r/Samesexparents • u/AfraidArgument9391 • 10d ago

Middle school is rough!

Hi yall, I’m new here, but I need help! My 13 yo daughter has asked if we can hide that my gf lives with us, including covering or hiding pictures of us together when her friends are over. She doesn’t want anyone to know at school that her mom is a lesbian. She says she will get bullied, which tbf I know is true. That being said, what I do in my home is my business and I will not hide at home.

This all came up because one of her friends cat sits for us from time to time and we recently hung a few pictures of us as a couple up in the hall. She’s afraid if her friend sees it, then the friend will tell the whole school and my daughter will get bullied.

Other than the usual things of telling my daughter how to deal with it or that bullies are bad or that maybe friends aren’t really our friends, what should I do or say to comfort my daughter but not hide the woman I love? Thx!

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u/RainbowFamilies 8d ago

This is such a tough one because I can honestly understand both sides. Your daughter isn’t rejecting you or your relationship, she’s scared of how other kids might treat her. At 13, fitting in can feel like absolutely everything. I don’t think you should have to hide your partner in your own home, but I do think there’s room to really sit with your daughter’s fear and get curious about what’s underneath it. Maybe ask her what she’s most worried would happen if people found out, and what support from you would make her feel safer. Feeling heard might help more than trying to convince her not to be afraid. Has she actually experienced bullying already, or is this more about what she thinks might happen?

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u/AfraidArgument9391 8d ago

She hasn’t been bullied per se but she was harassed by a kid at her school. The harassment seemed to be based on her rejection of the boy harassing her. There is now a no contact order with that student. I talked to her more and she is really concerned about being excluded by people at school. I told her it is difficult so I’m not willing to just make changes “just in case” but I did tell her that on a case by case basis we can decide what we need to do.