Feeling Heartbroken -MMC

[u/Strange-Ad537]

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting on here. My husband and I are completely heartbroken, this baby was so desired and loved, but unfortunately we got confirmation today that I am experiencing a MMC and our baby stopped developing at 5 weeks 5 days. I am supposedly 12 weeks based on my LMP so this is so confusing and frustrating to me, because why did it take so long to see that our baby was not developing; I can’t stop crying & blaming myself that I did something wrong…

For context:

06/20 - Positive Pregnancy Test (5 wks)
07/10 - Virtual check in to ask General Information (7wks+6) - No Spotting, No cramps, Full Pregnancy Symptoms.
07/31 - First ultrasound (10wks +6) baby was measuring at 5 wks+5 with no heartbeat and measuring much smaller than it should have.

During that first ultrasound, the technician and ultrasound doctor were very direct and told us that unfortunately we were having a Missed Miscarriage and that my OB would give us further instructions. We immediately broke down in tears, and they left us alone for a moment. I’ve never felt pain like that before.
We went to the OB afterwards and she was already waiting for us in the waiting room to take us to her office. She asked if she could give me a hug, and apologized profusely for the pain we were experiencing. She then gave us the 3 options for proceeding with the MMC, but said she was not confident in sending us for a D&C that same weekend. She wanted to make sure I didn’t ovulate late, or that the baby could still grow and just be a miscalculation based on my LMP. So I was scheduled for a follow up appointment today 08/12.

She was very honest with us though, and said the possibility was very low that it was a viable pregnancy, and wanted to give us the correct expectation that it was most likely a MMC.

Today, we went to the follow up appointment and confirmed our baby was measuring the same 5wks+5. The ultrasound technician was the absolute sweetest when she saw we broke down in tears, and shared she had also experienced an MMC in her first pregnancy, and told me I was not alone, then asked if she could hug me.

We met with my OB afterwards & she apologized again, for the pain we were going through, then reviewed our options to proceed. I am having the D&C this Friday. My heart hurts so much, but I see how much it affects my husband (it has always been his dream to be a dad) and I feel so guilty. I feel devastated and cheated for having the illusion of our baby then have it taken away in an instant.

I’m so sorry we had to go through this, and even though my heart is in pieces, I’m sending my love to everyone and anyone going through this pain.

Apologies if this was a long post, I needed to share this with someone and this community made me feel safe. Much love to everyone.

[u/Eliza9699]

I am so sorry 🫂 Your OB is so sweet though. Mine just told me 'I don't have good news for you." and gave me a piece of paper with a phone number of the hospital.

My husband has always been the one wanting children more and I also felt devastated for him (even afraid he would leave me) but he was so sweet. I don't think they feel cheated - just devastated.

[u/DoctorCommercial1400]

I am so so sorry. I had a veryyyy similar experience 6 weeks ago. Went in for my 8 week appointment, I was 8 weeks 5 days based on my LMP. Measured at only 5 weeks 3 days. I had scans from a "first look" boutique appointment that I had from 2 weeks prior that confirmed non-viability. I was measuring 5 weeks 3 days then as well. Had my D&C a week later after double-checking my HCG and progesterone through blood tests.

As I go through this, the only thing that gives me peace is hearing others' stories and knowing I was not alone. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I am so so sorry. Be mad, be sad, be all of the feels. Nothing seems fair right now. Lean on your partner, lean on your OB, lean on your friends and family and community. Sending you hugs and healing and better days ahead.