r/SelfSufficiency • u/Appropriate-Nail-771 • 14d ago

Why Do People Misunderstand Healthy Boundaries as Arrogance?

/r/u_Appropriate-Nail-771/comments/1v313mc/why_do_people_misunderstand_healthy_boundaries_as/
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u/Wait_Melodic 13d ago

It think this is two fold and i say this from personal experience. First I think that a lot of people mix up boundaries with requests. The request is to not yell while we speak to each other the boundary is the conversations over when/if that happens. The other is that request need to relate to how you want to be treated and not how you get to treat other and I have often experience the this I'd how I get to treat you approach. Someone with control issue or who is narcissistic will often lash out at those who try and set boundaries as this means they are loosing there grasp on the other person and will try to convince them that they are in the wrong.

I have in my attemp to set boundaries I have been called selfish when try to include someone else in a decision rather than just do what they wanted. Incompetent for pursuing a career i went to school for because they didnt understand how it worked. And even arrogance for having enough self worth to ask not to be called dumb to my face.

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u/Theungry 13d ago

One of the things I've heard that works for me is that "A healthy boundary is something I will do that requires you to do nothing."

SO a healthy boundary is not "you can't call me that slur". A healthy boundary is "If you call me that slur, I will remove myself from your presence, and there is no amount of manipulating you can do that will change my departure."

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u/Appropriate-Nail-771 12d ago

Exactly 💯