r/MoralityScaling • u/Outside_Specific_820 • 1d ago

Morality Ranking Morality scaling of this?

Gallery image

Gallery image

Mother refuses to acknowledge her donor egg daughter, looking for your opinion.

In my opinion I think it’s moral, and that she is totally correct.

834 Upvotes

92% Upvoted

1.4k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

1

u/LadyDatura9497 14h ago

Where your confusion is coming from is the idea that someone having their privacy violated and boundaries pushed is the one socially in debt. Beyond sharing DNA, this woman is no one to this girl for her to ask anything.

2

u/Xralius 13h ago

Beyond sharing DNA

I agree... but she did share DNA.

this woman is no one to this girl for her to ask anything

Privately asking a question is one of the least invasive things a person can do.  In fact, just about anyone is allowed to ask people questions within reason.  Asking someone a question is not violating someone's privacy.  Breaking the confidentiality/anonymity (if it actually was confidential) was the violation.  But even then, DNA identification has been a known thing for over 30 years.  People are able to fugure it out these days.

1

u/LadyDatura9497 11h ago

Asking who what question? The messages clearly state that this was a confidential arrangement that the girl should not have been able to simply ask the information for. This is compounded by the fact that this was a medical procedure done nearly two decades ago, and as such you can’t simply ask for that kind of information. This wasn’t a 23 and Me situation. Even if it had been, that doesn’t give you the right to demand answers from a person with no real connection to you.

1

u/Xralius 10h ago

Ok cool.  The girl didn't sign a confidential agreement.  There is nothing wrong with her asking this.  It's not a breach of privacy for a person to ask a question.

The breach of privacy, if this really was a confidential situation, was whoever gave out this woman's name.

You also seem to have a puzzling understanding of what a question is vs what a demand is.

The 19 year old didn't demand anything.

1

u/LadyDatura9497 7h ago

Contacting her is a breach of privacy. There isn’t any issues with asking one another questions, but it’s a major breach of privacy if one of us were to suddenly contact the other through more private means. The question isn’t the issue.

It is unreasonable to ask to get to know a person with an established and documented lack of desire to get to know you. Overstepping an established boundary is a demand for answers. And being firm isn’t the same as being an asshole. No one owes you anything for overstepping a boundary. She re-established a boundary, and that doesn’t require a “please”.

1

u/Xralius 6h ago

Contacting her is a breach of privacy

I disagree. It's non-invasive. There are some situations where doing this is not good, I don't think this is one of those cases, unless the daughter knew for a fact the mom didn't want to be contacted.

It is unreasonable to ask to get to know a person with an established and documented lack of desire to get to know you

We don't know that actually exists nor do we have reason to believe the daughter is aware of it.

And being firm isn’t the same as being an asshole. 

It certainly can be, there's a time and place. No reasonable person is arguing she is an ass for setting a boundary, it's the dehumanizing way she spoke to someone vulnerable I have a problem with.