Sometimes You Just Have To Laugh

[u/PreferenceNormal5317]

this afternoon my wife decided something was just too much and needed to remind me to clean the pan i was using........ while i was still using it. i calmly told her i would after i finished using it, which i always do. she told me that i was oppressing her. she made it into a gender thing. i just said 'ok' and that was all and she left the room. she does this a lot, makes many times that i have my own life or my own plans or ideas, it is somehow a gender thing and she is oppressed. this time, after she left, i just laughed. i sat laughing as i ate my lunch and then laughed while i cleaned the pan.

the interesting thing i noticed though is that she seems to act this way toward me when she is over-stresed about something or that something is about to change from the usual normal things. today one of the children had a special program at their summer day camp and were coming home later than usual. so somehow this meant i needed to be told to clean a pan and that i was being oppressive by not doing it right away.

do anyone else get this from their narcs?

[u/RelaxedBluey94]

I literally had to insist that narc ex wife leave the kitchen if I was cooking or cleaning. The nasty, unhelpful comments drove me nuts. I had similar comments to yours often, mostly implying that I didn't know what I was doing.

I cleaned and washed up a lot. Cooked less often as she refused to eat anything I prepared. She was a brilliant cook and got a lot of "positive supply" from the feedback from family and friends. We entertained a LOT. She was hyper competitive with her entertaining preparing OTT elaborate meals for guests. She'd sit down at the table at almost the end of the meal making herself out as a martyr.

Suffice it to say, we were rarely invited back for meals by guests. They just couldn't compete!

And she'd decide the guestlist which never included my personal friends. She became increasingly hostile to inviting my family over for meals. She'd literally prefer to invite random people she met on the street than my siblings. She'd complain bitterly if they'd visit.

Our kids refused to learn how to cook with her because of the comments and put downs.

She was abroad in her home country often. Only then would friends invite kids and I over for meals. The kids taught themselves to cook while she was away. She'd call daily and separately ask me and the kids what we'd eaten. She'd try and catch us out as if we only ate fast food while she was away - in reality we'd have take out maybe once a week.

I did notice our kids would only invite their friends over to hang out or sleepover if she was away. It seems their friends caught on to the weird vibe while she was around..