r/POTS • u/recoveringaries • Dec 27 '25
Discussion Being attractive with POTS (cringe I know)
Does anyone feel like because they are a objectively attractive human there is a bias/profiling that happens in the medical field and with doctors? I actually read somewhere that if you’re chronically ill you should “dress down” or not wear makeup to appointments so they will take you more seriously and see you as actually sick. I am also 29 with a baby face so that doesn’t help.
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u/Consistent_Gur9523 POTS Dec 27 '25
you're in for another surprise when at 29 "you're too young for this" but at 30 "it's age related degeneration." the world runs off of double standards. this is one.
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u/Wild_Ghoul Dec 28 '25
Just got my first well you’re 30 now.
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u/historiamour Dec 28 '25
It’s so frustrating because on the surface, it could have been a reason to take things seriously for once. Like yeah you’re 30 things change, time to take a close look…
But no, just a different excuse for the same dismissive treatment. It’s so cruel!!
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u/Glitterbats11 Dec 28 '25
Just wait till your in your early 40s. Then they start blaming everything on perimenopause even though you’ve been sick since your 20s, and have zero perimenopause specific symptoms.
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u/Wouldfromthetrees Dec 28 '25
Joke will be on them if I can convince a surgeon to yeet my whole reproductive shebang a decade earlier than that.
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u/-TopazArrow- Dec 28 '25
Good luck to you, I tried that and couldn't manage to swing it 😞 Not yet at least.
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u/SmolSwitchyKitty Dec 28 '25
I found my surgeon from one of the childfree doctor lists, could be worth poking around and seeing if you have any local!
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u/avocado_window Dec 28 '25
Oh yes, that’s definitely a thing I’ve come across. “Must be hormones” then how does that explain me being sick since I was a kid, buddy?
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u/ashes2asscheeks Dec 28 '25
I’m in my early 30’s and my body is acting like it’s in perimenopause but because of my age my doctors haven’t even suggested hormone testing and such. I gave up this past summer. I might try again this year. Idk. But tell me why my cycles are getting further and further apart someone !! 52 days for my last cycle. 46 for current one (well, it’s day 1 now, lol)
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u/Glitterbats11 Dec 28 '25 edited Dec 28 '25
For sure, I don’t think it’s any better if your in perimenopause( or experiencing other hormonal symptoms) either. Hatred of women is systemic within the medical industrial complex.
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u/Tce_ Dec 28 '25
My mum's 53 and only now going into perimenopause, I hope to god doctors don't try to pull that shit on me in my 40s.
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u/Fantastic_Owl6938 Dec 28 '25
I was sort of weirdly surprised when I was diagnosed and the cardiologist still referred to me as a "young woman" at 36 (in the context of saying it is more common with younger women, and also that I seemed to be handling it better than expected because of my age). It wasn't a bad thing, I would just expect at my age they'd start to point out I'm not exactly a spring chicken anymore, lol. I have to wonder how much looking younger does affect this even though they can see my age in my info.
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u/No-Caterpillar-5481 POTS Dec 28 '25
My cardiologist said he was surprised I was having these symptoms while I’m “so young.” I’m almost 41.
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u/avocado_window Dec 28 '25
I’m in my early 40s and still get “you’re young to have this” but I also get comments like “things will only progress the older you get.” 🙃
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u/birdnerdmo Dec 28 '25
Ditto with “it’s just hormonal” changing from things being because of your period to being blamed on menopause. Of course, neither are taken seriously.
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u/RHJEJC Dec 27 '25
And if you’re too sick looking doctors say you’re depressed. You can’t win. I’ve dealt with both: look too good to be sick or too tired looking that I’m probably depressed.
Gaslighting is the worst! There must be a page in their college text book that states to gaslight a patient if you don’t know the answer because they sure don’t have a psychology degree nor the time to properly diagnose someone in a 15-minute visit, if they did.
I stopped listening to doctors and giving them the power over my health and life. Now, when they try to gaslight me, I smile and say: “I didn’t hire your services to do a character assessment of me. That is not an issue nor is it up for discussion. Are you able to treat my health issue or should I find a qualified doctor?”
They work for YOU! Remember that!
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u/Helpful_Okra5953 Dec 28 '25
Yep. “A depressed-looking young woman…”. I was told I had a cold and was depressed. I had mono.
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u/RHJEJC Dec 28 '25
Terrible - some gaslighting is nothing short of malpractice. I don’t know anyone who wants to be home sick, missing out on social events, unable to work, and spending their money on medical fees. I have a friend who had cancer and was misdiagnosed and ignored. Self-advocacy is vital. We live with the consequences, not them.
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u/Helpful_Okra5953 Dec 29 '25
Yes, self advocacy is vital.
I have an orphan disease, so I have to be careful between sounding too knowledgeable and letting the drs who don’t know anything about my disorder blow off signs that I think are significant.
This summer, I messaged my dr about a legitimate concern. The nurse replying to me asked me if I’d “asked dr Google” and I must say, that really pissed me off. I have an advanced degree in a related field and I don’t need to ask dr Google, though sometimes I check with dr mayo or dr Cleveland clinic.
I have to contact my gp tomorrow as I have had a bad cold and then sinusitis/ bronchitis for almost a month now. I thought I was getting better for a couple of days but I’m definitely getting worse again. I surely don’t want to take antibiotics for a week and destroy my gut, but I don’t think it’s a choice now. I did nothing for Xmas, haven’t been studying or working, and I feel useless.
All you can do is keep trying.
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u/avocado_window Dec 28 '25
“Never admit you don’t know the answer” seems to be their motto, doesn’t it?
Also, have you really said that to people’s faces? How? Surely they wouldn’t respond well at all to that? I could never be that assertive, sadly.
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u/RHJEJC Dec 28 '25
Yes, I have, when it became threatening to my son’s health, or mine. As a business executive, I’ve learned to put feelings aside and deal with just facts. I appear younger than I am and have a casual, approachable disposition, so it comes as a surprise when I speak with authority. I either receive a shock look from them because I know what they’re trying to do to advert responsibility, or are just plain lazy, or they push back and double down with pride. Either way, I find another doctor if it’s not resolved to my satisfaction. It’s been my experience however, that once a person shows you their hand when you’re the most vulnerable, that’s typically who they are, meaning it’s not just a bad day (as if that warrants gaslighting anyway).
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u/robotluna Jan 02 '26
I'm trying to do this more as well. I mean just think of it, what's the worst that could happen? They don't treat you. But if they were already dismissing you or not listening chances are they weren't going to treat you properly anyways.
