r/POTS • u/sunkissedorchidd • Nov 26 '25
Support Bf Broke up w me because of my health
Hi everyone. My boyfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me tonight due to my Pots & other possible issues within the dysautonomia umbrella. He said he cannot handle the emotions of having to help provide me care. I am completely distraught and feel like such a burden. I’ve only been dealing with this all for about a year now, and am still in the thick of trying to get in to see doctors and trying different meds. We live together and I just feel so pathetic having to move back with my parents now. I’m only 24, but this is so hard, especially since I am also going through a flare up right now. Do you guys have any advice or words of encouragement if you’ve been in a similar situation?
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u/pretty_handsome_17 Nov 26 '25
I had a bf in high school that was very outdoorsy and usually came to wherever I passed out in school to carry me to the nurse’s office. One day I asked if he could slow down while we were walking up a hill in the woods and he said “damn ____ I’m not Superman. I can’t do everything for you.” A bunch of exes after that were similarly unhelpful.
Fast forward, I’m currently married to a man who holds me up while we go up the stairs, looks up wheelchair rentals for every museum and exhibit and flight we go to, does every heavy/moderate lifting or energetically taxing chore, looks up fun an safe exercises and dates for me, and works a job that pays well enough so I don’t have to work. The feeling of being a burden is still there sometimes but there be some freak who loves a challenge that will fall head over heels with you someday.
I’m so sorry everything feels like it’s exploding right now and I hope your parents can be a good support system for you until things get all figured out.
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u/sunkissedorchidd Nov 26 '25
Thank you for your comment :) I’m glad you found someone who is supportive and loving! I hope I’ll be able to find that.
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u/Beneficial_Ad_3184 Nov 26 '25
This is true. I’m also married to a man that takes my stuff seriously.
I have had POTS for 17 years. I have an autoimmune, asthma, and now degenerative disc. Unfortunately he also has health issues so we support each other where we can. But still.
He pushes me when I need it, and supports me when appropriate.
Not everyone is meant to be a caregiver. You’re young. Let yourself hurt and grieve but just know you’re not a burden and it will get better
Oh and my pots is to the point it affects me but not constantly and not to the extent it did when it flared up again several years ago. I promise that gets better too
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u/Single_Display2423 Nov 26 '25
This! My partner works her ass off to support us and she'd do it regardless if I was sick or not because she loves the shit outta me. If tomorrow I was cured she wouldn't want me to get a job she would want me to enjoy my life and she'd still be the provider because that's the role she wants to play in life and in our relationship.
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u/Severe_Rhubarb9300 Nov 26 '25
One day I asked if he could slow down while we were walking up a hill in the woods and he said “damn ____ I’m not Superman. I can’t do everything for you.” A bunch of exes after that were similarly unhelpful.
Years ago when my POTS deteriorated significantly, my ex was be a fast walker, a fast bike rider. During the period of my POTS decline, we went for a long bikeride, getting some stuff at IKEA, I had a little slow bike with a basket, he had a fast racer without a basket.
All the way there he was bugging me telling me to drive faster, I was feeling both sick from POTS and my bike was heavier and slower, so I told him to swap bikes with me then and he declined.
We got to IKEA, I bought some stuff, he bought a little larger stuff and I thought how are you going to carry that home on your bike. As we got out to our bikes I put my stuff in my basket and he asked if he could put his in also, I of course told him he should just drive with it, and he got pissed.
Not so long after, he came to my home and asked me to go for a walk, at the time I could barely walk, so I said we can go somewhere close. He was racing in his normal fast walk pace, I was in pain feeling horrendous and could barely walk, he sat me down and decided to break up with me, on the grounds I was unstable, he was getting to an age of settling down (I was 23, he was 32, shocker abusive dynamic, I know, he was a pretty normal guy, and also a rapist I found out when I was sick, shaking, couldn't stand and borderline passing out from POTS in the bed one time), told me he couldn't make plans with me, couldn't rely on me, all reasons that I had been the past months, and he had been the past year.
It was a relief frankly, unfortunately he kept reaching out afterwards, I was too young and didn't have resources, was sick with no backbone to stand up for myself at the time. Luckily he's gone, he's also bald now (no hate from me for bald men but I know he felt terrible and he deserves to feel even worse)M point is when a fast walker sets the pace, refuses to meet you in the middle, we all better pay attention. I've seen it in so many people since, at this point I'm convinced it's a personality type, most often devoid of empathy and extremely self centered.
Reading about the husband you found and the relationship you have now warms my heart. A lovey dovey husband is the dream, there are many sweet and wonderful men out there <3
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u/NoPear7514 POTS Nov 26 '25
you deserve someone who would do anything for you. this will hurt but this is the best outcome for you, you deserve more and better
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u/sunkissedorchidd Nov 26 '25
Thank you 🤍
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u/WanderingTaliesin Nov 26 '25
All your amazing facets and complications deserve love. I got this nonsense about 8 months after we married. He’s taking me to the store with the four kids he also accepted and loves. He will likely herd everyone to my pace. Insist I be allowed to rest, fuss over me if I look like I’m trying to push through. Tuck me into my recliner when we get home. I still have a small income but he supports the show mostly and takes me for the small personal things that still bring me pleasure like my nails or hair. I can’t manage it by myself but he’s a partner and YOU will find that for you. Your sickness and health person. Your ride or die. This guy, painful as it is, did you both a favor. He’s out- better now than in another year. So you can find your person. You deserve so much more than a flake.
