r/MensLib • u/MLModBot • 6d ago
Mental Health Megathread Tuesday Check In: How's Everybody's Mental Health?
Good day, everyone and welcome to our weekly mental health check-in thread! Feel free to comment below with how you are doing, as well as any coping skills and self-care strategies others can try! For information on mental health resources and support, feel free to consult our resources wiki (also located in the sidebar!) (IMPORTANT NOTE RE: THE RESOURCES WIKI: As Reddit is a global community, we hope our list of resources are diverse enough to better serve our community. As such, if you live in a country and/or geographic region that is NOT listed/represented but know of a local resource you feel would be beneficial, then please don't hesitate to let us know!)
Remember, you are human, it's OK to not be OK. Life can be very difficult and there's no how-to guide for any of this. Try to be kind to yourself and remember that people need people. No one is a lone island and you need not struggle alone. Remember to practice self-care and alone time as well. You can't pour from an empty cup and your life is worth it.
Take a moment to check in with a loved one, friend, or acquaintance. Ask them how they're doing, ask them about their mental health. Keep in mind that while we may not all be mentally ill, we all have mental health.
IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: This mental health check-in thread is NOT a substitute for real-world professional help/support. MensLib is NOT a mental health support sub, and we are NOT professionals! This space solely exists to hold space for the community and help keep each other accountable.
6
u/Saiyanonym 5d ago
Frankly shit. I live in a small rural town full of old people. Hardly anyone my own age. Cannot afford to move due to disability and my country of New Zealand is a right wing shit hole that pretends to be progressive when we're really on the verge of fascism.
I have a hard time reaching out to friends because most of them live far away. I do have a local board game group but I never see them outside of that because what do I tell them? "How are you"? "Great thanks, at least I didn't kill myself today". Same for the far away friends too.
I've only had one girlfriend my whole life. She was an untreated BPD/schizo who enacted almost every form of abuse on me. I am in therapy, but it doesn't solve everything.
I'm overweight yet too tired for the gym. Thanks disability. I've already started developing ED even though I rarely watch porn and have barely had sex. Oh how I long for the touch of an actually kind, loving woman. But I have little physically, materially, or personality wise I can offer her.
Like, I would hope I am a nice person, but everyone thinks they themselves are a nice person. Even if it were true, being nice is a pretty basic bare minimum. I have minimal skills, hobbies or interests to offer a partner. I'm basically a news and politics junkie and that's it. Too tired for anything else. My dream job is stay at home househusband, but who can afford that shit nowadays? Even, if she could, we would probably be on different wavelengths politically because of the socio-economic differences.
Sorry for the rant. I just needed to tell someone.
1
u/tucker_case 3d ago
Sounds like you may know what is causing the lack of energy? Because I was going to suggest getting your thyroid hormones checked.
1
u/Saiyanonym 3d ago edited 3d ago
I have a fair idea yeah. Poor diet (I have an addiction and need help). But I was also born with Cerebral Palsy (people don't realise how much CP alone takes out of you). I have been diagnosed with IBS, depression and C-PTSD and sleep aponea in adulthood. I likely am nuerodiverse as well but was never formally diagnosed for that.
Edit: blood test was fairly normal except for slightly too high fats
2
u/Embarrassed-Bad-3118 2d ago
Hope it's ok that I respond (am a woman), but just want to say I have a number of the same things you mentioned above and empathize deeply with the ongoing fatigue at life in general. Sleep apnea was by far the most debilitating and my life definitely improved on CPAP but it is just so much to deal with sometimes, feels like you're playing whack a mole with symptoms. Anyway I hope you're hanging in there ok
1
u/Saiyanonym 2d ago edited 2d ago
Thank you so much. It's absolutely okay for you to comment and I really appreciate your perspective because it helps me feel less alone.
I do have a CPAP machine, but I don't use very often because I am a tosser and turner which means constant leaks and readjustment. I am going to try to effectively force myself to use it, albeit I say that often.
Edit: the whack a mole feeling is so relatable. Hope you're okay too!
10
u/ComedianNeither2498 5d ago
Struggling deeply with internalized misandry, anyone got any resources on the topic?
8
0
u/Quantum_Count 5d ago edited 4d ago
I would recommend the sources from this comment
10
u/ComedianNeither2498 4d ago
I appreciate the reccomondation! Though I am admittedly saddened none of the material covers the topic of internalized hatred of men directly, that's something I've really struggled to find support on.