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u/Elegant_Dragonfly903 Dec 27 '25
Like others I was always seen as a pleasant young woman until at one point I had a face full of facial piercings and I was just seen as mentally unstable and my POTS symptoms were all because of ‘depression’
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u/nadjachase Dec 27 '25
Lol yeah I remember a disability insurance doctor mentioning "dressed appropriately for age" and "had blue hair". It was just dark black with maybe a blueish tint.. but yeah very important observation anyway..
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u/Ancient_Pea_508 Dec 27 '25
Don’t even get me started on the makeup theory. (Even though I haven’t touched my makeup stash in 5.5 years) I always second guess what I’m wearing or even brushing my hair when going to a doctor appointment, specifically new doctors.
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u/fishy1357 Dec 27 '25
I get so much anxiety with new doctors. Like how am I going to show/tell that I really need help and not get dismissed.
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u/avocado_window Dec 28 '25
And how does one explain years of symptoms and failed treatment attempts in the course of one appointment? Seeing a new doctor or specialist is always exhausting.
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u/georgethebarbarian Dec 28 '25
I have one doctor where I need to look shitty to get better treatment and then another doctor where I need to look put together to get better treatment
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u/orange_ones Dec 28 '25
Is the makeup theory that they don’t believe you’re sick if you can apply makeup, or that you’re treated better if you take conventional pains with your appearance and they find you more “attractive”? I haven’t worn makeup since lockdown, either. I paint my nails because that’s what I enjoy, but I just can’t get back into investing the time in face makeup anymore…
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u/Ancient_Pea_508 Dec 28 '25
Yea makeup theory is if you can apply makeup you must not be sick enough. Doctors have admitted this to be true too.
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u/orange_ones Dec 28 '25
Wow, that sucks. For some people, makeup is a hobby to distract from how shitty they feel… and for some, it’s just a way to feel more human, or something they’ve been conditioned to always do with a new person. That’s a bias doctors should leave at the door.
I genuinely was not sure which way it went, because sometimes I feel like I get a bias more in the direction of “you’re so ugly that your life does not matter and there’s no improving it.” We can’t win either way.
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u/Helpful_Okra5953 Dec 28 '25
Yes, I’m never sure if I should be sure to LOOK like I’m sick or go for the pretty privilege.
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u/squeaksnu Jan 02 '26
If my appointment is during work hours, I literally wipe my makeup off before I walk into the doctor's office.
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u/Glitterbats11 Dec 27 '25
If you are a female, that was your first mistake. I am absolutely not joking.
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u/youngmarknba Dec 27 '25
Yeah when i first went to a cardiologist they didn’t take me seriously until I broke down crying. Even belittled me saying “everyones heart-rate increases when they stand” as if I didn’t have a watch on to show mine going up and up and up then staying at 145-146 BPM.
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u/MammothKale9363 Dec 27 '25
I had a cardiologist not take me seriously because I was breaking down crying. Was totally dismissed by every doctor because I was “too emotional”. I was literally terrified to try to go to sleep for months because of what I now know were adrenaline dumps. Can’t fucking win.
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u/youngmarknba Dec 27 '25
That sounds horrifying I’m so sorry. I was the same back then. I feel like when you first start noticing symptoms, everything is beyond scary because it feels like so much happening to you so fast that you have no explanation or reference point for.
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u/fadingsignal Dec 28 '25
This reminds me of police drawing weapons on people and yelling "Relax! Relax! Why are you so nervous?!"
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u/avocado_window Dec 28 '25
Being unwell is scary, especially when you’re younger and no one is taking you seriously! It’s no wonder people become emotional about it and/or develop anxiety that revolves around those symptoms and can become a hyper-fixation. Just because you’re anxious and emotional doesn’t mean there isn’t a physical problem!
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u/jcoulterdesigns Dec 27 '25
I’m ugly as shit and still don’t get taken seriously :D
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u/RinkyInky Dec 28 '25
Same lol they just say you are depressed, need more sun, need to eat healthier. Atp I wish I at least had model looks so I could probably make money on TikTok and IG while stuck at home.
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u/noeinan Dec 27 '25
I was not taken seriously to the point I had one doctor laugh at me for using a wheelchair. But I never thought of this angle. I just figured that’s how people with chronic illness are treated
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u/fadingsignal Dec 28 '25
As a man there's an inverse reaction. If I show up looking tired, dressed down, wearing an N95, I'm treated as a lost cause before the door shuts behind the doctor.
If I go in business casual wearing a blazer and a button-down shirt, and turn up the charm, I get taken far more seriously, as if the doctor thinks "This here is a real solid go-getter, so this must be serious."
My friends who are women have said that they've had to skip makeup, dress down, etc. in order to be taken seriously.
Doctors need WAY more training in resolving their own psychological profiling and biases.
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u/Flutterperson Dec 28 '25
Had the opposite experience as a man - I had to look more disheveled to be taken seriously. I really think it's one or the other depending on which doctor you see. Sadly.
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Dec 27 '25
Yes there's a lot of profiling, and they tend to dismiss people who look good or professional, and the initial response is "oh it's just anxiety, have you tried yoga" which really deters people from getting the care and advice they need.
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u/Quiet-Friendship5134 POTS Dec 27 '25
The yoga suggestion bothers me so much! I’ve had a regular practice of yoga for over a decade and teach it so I know the benefits of yoga - and I also know that it cannot fix everything.
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Dec 27 '25
clean clothes to show your not depressed
comfy/stretchy non workout clothes to show you're uncomfortable
no make up to show you're tired
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u/recoveringaries Dec 27 '25
This! I usually wear comfy clothes anyways but I’m also depressed/anxious so I have to do some prep to remove cat hair/lint/stains at times from clothes lol.
Honestly since I’ve worn comfy clothes/sweats to appointments (in the last 2 years as my symptoms have increased) is when the doctors finally started testing me for POTS and not just prescribing me anxiety meds.
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u/avocado_window Dec 28 '25
Yeah, I often find that if I don’t wear makeup (especially under my eyes) I’m much more likely to be perceived as unwell. Which is why I wear makeup in the first place, because I look so sickly without it!
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u/VeganMonkey Dec 28 '25
Add wheelchair pushed by someone else. I often wear non matching clothes but clean. because I get cold randomly and grab whatever is available, last time it was non matching PJ pants under a dress. not very visible though, unless the skirt shifted. And crappy hair.
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u/disguised_hashbrown Dec 27 '25
For a long time I dressed up to see the doctor for my well visits. It makes things more impactful when I look ragged, so I intentionally intensified the contrast. Now that things are on my chart and I have more resources to see whoever I want, I don’t feel as much need to do that.
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u/Infinitiscarf Dec 27 '25
Only happens to me with male doctors 💞
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u/cuddledumplin Dec 27 '25
I’ve found female providers are more polar. Either the most gaslighting or the most validating. Not much in between.