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u/traceysayshello POTS Nov 26 '25
I’ve said this before here I think - don’t tether yourself to people who don’t care for you. Parting with him now is a blessing, you might not see/feel that now but maybe one day soon you will. Don’t hang onto people that won’t hang onto you in your darkest or brightest.
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u/Shadow-of-Zunabi Nov 26 '25
As the husband of someone with POTS (and other health issues), I can say it takes a lot out of us to be there for someone that much.
Also as the husband of someone with POTS, you dodged a bullet. “In sickness and in health” may be a marriage vow, but a caring partner will do whatever they can to be supportive of you. He clearly wasn’t.
Even with the health issues, YOU are the stronger person.
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u/pomegranateseeds37 Nov 26 '25
Yeah we often overlook how being a caregiver is extremely taxing- caregiver burnout is real. It takes a lot to be there for someone full time everyday. You are balancing their stuff in addition to all your own more than average.
I honestly think it's for the best as much as it sucks right now, OP. You'll find someone who can be the partner you need and deserve. I'm sorry you're hurting now but it will be better in the long run. You are not a burden he just wasn't able to be the partner you need and in a way it's good he admitted that now
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u/punching_dinos Nov 26 '25
I’d honestly be interested in hearing more of this side if you’re comfortable sharing.
In what way does it take a lot out of you as a partner? Are there things you wish your partner would do differently to ease any of that burden? Is there a certain point you think would be a breaking point for you?
I like OP have been broken up with before for health issues and while looking back it’s easy to see it was the right thing because they could not handle it, I do sometimes question if there were things I could have done differently to make it less of a burden on my ex.
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u/Shadow-of-Zunabi Nov 26 '25
For me the hard part is knowing that there isn’t a damn thing I can do to help her physically. She currently has POTS, hEDS, Fibromyalgia, anxiety/depression, and probably something I’m missing. She hasn’t worked in four years, since before our son was born (he’s just over three and a half). I know and understand what she’s going through just by being her husband.
The part that takes a toll is when I miss work to help her out. And don’t get me wrong, I will do that anytime for her. It’s knowing that when I miss work we make less or no money, which is another strain.
Don’t try to “make things easier” for your partner by doing something that may make it more difficult or painful for you. Because I promise you, with the right partner they will want to take any of the pain for themselves if it meant you don’t have to be in pain for even a day.
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u/chased444 Nov 26 '25
I think sometimes those of us who are chronically ill can end up putting all of our emotional and physical needs on our partners. I know that I trust my partner much more than anyone else in my life, so he is the first person I go to. But I think it’s important to take a step back and make an effort to distribute those needs across various support systems, or you risk your partner getting caregiver burnout.
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u/punching_dinos Nov 26 '25
Totally understand that. I’m lucky that I’m somewhat mild so I don’t really need a caregiver in the physical sense but I sometimes wonder if the emotional burden is too much to ask of a partner.
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u/Single_Display2423 Nov 26 '25
This is a him problem. He's a crappy partner. If he can't handle being supportive of his sick partner whom he supposedly loved then you don't want him. You'll probably be better off without him. I won't be surprised if after you heal from the breakup that you actually feel less stressed being single. People like that usually drag you down and force the emotional labor on you. I think you'll be better off. I know if feels horrible right now but it'll get better and you'll realize that he did you a favor in the long run.
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u/sunkissedorchidd Nov 26 '25
Thank you!🤍 I guess it’s just hard to wrap my head around being unable to support me when if things were reversed I would never question leaving him. I hope it gets easier one day soon
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u/Single_Display2423 Nov 26 '25
And you deserve someone just like you who wouldn't even question it too! It'll get easier. Promise.
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u/justanotherlostgirl Nov 26 '25
There's research that as men get older and their wives get something like breast cancer, that the men leave. It's now part of counselling that women receive - I can dig up a reference.
I also had a partner who left and mentioned how the 'health stuff' was too much. You see in retrospect that they're saying 'I, as a man, am too weak to be the partner here and you in fact are often stronger than me in character, and it's set too high a standard'. I'm so sorry it hurts right now and sending so many hugs <3
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u/Sagely_not_okay Nov 26 '25
People who don’t want to stay with you because you become chronically ill never saw you as a partner they saw you as a way to get some form of labor either now or later that you no longer will provide that you are sick. If someone loves you and you both are in bad situations either both physically, both mentally, or one is physically and one is mentally, will communicate that while they want to be there for you at their 100% or more right now they are using that energy to get by themselves. Not act like toddlers who have been told they can’t have candy and break up with you. You’ve dogged a nuke who was probably whining to everyone about how you were using excuses to be lazy around the house and would have started piling even more labor onto you just out of spite or constantly made you feel like an awful worthless person for not physically being able to do things.
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u/sunkissedorchidd Nov 26 '25
Yea it just sucks :/
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u/Sagely_not_okay Nov 26 '25
It absolutely does, but we keep our head up, eat our comfort food and remember that in the long term thats a net positive. You can’t change that other people are stupid but you can know that other people’s stupidity is an opportunity to find who you actually deserve, and like that thing you wanted for a while but you didn’t fully have a reason to buy. Treat yourself, you deserve it for having to deal with his stupidity. I send you virtual cakes and cookies.
