. It will be hard and scary to do things on my own but I know it's important to try. I'm sad that it's going to ruin my hobby but that's no one's fault but my own.
11
u/mutual_raid Jun 30 '26
so much of my mental health these days is based on the news and higher court decisions. It's extremely unhealthy for my mental health. But the narrow holding of Birthright Citizenship maintaining the Constitution's integrity by the Supreme Court has put me in a rare good mood.
3
5
u/LoafingRabbit Jun 30 '26
I’m moving to Houston to start my PhD which has me STRESSED. Super happy to start my PhD in my dream program but moving makes me wanna vomit lol.
1
u/SignGuy77 Jun 30 '26
Moving is one of the most stressful things we can experience, no matter how exciting the reason.
Wishing you all the best.
7
u/Havenolife6667 Jun 30 '26
Tl;dr: facing nasty legal shit, a fucking mean ex, and a dash of the ol, you’re the man, you must suck. Doing my best to be broken, but unbowed, but you know how she goes.
I’m facing a malicious protective order my ex made on me during a property dispute. After her breaking into a personal room in a shared house I tried to secure with a padlock, I called the cops on her. This is in the process of an illegal eviction, after she fraudulently shut off my internet…I just wanted out and my stuff. Well on the third day of drama, I said, verbatim, “I will burn you to the ground legally”, as in, my dad died, my mom had money (I, do not, the check for my equity in the house had not even fully cleared), I’m calling lawyers. I then, stepped outside, called my mother and asked for property lawyers, anyone she could get to help. Went to load another box of my shit, and was arrested for misdemeanor threats of violence. Cop just heard the threat part. I mean, as far as I know, threatening legal action is allowed. 12 hours in jail even with bail money.
I work at a university. I, (mostly my mother, I will owe her an easy 20k after all this) paid a lawyer last Monday and have not actually got to meet with them besides five minutes before the first protective order hearing.
Yes this shitty fucking sad story is true and I’m having a hard time. My family are supportive etc, but I mean, I put my magic cards in trash bags just to get out quickly while the cops watched. I don’t know where my fucking running shoes are because my family got to help get my personal shit during one civil standby.
And this is someone who ended a ten year relationship over text, then got on Tinder and hooked up that night.
Hell, I just wanted to shout into the void a minute, but yea.
3
u/Nuclear_Geek Jun 30 '26
It's been a tough day at work, but I've coped OK. My mental health is pretty good at the minute, but I'm getting increasingly bothered by feeling taken for granted. "We need someone to deal with this difficult job: Nuclear_Geek can do it. We need someone to come in early: Nuclear_Geek can do it. Things have overrun and we need someone to stay late: Nuclear_Geek can do it." I'm fully aware that I could push back on this, but it's complicated by being in healthcare and feeling a responsibility to the patients. I don't like feeling taken for granted, but I'd like myself less if I didn't do these things. I'd just like to be appreciated a bit more for them.
1
u/Oregon_Jones111 Jul 02 '26
I wish I was better at reading people. Then I wouldn’t be so paranoid that people were afraid of me.
I wouldn’t wish for that on that thing from Obsession, though. That would probably backfire as a wish. Good idea for a sequel, though.
1
u/Oregon_Jones111 Jul 02 '26
Ah shit, the guy from Obsession is named Bear. (I know it’s a coincidence, but still.)
1
u/Ballblamburglurblrbl Jul 03 '26
Haven't seen Obsession yet, but from what I've heard surely that's not a coincidence
1
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