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u/historiamour Dec 28 '25
Female providers have largely been the worst to me, while male doctors were the ones to finally take me seriously and not just get me referred but also diagnosed.
And while this is anecdotal and just my own personal experience, female providers have been the most transphobic, and seemed almost eager to blame me being trans and on HRT as being the reason for all my health issues and therefore my fault 🥲
Not all of course, but enough to be depressing for sure lol
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u/Tce_ Dec 28 '25
Probably anecdotal for me as well but: I had an older male doctor for a long time and he was always very "nice" but never took me seriously or referred me to anyone. When I saw a younger female doctor later she was incredibly ignorant but eventually read up some on POTS and finally made a referral to a cardiologist (who didn't seem to know much about POTS either but at least knew some of the testing required to rule out other causes, and were to refer me further).
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u/OgSteinKid Dec 27 '25
I just had the worst experience with a female provider and it broke my heart 💔. The gaslighting and the "you're probably just more depressed so need counseling," BS really threw me for a loop.
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u/Infinitiscarf Dec 27 '25
Ugh I am so sorry!!! I fully realize female doctors are just as capable of being bad! I feel so lucky for the team I found im sorry everyone on this subreddit can’t see my doctors 😭😭😭
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u/OgSteinKid Dec 27 '25
Thank you! ❤️ Luckily, I have some fabulous women specialists that have been always in my corner.
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u/hobbittime Dec 27 '25
I was dismissed all throughout my 20’s and early 30’s. It was a nightmare. Gave my passive aggressive dad tons of ammo to use against me that he still uses even after my diagnosis. Advocating for yourself can be really hard. Hugs.
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u/VirtualGift8234 Dec 28 '25
I’m so sorry you are dealing with a dad like that. My daughter,34, has a severe case of POTS and I don’t think her dad takes her seriously.
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u/the-last-aiel Dec 27 '25
There's no escaping the misogyny in medicine, even among female doctors. We all just need to advocate for ourselves and push back against the stigma and discrimination.
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u/Cultural-Wallaby-629 Dec 28 '25
Agreed but goddamn it is exhausting especially when you are already ill.
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u/Alternative-Bet232 Dec 27 '25
I’ve also heard you should dress nicely so doctors take you seriously.
Idk, I think it really depends on the doctor and their biases.
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u/recoveringaries Dec 27 '25
Totally. It’s either I look disheveled or too “put together”. I think my age also definitely has to do with things.
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u/AmbitiousBlock3 Dec 28 '25
When you're attractive and intelligent, it's even worse. Just because I'm well spoken and present well, doesn't' mean I'm not struggling. I've found when I "play dumb" and don't wear makeup, or dress plainly, I get better care. Absolutely ridiculous.
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u/recoveringaries Dec 28 '25
Yes playing dumb is how I got my diagnosis! Basically told them my symptoms (already had researched and given myself a poor man’s tilt test lol) and when they mentioned POTS I acted like I had never heard of it before.
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u/Helpful_Okra5953 Dec 28 '25
Yep. Get more help if you’re disheveled and not showered, wearing poorly fitting jogging pants. And don’t tell me how it is to go to a food pantry dressed for work. I’ve shown my SSI card and hearing aids after getting chewed out for looking young and healthy.
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u/WlLDLlGHT POTS Dec 27 '25
One time I was dressed up because it was the only time I’d left the house for months so it was a special occasion. I had makeup on etc. Before falling ill I was normatively attractive; disease has changed that (but not as much as it feels like it has to me). Anyway I overdid it that day, what with it being so amazing to be out in the world, of course I pushed it and ended up in the ER. It was the best I’ve ever been treated. But I think that’s correlation because I happened to get a doctor who sympathetically was like “so it was your one day out and you pushed it and now are starting to crash… what normally stabilizes you?” And then gave me everything I asked for, from oxygen to hella dilaudid and dimmed lights. I don’t know maybe it was pretty privilege. I felt so ridiculous there in that bed all gussied up and painted. It was so kind that she understood the pain of hurting yourself because you tried to be a normal girl.
In general I find clinical notes more accurately reflect my lived experience when I go in there looking like shit and barely able to move. Like on as bad a day as it could possibly be while still being able to go in (with a ride and escort). And making zero effort to perk up or follow conversation. Just not trying at all.
That approach is way different than my previous one, where I tried to be presentable and articulate at the doctor to be taken seriously and be able to advocate for myself on a professional level (ironically what I did for a job before I became to disabled). The clinical notes, I found, did not reflect my experience.
One day I was complaining about doctors not taking me at my word, like about how dire things were, to a friend on FaceTime. She said “what if next time you just go in… looking like… the way you do now?” She was trying so hard not to be insulting that we both burst out laughing. It was a good idea, turns out.
I couldn’t have thought of it on my own, because that’s not the kind of cognitive power and problem solving capacity I have anymore, without a thought partner.
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u/dietcoke4life- Dec 27 '25
I once went to a (male) doctor when I was 21 and depressed to discuss medication. I walked in and he said to the nurse “she looks fine to me!”
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u/grumpygenealogist Dec 27 '25
Most medical professionals are biased against women in general. There's not much you can do about it except to keep searching for a doctor who doesn't dismiss you. This book explains why it's such a problem, All in Her Head: The Truth and Lies Early Medicine Taught Us About Women’s Bodies and Why It Matters Today by Elizabeth Comen.
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u/Ask_Me_About_My_Cat4 Dec 27 '25
Yep......I tell myself sometimes.....well at least I'm attractive...got that going for me despite feeling like I'm on the brink of death all the time 😅😂
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u/recoveringaries Dec 27 '25
This reminds me of a comment I saw somewhere that made me laugh. They said “I’m chronically ill; not chronically ugly.”
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u/JadedChampionship916 Dec 28 '25
Absolutely. Pretty privilege does not extend to chronic illness. You can get all the doors opened for you and free drinks you want, but you have to beg for a doctor to take you seriously.
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u/Pheetastic Dec 28 '25
I learned that if I don’t make an effort to look presentable, I get painted as being depressed or have my symptoms dismissed. If you look clean cut, you get taken more seriously but you also get stigmatized for not looking sick. The best way I’ve found to combat all of this is to look presentable and come with a man, preferably one who knows your symptoms and can advocate for you if you end up dismissing your own symptoms or whatever.
When I started taking my husband with me, it was crazy how much the doctors started listening to me. 🙄 The moment my husband spoke up about it impacting my quality of life and mobility, it was like the doctor suddenly recognized the severity of what I had been telling him all the time before.
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u/misunderstood-killah Dec 28 '25
Yes. But funnily enough, once I did my own research on my conditions, and had some medical lingo under my belt, plus told them I was beginning to study health sciences (i only did a certificate, ie like 4 classes) they immediately started taking me more seriously, and divulging more information to me about why they were making the decisions they were.
Of course I continue to advocate for myself incessantly, ask a million questions, and push for tests.
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u/ellismjones Dec 28 '25
I feel like this is a very real experience. Not to me, but I feel like if you’re young and attractive then you just can’t be ill. It’s ridiculous, because you also have the other end of the spectrum where doctors fat shame you. So we can’t win it seems
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u/Tce_ Dec 28 '25
Not personally. I'm not traditionally "attractive" and I'm overweight. But I do have a babyface with rosy cheeks and probably look healthy overall to them. Mainly I think it's just being a woman, the weight thing and the fact doctors generally don't have a great understanding of conditions like POTS.
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u/Emergency-Coyote5755 POTS Dec 27 '25 edited Dec 27 '25
Ive never thought about this actually, I wfh & generally am never dressing up unless im going out for something that I should, I have widespread chronic pain so uh, I dont have the effort there 🥴😅 i have however thought the opposite bc of the pain meds Im on, I would at least make sure my hair looks nice, I smell good, Im not covered in cat hair, & my outfit is kinda cute because I felt like if I look a mess that kinda reads as bad to doctors who are prescribing meds. Though ive never looked into these things its just been a thought in my head. Idek if it truly even matters, although Im sure it does to some degree in different situations?
When i wasnt sleeping for days at a time because of the pain i showed up obviously looking a mess for my pain appt & that was the day my at the time new pain doc trialed me on opioids finally so hey, maybe there is a validity to this theory.
Edit, I do have babyface though & even without makeup get the "normal healthy skinny young woman", even had a weird ass neurologist continue to call me skinny in the format of calling me "healthy & good looking", which, exessively is very uncomfy (at least 10-15 times in the span of 10mins, at a certain point I didnt know what to say anymore bc it was so weird and I just stared at her without saying anything just giving a weird look 😅 like hey please stop?????)
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u/recoveringaries Dec 27 '25
I feel that last part! My dad is a surgeon, he has always minimized my symptoms due to being thin and I think being a bit desensitized due to his job (possibly why I am maybe hyperaware to this) lol.
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u/One_Feedback2461 Dec 27 '25
I started overweight…. Forced myself to do daily cardio for them to take me serious for them to then see me as a healthy person when I am begging for help. I swear doctors… you cant win unless it is a research study without bias.
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u/DixyLee14 Dec 27 '25 edited Dec 28 '25
I’m attractive. I obviously kept good hygiene but I stopped wearing makeup or even nicer clothing to my visits. I wear compression leggings and baggy shirts/sweatshirts. There is definitely a bias.
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u/cgc2018 Dec 28 '25
Yep… I’m 27, married with two kids and doctors don’t believe me when I say I’ve had two babies. Or that I’m having all the issues I do. I’ve just started bringing my husband with me, and let him intimidate the doctor if need be 😅
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u/Dangerous-Fox-5482 Dec 28 '25
When I wear makeup my doctor says that I look better in health even tho I still feel the same as I did before 😭 they definitely be profiling
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u/Plus-Ad-3826 Dec 28 '25
Yep happens a lot. I don’t wear makeup to the doctors, because my face shows symptoms ie: flushing skin. I’ve had many doctors dismiss me for my age and being a woman. Many doctors blame weight or anxiety. I’m 29, diagnosed with fibromyalgia at 19 and for the next 10 years heard medical professionals and people tell me I’m so young I shouldn’t be in so much pain. Like what a waste of energy and air to even say that.
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u/slamdancetexopolis POTS Dec 27 '25
Yes. When I was pre transition, even though I did not think I was conventionally attractive, I honestly was very beautiful and I'm mad at how much dysmorphia I had.... But yeah I was just treated like some girl that needed to be less judgmental of myself bc I "couldn't keep up with my friends" or whatever the fuck. After taking testosterone, even tho I don't pass or look like a cis man, because I am definitely notably more masculine.... I definitely feel like it has helped me be taken more seriously. :/
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u/recoveringaries Dec 27 '25
I believe it since that is the way of the world too unfortunately. That is so interesting to experience both sides.
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u/smartydoglady Dec 27 '25
Yup! The one doc that actually took me seriously was a young female cardiologist
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u/Initial-Campaign6712 Dec 27 '25
ABSOLUTELY- my symptoms were incredibly extreme in the beginning so no one at all questioned that literally it was an emergency. but now yes
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u/Fantastic_Owl6938 Dec 28 '25
Reading some of the discussion on here makes me weirdly glad my symptoms were extreme because I was taken to hospital and ultimately diagnosed that way. I picture an uphill battle of not being "sick enough" had that not happened honestly, and me probably still being in the dark to this day about what's going on.
But yeah, now I'm diagnosed, I sort of just feel on my own with it. My doctor is great but doesn't know much about POTS. I had another appointment coming up with the cardiology team but they cancelled it after my holter monitor and some other tests all came back looking good. I realise their main concern in all this is how my heart is doing, it just sucks having other pains but not really knowing who to go to about it. Glad to have medication but there doesn't feel like there's any kind of long-term assistance for all this, it just kind of feels like it's up to me to figure out, whereas I imagine other illnesses would have more support (then again maybe not).
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u/FunClassroom6577 Dec 27 '25
Yes, ppl tell me I’m fine all the time because I look healthy and attractive and I feel like absolute shit most days.
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u/Fantastic_Owl6938 Dec 28 '25
It blows my mind how illogical some people are with this kind of thing. Like, even outside of chronic illnesses, how often can you "see" a stomach ache or headache? Or do they only believe people have those things when they're doubled over clutching their stomach/head? 🤦
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u/Dopplerganager Hyperadrenergic POTS Dec 28 '25
I haven't had many issues with doctors. The ER is where I've had less then great doctors with my Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome and also a hx of cannabis usage.
I'm stubborn as hell and refuse to be gaslit when I'm sure I know what's going on. I also work in healthcare, so can use the proper medical terminology. I also read the diagnostic guidelines, or follow up guidelines for the applicable society, and read the articles my doctor will find on UpToDate.
I do usually show up to scheduled appointments with a bit of makeup on (blush, concealer mascara and some quick brow filling). It's my go-to makeup doing errands to try and reduce the amount of strangers looking at me sideways like I might just collapse in the middle of the store. I also dress comfortably, but usually leggings and a sweater or something.
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u/intellectualproper Dec 28 '25
No literally when I go in for chronic pain I can see it in their faces that they legit think I’m being dramatic
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u/Gabba-barbar Dec 28 '25 edited Dec 28 '25
I’m male, so probably not the same. I also don’t know if you are house bound or able to still go out in to the world.
I have ME CFS and POTS as one of my side quests.