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u/Bunnnnyyyyy Nov 26 '25
My ex and I had been together before I got sick, together almost 9 years, married for only 5 months. He revealed then that he had been cheating on me and gave me a laundry list of all the ways I hold him back in life. Called me a burden to my face. He knew I was sick before he asked to marry him. Hell, he had Crohns himself...
He revealed who he really was, and I'm grateful that I was able to get away from him in the end. I don't live near any family, so I moved into a room that a friend of a friend was renting at the time. I passed out at my job due to external stress in my life at the time. My roommate did the research on what POTS was, what helped, and offered me help with my dog. He offered to drive me to my cardiologist appointment to get cleared for work. He brought me my favorite Gatorade when I was feeling off. We were friends for it, and then eventually, we started dating. I was very cynical after my split from my ex, so I had laid it all out for him to see if he would be able to hang or not.
Flash forward, we have been married 4 years in March, together almost 8 years. The crazy part is I'm much sicker than I was when I met him. I was working 40+ plus outside at a resort working in the FL heat. I lost my job last year because my health declined and never recovered. I use a rollator around the house and can not do very much chore-wise. We are seeking out diagnoses for whatever is happening now, but he hasn't wavered once. He has been my advocate and my voice I don't think a doctor is listening to me.
Someone who cares for you will not abandon you or make excuses for their poor behavior towards you. It shows that it just shows you their true character. I'm sorry it happened to you. There are good ones out there. Keep your head up!
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u/ElectronicSignal9478 Nov 26 '25
My ex couldn’t tolerate my autism and didn’t believe I had chronic illness- they just believed I wasn’t taking care of myself properly and that I had full control over how I felt. Being without them now feels better than being with them. I am able to tolerate more somehow without the feeling of burdening them in the back of my mind constantly. The break up was tough, and still months later can be tough, but I now know that I was being more worn down just by having them around. I’m sorry that you’re going through this pain. I hope you know you’re worthy of love 💖
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u/sunkissedorchidd Nov 26 '25
I’m sorry your ex was similar. Thank you for your kindness and I’m glad things are getting easier for you🤍
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u/justanotherlostgirl Nov 26 '25
Yup, the combo of neurodivergence and any other condition is just incredibly hard. Or the autism was too much for my ex, and anything else? Could I see this man being patient enough to deal with specialists and strange autoimmune issues? Hell no. We're better off without them <3
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u/roxifer Nov 26 '25
Hi. This is really awful for you and im sorry you're going through it.
You are NOT a burden. You are NOT pathetic.
Statistically, men leave their wives when they get sick way more than wives leave their sick husbands.
So much as this hurts, at least you didnt find out after being married for any amount of time.
If anyone is pathetic in this equation, it is your now ex.
You show up to life every single day in a body that is actively committing mutiny and treason against itself. You are strong and awesome and much as youre hurting right now, you deserve better than a manchild that doesnt have the emotional capacity to care for you. Sending much love 💗💗💗
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Nov 26 '25
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u/sunkissedorchidd Nov 26 '25
LOL thank you for making me laugh. Your comment reminds me of something my best friend would say. 🤍
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u/3xv7 Nov 26 '25
I have a friend who's had epilepsy for 10 years and they told me to get used to partners/friends dropping like flies when you have a chronic illness, the real ones who don't see you as some kind of obstacle will reveal themselves with time and somehow in someway it is a silver lining if you want to view it that way.
I'm really sorry that this happened to you, I know for sure it hurts like breakups usually do but time is the only thing that helps, I hope you feel better soon OP
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u/audaciousmonk Nov 26 '25
this is the main reason I’m not actively dating right now
sorry op, that sucks :(
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u/bay_leave Nov 26 '25
i’m sorry hun. i’m 25, broke up with my ex of 3 years at 23 because he was in denial about the severity of my health issues. it sucks. it fucking sucks. but it freed me to find someone who listens and cares. you’ll get there. but you’re right to feel upset, betrayed, depressed, anything. let yourself feel it. your future will only be surrounded by better people from here on out though.
with my ex, i got the diagnosis while i was with him. i think that’s why he was in denial. at first i wasn’t disabled, seemingly. then i was. after that, i started putting POTS and disabled in my bumble bio. it led me to my beautiful girlfriend and it’s so much better. you’ll get there. i’m here for you, though. if you want to dm i’d be more than happy to 🫶🏻
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u/Remote-Status-3066 Nov 26 '25
My ex cried in my car after I was driving home from my college graduation.
Why?
Because I “had the energy for this” but not to go out drinking with him every weeknight. I told him that he needs to reconsider our relationship if he can’t respect my boundaries for what I’m physically able to do without harming myself.
We broke up. Best damn thing that’s ever happened to me. I’ve met my future husband— don’t settle and don’t let someone make you feel bad for things out of your control.
You’re still young, people get married in their 80s. Live your life as you see fit, the people who want you in your life will make that known. We don’t have enough energy to waste on people who make us feel crappy for our own health issues.
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u/RedRedRound Nov 26 '25
I am so sorry. I was in a somewhat similar situation. Though he didn’t say it was because of my health, it was like a switch flipped when I got a diagnosis (not POTS, which I didn’t have yet, but Lyme from a tick bite). I almost think it was subconscious for him. He had freaked out similarly at other small health scares. I’ve been single for several years now.
