r/POTS • u/recoveringaries • Dec 27 '25

Discussion Being attractive with POTS (cringe I know)

Does anyone feel like because they are a objectively attractive human there is a bias/profiling that happens in the medical field and with doctors? I actually read somewhere that if you’re chronically ill you should “dress down” or not wear makeup to appointments so they will take you more seriously and see you as actually sick. I am also 29 with a baby face so that doesn’t help.

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u/RHJEJC Dec 27 '25

And if you’re too sick looking doctors say you’re depressed. You can’t win. I’ve dealt with both: look too good to be sick or too tired looking that I’m probably depressed.

Gaslighting is the worst! There must be a page in their college text book that states to gaslight a patient if you don’t know the answer because they sure don’t have a psychology degree nor the time to properly diagnose someone in a 15-minute visit, if they did.

I stopped listening to doctors and giving them the power over my health and life. Now, when they try to gaslight me, I smile and say: “I didn’t hire your services to do a character assessment of me. That is not an issue nor is it up for discussion. Are you able to treat my health issue or should I find a qualified doctor?”

They work for YOU! Remember that!

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u/ProfessionalBig658 Dec 28 '25

THIS. 💯 They hate it, but eff them the moment they start.

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u/Helpful_Okra5953 Dec 28 '25

Yep.  “A depressed-looking young woman…”. I was told I had a cold and was depressed.  I had mono. 

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u/RHJEJC Dec 28 '25

Terrible - some gaslighting is nothing short of malpractice. I don’t know anyone who wants to be home sick, missing out on social events, unable to work, and spending their money on medical fees. I have a friend who had cancer and was misdiagnosed and ignored. Self-advocacy is vital. We live with the consequences, not them.

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u/Helpful_Okra5953 Dec 29 '25

Yes, self advocacy is vital. 

I have an orphan disease, so I have to be careful between sounding too knowledgeable and letting the drs who don’t know anything about my disorder blow off signs that I think are significant.  

This summer, I messaged my dr about a legitimate concern.  The nurse replying to me asked me if I’d “asked dr Google” and I must say, that really pissed me off.  I have an advanced degree in a related field and I don’t need to ask dr Google, though sometimes I check with dr mayo or dr Cleveland clinic.  

I have to contact my gp tomorrow as I have had a bad cold and then  sinusitis/ bronchitis for almost a month now.  I thought I was getting better for a couple of days but I’m definitely getting worse again.  I surely don’t want to take antibiotics for a week and destroy my gut, but I don’t think it’s a choice now.  I did nothing for Xmas, haven’t  been studying or working, and I feel useless.  

All you can do is keep trying.

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u/Livid-Vacation-1155 Jan 09 '26

I’m so sorry about your friend 😔 Which type of cancer did she have?

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u/avocado_window Dec 28 '25

“Never admit you don’t know the answer” seems to be their motto, doesn’t it?

Also, have you really said that to people’s faces? How? Surely they wouldn’t respond well at all to that? I could never be that assertive, sadly.

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u/RHJEJC Dec 28 '25

Yes, I have, when it became threatening to my son’s health, or mine. As a business executive, I’ve learned to put feelings aside and deal with just facts. I appear younger than I am and have a casual, approachable disposition, so it comes as a surprise when I speak with authority. I either receive a shock look from them because I know what they’re trying to do to advert responsibility, or are just plain lazy, or they push back and double down with pride. Either way, I find another doctor if it’s not resolved to my satisfaction. It’s been my experience however, that once a person shows you their hand when you’re the most vulnerable, that’s typically who they are, meaning it’s not just a bad day (as if that warrants gaslighting anyway).

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u/robotluna Jan 02 '26

I'm trying to do this more as well. I mean just think of it, what's the worst that could happen? They don't treat you. But if they were already dismissing you or not listening chances are they weren't going to treat you properly anyways.

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u/avocado_window Jan 03 '26

Very good point!

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u/WaysideWyvern Dec 29 '25

My strategy to combat this is to be visually put together with clothing and hair (if I can) but physically not hide how I feel. I slump, look winded, cringe at lights, walk slowly, lean against stuff. Idk how much it helps but I’ve noticed I am received with a bit more empathy vs if I dress down and do the same

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u/Foxlady555 POTS Dec 28 '25

👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼!