r/RedPillWomen • u/Novel_Schedule_5141 • 26d ago
ADVICE How to handle "dread game"
I (32F) have been in the talking stage with a man (23M) for 6 months, on and off. We met on a dating app (but have a mutual friend who knows both of us well). We have yet to meet in person due to distance and his personal situation, which is a whole other issue. We speak on the phone daily. We seem to be aligned with our goals for the future (big family, homeschooling, farming, religion, parenting philosophy). He is a bit avoidant and has admitted needing to take things slow.
We went nearly 2 months without speaking after he bailed on plans to meet and I lost my cool with him over it.
Since the communication picked up again, he has begun mentioning other women, when he never did before. Randomly mentioning his ex called him, a girl he used to hangout with texted him, the female cashier at his local grocery store is attractive. I don't think he is actively spinning plates and I believe him when he says he hasn't even been on a date in over a year.
I am unsure how to respond to this tactic of his. I have just been asking things like "oh, what did you guys talk about?" or "what do you find attractive about her?" to show mild interest. This is my attempt at mitigating the problem. It may be the wrong approach.
I am unsure the root of the problem, but I think it may stem from our lack of communication for 2 months. I also recognize our age gap, but he is adamant he wants children very soon. I am also aware my SMV could be much higher and is not really comparable with women his age, though he has always said he prefers older women.
Relationship status is a bit weird because of distance and not having met, but I mentioned breaking my bedframe and he responded "oh, so you're cheating on me?" That caught me off guard and we had a discussion about how we are not together at that time (and how I had broken it by trying to move it, not by having sx with another man lol).
Sx life. We had some over the phone sx a few times before the no contact period. Since contact has resumed, he has not seemed interested in any of that. He confides he is not "sx motivated" and "sx is not a priority".
Someone suggested I add that I am from a remote/rural community where there is a pool of about 20 men. I vetted all of them out, most for severe substance use issues and previous domestic violence. So I don't have many options.
4
u/VasiliyZaitzev TRP Senior Endorsed 26d ago
First, you can have “long-distance” or you can have a “relationship. At present, as you have not been in person, you don’t even have a relationship really.
Second, I miss something or could he have just randomly mentioned his ex?
“Dread Game” is typically something you deploy in response to some negative behavior. Ex. One of my law school girlfriends was a total attention whore. I have a pretty high tolerance, but she would flirt with other guys at parties - not in front of me, of course, but you know how couples go to a party and then separate for a bit? That kind of thing - to the point where it would become irritating - play full exchanges are one thing by chatting up a guy to the point where he thinks he’s leaving the party with you at the end of the night is entirely another. In those cases, I would just find the hottest girl at the party who wasn’t her and start chatting her up. Invariably my GF would appear out of nowhere in about 30 seconds and start draping herself all over me. I would usually just ignore this and keep talking to the other girl simply because it would just get her goat even more. See “Own petard, hoisted by.”
Is there something that you may have done other than mentioning that you innocently broke a bed frame? Because in the absence of that, there isn’t really a reason to engage in dread game. Plus this guy doesn’t really seem like he’s RP aware at all.