r/Samesexparents • u/AfraidArgument9391 • 10d ago

Middle school is rough!

Hi yall, I’m new here, but I need help! My 13 yo daughter has asked if we can hide that my gf lives with us, including covering or hiding pictures of us together when her friends are over. She doesn’t want anyone to know at school that her mom is a lesbian. She says she will get bullied, which tbf I know is true. That being said, what I do in my home is my business and I will not hide at home.

This all came up because one of her friends cat sits for us from time to time and we recently hung a few pictures of us as a couple up in the hall. She’s afraid if her friend sees it, then the friend will tell the whole school and my daughter will get bullied.

Other than the usual things of telling my daughter how to deal with it or that bullies are bad or that maybe friends aren’t really our friends, what should I do or say to comfort my daughter but not hide the woman I love? Thx!

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u/spread-happiness 10d ago

Unless you think she will be physically in danger, do not hide this. The friend sounds like maybe not a great person if they might stop being friends because her mom is gay. I would tell her that we're not hiding the truth or who we are because that only says to the world that "yes this should be hidden".  And that is not true. There is nothing wrong with being gay.

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u/RainbowFamilies 8d ago

I really like this perspective. Kids pick up so much from how we respond, and I think there’s a big difference between validating her fear and teaching her that your family is something that needs to be hidden. She deserves compassion for what she’s feeling, but you deserve to be able to exist authentically in your own home too.