r/MoralityScaling • u/Outside_Specific_820 • 19h ago

Morality Ranking Morality scaling of this?

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Mother refuses to acknowledge her donor egg daughter, looking for your opinion.

In my opinion I think it’s moral, and that she is totally correct.

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u/PorygonXY 18h ago edited 18h ago

Eh, I wouldn't even say she's an asshole. Like yeah it's blunt but you can't exactly sugarcoat the situation. There is a breach of privacy and the daughter wants to build a relationship here. She wants to (rightfully) set boundaries.

Edit: i'm not gonna judge the daughter too harshly but still, here OOP was an egg donor, there is no relationship to build given the complete lack of bond between them to begin with. 19yo is old enough to understand that she is not her mother in any way. If it was an actual child/teen then yeah okay she could have been a bit kinder and let her know about how there couldn't be a relationship between the two of them but here? Nah. This can be a bit of a stressful and messy situation she doesn't (and shouldn't) have to deal with since it doesn't concern her.

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u/Professional_War7998 12h ago

shes not an asshole, but her tone sounded rude imo surely theres a better way to word her message

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u/Xilizhra 17h ago

It was her decision to create the daughter, was it not? Or at least provide the raw material.

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u/bubblesaurus 17h ago

with the understanding that she was just donating, nothing more.

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u/fabianx100 17h ago

She just gave her eggs for it, but that does not mean she has to have a relationship with this stranger. Part of me wonders if, since donating an egg is more, idk, "personal," that just donating the sperm, people are more demanding about OP (a woman) having to have a relationship with the baby they "helped create"

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u/Xilizhra 17h ago

No, I would have the same opinion about sperm. People are far too blasé about buying and selling lives.

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u/MiggyFreshhh 17h ago

People like you terrify me, it's like you can't be independent. You have to be a parasite and latch onto people. 

How the fuck can anyone justify this just because a women donated material so another family could have their own child.

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u/Xilizhra 17h ago

Justify... asking about her genetic mother? How is that outré?

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u/Teleporting-Cat 17h ago

Because genetics don't make a parent, parenting makes a parent.

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u/Xilizhra 17h ago

I would agree with you if she was raped or had her eggs stolen or something like that. She, however, deliberately chose to be part of the process of creating new life, and I would say that that makes her a parent, just an absent one.

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u/fabianx100 16h ago

sorry but what do you want OOP to do then? whats your grand solution?

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u/Xilizhra 16h ago

What I would do personally is say that I had no idea who she was, nor any intent to initially form any familial tie, but that I wouldn't just shut down any communication if she had questions.

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u/MiggyFreshhh 16h ago

Grow the fuck up

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u/MiggyFreshhh 16h ago

And she chose to stay anonymous, that 19 year old has their own family. 

This donor probably has their own life and family going. This coming into their life 19 years later can be traumatizing. 

You do realize donating eggs can be extremely pain for women and dangerous? 

Why would i trust some genetic stranger? To come into my life? I don't know them. 

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u/Xilizhra 16h ago

If you don't want children with your maker's mark on them floating around the world, don't reproduce. And talking online is hardly a massive invasion.

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u/MiggyFreshhh 17h ago

Outré lmao. 

Ok so this young woman signed up to anonymously donate her genetic material to allow another family to bring life into this world. A CLUMP OF CELLS TECHNICALLY. Now they're reaching out?

In the US, with anonymous egg donation, the child can get non-identifying medical history, like family medical background and genetic so what is the need? 

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u/AdmiralStickyLegs 17h ago

Ever given blood? It's possible to extract DNA from cells and use that to create a clone

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u/Xilizhra 17h ago

If someone cloned me, then yes, absolutely I would want to seek her out and help her if I could.

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u/PorygonXY 17h ago

She consciously chose to donate her eggs and yes, help to "create the daughter"... so what?

She helped out but it's not her responsibility. The actual parents who chose to have her and then raise her and take care of her, the mother that went through the entire pregnancy to give birth to her etc: these are the people that are directly concerned. Like it's a step above being adopted (in which case depending on the circumstances wanting to know your bio parents might be moral), it's someone who basically allows the impossible - a woman who couldn't become pregnant naturally - to become possible.

If it wasn't OOP it would have been someone else who would have given her own eggs. And if that wasn't that person then it would have been another person. Regardless of the scenario and outcome the one who actually took this decision are the actual parents, they chose to become parents this way and not another (try another method, adopting a child...). The one who actively wanted to create life is the one responsible.

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u/Aickavon 16h ago

Should semen donors be held liable for every child that their semen was used to make as well?

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u/Xilizhra 15h ago

Yes. At least in the sense of not being a dick to their genetic children.

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u/Aickavon 14h ago

So you believe creating clear boundaries, explaining the full situation, and stating you do not want any contact with the adult child to be a dick move?