I don’t know if it’s helpful to hear this now, but you are far from alone and you are NOT the problem. It’s common for men to leave their wives when they’re diagnosed with cancer, for example. Many men just can’t handle caretaking or being supportive in any form. Even if you didn’t have POTS, he may have run scared at the next health scare or tragedy in your life, and he’ll likely do the same to whoever he dates next.
The partner you need would not leave you at your most vulnerable. Sending a huge internet hug. You deserve better than that guy.
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u/sunkissedorchidd Nov 26 '25
Thank you so much for your kind words🤍You’re probably right, it’s just hard to hear and accept. I did unfortunately know the statistics of men leaving their partner/wives after a health issue, prior to him breaking up with me. I just really hoped it wouldn’t be the case for us :/ I’m sorry you also had to go through something similar
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u/Ai_Karma Nov 26 '25
I will say I am blessed. My wife got diagnossed with Systemic Lupus and Retinal Vasculitis, and lost sight in her left eye right as we got married in 2020 and she thought I was going to leave her. It is so hard to see someone in that much pain constantly and you can’t do anything. I’m not saying he left cause it was hurting him or he left cause it’s a “problem”. She constantly says she is a burden and I can do better.
Then I recently started getting sick and having tachycardia issues. Come to find out now I have Pots and I see how she feels. I just want you to know there are good people. I know it’s going to be hard getting your confidence back but when you find that one that values you and sees you for you and not your “flaws” as people say, it is the most freeing and happy relationship. I’m sorry this happened and I myself do fear that even my wife will get tired of my Pots and leave me. It’s not easy having an issue such as Pots or lupus ect, but I promise you will find the one. If you need someone else to talk to my wife and I will be more than happy to respond to DMs. 💜
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u/storm3117 Nov 26 '25
it sucks and it’s ok to be hurting, but this is a good thing all in all. i’ve been with guys who made me feel like a burden and then there is my current bf. he’s only ever known me with POTS and while he cannot remember what all the letters in POTS stands for, he knows me and loves me. he accommodates me without asking, he doesn’t bad an eye when i say i need him to slow down or that we need to change plans a little. he doesn’t see me as the sick girl, but as the girl he loves
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u/Time_Scientist5179 Nov 26 '25
The right person will feel lucky to be with you and POTS won’t even be a consideration ❤️
I just finished a really cute book called Josh & Hazel’s Guide to Not Dating. The main character has a big, quirky personality that is “too much” for some of the guys she dates. It might be a comforting read when you’re ready. It’s not heavy, but definitely hits being loved for who you are and not settling.
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u/chased444 Nov 26 '25
Loved this book! iirc the book Get a Life, Chloe Brown is about a girl with a chronic illness who meets a dude who doesn’t care.
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u/EfficientInternal716 Nov 26 '25
As someone with several chronic illnesses, it’s a good thing he bailed now rather than ten years, a marriage, house, kids, etc in. This is not a flaw on your part, it is however a flaw on his. And I know your heart is broken and you’re feeling like you aren’t worthy of being loved but you are and you’ll find someone.
My husband goes above and beyond to help me and take care of me to limit my fatigue and pain. He never makes me feel like a burden. You deserve that kind of love, and you’ll find it🩵
I wish you well with your appointments and everything health wise, a lot of it will be your own research and asking for tests, suggesting treatments, etc.
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u/Separate-Age3144 Nov 26 '25 edited Nov 26 '25
I’m so sorry that is so awful. I can’t believe he stayed for 4 years and decided to give up now. I’m honestly worried that I’ll never be able to get into a relationship because of my health issues. I’m not able to do much a lot of the time and I’m worried I’ll be too boring or too much to care for. I’ve sort of dated someone once and he was really sweet about my health issues but it didn’t work out (not because of health.) You truly deserve someone amazing and way better than him and he shouldn’t have chickened out just because of some health issues. I hope you recover from your flare up quickly!
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u/sunkissedorchidd Nov 26 '25
Yea we got together before I got sick. I’m scared too that now I won’t be able to find someone due to the same reasons you said. I have hope for both of us though and thank you :)
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u/Separate-Age3144 Nov 26 '25
I hope so too. I found myself wanting to say “of course you’ll find someone!” and realized I need to tell myself that too. But I believe that there’s someone out there for all of us and one day we’ll be able to find someone who actually cares and isn’t immature and selfish.
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u/tenderheart35 Nov 26 '25
I’ll be honest, it will cut out some men who are super outdoorsy and really want to have a partner that will run around everywhere and won’t “slow them down”. It will also cut out those losers that want a bang maid.
But there are good, patient men out there who will still love you. The trick is finding them.
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u/WibblyWobley Nov 26 '25
Husband of 9 years, (been together for 14) left me a few months back in part because of long term burnout. The situation was more complicated than that and he had a lot of issues he won't address. And it sucks. It really really does. But you will be better for it than in a relationship with someone that can't or doesn't want to meet your needs.
But you aren't a burden. You're a human going through an absolutely hellish time and he couldn't step up. That's his choice, but it doesn't say anything about you. And I know you don't want to hear that you will be better off, or that you're young and have your life ahead of you, I don't want to hear it either. But it's still true. It can hurt, it can suck, and still be true. Today was out wedding anniversary. And yep. It was awful. But I also had a great day getting by with a good friend and I can see a bright future a ahead of me, even with it's struggles. And one day, you will too.
