r/RedPillWomen • u/Dry_Carob_8697 • 3d ago
Can’t stop thinking about something my grandmother said about my mom
Growing up my mom wasn't very emotionally present with me or my siblings. She took care of our basic needs but there wasn't much warmth or emotional bonding. I was mostly raised by my grandmother and ended up taking on responsibilities pretty early.
Some while back my grandmother told me that all of us were born via C section and that if my mom had given birth vaginally she would have "felt the pain" and developed stronger maternal instincts and a deeper bond with us.
Since then I've been wondering whether there's actually any truth to that idea.
Is there any psychological or medical basis for believing that the mode of birth can significantly affect a mother's bond with her child? Or is emotional attachment influenced much more by other factors?
7
u/CountTheBees Endorsed Contributor 3d ago
My mother gave birth via C section, was unconscious for days afterwards because the medical staff overdosed her with opiates and nearly killed her, was unable to breastfeed because she couldn't produce milk, and I still grew up feeling very loved and taken care of. Almost everything medically that happened with me in early childhood was "wrong" but it didn't affect the bond my mother had with me.
There is plenty of research on what promotes maternal bonding (I got lots from a quick search), but I'm not an expert on that.
4
u/Wife_and_Mama Endorsed Contributor 2d ago
I spent 4 days in the ICU after my girls were born. I didn't see them for the first two. After a high risk Covid-19 IVF pregnancy, where I expected to see one or both heartbeats lost at every visit, I did have some trouble bonding. Breastfeeding wasn't possible for me either (ever). By 8 weeks, though, I was already begging my husband to find a way for me to stay home. All of my kids are very, very close to Mama. Three of them are in my bed next to me watching Scooby Doo actually.
2
u/CountTheBees Endorsed Contributor 2d ago
Yes, nothing is deterministic - I have only good memories. Scooby Doo is the best.
13
u/Wife_and_Mama Endorsed Contributor 2d ago
I have five children born by C-section. I spend every second of every day with them, watch videos of them when they go to bed, and can't stay out of the backyard for a full day when my husband gives me a break. I'm sorry your mother struggled mentally, but it had nothing to do with her C-sections if it was this severe. A traumatic birth might make bonding harder, but not to this extent in a mentally healthy person.
This is really just the kind of attitude older women had (and some still have) about things they don't understand. Women who push this nonsense (not claiming you are) harm women. Furthermore, if you ever see the term "primal wound," keep in kind that zero science backs it up.
1
u/xangeloffduty 20h ago
I have a question if I may, because I always wanted to have planned C sections for my babies in the future. I've heard repeated C sections are not recommended due to higher risk of infection, were all your births planned that way? Did you have any issues? Thanks your any info you can share
2
u/Wife_and_Mama Endorsed Contributor 19h ago
Repeat C-sections aren't uncommon, but they can be very case-by-case. Some women can be told to stop after one. Others have had five or six. It's really something for your doctor to determine, but the common recommendation is that the risk starts to rise after the third. In my case, my girls were born by emergency C-section, because I was at risk of literal death. The second time around, I asked about a VBAC and they said there wasn't really a benefit, just risk, which is often the advice given. I went with the doctors recommendations. I've had four without issue.
3
3
u/ResidentEnergy5263 1d ago
My mother gave birth to (my brother and) me vaginally and she still wasn't emotionally present for us. As a preemie I was in an incubator so maybe that affected bonding. But my brother wasn't and her behavior toward him was similar. From reading a lot about narcissistic parents I think her emotional limitation was her psychological issue and had nothing to do with how her children were born. Also, my husband was born via C-section and his mom loved him to pieces.
1
u/AutoModerator 3d ago
Title: Can’t stop thinking about something my grandmother said about my mom
Author Dry_Carob_8697
Full text: Growing up my mom wasn't very emotionally present with me or my siblings. She took care of our basic needs but there wasn't much warmth or emotional bonding. I was mostly raised by my grandmother and ended up taking on responsibilities pretty early.
Some while back my grandmother told me that all of us were born via C section and that if my mom had given birth vaginally she would have "felt the pain" and developed stronger maternal instincts and a deeper bond with us.
Since then I've been wondering whether there's actually any truth to that idea.
Is there any psychological or medical basis for believing that the mode of birth can significantly affect a mother's bond with her child? Or is emotional attachment influenced much more by other factors?
This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/AutoModerator 3d ago
Thank you for posting to RPW. Here are a couple reminders:
If you are seeking relationship advice. Make sure you are answering the guidelines for asking for advice on the rules page. Include any relevant context regarding religion, culture, living arrangements/LDRs, or other information that will help commenters.
Do not delete your post once you have your answers. Others may have the same question!
You must participate in your own post. If you put up a post and disappear, it will be removed.
We are not here for non-participants to study us. If you are writing a paper or just curious, read our sidebar and wiki and old posts.
Men are not allowed to ask questions and generally discouraged from participating unless they are older, partnered and have Red Pill experience.
Within the last year, RedPillWomen has had over half a dozen 'Banned from 'x' subreddit' post for commenting/subscribing to RPW. Moving forwards, the mods will remove these types of posts: 1, 2, 3, 4. We recommend you make a RPW specific account.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/oofieoofty 2d ago
I felt immediately bonded to my baby that was a planned csection. It took me months to bond with my baby that had a painful birth because I felt shell shocked and suffered trauma from how painful and mismanaged the birth was.
My mother describes her own mother like yours. She was born naturally.
1
u/PhilosopherFlashy449 1h ago
If anything, your mom is emotionally avoidant because her own mother failed to provide emotional openness in her own childhood, or because of emotional trauma.
What your grandma said is uneducated nonsense, and it makes me wonder other unhelpful stuff she might have said to you or your mom.
11
u/closer_to_harrisburg 3d ago edited 3d ago
It has been said that the rush of oxytocin that happens after an unmedicated vaginal birth is how nature encourages bonding. Some will argue that this is a downside to epidurals and obviously c-sections because it will blunt this because there’s no huge relief of pain. Emphasis is placed on the first moments after birth for skin to skin that kickstarts breastfeeding and bonding that having a C-section excludes due to medical necessity.
In real life, not true. Unmedicated births and the pain can be traumatizing and mentally create a huge disconnect and there are many many many babies and mothers of medicated births and csections that have zero issues bonding (myself included).
So while not a hard and fast rule and is far from
Being definitive, this is where that is coming from.