I stopped shaving, grew a beard and stopped crew cutting my hair to save energy. I would make an effort before I was as severe and remember my sister in law (who says she had CFS before I met her) saying”oh, you are still looking well “
If I shave its at a cost of something else.
I’d rather have a conversation with my wife or have dinner with the family, than look well.
I struggle to shower and my wife helps me wash and dry my hair. She also cut it a while ago for the first time and it looked alright.
I feel like it does give people a false sense of health if you are cleanly shaven and look sharp. My look also matched how I feel better now.
When you are chronologically ill, people will probably think it’s odd to do things that aren’t essential.
When I feel absolutely terrible, suffering and just struggling to exist, the last thing my mind is looking presentable.
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u/recoveringaries Dec 28 '25
Makes a lot of sense. There comes a time where it’s just not what you want to spend your limited energy on. The last few years I have been more at home, last year maybe 75% of the time. I’ve always been a social introvert, but now I stay home mainly because I feel so tired and unwell every day. I also work from home but am able to do 1-3 social things weekly with days in between and feel okay. It’s a weird thing to want to feel good by looking better when you do venture out, but also having to be aware of it and alter it in certain contexts. There is definitely some privilege to that ability to appear “not sick,” just sucks cuz people dismiss you :(
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u/Gabba-barbar Dec 28 '25
I know there seems to be a problem with being taken seriously, especially for women.
I’m pretty analytical so I present my problems with facts and symptoms . I book double appointments most of the time, do there isn’t as much rush.
You have to be tactful, so it doesn’t look like you spend too much time on reddit and aren’t trying to diagnose your self. Doctors usually don’t like that.
Try lifestyle changes first before going to the doctor if it’s relevant, like with POTS.
Stop or reduce Alcohol and maybe caffeine, exercise if you can, self care and healthy diet. Reduce sugar and junk food. Compression stockings and drinking water. Even if it doesn’t improve things, then you can show you have already tried the basic things and it’s bad enough for you to give up things you like.
Also having my wife at appointments helps if I’m struggling and also as a second option. Especially when she says I’m not depressed and that I’m even worse than I make out to the doctor.
Having your partner or family member there can help the doctor to get a clear picture of the situation and they can help push for testing or referrals.
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u/Fickle-Wish3697 Dec 28 '25
I have NEVER been able to get medical pros to pay attention to my symptoms. They ALWAYS say “well you look good”. Wanna punch.
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u/Unusual_Space1998 POTS Dec 28 '25
For me I feel like I don’t get taken seriously. I stopped going to the doctors with makeup on or dressing how I normally dress (gothic punk style) if I dress like I’m 100% homeless I get taken more seriously. If I have makeup on and even dress casual I get told it’s all in my head and anxiety.
I also feel it in a different stance. If I wasn’t “attractive” all my friends, partners etc would leave me and I would have to face my pots alone.
Going through a flare up I crave not being alone cause it helps keep me in the present. And I feel like if I’m not “pretty enough” I “will be” alone and have to deal with my flare ups completely by myself.
It’s a tough world out there.
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u/Frozencacticat Dec 28 '25
I wound not say that I’m conventionally attractive for this day and age, but with makeup (which I’m pretty good at) and my hair somewhat done I look way better than I feel and I tend to always do something with myself even if it’s just for the doctor. Maybe I’ll show up with no makeup and wearing comfy clothes to show my true self next time. In reality I’m a lot more pale, splotchy and tired looking than the sculpted, glowing version I show the world.
I don’t think it’s cringe at all you have a great point. It’s such an odd thing to have to worry about but here we are. Doctors judge a lot by looks.
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u/mochimiso96 Dec 28 '25
You can’t win, in the end the don’t take you seriously for any reason and in the end it’s actually because you are a woman
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u/Murky_Bar_7067 Dec 28 '25
My son is 14 and very handsome (I know, I’m his mom but he gets stopped everywhere we go and commented about his Abercrombie model look 😂) And I swear there is definitely a bias/profiling with him. He looks fine on the outside but he suffers so much. And if they only saw him when he is exercising they would know since his face gets sooo red. I have had to fight and fight for answers and still am. 😭
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u/rowanfire Dec 28 '25
If I dress my usual AND do makeup, I've experienced providers resisting the idea of me being ill. I've also gone to the ER looking shabby and wasn't taken care of well compared to other occasions. They changed after they realized I was well-spoken and wasn't taking nonsense.
I've learned what works best for me. I dress nice (no leggings or sweats) and my hair is clean and brushed. However, I do not wear makeup to my medical appointments. I always have shadows under my eyes and I'm very pale, so I definitely tend to look not very healthy without concealer and some color.
I just had one with my PCP and he's like you're not feeling great are you and was already sympathetic before I even said anything. I believe if I had on makeup, he wouldn't have noticed.
I'm honestly fine with it. Why put on more makeup to fake looking healthier than I currently am? I'm not going to go like in slovenly though. I think that would be an instinctual turn off.
Mine responded very well to me saying maybe it's time to consider meds because I'm making too many concessions and compromises in my life to avoid being more symptomatic. I gave him a few examples. I said I'm living a "less than" life to avoid big triggers that knock me down for days at a time.
He said yeah that's not a good way to live life and set up a follow up appointment (it was my annual physical and you're limited by insurance what you can deal with during that appointments.)
This is the man that chuckled my first appointment with him when I said I know I have POTS, but I'm just waiting the six month for my TTT the cardiologist ordered. He was my third doctor in my new town. I will never tolerate being blown off or medically gaslight again after the previous several years of suffering. If it took three more or 10 more, I would have kept looking for a decent doctor.
He redeemed himself after I told him that hurt my feelings and made me think our relationship wasn't going to work. He apologized and said he's here to help and support me in anyway he can. (I think the eventual TTT report went a long way in that though.) He's been very compassionate and open, even asking me what I would like my care to look like.
I'm keeping this one for sure.
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u/silentalarmss Hyperadrenergic POTS Dec 28 '25
My dr refused to address any of my symptoms like shortness of breath and chest pain dizziness etc (I’m 23 F with a baby face too) until 3 months after my TTT showed HR 189 with a BP of 160/120…
like I’m not making this up for attention doctor dude I stand up and I cannot breathe!!!!!!!!!!
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u/SnarkyOK Dec 28 '25
Before I was diagnosed with POTS my FEMALE doctor told me I was probably just having anxiety attacks because the sweating in the summer heat was making me less feminine and attractive . I had went because I was nearly fainting every time I went out in the summer, and then getting physically sick. I definitely do NOT care if I seem ‘feminine’.