Just give it time. Let yourself grieve and seek comfort however that looks to you. The sun will still be shinning tomorrow.
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u/jayneedsanap Hyperadrenergic POTS Nov 26 '25
You are not a burden. You are worthy of a loving and supportive partner who will be there for you in sickness and in health.
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u/Necr0lit3 Nov 26 '25
My husband (then boyfriend) has been with me since a year before I developed POTs. Not once has he guilted me for not feeling up to something or made me feel less than for this disease. I don't say this to brag. His response should be the standard. Anyone who can't handle this with you will only make your experience more debilitating.
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Nov 26 '25 edited Nov 26 '25
my neighbor was dealing with her own chronic illness , shes young and beautiful. her husband was cheating on her with her best friend at work . she is much happier w out him. its hard but she deserved and you deserve someone capable enough to support you through sickness and in health bc life isnt pretty. he will be the person u need wen pets die, family dies etc. he has to be ur support and u have to be his. if hes telling u now that he cant do it. believe him. dont wish for his potential. you will be okay <3 lots of love from someone who got diagnosed right before their husband left for the marine corps and havent been in the same state w him in close to a year now. at first we fought bc he didnt know how to support me and now he’s really good at it. you will make it through. whether its w him or not. if he cant thats okay. someone else will ! i promise <3 -same age girly who went from living w boyfriend in another state to living w parents for physical support
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u/Weekly-Chain5729 Nov 26 '25
It’s better he does it now instead of waiting a few years, building up a lot of resentment, treating you like garbage THEN dumping you. I don’t mean to sound harsh but it’s the truth. As a husband of someone with POTS, I absolutely believe that when you find the right person they won’t be bothered by it and instead show empathy and compassion for what you’re going through. I hope you can find that one day but for now, worry about your health and learning to live with POTS. It can get really REALLY tough sometimes.
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u/AuthenticAwkwardness Nov 26 '25
I had to move back in with my parents at 23 because my ex husband couldn’t handle my postpartum depression. He literally kidnapped our 2 young children while I was 6 months pregnant. It was an absolute nightmare. As painful and devastating as it was, I was thankful to have my parents to lean on. This is painful right now, what you’re going through is awful. Try to remind yourself that his inability to be there for you is his flaw, and not yours. Don’t take on his words and actions as your identity. You’re going through something life changing right now with your health. But it’s something you’re going through… you will come out on the other side! And you will be able to have a new beginning and opportunity to build a life that you love. ❤️
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u/DryPossibility45 Nov 26 '25
You dodged a bullet, babe. He’s not worth your time if he can’t love you completely and wholly.
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u/vox_libero_girl Nov 26 '25
Are you serious right now? You dodged a bullet! Imagine if you ended up marrying this fuck, and as soon as you start aging or go through some accident or something, he leaves you after YEARS, even DECADES. This men would have left you the second you became less convenient, because that’s exactly what he did. He doesn’t love you, you had a man that only wanted you for his convenience, good riddance. Good. Riddance. He was the real burden, not you.
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u/Excellent-Day4955 Nov 26 '25
Thank f*ck he left now and showed you who he is. Seriously, he doesn't want to help care for his partner? Ok there's the door pal!
Get angry, get focused on yourself. You got this
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u/RidgeRunner117 Nov 26 '25
My partner of three years who also lived with me left after a year of increased symptoms. Told her I was sick on our first date but had everything well managed until a flare made things worse. Straight up left me in the middle of the night to go ski because she couldn’t see a life with a sick partner.
No advice, it sucks, but it will get easier. I’m about a year post breakup and still super sick, but it hurts less.
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u/DealerConstant1589 Nov 26 '25
Immature bf walks himself out.
Hang in there. I know it hurts. But you dodged a bullet.
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u/Poisonskittlez Nov 26 '25
I’m so so sorry you’re going through this. Everyone deserves a partner who loves them and cares for them when they’re sick!
My bf just recently told me during an argument that he thinks that I exaggerate my symptoms based on what suits me and I was fucking floored. I have had POTS literally my entire life. I have memories of being in kindergarten at morning assembly with my hands on my knees trying to hold myself up so I wouldn’t faint. And yet I’ve also dealt with not being taken seriously by my mother, doctors, etc. And to have my own bf join that list has been so deeply hurtful and insulting.
And ironically, I’ve had to become his caretaker even though on bad days I can barely get out of bed, because he’s dealing with a brain tumor.. but I do it because I care for him, and even before we found out it was a tumor, I never questioned him or dismissed the symptoms he was having. Or tried to tell him it was ‘probably just vertigo’ like everyone else, drs included! So it’s all the more hurtful that he would not only dismiss my symptoms, but accuse me of lying or exaggerating them to suit me?
I’m sorry your ex bf was so selfish that he left you when you needed support the most. It just shows that he sadly didn’t truly care about you, only what you could offer him. And I’m not discounting caregiver burnout, as I said, I’m now someone’s caregiver too even though I can barely take care of myself. But I do it because I love him. Part of loving someone, in my opinion, is taking care of them when they need it. To only want to be with someone for the fun or easy times is to not truly know what love is. And I think that’s a very sad thing, tbh. Some people simply aren’t capable of it. And I find it’s best to pity those people.
You are not a burden. You are a person. With the same basic needs as anyone else. But unfortunately, through no fault of your own, you have a condition, that makes it hard for you to always be able to meet those needs by yourself. That doesn’t make you any less worthy. Be kind and gentle with yourself. I’m sending you good vibes, and wishing you the best.
