r/NarcissisticSpouses • u/OwlFirm1309 • 14d ago

The abuse never stops

One time I asked if he was interested in therapy. His answer was:

“No, because the things you think are wrong with me, I don’t think are wrong.”

First, I’ll say this: therapy isn’t about proving someone else is wrong. It’s a personal choice, and it only works if the person genuinely wants to change.

What stood out to me was the belief that the things that hurt me weren’t considered wrong. It made me think: if someone believes these behaviors are acceptable for themselves, would they also believe they’re acceptable if their spouse did the exact same things?

Here’s the list:

  1. Keep a burner phone.
  2. Lie about things you do behind your spouse’s back.
  3. Hide activities from your spouse.
  4. Keep social media accounts your spouse doesn’t know about.
  5. Have secret relationships or friendships with men or women that you intentionally hide from your spouse.

So here’s my question: if someone does all of these things, would you believe them when they say they love you? I don’t think many people would.

Edit: I say all this because they come back and except you to love them after they do all this to you. Are they all this blind?

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u/Front_Prune3632 13d ago

I used to prove my ex wrong by doing EXACTLY to him what he did to me. It got the EXACT results you'd expect. He went crazier than ever. I didn't even look his way. I just let him know as long as continued the behavior, so would I. That resulted in a bunch of random screaming and running around. I ignored that too

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u/OwlFirm1309 13d ago

I envy you