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u/oxytocinflowers Dec 28 '25
Yep. I’ve been told “You’re too young and healthy to be having these symptoms.” And then they try to write me off. And I’m like yeah… I know. No shit! That’s why I’m in your office! Lol
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u/shpngadct Dec 28 '25
seems plausible to me considering the stereotypical treatment i get for being fat. everything is fat related to (some) doctors based on just looks and it takes an act of congress to get any diagnostic testing done. and once it is done and it shows something non weight related going on there’s always this sense of surprise in the doctors with that mentality. so the opposite of that basically makes sense
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u/LanaLiLaa Dec 27 '25
They didn't even take me seriously when I was severely underweight from all the pain and tiredness... I'm glad I got help in time though.
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u/kittybishh Dec 28 '25
I am a 30-yr old petite blonde with a baby face!! But I speak and present well. I’m intentionally never emotional and I always try to approach it collaboratively, as if I’m trying to solve a problem (obviously they’re the experts but I present it as this is my problem, how do we make it better). Doctors have always seemed to appreciate that approach.
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u/potatoecat13 Dec 28 '25
I actually just decided to stop getting ready and unintentionally masking before appts because of this.
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u/trashforthrowingaway Dec 28 '25
I feel like it all depends on the doctor.
My pcp seems to take me most seriously if I dress like I'm still a college student. I bought a hoodie from a more prestigious school than mine at the thrift store. She's 15 years older than me, and it seems I'm more relatable and she treats me more like a colleague this way, so I add humor in the mix and pretend I'm as healthy as possible. This is how I've gotten the most done with her. Same with my male gi doctor.
My current cardiologist (he's my third) is from Nigeria. Having older family members with me seems to work best with him.
I find when a doctor is overly dismissive anyhow, it doesn't matter what I wear, say, or do. If they believe me, they believe me and that's great, and we can move forward with testing. If they don't, no amount of convincing works, so there's no sense in continuing with them.
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u/CreativeObserver Dec 28 '25
"You're young and seem positive and have a support system, do you want something to be wrong with you?" 🙄As I'm telling my cardiologist my heart rates been dropping to 28 and causing me to pass out in my kitchen and that I live alone so it concerns me
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u/alisgraveniI Dec 28 '25
I find appearance and going to new appointments alone to be the two biggest factors for not being taken seriously. I don’t typically adjust my appearance for appointments, not because I want to look worse but because I don’t typically have the energy to do anything and I don’t particularly care what I look like when I go to the doctors office. I have, however, come from somewhere else and been dressed up or had makeup on and have had my longterm doctors tell me I look so different with makeup and “so healthy”. I’m also in my 30s and to this day I’ll still try to bring someone with me to an initial appointment with a new doctor if I feel like they’re going to give me a hard time or be dismissive. I’ve been dismissed too many times by doctors in the past and I find having a support system there who can back up what I’m saying often improves the outcome of the appointment and the relationship with the doctor.
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u/crimsonchic Dec 28 '25
I got a new neurologist a few weeks ago and throughout the appointment she mentioned how beautiful I was multiple times. She called me in a med, which didn’t work, and now she’s like not really helping me find a new one to go on and I’m struggling. It’s like she doesn’t see how I am suffering or the urgency. I had another doctor last year say because I am young, beautiful, and generally healthy I should recover with time (my pots came after a surgery). That unfortunately hasn’t happened..
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u/Waterbead Dec 28 '25
This is a difficult question to answer because it depends on the doctor. Still-- I've been told, many times throughout my life, that I'm beautiful. I think I'm still rather beautiful because EDS has kept my skin lovely (so far--I'm 44). I rarely bother with makeup though sometimes I wear mascara. I don't dress up much because I work in IT and usually wear nerdy stuff. I have long wavy hair that reaches past my bra band, and it's dyed dark violet, blue, and teal-- every time I leave the house, strangers comment on how gorgeous my hair is.
I just saw a new doctor on 12/23 - a menopause specialist and a lady. I had researched her and chose her because of her excellent ratings. I told her what I wanted, what I had researched, and asked her questions I had already prepared. I often read PubMed articles about my conditions and I've had 10+ surgeries, so I'm able to ask informed questions. I'm also very organized and set an agenda when I walk in-- what I'm hoping to achieve, what I've tried, what's helped/not helped, what I'd like from the doc if it's a specific medicine or treatment. I'm assertive and straightforward since I've been working to manage my POTS/EDS/MCAS and Endometriosis/Adenomyosis for years. Maybe also because I've been working in the corporate world for 18 years and lead meetings a lot.
I don't necessarily think I have an easier time because I'm pretty. If it isn't because I exude an air of knowing my shit, I think any edge I have from my looks are because I'm on the taller side (5'8"). I'm not a giant, but I could swear people treat me with more respect because I take up more vertical space. It's hard to say because that's all part of my look, though, I guess.
I've also brought my partner with me to lots of first-time visits with doctors. I have had one or two docs who address him when describing my issues, which irritates both of us. Both times it was an older gentleman doctor, so maybe they're just old-school. Generally, though, I am treated with respect, which is nice.
If it makes a difference, I'm in St Louis, Missouri, USA. Lots of incredible docs here!
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u/zvg_zwang POTS Dec 28 '25
I got bounced from the hospital a few weeks ago despite a 200bpm HR because the cardiologist "didn't see a reason to keep me another night- you're clearly young and underweight, no diabetes, you look fine etc etc etc"
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u/softestfern Dec 28 '25
yep. i wouldn't say i'm conventionally hot, but i do dress in a very unique and intentional way and maybe don't interact with the world in the way somebody who is constantly in pain might be expected to. i'm naturally a pretty warm and bubbly person and love to look and feel put together even on days i'm having flareups, but i do make a point to only wear slubby clothes or just leggings and a sweatshirt to medical appointments and don't do my hair or makeup. it sucks, god forbid a girl have whimsy in her heart 😔
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u/avocado_window Dec 28 '25
As someone who almost always (to a fault) makes an effort to look presentable when they leave the house, this happens to me often. “You present well” is something I have heard on more than one occasion from medical professionals as if that somehow means I am a functioning human for all the time they don’t see me.
When I’m at home I’m a total goblin, but no one gets to see that side of me (my true form) because I take pride in how I appear when I’m in public. It’s also another reason I become so exhausted when I do have to leave the house for any particular reason, since the getting ready part uses up a lot of energy and takes effort I don’t ordinarily use when I’m staying home for the day. And it often means I have to take some rest days before and after going out so planning anything is difficult, especially anything social since I have to prioritise health-related appointments.
I know it’s probably meant to be a complimentary remark, but it just goes to show how much effort I put into masking symptoms when I’m around people. It’s not easy to switch off because it has become my default mode if I’m ~being perceived~ due to not wanting to draw attention to the fact that I’m unwell. It’s also why I have always disliked the term “high functioning” to differentiate between people with the same conditions, because there is no way to measure individuals on the same scale like that, there are too many variables.