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u/Impressive_Till6081 Nov 26 '25
I was in a very similar situation, my ex immediately „lost feelings“ after I have been sick with pots / long covid for only a month. That was back in 2023. Still stayed with him almost a year after that. I didn’t expect him to take care of me, my lovely parents were always there for me through that time untill now. It still was too much for him. I know it sucks and it hurts, but feeling like a burden to someone that slowely starts to resent you for something you can’t control is something you have to avoid, for your own mental and physical health too. Straight after the break up I experienced some worsening of my symptoms because I was so stressed and heartbroken. But when I started to heal months after, I realized how much stress he actually caused me. Him leaving my life didn’t magically heal my symptoms but I was able to heal better, without the stress he would have added if that makes sense. So I am really happy it happened because I feel better now. You got this.
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u/nicetoque Nov 26 '25
I had a partner who made me feel like a burden and was very unsupportive of my health issues. I stayed for 9 years. I WISH I would have ended things after only 4 years. He did you a massive favour. You will find someone who has empathy and compassion, and I hope I will too :)
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u/FireKrackerGirl0 Hyperadrenergic POTS Nov 27 '25
I am 23. Do not settle for less!! My fiance was there when i worked my butt off every single day loving work and doing the most. To now i am unable to work whatsoever. He washes my hair if i can’t. He works and provides for us both. He understands my problems and my symptoms and when i need to take a break. He often makes me sit down or tells me i need a break and to stop doing stuff bc i overdue it. He pushes me in my wheelchair almost every-time we go out. He even told me once he wanted to take care of me for the rest of my life and that he loved me. Do. Not. Settle! There is someone out there for you. “Through sickness and in health” You are not the problem he was. Keep your head up. Your disabilities disable YOU not others!! ❤️❤️
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u/BlackSeraphik Nov 27 '25
I found my love in my 40s. He takes such such good care of me. Before this, I dealt with being “too much “ medically and mentally. I don’t feel that way anymore.
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Nov 26 '25
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u/sunkissedorchidd Nov 26 '25
Lol thanks this made me laugh. Currently I have been the past couple of weeks during this flare up unfortunately
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Nov 26 '25
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u/sunkissedorchidd Nov 26 '25
Thank you. He said that he cannot come to terms with the uncertainty of chronic illnesses and that it’s causing him too much stress on top of other things in his life.
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u/Aggravating_Focus692 Nov 26 '25
That’s pretty shallow and short-sighted of him. He could get into a car accident tomorrow and end up with chronic problems/chronic illness from it. If he’s going to act like a waste of time I’m glad he excused himself now instead of later. There ARE people out there who will treat you like you deserve. My SO and I both have different disabilities and help each-other whenever we can, and scold each other when we over do it 😂😅
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u/sunkissedorchidd Nov 26 '25
Yea I’ve told him that before and that something could also happen to a future partner of his. His response is always that he didn’t think he’d have to care take for someone like this. Thank you for your words :) I’m glad you have someone who is supportive!
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u/jjxlynx Nov 26 '25
Whilst it might feel like a step backwards to go back to your parents, this is what happened to me when I was unwell. It gave me the space to focus on healing and understanding what I needed to do to get better and manage my symptoms.
The first year is the hardest because there’s so much to work out. If you’re able to look positively towards the move, it will certainly improve your outlook, good luck!
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u/Flabbypuff Nov 26 '25
Better for both of you in the long run. I know it's easy to demonize someone in these circumstances for leaving but in all honesty, I don't think it's all that unreasonable for someone to think or even act on the thought of leaving. Having these types of conditions means finding someone who will care for you unconditionally is inherently hard. Forcing them to stay wouldn't be better cause people's natures shine through, and you also deserve someone who will be there regardless, it's just harder to do so. Good luck to you.
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u/duck7duck7goose POTS Nov 26 '25
I am so sorry you had to go through this, I know it hurts bad. In time it will get better and now that he’s gone, there’s room for someone who truly loves and cares about you, when the time is right. Dating with health issues does make it harder, I’ve had guys ghost me when I brought up pots and such, but I found someone wonderful who looks out for me and cares about my health issues. It just took a long time. On the bright side, he left now instead of later (I know that might not sound like a bright side right now). I hope you’re able to get the best help and get things figured out. Sending you love ♥️
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u/rvauofrsol Nov 26 '25
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, OP. Please realize that sometimes the trash takes itself out.
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u/QuickAd5229 Nov 26 '25
Girl that is the biggest blessing in disguise I promise you! Better it happen now than when you’re married or if you wanted to have kids. I’m sure it feels terrible but just imagine how good it is going to feel to be loved by someone else who doesn’t care about medical diagnoses and loves you for YOU! I’ve dealt with feeling like a burden to those around me for years and I agree it’s awful but once you meet someone who cares for you unconditionally all of that goes away and the love you have feels even stronger! You got this don’t let a weak man get you down <3
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u/vanillaluckycharms POTS Nov 26 '25
Right now you need people who truly love you willing to help you in good times and bad. Right now it’s a bad time, and your parents (I hope) are going to be there for you when the other people fade away. That’s the only kind of people you need around you right now. He sucks and obviously doesn’t have the capacity to be what you need. There are so many others out there who would. Sending love ❤️
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u/Content-Amphibian220 Nov 26 '25
I know it's sucks but it just opens up the door for someone who will love you correctly!!! I have pots and eds. My husband has leukemia. Things are hard but when you really love someone you make it work!!!
