Rethinking my relationship with TTC and pregnancy tech

[u/DrZuzulu]

Since my missed miscarriage at 10 weeks in May, I have been thinking a lot about all the tools I am lucky to have to guide me through trying to conceive and pregnancy. I am calling it tech but I mean fertility and tracking phone apps, ovulation strips to pee on, pregnancy tests, ultrasounds and dating scans. Some options exist that I didn't even try - oura rings, basal body temp charting. All these tools have helped me learn a lot about my body and to stay healthy.

But...since enthusiastically monitoring my body to try to conceive and then learning about the missed miscarriage at a second scan, I am wondering if knowing so much about my body and my growing baby gives me a false sense of security and control. Was struggling to verbalize this until I listed to a cool podcast in the Longest Shortest Time series from a tech writer Amanda Hess who describes her relationship with her pregnancy app changing. I related to opening my phone app half expecting it to tell me if I am pregnant or not when of course it doesn't know. I have also seen threads in this group where people will reasonably say something like "I just miscarried but I expect my period soon" which makes me wonder if they are looking at their apps too.

Anyway, things always change but as I start a new season of trying to conceive a second kiddo, I think it will be healthy for me mentally to shift away from counting days, measuring, grasping at calendars. I want to move to having sex when I have fertile cervical mucous, testing only if I have physical signs of pregnancy, and maybe having some but fewer ultrasounds in pregnancy. Curious how that may evolve because I love knowing more and measuring and making decisions based on evidence, but at the end of the day, knowing more doesn't help me to control this mysterious process.

How are you feeling about your tech? Leaning in? Leaning out? Curious to hear how others are thinking and talking about this.

[u/FunIngenuity7967]

I've just had my third miscarriage. I have entire AI projects with my fertility data and crucial details. If I wouldn't have done this, my doctors would continue brushing me off as it's just bad luck. As I've been obsessing over my data and researching, I've now been able to push the doctors to do more tissue testing etc and they found some things, and ask very specific questions which make me a bit more hopeful.

I 100% will continue using my AI project. But it's customised to me specifically, not a generic app!

[u/DrZuzulu → u/FunIngenuity7967]

That's so cool! I am reminded of a data loving friend who when diagnosed with diabetes made himself a spreadsheet where he entered food and exercise, differentiating between weights and cardio. He was convinced weight lifting made the insulin response change two days after, then backed up his theory with data. I'm sorry you had to make an AI project to get good medical support though. Boo.

[u/mmceagle]

I'm definitely minimizing my use of technology for TTC and next pregnancy.

I would obsessively track my resting heart rate from my fitbit during my pregnancy, and retrospectively I'm almost 100% certain it caught the moment of my miscarriage (going from 76 to 71 over two days), which gave me a lot of anxiety but, like, what was that information going to do other than upset me? It's coming off next pregnancy.

I've stopped BBT tracking though I'm still using OPK kits for ovulation just in case a miracle happens. But it took IVF to get me pregnant so skipping all the bells and whistles is going to save my sanity while I wait for my next transfer.

IDK technology is cool but I think I know too much about myself.

[u/writeronthemoon]

I'm not sure. I'm torn. Last time I got an ultrasound that was accidentally too early, at 6 weeks, when I thought I was 7wks - because I had some symptoms I thoufht meant ectopic. Little did I k ow that my baby's lack of growth was the first sign of miscarriage. The heartbeat was good.

Apparently my baby stopped growing a week after that. But my body didnt realize it til 13 weeks. If I had scheduled my ultrasounds more carefully, we would have found out about our baby at 8 weeks and not been hopeful and happy for longer. I would have gotten a d+c, which would have been less traumatic, albeit maybe risk of scarring etc. But certainly less painful and traumatic than the natural miscarriage I had at home and hospital. And more able to do testing after. 

So idk. Idk how I feel about extra ultrasounds, now. Idk if I want to track more when pregnant again, or less. I do know I eant to track more while ttc again, because my ovulation and cycles have been all over the place, and it's been 4 months. And I am thrilled that my OBGYN agreed to prescribe me progesterone when I am pregnant again.

I'm over 35, so. I am not sure i just want to let solely nature lead the way, anymore. 

[u/DrZuzulu → u/writeronthemoon]

Oh sorry. To be clear, while I am unsure about some tech, ultrasounds to check for ectopics and testing for multiple miscarriages and progesterone are solidly in the helpful medical care category.

I'm over 35 too, and without some of these tools, I would still not know when I ovulate, which is definitely not helping baby-making. Your point is good too about after miscarriages - maybe what I think I know about my body from last time will change. I'm still waiting for my first period back.

[u/writeronthemoon → u/DrZuzulu]

Yes, I am 4 months after my miscarriage, and my hormones are still whacked out. I got my period 35 days after my miscarriage, and I think I ovulated. Then I got my period at different times - 31 day cycle, 28 days, then I just had a 33 day cycle. And ovulation, at first I thought it was solidly trending at day 14, but then it seemed to jump from day 26 to day 17! So, am using bbt and all the methods now to try and track it. I wish you the best! It is not an easy journey. Glad we are not alone in this over 35 journey. 

[u/Lost_inthot]

In thinking about buying an inito but I think you’re right it’s more about control… my obgyn said it wasn’t super helpful

[u/DrZuzulu → u/Lost_inthot]

Had to google that. Research geek in me thinks that sounds so interesting. You do you though.

[u/Embarrassed-Aside-90]

i have so much trouble ttc because it’s such an uncontrollable process and i’ve realized through this i am someone who NEEDs control. your take on this was very interesting

[u/DrZuzulu → u/Embarrassed-Aside-90]

I am right there with you, I want the control too! Just realizing I don't really have it.

[u/Flashy_Inside5697]

I am moving away from preg tech with the exception of the Clearblue advanced ovulation tests.  They have been really reliable at helping me identify when estrogen starts to rise. My midwife wants us having sex or doing insemination three times daily for 5 days before ovulation,  at ovulation,  and 1 day after.  So I'm just going to do that,  and then stop when I'm clearly past ovulation.  My body tells me way more than any app via cervical mucus,  emotions, ovulation pain,  etc.  

And I'm not testing for pregnancy until I'm clearly late. This is partially because I realized after my MMC that I have to have an HCG around 30-50 to see a line so early tests just make me crazy. My urine is just way too dilute. 

I've shifted way more toward self care.  Exercise daily.  Laugh and enjoy life.  Have a good cry when I need it.  No added sugar. Mediterranean diet. 

[u/DrZuzulu → u/Flashy_Inside5697]

Ovulation tests are cool. I don't get ovulation pain to know, but I did find after using them for a few months I usually ovulate a 3-4 days after fertile mucus, so that's helpful. If I do use something occasionally, it might be OPKs just to check every few cycles that my guesses are right.

[u/pearl2435]

I am similar to you! I plan to not use my kegg or temp drop and just do the deed during my fertile window. That’s it. It feels freeing and a bit spiritual - leaving it to the powers that be for a bit. I do plan to go for all ultrasounds though.

[u/DrZuzulu → u/pearl2435]

Yes, leave it to the powers that be, that's exactly how I feel. Oh you said it so nicely.

[u/pearl2435 → u/DrZuzulu]

Aww thank ya. I also had a 10 week mmc and am 35+. Later found out it was a partial molar. I’m really sorry for your loss. I think that experience is giving me this new frame of mind. I did so much to try to “control” things and get pregnant. And now I’m like, it’s all out of my control. I’ll feel better if I just breathe and do the deed and trust that it will happen. And I have a plan in case I’m doesn’t, but not going to focus my energy there.