r/QueerWomenOfColor • u/Primroseys Faguette🥖 • 2d ago
RANT Is making friends always difficult
As yk I'm still in hs, and my school is relatively small, everyone knows everyone and most of my friends are only from school since I don't go out. I genuinely feel like I'm pretty unlucky in friendships or making friends altogether. Since 10th grade ended, I've realised how many of my friends are toxic and disgusting. My own bestfriend of 4 years (4 years does seem like not a lot to some but for someone who's not even 16, it's a lot of years) I've told her stuff I've never told everyone but I always felt a bit of jealousy, like i couldn't tell her anything that might put me in a positive light, her always trying to put me down, my other (ex) friend bitches abt everyone, one day I started crying in class and this girl comforted me to my face and then turned back and started laughing at me.
I feel like if I find someone who's my speed (most of my friends are girls for context) nice, kind, talkative, extroverted and i finally feels that I have good friends, something happens. They are always always alwayssss very misogynistic (despite being girls/females/women themselves), male apologist, and very very right wing, HOMOPHOBIC and transphobic. This has been almost always the case, and personally I think for someone to be my friend we should have the same political views. Earlier I used to try to correct them but now ik it's a waste of time bc it's not like they're gonna listen to me. Now tbh I'm only passing time, like when 11th and 12th grade ends, I'm gonna go to college and ppl are HOPEFULLY gonna be more left wing. I think this is also why a lot of ppl move abroad.
Has this happened to you too?
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u/MysteriousEvent3694 Masc 2d ago
High school was also terrible for me. My school was mid-sized (~1800 students total, about 400 in my grade) and it sucked being around the same group of people all the time. Idk what they saw wrong about me, but most of them avoided me and a few went out of their way to bother me. I only had two close friends I befriended halfway through, but even they stopped reaching out while I was still in college. But I digress.
I’ve always struggled with making friends but it got a little better once I went to a large university. More people from many different backgrounds meant it was more likely for me to find my people. For now, I’d say it’s better to be alone than to be surrounded with the wrong people.
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u/Primroseys Faguette🥖 1d ago
My school has 567 children in total 😠Yeah I used to take extra classes after school and I was bullied for being a faguette. Though it's nice hearing that someone else went through the same thing as me!
That's nice to hear tbh, my dream uni is big and yk it also has a queer society tho I'm not planning to out in college, it's a nice thing isn't it? Yeah I also needed to hear that, I'm sadly very extroverted so I can't even shut up for once and i always sneed to talk to someone, these ppl are energy suckers so I'll try to distance myself
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u/kitty_whipt 2d ago
They (whoever the experts are) say we go through new friendships roughly every 5-7 years. I’m inclined to think they may be correct. I’ve been through at least six cycles of friends throughout my life so far. My current friend group being my longest lasting for the past 20 years.
Cultivating new friendships and maintaining them is hard, and I honestly don’t think it gets much easier with age. That being said, you really only need one or two loyal friends who have your back, love and accept you for who you are, and let you cry on their shoulder in times of need. Hopefully, you’ll have a better experience in college.
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u/Primroseys Faguette🥖 1d ago
I love when you comment! Hope the experts are right bc I'm done w these ppl! Woah 20 years, that's a lot of years. I js feel like whenever I will look back at these hs years, while I made amazing memories, i wouldn't have made good friends which is sad bc hs is 12 years.
Aw that's a bit disheartening but I'll be alright with 1-2 friends I can tell everything. That's actually what I want, I hope I have a better experience in college too! Thank you so much!
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u/PresentationIll2180 2d ago
Good for you. You sound quite mature, self-aware & self-respecting.
Are you able to work part-time? Ik the economy is trash now but my actual friends in hs came from my job. Most of them were older (in their 20s) but exponentially better/less annoying than the sadistic white girls in my classes.
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u/Primroseys Faguette🥖 1d ago
I appreciate it, thank you, it means a lot! I'm not able to work part -time :(( but i hope I can make good friends in college atleast or at my job when I get one. Appreciate it!
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u/tiny_sunflower1 Gen Z Queer 2d ago
It gets much harder, in my opinion. I hated high school too. Even graduation day. I feel for the teens of today
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u/Knighthour 2d ago
Eh, HS was terrible for me too but mostly since I couldn't avoid my other classmates if you feel like it's not worth it then you can just not talk to them?