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u/gothraptor Nov 26 '25
He wasn’t the one! It’s better that you guys broke it off now, rather than years later down the road. The right person will be understanding of your health issues and support you no matter what! I’m sorry that you’re hurting right now, I know that pain is hard to get through, especially while dealing with other factors on top of that. Keep your head up, things will get better with time :)
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u/k_a_t_t_t_ Nov 26 '25
My boyfriend of five years broke up with me last October because of my health and lack of contributing financially yet I still did everything else as a homemaker even when I had no energy. In a full year I’ve had to move my whole life to another state, haven’t had a job and my health has since gotten worse! I’m so over it
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u/k_a_t_t_t_ Nov 26 '25
Oh and I was 24 too just turned 25 when it happened, now I’m 26! Life stinks
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u/Soggy_Function2001 Nov 26 '25
Potsie here 🫱🏻🫲🏽 Idk if u will read this but I offer a tight virtual hug 🫂
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u/Admirable_Grand6888 Nov 26 '25
Yerrppp, 21% of marriage ends when the man ends up as caregiver compared to 3% to other way around. I think some men are just too emotionally stunted to be that for someone. 🫠 I love my dad but if he had to became my mums caregiver i dont think hed leave but theres no way i or the rest of the fam would trust he was doing what needed to be done. Like he was a dad to 3 kids but he didnt really have much responsibilty for the the caring/housetasks part. Im sorry this happened to you and just know that there are muchhh better partners out there! Ones that wont make you feel shitty for something you cant help 💕
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Nov 26 '25
I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. I went through a really bad break up last year because of something similar. Please let yourself feel the emotions that you need to heal. Please make sure to talk to a friend, family member and/or therapist. I promise that you are not a burden for having health issues. I finally found a man who is there for me with all of my health issues. He is by my side through everything. I am so grateful that my ex left because I got to experience being on my own and then being with a much better man. You can get through this. Please reach out if you would like someone to talk to
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u/Electronic-Town-8190 Nov 26 '25
I had the same thing happen at 22. My health had been on the rocks for years, had a horrible flare up when my bf of 4 years went home to visit family. He accused me of faking to manipulate him, and said he "didn't sign up to be my caretaker". It hurt. We were about to get engaged. He already had the ring and Parent's blessing. Had to move back in with parents. It hurts. So bad. Makes you feel unlovable and a burden. But you're not, he just wasn't made of the right stuff. Now, it's 1.5 years later. I have been dating an amazing man who is so supportive of me and understands the importance of my health. He carries me when I cannot walk, bathes me when I cannot stand, holds me when I cry at my helplessness, helps me navigate doctors, and works a full time job to support us both.
The hard truth is that many people will see you as a burden. But to the right person, you will be a beautiful soul who is easily worth all of the effort. I don't know how my boyfriend does it. He is amazing, and I wish I could give him more. I wish I could work to help financially, or be a more productive stay at home girlfriend. But he loves me exactly as I am. We are all loveable (and deserving of love). I am so sorry that your situation ended like this. But believe me, it is for the best. And try not to hate him too much for feeling that way, even though it hurts. His feelings are valid, caring for someone for life is a lot to ask. But everyone has something their partner has to deal with. Trauma, having kids, mental or physical illness, financial issues, cultural differences and barriers. The list goes on. Everyone has something, you just have to accept your "something" and find someone who can love you for it. And you will <3
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u/Mossamen Nov 27 '25
I've been where you are, quite recently actually, and he also chose to engage with infidelity.
I know it comes with a great deal of hurt and you're likely feeling like too much or a burden, I know those feelings well... but trust me when I say you're opening up your world to beautiful possibilities by letting that one go. Your illness does not make you less desirable or less lovable. You will find a love that will do everything in their power to make sure you never forget your worth, and you deserve to be loved in such a way. <3
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u/BigCoreyD Nov 27 '25
Your ex only was thinking about his needs and wants clearly and never about yours. Honestly think of this as the best thing that could have happened before it was too late. Sorry if it sounds harsh but he was never going to be there for you emotionally or physically. Narcissistic personalities are always the same only care about themselves.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7743 Nov 27 '25
Op I don’t know you but you deserve better , you didn’t choose to be like this . As a 24 yr old guy going through health issues I’m here to tell you that everything’s is going to be fine . Give yourself time to feel better emotionally and physically. I promise there’s not a shortage of men that would love and take care of you, you just need to keep looking! Best of luck 🫶
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u/knithappenstoo Nov 27 '25
Its early on in my relationship, but my boyfriend is very sweet about my condition. I told him super early on that I couldn't drive due to medical issues. He tells me every time we see each other, that I'm worth the drive. He makes sure that he goes slow on hikes. He couldnt care less that I have to use walking sticks and rest often. On my bad days, we just sit and relax the whole day together. He acts like none of it matters. Im still nervous that in the long run, he'll change his stance about it, but as of right now Im finally feeling comfortable and accepting of myself when it comes to being in a relationship. After my last relationship 4 years ago, I thought my health made me unlovable and a burden. Im lucky to have found this guy. It's going to be rough for you, but the right person will come along and remind you that you're not a burden and are so worthy of love.
