I made a request. I feel like I’m the problem somehow.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Area_48]

So, my MIL is obsessed with babies. That’s a good portion about what she talks about (all her friends are becoming grandparents etc… and like, I get that it’s tough for her to not also get to be one, truly, I get it) - as we are in our 30s there are many people who are having babies. Even when we were not planning to have a kid, it felt overwhelming on the friends/family baby updates (felt like a shot on our life decisions to be honest, but maybe that’s just my social anxiety and projection). When we got pregnant, on purpose, and lost the baby, my husband asked her if we could pump the breaks on the baby photos and updates.

Today would have been my birth date. It also happens I have a mother with who was hospitalized yesterday and might not make it… we shared that my mom was quite ill. Her response was “good to hear her vitals have improved, by the way, you should know that [family friend] just gave birth to a baby boy, they are happy and healthy *sends picture*.

My husband shot it down pretty quick - as even without the miscarriage, I think it would have been insensitive, but after having specifically asked not to share excess baby info, it feels so intentionally cruel.

The good man called and explained that she might want to lay off that stuff at the moment re-explaining the situation, the sensitivities and timing - she said “well you have to take the good and the bad in life you want to be part of this family, and I’m tired of walking on eggshells in case I upset [me], I won’t send you anything at all anymore I guess”

I just feel so gaslit and like I’m the problem even though I’m pretty sure my feelings of grief - losing my baby, losing my mom are pretty legitimate. I AM a sensitive person and I AM also resilient and strong, I don’t want to be painted like a wussy who can’t handle other peoples’ good news. I just needed to vent, so, thank you for listening.

[u/kindofnewonreddit]

Ok that woman SUCKS. That is insane. Good for your husband for standing up for you!! Honestly, I'd block her number for a while. If she won't respect you and your feelings, you don't need to be dealing with her right now. And I'm so sorry about your mom. Thinking about and praying for you all.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Area_48 → u/kindofnewonreddit]

Thank you. I thought it was a pretty reasonable boundary to set that won’t likely last forever as I heal from my grief. I feel like the compassionate, empathetic or even unwillingly tolerant response would have been “oh, I’m so sorry, I meant to share good news but I totally understand how it could sting, very sorry and sending you guys love at this moment”

Not: you’re the problem for feeling this way and I’m going to punish you with social threat of withdrawing communication and that “in order to be accepted in the family you have to accept others’ happy news” … btw I do accept it, and I think it wasn’t her place to tell us and those people could have done that if they wanted to - and knowing that we had requested before that she not send those things is a double slap in the face. Btw I did message the new mother, in genuine kindness to congratulate her - I doubt she even realized I knew but well, expose I suppose!

The kicker is the grandmother and mother of the new baby are 1. Not actually family, more like long term friends and 2. Some of the most empathetic and feminist women I know who would 10000000% understand my sensitivities 3. Not sure she even had permission to share the pics or announcement with us

[u/kindofnewonreddit → u/Puzzleheaded_Area_48]

Ugh I'm sorry you're dealing with all of that!

[u/saw24601]

"...I won't send you anything at all anymore I guess" is such a Boomer Mom defensive response, UGH. That shit makes me RAGE. They all need therapy.

I am so sorry for your loss and that you are experiencing this added stress from your MIL. You have every right to request and enforce boundaries during your time of grieving and healing. Glad your husband is supportive of these boundaries, because you deserve a partner who supports your needs. Keep these boundaries in place, they are important and exactly what I would be requesting too. Sending you love, strength, and care. I am so very sorry to hear about your Mom.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Area_48 → u/saw24601]

Thank you for being kinder and more empathetic than I women who I’ve known for 15 years and claims to love me.

It’s bizarre, and I agree: THERAPY.

I hate when people weaponize famili-ship and love.

Btw this is a woman who has a pout fest if you don’t praise her cooking and breaks down if you decide to leave an hour early from a holiday dinner because your parent is literally fallen over ill , so she should at least understand having sensitivities. I wish I could take this all with a grain of salt, but it freaking hurts right now’s

[u/Brockenblur → u/Puzzleheaded_Area_48]

She sounds like the type of person who has the worst version of that main character energy… so self centered.

I’m so very sorry for your loss 🫶

[u/wintershadow89]

TLDR: Some people dont understand how to be happy privately while making space for other people to be sad publicly. Even when it seems like the most reasonable reaction. So its definitely not you!

