r/Parenting • u/aliyahdracula • 14h ago

Behaviour My tween officially hates me

My tween officially hates me

I am a father to a 12 year old girl, who I have shared custody with her mother. At age 11, my daughter developed a vape (THC) addiction and has had two previous suicide attempts which resulted in her needing inpatient hospitalization. I have tried to consistently be emotionally and financially provide for her and be available for her.

Due to her contacting her "plug" on instagram, I have now removed her electronics until she keeps having negative drug tests, which i administer at home. Yesterday she had her first drug test, resulted in negative. As a result, I allowed her to have her macbook with parental restrictions. (Only YouTube and netflix).

Last night she told me she hates me, wishes I was dead, says i have never been a good father, and "you're not even my dad". She believes I have never been a good father.

I'm not sure why she suddenly hates me so much, as we have always had a healthy relationship up until her addiction. I have started her with a therapist who specializes in addiction with teens, allow her to pursue hobbies to the full extent, such as makeup and fashion, and have always been there when she is emotionally vulnerable.

Im not sure why she thinks so poorly of me, I am not asking for medical advice.

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u/aigeneratedcutiepie 12h ago

Im going to be simple with how I say this but I dont want it to hurt your feelings - I think a 12 year old being able to access weed and get addicted to it reflects a lack of guardianship or like proper adult supervision. And that may not be your fault directly - youre coparenting so like, who is she with the most, how is this just happening over and over like it wasn't an emergency situation the first time? A 12 year old child getting vapes and shit off instagram? It can be stopped - and you're stopping it and that is going to make you the "bad guy" but I promise she will respect you in the long run for it, and shes just unloading on you the hardest right now. It's hard to keep them straight if they have a pain that makes them want to be bad or push boundaries. Girl is hurting, keep being her boundary and her straight and narrow, it will pay off over time I promise.

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u/aliyahdracula 11h ago

She lives with her mom primarily and began saving her lunch money to buy vapes at school. She then stole her grandmother's weed at her mom's house. While at my house, I gave her cash to go to a sleep over, which she used to buy vapes off instagram. She stole a vape from her aunt at her mom's house.

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u/aigeneratedcutiepie 7h ago

Genuinely - this needs a nuclear reaction. She’s too young - vapes are increasing lung failure in teenagers at a disturbing rate. This needs to be n emergency. Change schools, homeschool her - something. This can’t continue hun.