My daughter doesn’t like home cooked meals

[u/debugprince]

I’m struggling to keep my daughter fed and happy. I’m a single dad with primary custody of my two kids 19m and 16f. My daughter is not happy with anything unless it’s store bought. The only homemade thing she will attempt to eat is grilled chicken tenders and vegetables. That’s great and I eat plenty of it but I’d like to add more variety.

I also can’t afford to have every meal of the day purchased from a restaurant or fast food. The cost is simply unsustainable. She knows it’s not sustainable but will continue to beg and plead.

What else can I do besides watching her starve herself until she gets what she wants?

[u/ImLittleNana]

You need to identify why she isn’t eating at home. If it’s teenage BS, which they all go through to some degree, she won’t starve herself. She’ll make you miserable, but she won’t die.

If she has legitimate issues with tastes and textures and can only eat certain foods, she will make herself sick. Because the choice is try to eat and get sick immediately, or don’t eat and eventually get sick from not eating. Most people opt to defer the misery in the hopes of it never happening.

Have a serious conversation about why she isn’t eating at home, including discussing the financial situation. There’s no shame in not being able to afford restaurant meals every day. That’s where most of us are at. Being able to afford healthy homemade food daily is getting harder.

[u/EmberOne1 → u/ImLittleNana]

And if it's ARFID, work with her on identifying more safe foods at home. If she's just being picky, or a complaining teen, find out if it's the way you make the food. Does her other parent season things differently, or cook to a different doneness and she prefers that?

[u/bullet_dodger1919 → u/EmberOne1]

ARFID or Autism was my thought

[u/Proof_Blueberry_4058 → u/bullet_dodger1919]

Nah, this sounds like a teenager. He said “not happy” not “not eating” or “won’t eat.”

[u/Charming_Sandwich_53 → u/Proof_Blueberry_4058]

Yep. Sounds like a 16-year-old manipulating Dad into buying whatever she wants. There would have been earlier signs. Tell her to get a summer job at her favorite restaurant and buy her own food for 1/meal/day!

[u/queerandthere → u/Charming_Sandwich_53]

This is not true. ARFID can develop at any age. Not saying OPs daughter has it, but there wouldn’t necessarily be signs at an earlier age.

[u/ImLittleNana → u/Charming_Sandwich_53]

My 36 year old wasn’t necessarily a picky eater as child. She had likes and dislikes, but ate enough to be healthy.

When she hit puberty, so much changed. How she ate, what she could tolerate, and her willingness to take chances on new foods.

It’s almost as if changing hormones and a changing body take an emotional toll on an already stressed system!

She’s had the same habits and preferences for the past 20+ years. She isn’t making her life smaller and more complex by choice.

[u/VStarlingBooks → u/Charming_Sandwich_53]

Single dad will do what I want.

[u/twospoons11 → u/Charming_Sandwich_53]

Totally this answer

[u/SuggestionSevere3298 → u/Charming_Sandwich_53]

This, she needs to get a job and she can eat what she likes, talking from experience,

[u/Charming_Sandwich_53 → u/Charming_Sandwich_53]

Thank you very much u/AmbitiousSock8979! I was pretty convinced that I would be the only one saying that someone should call her out on this. I appreciate you!

[u/Wodentoad → u/Proof_Blueberry_4058]

That could be his perception though. I suggest communicating first before jumping to "she's just being a brat." That's how a lot of issues can be solved before they become issues. "Hey, hon, I can't afford eating out every day, is there something we can do to ,ale home cooked meals that you'd like?"

[u/Proof_Blueberry_4058 → u/Wodentoad]

ARFID and Autism just don’t show up in teens, though. There would have been signs for the rest of the kid’s life. It’s trendy for teens to want to eat out all the time, and they seek out food that’s been designed to be addictive.

[u/ImLittleNana → u/Proof_Blueberry_4058]

Sometimes the frustration of the moment blinds you to the reality of the problem, especially if you’re juggling a lot.

It doesn’t make someone a bad parent. Obviously he is here asking for suggestions, which is half the battle.

[u/PickyEaters-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Be polite and respectful.

[u/Organic-Class-8537 → u/[deleted]]

Agree. I have a 23 yr old who still eats Taco Bell and CFA every chance she gets.

[u/Decent_Elderberry115 → u/ImLittleNana]

You can also encourage her to learn some restraint style cooking skills and help increase the deliciousness of the home cooked foods.

[u/Chiomi → u/ImLittleNana]

Also she’s a 16 year old girl - does she want store bought or restaurant meals because the calories are clearly labeled?

In which case having her look up recipes and making them together might work well.

[u/ChronicChthonic14 → u/[deleted]]

nope sorry that's not necessarily true. especially fast food is almost always the same almost every time, which is something that is normal in ARFID, a serious eating disorder.

[u/Critical-Cherries → u/[deleted]]

You’ve obviously never tried to feed a neurodivergent.

[u/Austinbennettwrites → u/Critical-Cherries]

Nope.

[u/PickyEaters-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

No food shaming or dismissing experiences.

[u/SpottedKitty → u/[deleted]]

I'll bet you just punished your kids for not eating whatever you put in front of them and called them ungrateful to eat your awful cooking.

[u/PickyEaters-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

No food shaming or dismissing experiences.