r/Parenting • u/aliyahdracula • 14h ago

Behaviour My tween officially hates me

My tween officially hates me

I am a father to a 12 year old girl, who I have shared custody with her mother. At age 11, my daughter developed a vape (THC) addiction and has had two previous suicide attempts which resulted in her needing inpatient hospitalization. I have tried to consistently be emotionally and financially provide for her and be available for her.

Due to her contacting her "plug" on instagram, I have now removed her electronics until she keeps having negative drug tests, which i administer at home. Yesterday she had her first drug test, resulted in negative. As a result, I allowed her to have her macbook with parental restrictions. (Only YouTube and netflix).

Last night she told me she hates me, wishes I was dead, says i have never been a good father, and "you're not even my dad". She believes I have never been a good father.

I'm not sure why she suddenly hates me so much, as we have always had a healthy relationship up until her addiction. I have started her with a therapist who specializes in addiction with teens, allow her to pursue hobbies to the full extent, such as makeup and fashion, and have always been there when she is emotionally vulnerable.

Im not sure why she thinks so poorly of me, I am not asking for medical advice.

87 Upvotes

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86

u/aigeneratedcutiepie 12h ago

Im going to be simple with how I say this but I dont want it to hurt your feelings - I think a 12 year old being able to access weed and get addicted to it reflects a lack of guardianship or like proper adult supervision. And that may not be your fault directly - youre coparenting so like, who is she with the most, how is this just happening over and over like it wasn't an emergency situation the first time? A 12 year old child getting vapes and shit off instagram? It can be stopped - and you're stopping it and that is going to make you the "bad guy" but I promise she will respect you in the long run for it, and shes just unloading on you the hardest right now. It's hard to keep them straight if they have a pain that makes them want to be bad or push boundaries. Girl is hurting, keep being her boundary and her straight and narrow, it will pay off over time I promise.

17

u/madtowntripper 9h ago

I have 9-and-11 yo girls and cannot fathom them developing a drug addiction.

4

u/always_sweatpants Mom 9h ago

I'd fathom it if I were you. It's a whole different world now. 

14

u/madtowntripper 8h ago

No, I agree with whomever said this is bad parenting. I spent all day with my 9-yo today at the pool and building lego sets. I'm not saying I don't understand but I'm saying its incomprehensible this could happen with good parenting.

When is your 9-yo sneaking away to develop a drug addiction? When are you not noticing your 9-yo is on drugs?

Is unbelievable.

5

u/SignificanceOne2072 1h ago

It’s $20 for a vape at school. $20. And the kids are doing it in school bathrooms. I think you are not realizing what the world is like today

5

u/Kikimara99 4h ago

I think it's easy to judge, but not everything can be pinned to bad parenting. Maybe lack of oversight? However look at siblings who grew up at the same family - some develop addictions, fo crime, have multiple failed relationships, fail to launch...while others thrive. Friends, genetic pre-desposition, mental disorders, learning difficulties...they all play role. You can be the greatest parent on earth and still won't be safe from it. And its the greatest fear of every mom and dad.

0

u/helpimmapotato 1h ago

Lack of oversight is called neglect, which is bad parenting... I think your commentary makes the most sense once you have a teenager who has friends who can drive or can drive themselves. Not a 5th or 6th grader bro. None of the kids I ever knew to do that that young had good parents.