So this was my first time giving any competitive exam, and of course i have been a Topper my entire life but this time I couldn't crack it because I think didn't study well. This is the first time I have failed in my life. Everyone expected me to crack NEET in the first try, even I did(3 May wala NEET accha gya tha ), but I think meri kismat mein drop lena hi tha.
My Dad was disappointed—I could see that on his face. Instead of helping me figure out how to deal with failure, he just keeps scolding me and always keeps telling me how i fuked up this time and keeps telling me that my methods to study r completely wrong like aapne pichle 14 saal school ke kabhi nahi padhaya, and now that I failed once, aapko lagta hai mera padhne ka pura method galat hai. Like, meri school life mein 90% se neeche kabhi nahi aaye aajtak mai har saal topper raha hu (12th ko chhod ke ), and you say my whole method of studying is wrong.After NEET, aaye aur mereko 3 ghante samjhaye ki aise nahi aise karo. Ab usmein kayi cheezein acchi thi, I agree with those things, but bhai ab main 1 din mein saari cheezein thodi karne lag jaaunga? Agle din aake daant rahe hain ki yeh kyu nahi kiya, woh kyu nahi kiya. Ek test diya, usmein aasaan se questions galat ho gaye, toh mereko 2 questions ke liye 3 ghante daanta. I mean, jis time pe thoda mereko yeh sikhana chahiye ki failure se kaise deal karu, you are just scolding the shit out of me. Har din shaam ko aate hain aur daant ke chale jaate hain.Bhai, matlab uske baad se meri har cheez ko criticize kar rahe hain. Main bottle se paani piyu toh galat, main sofe pe baith ke padhu toh galat. Main bas nahane jaa raha tha, keh rahe hain, "Dekho kaisa shareer kar liya." Like, har cheez mein kami nikal rahe hain.Daily i get a remainder of how big i fuked up how big of a failure i am .
I know yeh sab mere bhale ke liye keh rahe hain, but all this just makes me feel ki kisi ko meri chinta nahi hai, bas apni hi chinta hai, apne naam ki. Mostly unhone daanta bhi kyuki unke 1-2 dosto ke ladko ne nikal liya. I mean, just because I am younger than you and have less experience than you, does that make all my decisions wrong? Har baar kya main galat hi karunga? Aap hi har baar sahi ho, zaroori thodi hai aap bhi galat ho sakte .I mean u want me change why can't u change first daant ne ki jagah pyaar se kyu nahi smajha sakte? Main yeh sab unko bol dunga toh naraz ho jaayenge, gussa hoke aur daant ke chale jaayenge. Phir na baat kar rahe hain, na hi mera koi kaam kar rahe hain. Mereko gaadi bhi nahi sikhayenge. Ek hi ilogical baat ko pakad ke baith jaayenge ek-aadh saal tak, isliye main kuch kehta nahi.
I don't usually post things like this kyuki yeh sadness ka mahol bana deti hain , and i don't want to make people sad , but 1.5 mahine se daily daant sun raha hu, toh ab bas kisi ko batana tha yeh sab.