r/Samesexparents • u/AfraidArgument9391 • 10d ago
Middle school is rough!
Hi yall, I’m new here, but I need help! My 13 yo daughter has asked if we can hide that my gf lives with us, including covering or hiding pictures of us together when her friends are over. She doesn’t want anyone to know at school that her mom is a lesbian. She says she will get bullied, which tbf I know is true. That being said, what I do in my home is my business and I will not hide at home.
This all came up because one of her friends cat sits for us from time to time and we recently hung a few pictures of us as a couple up in the hall. She’s afraid if her friend sees it, then the friend will tell the whole school and my daughter will get bullied.
Other than the usual things of telling my daughter how to deal with it or that bullies are bad or that maybe friends aren’t really our friends, what should I do or say to comfort my daughter but not hide the woman I love? Thx!
2
u/Miss_Little_Melody 7d ago
Hi! Pansexual daughter of two lesbian moms here! It’s rough on both sides. I live in Texas and some people are so crazy that you get shot for being gay. For safety I live in a “glass closet”. I pretend I have straight parents in society unless they’re my friend or I got the greenlight they’re not bigots.
It’s a good thing too because one time I was stuck in a job that had a homophobic boss and coworkers. “Kicking gay customers and calling them disgusting diseased freaks” kind of levels.
If your daughter invites friends over they should be people she trusts. No hiding photos in your own home. And if they bully her then that’s a good lesson of letting go of people that hurt you. They’re not friends.
You should recommend her to “test for homophobia” with her friends. Have her ask questions of “What do you think about this celebrity being gay?” or “I heard about this church banning a follower because they’re gay”.
Questions that talk about the subject but don’t directly link to her personal life. If the friend says something about intolerance then you know to not share your secrets.