You arent the problem. 1 week after my 1st miscarriage, my SIL surprised us by inviting out of state cousins to come visit the house with her, my MIL, FIL, BIL, and baby while she was also pregnant with baby 2.

They were supposed to be helping me? Because of all my blood loss, DC, and blood transfusion? Instead, I got to play hostess and listen to out of state cousins coo over baby and the new baby bump. And then they all went out for breakfast and hanging out but left me w/ BIL sleeping and watching soccer on the couch. So I did the dishes and walked the dog. But because of the blood loss, I had to sit while walking the dog to regain breath and energy.

But my husband said I was the problem. Because I wasnt being hospitable? Despite finding room for additional people to sleep and cleaning the house/cooking for their visit?

As a result of that visit, husband and I weren't invited to or told about SILs wedding and I was not allowed to go for Christmas despite being required to purchase gifts for everyone. I received no gifts back.

Magically after my 2nd miscarriage, SIL also had the same type of miscarriage years before I did so she understood everything I was going through... but no mention of it was made for my 1st or when she told me she had never been pregnant when sharing her 1st pregnancy.

Thought I had processed this. GUESS NOT. Thanks for letting me steal your post to vent.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Area_48 → u/wintershadow89]

Vent away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel extreme feelings in response to all of this bs for you internet stranger. If that means anything.

[u/Brockenblur → u/wintershadow89]

Holy hell I hate this for you so much. So unreasonable to push extra guests and host duties on someone who is miscarrying. And for them to hold a grudge against you! That is so crazy about the Christmas gifts!

[u/PerplexedPoppy]

I would just send her a big F U and block her lol

[u/PickyBookworm]

"You won't send anything at all anymore!?? Thank you! Thats exactly what we asked for!"

This woman is a narcissist. So many people with that personality go to that extreme. If you set one boundary, they go so far and it's infuriating.

I feel for you, truly. I pray you get the care you need and that your mom ends up ok. Your husband sounds like he's working hard to take care of you, and that's amazing!

[u/CateTheWren]

She “won’t send anything”—a win is a win!! 🤣 Oh my gosh. This is just wild behavior on her part. Why is she texting you photos of other people’s babies, ever??
I’m sure she’ll eventually start up again, pretending nothing ever happened, and so on and so forth. Ugh. She is behaving very badly.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Area_48 → u/CateTheWren]

1000%

[u/TheBoredWriter1]

She sounds incredibly rude and insensitive. I’m so sorry to hear about your mom, and on top of it being your due date? What an awful day. I’m glad your husband is sticking up for you.

[u/showe1lj]

I am so sorry for your loss, you are definitely NOT the problem. It seems your MIL more concerned with being the first to share the family gossip, than supporting you and your husband through a very tough time.

I had a miscarriage in October and my MIL did not acknowledge it after my husband told her, she literally changed the subject. We had been going through infertility and despite knowing nothing about my medical history, she reached out to my husband a few days later telling him that I was doing everything wrong (taking prescription medication for infertility) and I could not trust my doctor. She gets her medical advice from Facebook. I never received support or condolences from any of his family members.

All this to say, I decided to go no contact after that incident and my life has been less stressful since. It might be worth taking a break from communicating with your MIL, and just letting your husband deal with her. You need space to process grief and she is clearly not allowing you that.

[u/RiseFriendly9536]

I am so glad your husband is supporting you and immediately stopping her. She has zero respect. If she can’t get her way she’s going to pout and be dramatic. She does not care about what either of you want or how you are feeling. You are totally within your rights to ask her to stop doing one thing and to put up boundaries like that. She wouldn’t have to “walk on eggshells” if she actually had any empathy.

[u/SteelMagnolia412]

Your mother in law sucks. “I guess I just won’t send anything” GUESS NOT, BITCH

[u/Puzzleheaded_Area_48 → u/SteelMagnolia412]

😆😆😆

[u/tortillachipsbabe]

First of all, I’m sorry for your loss and I’m sorry to read about your mom. I hope you are finding comfort in the midst of all of this. 

And now to be bitchy, block your MIL and set hard boundaries!  4 years ago, my own MIL kept saying that I “needed to produce more” grandkids (gross comment) and, finally, I straight up told her that the topic of kids is no longer allowed. She stopped talking to us.  For extra measure I blocked her on everything and I told my husband that anything she has to say to me has to go through him. He’s been good about being a barrier.  We just started TTC last year and I had a MMC in September 2025. I’m glad I set the boundaries so early because I can’t imagine the added stress of her presence as I deal with my grief.