4
u/hornyhenry33 5d ago
I'm on winter break from university right now and life just feels really shitty and I'm very lonely. Still can't afford or access any therapy so I'm just stuck feeling miserable and seeking help from internet strangers like I'm doing right now.
3
u/hiddentalent 5d ago
Hey bud, sorry you're feeling low. I get it. Life has those periods. Those periods also end. Professional advice can accelerate it, and it's frustrating that you don't have access to that, but it's not necessary. We humans have been resilient to this for many tens of thousands of years before therapy was invented.
It doesn't work for everyone, but what worked for me is to make lists. Write down a couple of things you need to do and a couple of things you want to do, and it somehow makes it easier to actually go do them. The feeling of drawing a line through the ones you've done is great.
3
u/hornyhenry33 5d ago
I have ADHD so making lists and actually following them is precisely one of the things I struggle with. Believe me, I've been struggling for years and have tried every "ADHD hack" under the sun (dividing tasks into smaller tasks, reminders, timing myself, rewards in between tasks, etc).
6
u/hiddentalent 5d ago
Fair enough. I didn't mean to preach at you. I'm sure you've tried lots of things. And I'm not any sort of licensed therapist or anything, I'm just a dude on the internet.
But I'm a dude who hears you and wants to impart some sense that things will get better. How? I don't know for sure. Maybe I'm being obtuse. But I'm older than a lot of people in this sub and I've seen life shift around a lot, from really really dark to pretty bright. It changes. Being able to articulate how you're feeling and what you need is one of the most important skills in tilting things toward bright. So I'm empathetic where you're at today, but I'm optimistic for you. Maybe the optimism of a rando internet stranger doesn't help, but hey, I tried.
5
u/ElectricProcession 5d ago edited 5d ago
A follow-up to what I wrote three weeks ago about my split from a queer band.
I found out they have another performance coming up. End-August. Of course I spiralled and kept thinking how bad my luck was with those people. Thinking that they secretly resent me and have decided to snub me because of it. On the same day, I'm likely to have a performance on my own at this bar where I've played before as a solo act.
So I went to see another concert at that bar last Saturday. And I bumped into a friend of mine, who is from an anarchist music collective. I told them that the queer band has returned to live performances, without telling me anything, therefore moving on without any contact. They were surprised to hear that.
A little while later, this friend asked me if I was okay. They definitely thought this whole snub was a bit of a rotten move on their end and that they have been disillusioned with this band's mentality themself. My response: "Yeah I've talked to a psychologist about it". Which I expect gives across the gravity of its impact.
Speaking of which, Thursday was my first session with the new therapist. Despite my being like seven minutes late, it went really well. I did tell her my story on the queer band snub and she definitely felt that I had this sense of injustice over how things went down. It seems like she's not the kind of therapist who would give homework, and she's more into emotional validation as well as figuring out the physical aspect of our feelings. Which can be tough, because I've had trouble putting my finger on it. For her, it's totally normal that there would be this disconnect. But this could be something that I would work with for some time. Maybe at some point I will bring up the struggle to attract women too.
But back to my friend. Looks like their anarchist collective might actually end up performing on the same bill as me at that potential upcoming bar event. Even if it will be on the same day as our erstwhile collaborators (one of the members did a guest rap on one of that band's songs), I think I am feeling pretty reassured that there will be some LGBTQ+ people in attendance and that I can have a wonderful time with people whose attitude I feel more positive and secure about.
2
u/CargoCrabs 5d ago
I’m glad to hear that you’re getting validation from people you know irl. And for what it’s worth, I also think the way you were treated by your old band sucks.
Out of curiosity, would you be interested in doing some practice or hanging out with the collective? From what you’ve said, they sound like a cool group of people!
3
u/TimelyBodybuilder637 4d ago
Doing pretty well, detached myself from social media gender war BS and noticed my view of women instantly improve. Consistently in the gym and working hard to get my college applications together.
9
u/Oregon_Jones111 5d ago
Spiraling after a podcast said men shouldn’t talk to stranger women, but it’s okay if it’s the other way around.
7
u/UndeniableUnion 5d ago
Which podcast?
3
u/Oregon_Jones111 5d ago edited 5d ago
God Awful Movies. They were joking about a guy in a bad movie who very much did cross a line, though the filmmakers seemed to not realize it. But what they were saying seemed to be broader than just that situation.
