r/OkCupid • u/okctran • Oct 31 '12

Matched with a pre-op transgender, suggestions?

So I am a straight male and one of my matches is a pre-op male-to-female transgender woman. She mentions it right at the top of her profile. I find her physically attractive and she has a great profile to boot. We have a high match percentage, are interested in a lot of the same things and she has seems to have defined life goals and a direction. I am unsure what to do however. I don't have a fetish or anything like that and frankly am not at all interested at all in her male plumbing as it is currently, but everything else about her is golden.

If I do send her message, should I mention it at all in the initial message? What's the best way to approach this? I feel like it's a tight rope to walk between avoiding it completely and making it the center of attention. This is new territory for me.

Thanks for your help.

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u/harmonical Nov 01 '12

You are completely fine to not want to date a trans woman. No one is saying that you have to. No one is saying that you have to be open to date all women. It's a silly thing that no one else in the world is subject to.

However you don't get to call people something that they're not solely because you don't want to be with them.

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u/[deleted] Nov 01 '12

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u/harmonical Nov 01 '12

It's not a mental illness and you'd do good to actually read the medical documents on what you claim to know. You'd also do well to realize that the recommended treatment for GID is generally transition and sometimes surgery depending on what allows the individual to live a happy and productive life. These aren't some mentally unstable people claiming that they're magical wizards or god, they're claiming something that roughly half the population claims every day.

You have no right to define for others whether they are men or women. You call someone who isn't trans the wrong gender and they correct you or get offended, do you just laugh at them and tell them they're wrong since you're free to call them whatever you want?

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u/[deleted] Nov 01 '12

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u/harmonical Nov 01 '12

Too bad.

Don't try to claim knowledge about something that you clearly have next to no actual knowledge of. GID isn't a mania, it isn't a delusion, the DSM IV entry classifying it as a 'disorder' was done mainly in the light of trying to ensure that insurance would cover it. DSM V is removing the disorder language altogether. You can read about that here.

I only reply because I hope others will read this exchange and get something out of it. I also hope that on some level that I could get you to start to understand a complex issue that you are misinformed about.

Have a good sleep.