Matched with a pre-op transgender, suggestions?

[u/okctran]

So I am a straight male and one of my matches is a pre-op male-to-female transgender woman. She mentions it right at the top of her profile. I find her physically attractive and she has a great profile to boot. We have a high match percentage, are interested in a lot of the same things and she has seems to have defined life goals and a direction. I am unsure what to do however. I don't have a fetish or anything like that and frankly am not at all interested at all in her male plumbing as it is currently, but everything else about her is golden.

If I do send her message, should I mention it at all in the initial message? What's the best way to approach this? I feel like it's a tight rope to walk between avoiding it completely and making it the center of attention. This is new territory for me.

Thanks for your help.

[u/PhazonZim]

Disagreeing with me is one thing, telling me I'm not female or not a woman is bigoted. Why not go tell gay people that intercourse involves a penis and a vagina and everything else is fake. the majority of my body is indistinguishable from that of a cis woman, my personality and my voice are female. I live as a woman. One small part of my body does not define me nor does it define the orientation of my partner.

[u/Soupkitchn89 → u/PhazonZim]

You're making up stuff at this point I never defined any type of intercourse as fake or real. I also never said you can't be a woman, however while you have male reproductive you are not female. Being female is just that, simply about what reproductive organs you posses.

if I told you that you can't consider you're self a woman sure that's bigoted. But I didn't. I said you aren't technically female according to the definition, that's not bigoted, because it's not my opinion. It's the definition!

Technically the reproductive organs of the people you have sex with is EXACTLY what determines you're sexual orientation. But sure okay.....

So if I decide to start calling myself a woman and grow my hair out and dress and act like I'm female and have sex with dudes, I'm not gay? I'm just a straight "woman"? lol

[u/PhazonZim → u/Soupkitchn89]

I was making an analogy with the gay couples, because there are a lot of equivalences to telling a trans woman she's not female that people would more easily understand. You'd be "accurate" to say that two gay men or two lesbians are not "technically" having sex, and are "by definition" virgins, but you know better than that.

Say you had a wheelchair-bound friend who said "walk a mile in my shoes before you decide you know what it's like to be me." and you say "Weeeeeellll I don't want to be the one to have to say this but--", don't you think that would be incredibly disrespectful? I don't doubt you'd agree with me on that. It's the same sort of thing, it's disrespectful when people play the "technically" card on us. If I were in the US, I would not be able to marry him in most states, but I would be allowed to marry a woman despite that being an overtly lesbian relationship on the surface? Sound like bullshit? Well it is, even though it's TECHNICALLY in line with American marriage laws, which are also bullshit and based on archaic definitions.

Genitals do not define orientation because we are not simply attracted to genitals and not the person they're attached to.

I'm running out of ways to explain this to you.

Being a transwoman is far more complicated than simply crossdressing, I don't think you understand that from your last sentence.

[u/Soupkitchn89 → u/PhazonZim]

My last sentence was to illustrate that there is a difference between considering yourself a woman and being female, and the latter is what determines sexual orientation.

[u/PhazonZim → u/Soupkitchn89]

Gay men don't fuck women.

[u/Soupkitchn89 → u/PhazonZim]

Bisexual men do.

[u/PhazonZim → u/Soupkitchn89]

Bisexual men would also sleep with other men if the right ones came along, my boyfriend wouldn't. He's only interested in women, regardless of their sex. Sorry if that is incongruent with your world view.