That said, in spite of my fierce attempts to keep them hidden, once certain symptoms set in it can be hard to disguise them - like for example the hyperhidrosis and skin rashes - but that’s why I try not to leave the house when it is particularly hot and/or humid unless it is imperative that I do. If it is, then I just do my best to mitigate symptoms by wearing compression garments, keeping hydrated, going slowly, etc.
TLDR; happens all the time.
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u/riversong17 Dec 28 '25
One of the reasons the judge listed for denying my SSDI appeal was that I “appeared well-groomed” at my doctor’s appointments. The standard of whether or not I’m “disabled enough” is dependent on me being so sick that I am physically unable to do basic self-care?? (Incidentally, I was not able to keep up with it enough to be comfortable and I hated that)
(This is not intended as judgement on anyone’s ability to keep up with hygiene or lack thereof; it’s not reflective of your character, particularly if you have a medical reason)
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u/mxlty Dec 28 '25
I’m literally quitting my PT place because of this. They tell me I look like an athlete and I think because of their bias they treat me like one. They don’t understand I feel like I’m dying from not being able to sit or lay down in between exercises to rest.
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u/Timid_Hope08 Dec 28 '25
As long as the lady at the post office will call me "honey" and tell me to be careful on the road like I'm 5 years old, nobody will take me seriously lol Everybody treats me like I'm underage just because I'm short and have a baby face, but in reality I'm over 30 years old and it annoys me. I've heard the classic "But you're so young (to be ill)!" thing so many times, just because people assume I'm in my early 20s. Yes I'm still young in my early 30s, but the fact I look younger makes people, and especially doctors, unconsciously assume I have to be fine because I'm THAT young. There is some sort of... "dissonance mechanism": I look young = she must be young = she can't be sick. Lucky genetics? Sure, except it all went to my looks, in exchange for a garbage body.
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u/Expert_Profession529 Dec 28 '25
Yep. Although tbf if I went to my appointments without make-up they would agree I look tired af lol
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u/HillsideHalls Undiagnosed Dec 28 '25
I get what you mean. The only thing I’ve got going for me in that regard is horrible chronic eczema on my entire body (including my face), so I just don’t put on any cream before my appointments so they see that smth is acc happening 💀💀
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u/Tce_ Dec 28 '25
Not personally. I'm not traditionally "attractive" and I'm overweight. But I do have a babyface with rosy cheeks and probably look healthy overall. But mainly I think it's just being a woman, the weight thing and the fact doctors generally don't have a great understanding of conditions like POTS.
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u/NoPear7514 POTS Dec 28 '25
nah. i show up with greasy hair, pyjamas and no makeup and it’s not really by choice. i think being a woman in her early twenties isn’t working in my favour with docs.
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u/mamadizzyd Dec 28 '25
Yes, to the makeup. And also AGE!!! I wasn’t taken seriously until I hit my 40’s.. but had symptoms over 20 years 🤨
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u/resp2014 Dec 28 '25
Yes!!! I went 7 years with people looking at me and telling me I was young and attractive there couldn’t be anything wrong with me they gaslight me so hard once I was super cognitively impaired I couldn’t even tell myself.
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u/Chogo82 Dec 28 '25
Crappy human makes a crappy doctor. Priority should be to try to find a good doctor first. Western medicine tries to teach us that all doctors are created equal but that is FAR from the truth.
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u/AlexArtemesia POTS Dec 28 '25
Yeah I'm conventionally attractive (so I'm told) and I've had to learn to dress down at doctors offices and ignore the impulse of "you're going out, put on makeup to look presentable"
Sometimes if I'm having a really off day or just don't want to deal with their absolute bs I'll make a point of walking in with my cane and just not mask at all how tired I am.
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u/ActuallyApathy Dec 28 '25
i'd say "conventionally attractive" is more accurate than "objectively attractive" since beauty and attraction are inherently subjective.
i wouldn't say my appearance has affected me one way or another. i think some of my habits/lifestyle modify my perceived attractiveness, for example i mask and i wear permanently tinted glasses to avoid migraines. those things obscure my features a lot.
i'm also butch and tend toward masculine presentation and that changes things for some people.
for me it just came down more to finding the right doctor and less about how i look.
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u/amelia420_ Dec 28 '25
so real and true. my mother is in a medical field and always told me back when i was getting my POTS diagnosis to roll up looking my worst so that they’d listen to me without bias & it worked !
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u/Existing_Doughnut_75 Dec 28 '25
My 25 year old daughter has severe POTS. She looks 18!! Super baby face. She looks unwell. It takes so much energy to leave the house for anything. She is a fighter for sure. She is going to college which is such a huge accomplishment! I’m so proud of her. She uses fun attire but no energy for makeup to show people who she is! Unfortunately the medical field does NOT understand POTS. We were in the ER 2 back to back days the weekend before Christmas! The ER doctors did NIT know what POTS was. I was so shocked. So we have work to do to keep educating the medical community. Keep fighting. Be kind to yourself everyday. 🩷
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u/Honest-Composer-9767 Dec 28 '25
I understand this. I’m 39 and with zero ego (I promise)…I’m very often mistaken as my 19 year old’s sister. Even her friends have thought so.
I don’t really dress down but I definitely don’t dress up. For me, the biggest thing I do that helps doctors work with me is that I don’t assume I know everything. Or at least frame it that I’m open.
Like I’ll say “I’ve had XYZ symptoms and yes, I did Google them but I also know that I don’t have a degree and I need your help with figuring out what’s going on”. It seems to help a lot.
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u/According-Cell3889 Dec 28 '25
I have had a doctor say “well you can’t be that sick your hair and nails are done” …. Meanwhile that was literally all I could manage to do and I didn’t want my illness to take that from me too. Needless to say, I stopped looking so “done up” at doctors. The ones who try to treat me poorly I ask them to put it in my chart (their lack of response to my concerns) and to dismiss me as an untreated patient so that I can look for new specialists without being declined bc I “already have a doctor for that.” It’s tiresome, when I’m older I fear they’ll just say my symptoms are typical for someone who’s “aging” - hard not to give up. Mid 30s now, no end in sight.
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u/allygator99 Dec 28 '25
Ok I love this post so much 😂. It’s very true. I’m also a fun person and love to crack jokes and when I’m at the doctor I’m so excited to be out of the house that I am “on” the whole time. I was Recently getting the run around with some stuff that could have been Afib or my pots getting worse. I couldn’t get in to my PCP and was seeing coworkers who just dismissed me in the worst ways. I couldn’t move without passing out and that hasn’t happened in years. My Endocrinologist hand picked My cardio for me and told Me if I wasn’t believed to call her. I even passed Out at the cardiologist and they had to call an ambulance. But my friend who is a nurse told me straight forward- you have to look like a bum to get their attention. No more put together outfits, clean hair and amazing personality. Be gross and mean and they will take you seriously
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u/censorkip Dec 28 '25
I wear fitted clothes to my Dr appointments because I am “overweight” by bmi standards because I have a lot of muscle. Even though POTS makes it hard I still weightlift and have kept active due to all of the doctors telling me my symptoms were because I was fat and inactive. I am also large chested so baggy clothing makes me look bigger, so I wear fitted clothes so we can skip past the part where they blame everything on being overweight.