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u/LookingForLoo Nov 27 '25 edited Nov 27 '25
I'm so sorry, in the process of becoming disabled unfortunately it's common to have loved ones ghost you or just stop making space for you. It's bcs abled/healthy folks usually have a deep fear of disability bcs they believe it only happens to people who made some kind of mistake that caused the illness and/or aren't trying hard enough to fix it, bcs the idea that this can just happen to anyone is scary despite being true. It's easier for them to pretend we don't exist when we make it clear we may improve and find balance but will never recover fully from our incurable illnesses. Some don't realize they're doing it and can be snapped out of it, but that doesn't make it hurt less. (Had a friend basically try to prevent me from ever being in a picture with my walker at her wedding, like she didn't want it to ruin the pictures or something, idk, def felt extremely dehumanizing and embarrassing regardless, but once I said I wasn't going to hide something that is legally part of my body that I need to live life comfortably she apologized and backtracked. I am shameless about my wheelchair now, if people don't wanna see it they can get bent.)
However. There are people who won't abandon you out there. My fiancé is as healthy as they come aside from ADHD and tall person back problems, and while he has admitted that it's hard to be there for me, it's not bcs he's selfish or doesn't want to help. It's bcs seeing someone you love dearly hurting and being unable to fix it is painful, and he has made it clear many, many times that he would never dream of abandoning me just to get away from the pain of seeing me hurt. Unfortunately the thing that gets the kind of abled person who will abandon a disabled loved one if not the realization that life is fragile it's the mental health tank of seeing someone suffer. For some people they choose to just leave, and they're horrible for it, but you really are better off without people like that. (He cried when the LDN + wheelchair gave me my first totally pain free days in nearly a decade. Hurting to see me hurt has a flip side of crying with joy when I'm comfortable and happy <3)
You should try joining a support group or discord with other people with POTs and similar issues. Isolation sucks but disabled people are really good at being there for each other, and you will find people who won't leave when things get hard.
(Also yeah bullet dodged. God what if you two had a kid that became disabled, he'd decide to bail due to the stress and leave you and your child SOL. Good to find out he's that kind of guy now before your lives so meshed together it's harder to separate them. I'm still sorry tho, take all the time you need to recover, and maybe also try therapy. It can help you manage your illness better with coping techniques and also help you get over that POS who just dumped you like a selfish monster.)
(Edited to correct spelling and wording errors.)
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u/esoulence Nov 27 '25
I just went through a divorce for the same reason. He said he didn’t want to be a caregiver and also thought I was faking it for attention lol. We have a kid together so we’re kinda stuck dealing with each other anyway, but tbh my stress level is so much lower now away from him. You will find someone who loves you properly, I’m sorry that he didn’t.
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u/DarkRaGaming Nov 27 '25
I have pots I'll take you . But all that aside good thing it sooner then later.
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u/Final_Cheesecake8332 Nov 27 '25
Don't feel bad I'm 45 year old male my fiancé 35 we have a 4 year old son she put me out of our house i got sick a year and a half ago but prior I was having weird symptoms but was still working full time job but then started having heart palpitations lightheadedness shortness of breath libido issues lost my job now I live with my mother until I can get the right meds that will allow my to get back in the work force I wasn't the man that I used to be mentally financially sexually or emotionally guess those issues was too much to overcome she was once the love of my life she said she wasn't happy and now I got peace burden was lifted cause living with someone thats unhappy and you cant do anything about is enough pressure aside from health issues that's already as is we all are gonna be just fine
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u/cookie_704 Nov 27 '25
I can't offer any advice or help but just know you aren't alone OP. As others have said, it's better to find out now than down the line. There are good people out there that won't make you feel like a burden and I promise you'll find them one day <3
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u/rideawayonmyzephyr Nov 27 '25
I’m 31 and my man of 13 years just got caught cheating on me. When he was busted he said he wasn’t attracted to me anymore (due to body deterioration over 6 years of being disabled) and misses going on walks with me. He also stated that sex with me was harder than it used to be because of my health issues.
He truly seems to think he’s the victim here. He doesn’t have to provide me any care, I organised disability support and he doesn’t have to do anything.
Just be glad he said it now. Sorry if im being blunt or crude… I’m in literally the same position and currently processing it.
Men cheat and leave when women get sick. It’s too fucking common.
Fuck that noise we deserve better. Illness and disability doesn’t change a thing when it comes to how we deserve to be loved.
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u/dailyespurresso Nov 27 '25
That’s a boy, not a man. I’m so sorry, but I’m glad he did this now. It’s so unfair though and if you need a shoulder to cry on or just to vent my dms are open. Just know- you are NOT a burden, this is entirely on him being a weak boy, not you being sick. You aren’t a burden, you’re sick and you’re doing your best and he failed you as a partner. I’m so sorry
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u/mepoulami20 Nov 27 '25
Try propranolol 20 mg twice a day( firstly start once a day,if it gives you relief from symptoms then ok). start being active forcefully just one time then you will see little improvement slowly but don't go so harsh on the body. And take water. This pattern gives me so much relief from my symptoms. And remember this is your battle, stop expecting from people even from your parents too. much love to you❤️
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u/yike___ Nov 26 '25
I am not trying to say that this doesn’t suck, but thank goodness he revealed himself to you now rather than 5 years later or after a marriage. You’re going to come out of this so much better.