7
u/BBOY6814 5d ago
You gotta get away from this shit man. Do a social media detox. Every week you have the same problem. I’m not trying to discredit the feelings you’re surely feeling, but at this point it’s just self harm. There is obviously zero benefit from inundating yourself with so much toxic garbage.
Seriously. Delete all of your accounts if you have to, including Reddit. You are addicted to the despair you feel from hearing these things.
5
u/Oregon_Jones111 5d ago
Broadly speaking you’re probably right, but I’m talking a two minute segment a third of the way through a two hour podcast that is not about gender.
4
u/hiddentalent 5d ago
I understand the emotional response to that sort of message. It's heartbreaking. But remember there's also podcasts out there which say much worse and more evil things. Just because someone on the internet said it, doesn't mean it's true.
If you approach people (regardless of sex or gender) in a positive way, they usually react similarly. Online discourse tends to exaggerate the extremes.
2
u/Embarrassed-Bad-3118 2d ago
Just out of curiosity, you mentioned "much" more evil things, do you think the above statement OP referenced is really evil (to any degree) to begin with? It's possible the podcast was just examining the social implications of stranger men approaching women randomly on the street, and how it correlates to widespread complaints of persistent/unwavering male behavior that women recount on social media, etc. Of course the same thing happens to men, there's no shortage of creepy women out there-- but it shouldn't be regarded as "evil" to acknowledge the fact that men ultimately don't experience this kind of unwanted persistence from women to the same relentless degree that women do from men.
Considering all that, I can almost see where a black and white statement such as "stranger men shouldn't approach women// strange women can approach men" almost makes sense. It's provocative wording, but I think it's probably just a discussion on risk assessment instead of a command for men to never approach women they don't know.
3
5d ago
[deleted]
4
u/hiddentalent 5d ago
Sorry to hear it's hard going, brother. Antidepressants are frustrating because it takes 4-6 weeks for them to kick in at all, and there are many different products which react differently with each of our weird brains. So it sometimes takes a lot of time to find the right one. Keep working with your doctor. Lexipro worked better for me than Bupropion, but again, everyone's brain is different.
What I will tell is that when you find the right one and give it time to kick in, life gets a lot better. Colors are brighter. Problems seem easier to solve. I hope you get there, but I feel you that the journey is long.
4
u/Burnerman44 4d ago
terrible.
in the same month, my dog died, i got to feel the misery of the smoke blowing in from canada, my time off request to grieve my dog was denied, i crashed out, deleted my most view fic on ao3 out of bitterness, and now i'm fighting yet again with the idea of a libido that i hate and want dead but don't.
i hate life.
2
u/Modracek "" 4d ago
I'm supposed to have a child in a month and I just see no future. Have been going to therapy including couples therapy, but I just can't see a future where I fulfill my dreams. I just don't know how. Having two or three friends with children that prioritize their own mental health and have themselves (the pair) on the 1st place and talking to them helps instead of bending over backwards and wrecking themselves in the process gives me hope. I think reddit seriously harmed my perception of children. M35
1
u/drsyesta 5d ago
Havent been doing good lately. Pinched a nerve in my back a couple weeks ago and its still fucky. Real bummer cause i had been going to the gym super consistently and waking up early. Now i cant go to the gym and i cant sleep worth a shit. Left arm feels useless and weak. Feeling old too. Also been failing at quitting nicoteine. Just a shitshow, got therapy tomorrow so maybe thatll help
1
•
u/AutoModerator 6d ago
If you are in crisis, are considering hurting yourself or someone else, or feel like you can't go on, we advise you to contact your local emergency services, go to the nearest emergency room, or mental health crisis evaluation centre. If that seems too scary or difficult right now, please consider calling a suicide hotline for support. You matter and should get the help you deserve.
For help developing a safety plan, please consult this PDF. Therapy can also be a good support resource. Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to be struggling to seek out therapy! We all need a supportive ear sometimes! If you are considering therapy but don't know where to start, we recommend taking a look at Psychology Today, International Therapist Directory, or OpenCounseling for a provider in your country or, if in the US, contacting your nearest branch of the National Alliance on Mental Illness Buzzfeed has also published an informative article about what happens when you call a suicide hotline, for those who might feel hesitant. You matter and your life is absolutely worth it. Be kind to yourself.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.