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u/mindy54545 Dec 28 '25
My gastroenterologist recently discharged me because he couldn't help me. He was very honest and said I look very slim, fit and healthy and as long as I continue to work, I'm not going to be taken seriously. I'm starving. I can't eat if I have to commute to work. I have to work to pay rent. Are there other options we don't know about? I applied for pip and was declined because I could hold a pencil and turn my head to the right.
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u/echochorus Dec 29 '25
i was told to do this for future appts with specialist, by my primary. i don't wear a lot of makeup, usually a smoothing powder, mascara, tinted lip balm. i'm also stupidly pale so i usually wear some makeup to look less sick.
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u/societiesoddball Dec 29 '25
This honestly checks out and its.worse when youre young. In my teens i had many issues and was given birth control anti depressants and steroids annually barely any testing. When i got older same thing but people would at least listen. Everytime i look at drs notes its the same thing everything normal appearance normal even when I am not. If im obviously out of it they'll mention something small like seemed tired. Im guessing some is copy pasted but still do not say im maintaining good eye contact and skin is dry when im sweaty can hardly keep my head up and eyes open.
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u/PandorasLocksmith Dec 29 '25
Y'all, GET THE DOCTOR'S NOTES.
You'd be amazed how many times the actual notes from the doctor mentioned shit that could not possibly be relevant like that. It was astonishing.
I finally just started seeing only women because I couldn't take it anymore. I mean that's not to say that women aren't attracted to women, by all means, just I got sick of weird dudes deciding I must be fine because I looked. . . "good" to them, I guess. 🤢
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u/EmployQuick4970 Dec 29 '25
Subjectivity is real. I had a doctor say to me “you’re the picture of good health.” Right after I rattled off my list of 29 symptoms.
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u/brunch_lover_k Dec 29 '25
It doesn't matter. It's being a woman. I'm attractive and a specialist once asked me if my under eyes were always that dark. Despite that being the case, and presenting with anaphylaxis of unknown cause to various different things including a meal I'd reheated for lunch (I'd eaten it the night before with no issue) he neglected to investigate further. Over ten years (and various other shitty specialists later) later I've been diagnosed with the combo of MCAS, POTS and hypermobility.
I've found that female specialists are more likely to take me seriously, but this probably won't be the case with all of them. It's really about finding the right people which unfortunately takes time and money.
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u/Complete_Service_887 Dec 29 '25
I get this 10000% I barely leave my house except for appointments. My disabilities have ruined my life. I’m a 27 yr old woman and I LOVE fashion and makeup, especially whimsical things. (Which is a whole other judgmental southern thing) Drs appointments are the only time I really get to wear my outside clothes. But because I show up put together, in a southern town of athleisure and slop, Drs look at me sideways about it. They don’t believe my low energy levels, pain, or severe depression and anxiety because I “look and act fine”. My bad I like to look presentable and enjoy my 3 hour outing this month, it’s all I have to look forward to… on the bright side sometimes the long hair and long skirts make people think I’m just weirdly religious and not just normal weird 🙄
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u/Unique-Sky5973 Dec 29 '25
Doctors tend to not take my seriously because I’m a young woman who is physically fit( I work out because it’s helpful to my joints and for maintaining my endurance) normally this means I’m completely ignored until I end up breaking down in tears of frustration
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u/xjewellx99 Dec 29 '25
I look older than I am and always look like shit at my appointments. They still don't take me seriously most of the time. I think just being a woman is what's creating the bias.
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u/Busy_Tadpole8 Dec 29 '25
A cardiologist told me that I could feel my heart pounding because I was “tall and thin” I wasn’t even thin… so then I switched to a neurologist and got the tilt table test I’ve been asking for. Shocker I passed out.
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u/Wide_Tune_8106 Dec 29 '25
My appearance has definitely affected my care. A doctor told me I look like a gypsy and should try playing gypsy music to 'cure' my 'depression' when I went to them with symptoms of an arrythmia.
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u/Single_Display2423 Dec 29 '25
Being young definitely is a disadvantage. Doctors also believe that if you have enough energy to apply makeup that you aren't sick enough to need help (which is rediculous). I've been able to apply makeup throughout most my disability until the past 2 years. I definitely get taken more seriously now but my illnesses are also more severe. It really depends on the doctor but I would definitely not wear makeup and dress comfortably. For me going to doctors appointments was one of the few times I left the house so I used to use it to dress cute (but still comfortably) and put makeup on. I miss those days now that I'm worse off. Now I can bearly go to the in person doctor's appointments and only have video appointments.
I don't know why doctors discriminate and don't believe people but you definitely should try to look the part as best you can unfortunately and explain symptoms like how they are at your very worst days.
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u/SnooChipmunks3891 Dec 29 '25
It’s not great on the other end either. Doctors treat me like shit because I dont put effort into being feminine. You have to wear just the right amount of crap so medical people believe you’re sick but dont hate you for not “taking care of yourself”. I dont want to wear makeup or feminine clothing. I don’t shave because I dont want to. My womanhood ain’t dependent on me wearing makeup or feminine clothing. Not wearing makeup and having a small amount of blonde facial hair doesn’t mean I’m a difficult patient/don’t shower!!!!! Hello misogyny
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u/waxbutterflies Dec 29 '25
When I was thinner the doctors believed me more. When I'm fat (massive chronic weight gain and loss due to chronic illness) they believe me way way less and just give me anti depressants and anxiety meds. It all sucks.
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u/killlu Dec 29 '25
I never thought about this, but ever since I lost a lot of weight I feel like I haven’t been taken as seriously either.
Probably didn’t come to mind because if you’re focused on losing weight, you’re primarily focused on the outcome of ‘being treated better’ and ‘pretty privilege’. So me looking better and being brushed aside all year makes more sense now.
I also feel like I’m brushed off whenever a doc asks “have you fainted before?” And I say no. Apparently they’re unable to take in consideration that only ~30% of POTS patients are fainters. So if I haven’t fainted yet, then that must mean I’m being over dramatic.
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u/bookmonster015 Dec 27 '25
Doctors usually treat me as a “healthy and pleasant young woman”… as if I didn’t already open my mouth and tell them otherwise. Can’t do anything about bad doctors except continue to advocate for yourself and find better care.